#thetimeofdawn

ISOLATE EMOTIONS No words, no words; Don't speak, you hasty tongue-- Meaningless syllables lazily flung. Pause, inhale, pause EXHALE. for the moment, it's best to be still. remember your virtuous will. Heels batter the pavement, Faster to catch the fall; slick concrete hall. Trinkling pitter-patter of cleansing sky spirits That undress me of my grit Naked skin; barren body, I must rely on my wit Get use to it. On the back of the pen I bit, chewed out my confusion, And, longing for seclusion,      !SNAPPED!             fuck! shit! ------------------------------------------ Gotta keep my problems separate. ------------------------------------------ Forgoing the tedious commune I'll open myself to you and expose my broken flesh and hope you don't refuse cause I'm so damn easy to lose. So simple?   You know better.        I couldn't get away with a lie.              It's complex like astronomy,              It's fragile like a lobotomy, and I-- --oh, I don't know. I guess I'll let you go. It was only a tiny hope this time And I'm not attached, Just throwing out the line.

WHITE 9/5/15 04:35 Unfurled little flower; wilted For the rain that fell Was born of a blackened cloud And pelted the petals to the earth To dust and dirt again To be trampled by the men. Boots batter them. This sea of salty, metallic taste Was lain to waste By the lips of the shore that met her And bludgeoned the petrified waves; A bitter tear he seemingly craves. In the barrel of the drum a bellow; A tall and handsome fellow Who traced her spine with breath, And parted the leaves That covered the lawn, And lay soft upon them as a fawn-- Til morning came When the sunlight marked the departure; The undenyable falsehoods settled, To dust and dirt again Mimicking something of a friend, Though the rusty voice bends. Commonly so; forgivable, I suppose, To be fair, everything rots. Yet still a glimmering trinket gleams And I am tattered at the seams But to swear a single thing, I cannot.

Sweet Release I've got to get over this now, I will not doubt; I will not doubt Forget about it all, love You're not what I dreamt of I know it gets a little rough But I'm not giving in and I'm not giving up 'Cause these years have passed, They've flown by much too fast, But dear, I'm glad we didn't last I'm resigned to release our past. I'm designed to see anew Though my vision once was skewed I've gathered some new vision I see my own road ahead, Not lying next to you in bed, Not listening to a word you said; Not a word you said was true, Though I never lied to you. Something in you is much too cruel For the likes of me to bear, I was always there, always there, But life wasn't meant to be fair. I've succeeded in conquering my fear, But dear, oh dear, I'll rip out my words Trying to keep my head in place By drowning out your face With the white blank wall To take my gaze; But I'll take the fall, allow a crash, I'll shut my eyes; Endure another lash. Brace myself, yet again To be thrown back to where I was then Cause you watch me fall with a wicked grin You kick my little skull in. Dear, oh dear, I've faced my fear I've left you once, for all, And I won't answer the next call, No, I'll not be swept in another time To be used and left to rot; There, lying still in my spot A little waiting room In my head, there's a corner reserved for you But I'm cutting that piece out I will not doubt; I will not doubt Cause you weren't worth the trouble And all the filthy struggle And I'm tired of this game, We were never quite the same. But it's time to put it to rest, One problem less, One more hope for me That one day I will see Your cheeks stained and hands wringing As you crawl on back to me Cause no one loves like I do And who else could bravely love you? One more hope for me That one day I will know In your bitter little thoughts you find Remorse for the things you missed; Every time we should've kissed And spat out venom instead Oh, this will linger in your head When you're lying alone in your bed A cold side next to you, But could I say the same? No, dear, no, My heart was never tame; I'll find a new flame And play no wicked games. I hope you are content With what you gave up for naught Because all you said you would do, You know that you cannot And what a waste that I'd watch you rot But that's just the way it is. You're not someone I'll miss

Handling At dawn I split; Cracks widened to ravines. A bottomless pit Of unswewable seams. Every swear echoed In the hollow of your utterances Your throat; a rotted sarcophagus Of rusted iron will-- Falling, still; Claim your kill. Deteriorating? No. Much too slow. You gave a full blow. As a willow struck in a storm I was ripped in two; Splinters, splinters, A splinter in you. A thorn under your nails, For my memory prevails; I will be a weed. I invade. I retain my unforgiving nature. There will be no respite As I keep you up at night. There will be no rains For the flames I call to scorch your mind-- To make things right. Midday; Midway through mourning. I don't expect much, I don't desire a touch Or a greeting Or a meeting or some underhand word To be coaxed from the lips Of a migrating summer bird. Now at dusk I settle; You're but a stinging nettle-- A slight itch I can withstand. I imagine you there Strumming notes to me-- A reminder of what you'd say. I imagine you there were I lay. Although no painful wounds Are staggered on my skin, The scar tissue still aches At the mention of your name, Oh, I won't ever be the same.

In Rapids (No Doubt) White waters swarm, Your hands no longer warm, Now hold my head under But it was my own blunder. Beaneathe traitorous flow the lead feet drag. Tormented palms do grasp at hollow air while a fleeting grin bludgeons the glance. Cackling with light on the surface, a green arm wraps kicking heels and ankles. Further on, further on, down, down, down. Once high on steady hill, Feet firm as my heady will Now tumble gracelessly; A fearful, faceless me. New terror striking down raised hands, for the lost beat in a shadow. Fumble for a crag or crevice that could support a root, though all around is salty life unequivocal to what's been spilt these couple years. So unsure, so unsure, what had lived before? I! Demand! A! Resolution! But I formulate your excusion; You will not meet my gaze, But my memory will not erase. Eyes cast down; reliable saunter falters at the familiarity of the hem, the tone, the footsteps. A wrinkled frown; guilty hands retreat into folds as the heel, the admired arch, the calves make their practiced march forward; on and on and on. Through waxes and wanes Lain on foggy windowpanes Your reflection fades from sight-- Could you let me sleep tonight? At last, execution; final absolution causes truce amidst internal war. The battle that raged has tattered landscapes, and many a fallen tree to symbolize; each leaf as a tear on a yellowing page. Trickle, gleam, disperse. "Alright, scrap that"; again, I'll formulate new faith, and then Be fine with what shall pass And find peace again, at last.

10/30/15 02:21 Dissapate, recharge; A shotgun rings alive, Metamorphisise And I will take my stride Standing side by side As the hailing spirits fall To stick the autumn leaves down, now And tenderly careen Be a reed, be an oak; Yield and heed or bend and choke Or I will let you go And wander through the snow-- To slow or not too slow? Befalling bitter sways permeate the air; a fermament grasping breath And unsettling my hair Who's that, out there? I see a grinning gleam She's taken over me And I'm bursting at the seams Why so somber, love? Why must you question me? Why don't you just let it be? Do you know what you are to me? And what could possibly compare To seeing you resting there As I inhale again To remind me I'm not gone yet I'm just a little lost, you see, But what will be will be And that is fine by me And finally You have come to terms With the plague of this demand; That you cannot stand To hold another hand When mine is still so cold And waiting to grow old.

Betrayals Awreck Sordid details on my mind And off I go again-- I grind my thoughts; I find my snide little rotting piece Of eclipsing doubt over The hope I lost Fretting over the next week or two, And I'm not quite ready enough To face the morning dew, And drown last night's battle With the dawn's pale hue, And just filter out the weeds That root in my spine; A temper untwined Darling, how I try my best To forget and forgive and move on again And again, and again, and again, But you return to me every now and then; You clutch these tangles tighter, And further along you run With a gun against my head and the iron 'round my ankle Is weighing down my bed "Can't you just let go?" I whisper in my sleep But these memories I keep are too deep inside my dreams. I unravel at the seams Waiting for a slip up; A trip up I can't redeem-- The repurcussions are too much and as such, I banter away every night Waiting for the haze to take away my mind And distract as I pacify The dark I keep inside Are you there? Can you hear? Do you feel it in your neck? Do you hang your crooked head? Are you just the same awreck? Are you listening to the residue Of my heart connecting you And I-- I hope it's so, Though I know it isn't true, Cause if it were, You wouldn't be with her.

Quickstorm. And as lightening slices up the dark, So does your image In my memory, in my heart. I can still see the smiles, I can formulate the oaths. I can recognize the patterns, now And think of how to coax Some slight recognition from your lips to remind me I'm alive; To stir my spirit awake again, Even if by fright. And as embers flung down to my toes; They burn before they burst-- Ashes to ashes and dust again; You're still the cause of the hurt. The calender pages torn away; The seasons change anew-- The frost is coming yet again, Coldly reminiscent of you. See not, Hear not, Feel not. But I know you think of me. And I know you don't believe Now, that you've had any choice but to leave. But bereive these tattered thoughts; I must apologize; I was built on cracked bones those years, and I Wish so I could've changed Before you became estranged, But it's just a little too late Cause you've made up your mind this time And there is no phrase left to rhyme That could possibly repair What isn't there-- It isn't fair, You know I could never give up a fight. You know me, I'm alright.