#thewildss1ep

Honestly, we are playing the mental game now. We're not just living and dying by what we eat. Stuff kicking around in our heads... counts just as much.

You know, I'm gonna deny this till the day I die, but... I'm gonna miss the shit out of you guys.

"Control." Adults love to throw that word around. You know, always telling us to use it, not to lose it, to get ourselves under it, like it's the easiest thing in the world. Look, I could take a deep breath or a walk around the goddamn block. Every ignorant shit who's ever told you to get yourself under control should just try being young and scared with your heart on the line. Control's not easy. Control's a fucking fantasy.

If we go out, and I'm not so sure that we won't, it's not gonna be at each other's throats, because there is zero fucking dignity in that. I've been thinking. First few days of this, we were on every paper, every channel, news vans in front of your houses, sticking microphones in front of your moms and your dads and your dogs. A couple more days go by and maybe it's only the local news. A few more days and... country A invades country B. Elijah Wood dies, Sasha Obama rips a bong, and then... we're no longer in the conversation. The world's moved on. And I mean, maybe we've got some diehards out there, people who love you enough to keep making noise and pounding the pavement, but it's been days and searches don't last forever, not without leads and not without cash. We are stuck here. The least we could do is not kill each other, 'cause trust me, this place can take care of that just fine on its own. Jeanette might've been the lucky one. The one who went out quick.

I don't want to be afraid anymore.  I don't want to be afraid to be in love or to love who I want... freely, fully, without reservation. I want to find my people, whoever they are.  I want to find my strength. I want to make a life where we're not always doing and trying and fighting. I want a life where we can just be. 

You know, this is like every single horror movie, ever. A bunch of kids walking through the woods, and then as soon as somebody laughs or they get comfortable, something just starts picking them off one by one.

At school, most people run in packs. I mean, that's just teen-movie bullshit. But for those who go rogue, well, it ain't all that bad. If you're rolling without a crowd, it means you're not on anyone's radar. Being alone means being invisible... which has its advantages. Now, if you run in a pack of one, people make all sorts of assumptions about you. They think deep down it bums you out, that you'd give anything to fit in, but maybe the truth is... I just didn't have time for that shit.