#thespacesinbetween

“Sometimes,  you can meet someone and have your soul matched with them and still it might not work out. It’s like the universe’s big fuck you to the humankind.” –Leng de Chavez

That was the biggest lesson that I learned from rereading one of my favorite books entitled, the spaces in between. The past few weeks, I have spent my life living as if I am a new born person. Everything in me and about me is reborn. I have been exploring places for the first time, grasping on finding new people to talk to. But then, as my feet take me to each of that place, it still always brings me back to that particular person who is one of the reason why this happens.

I know, you readers of this blog, probably, is familiar by now about the guy who told me we were just friends. Yes, and even if I don’t tell you names, I also know that you knew that almost of my blog post is about him.

Well, yes, he is the guy who told me that after all, we were better off to be just friends. He was the one who showed me what it feels like to have someone to love but didn’t loved me back. Those butterflies in my stomach and all the shit stuffs that I had. And he was also the one who left without telling me his reason why.

To tell you, that guy, my to-go guy, just came back again knocking. My kind of Andreu came back after a year that he decided to disappear from the tiny bubble that both of us built. And honestly speaking, I don’t know how to deal with him anymore. It was like the universe has set me up in a trap again, that I don’t want to take it as a sign that maybe, just maybe, things will be different and it will be so much better this time.

Because that guy who came back is much more of that guy who left me a year ago. I can’t help it. But I see him everytime I close my eyes and pray. I must be crazy. All of this that is happening is driving me crazy. He stares at me longer than the way he looks at me before, he calls me up more often than he did before, it’s not the same Hi’s and Hello’s anymore, because right now, he had me on his, “eat up and stay safe”, “I will wait for you, let’s eat together.”, “Let’s spend more time together.”, “Just the two of us.”and all of the little things are much visible than the usual. He was now my unusual.  

Last night, before we part, he told me, “Text me when you get home.” I smiled at him, turned my way round and left. Two hours after, I don’t know what I am feeling. I had so any thoughts on my mind because I don’t know until when will I have to keep up with this. Maybe for now. Or until I will have the chance to ask him about this, us. (even though, I know that this won’t take long) Or long before he decides to leave again.

How do I explain this? All the unsaid feelings are inside the spaces in between us. All the unanswered questions are kept up in that space and both of us don’t know when to put it all up.