This is, as usual, @swedishgoaliemafia's fault. She dangled magical realism in front of my face and I bit like the dumb, chompy fish I am. In this half-edited silly quickfic, the premise is that the NHL used to have a geolocation spell that pulled alumni in to support teams that were losing a lot. Nowadays, that spell can't exactly be removed but it's covered over with other spells so as not to inconvenience people and make them fly halfway around the world. It doesn't always work perfectly and sometimes old men end up a little too attached to their team.
There's No Place Like Home
TomĂĄĹĄ closes the car door, pats himself down for his phone and keys. He stands there for a moment in the shade, after heâs locked the car.
The wards over SAP sparkle faintly in the late afternoon sunlight, like spiderwebs. This is part of his pregame routine, a moment to stand and reflect. A moment to think, once again, how stupid Americans are about anchoring their spell work to buildings and people instead of the earth.
He walks into the web, wrinkles his nose slightly as it warps around him and then snaps back into place neatly; he canât deny American magical innovation even if he finds the methods a little sloppy.
He hears footsteps behind him and turns, habitual friendliness. Itâs Joe, grinning at him.
TomĂĄĹĄ sighs. âWhat are you doing here?â
âWhat?â Joeâs eyes crinkle, like he thinks TomĂĄĹĄ is telling him a joke, like TomĂĄĹĄ is still a child.
TomĂĄĹĄ hates this, hates that he is responsible for this today. âJoe, why are you here?â
He can see the confusion on Joeâs face and knows it will feel like cruelty to tell the truth. Youâre lost, old man, he thinks. âCome on, the trainers need to see you.â
Joe follows him, the support staff in the halls all smiling gently at him. Heâs here more days than not and for some of them heâs more a fixture of this building than any other Shark.
âWhat doââ Joe starts, still following TomĂĄĹĄ. The glistening spellthread anchored in his chest flickers and his eyes clear. âOh, it happened again, didnât it.â
âYes,â TomĂĄĹĄ says simply. He doesnât know what words will strike Joeâs slightly shamed averted gaze. He grasps Joeâs wrist at the door to the trainersâ room. âStay, yes? You can cheer when I score. Just me, though. Fuck Erik.â
That gets a little snort of laughter from Joe and itâs all TomĂĄĹĄ can do before he has to go get ready.
He doesnât score, of course. Erik does, but it doesnât matter. They show Joe on the Jumbotron during one of the breaks in play and he waves benevolently at the crowd; he does love them, or he wouldnât be here.
---
Loganâs talked about it to death. And still, somehow, here he is again. He and Eddie are pretty well drunk, propped up in a booth in what has to be the shittiest club in Arizona.
âNo, no, say that again,â Eddie shouts over the booming bass.
âFuck,â Logan swears wearily. âCome here.â He drags Eddie outside and presses the side of his face to the brick wall. Itâs blessedly cold and quiet out here. âIt's nothing good.â He shakes his head and then rethinks it as his world sways a little. âListen, the original spell is a non-starter. Alumni who have the base level of team spirit are gonna get dragged âhomeâ if weâre shit. But the problem is the dampening overlay. They donât know why itâs failing here and they donât know why Jumboâs getting hit harder than Nabby or any of the other locals. The latest theory floated by that weaselly guy in Shielding is that the Cuda in town are somehow a reflector for the NHL spellwork.â
âAh, bullshit,â Eddie offers, squatting down with his back to the wall.
âYeah, bullshit.â
âSo Jumboâs fucked, eh?â
âUnless youâre planning to score some goals? Or the rest of us get less shit?â
âYou score some fuckinâ goals,â Eddie says, but itâs nothing more than tired banter. Theyâve been doing this too long to fight each other when they know how a season stretches out. âTomĂĄĹĄ said he could see it, did he tell you?â
âEuropean fucks,â Logan sighs. âWhat can he see?â The Europeans train people better, so even without the aptitude to do major spell work, theyâre more aware of it. Some of them see it or feel it, but Loganâs even heard of people who swear they can hear the pitch of spells. Itâs more important in Europe where stepping the wrong way on a ley line could turn you into a badger, but Logan sometimes wishes Canadians learned more about how to sense spells instead of differentiating ingredients for spellwork. He can identify a bay leaf and recall six uses for it, but he canât point at a complex illusion spell and deconstruct how many people cast it like Erik can.
âHe sees spellsâŚsort of woven together I think. The threads on Ricci and Nabby are a little smaller while he describes Jumboâs connection as some kind of enormous rope. Think the kind of thing youâd tie on a ship anchor.â
âShit. No wonder they keep telling Joe to stay close. He can hardly drive to SF without getting yanked back in.â
Eddie looks up at him under the streetlights, face unusually soft. âYou ever heard of it getting this bad?â
âYeah, you just have to wait for the perfect storm.â Joeâs not the first guy this has happened to, though he seems to be the only one this bad right now. âShit season, so the original spell is active. Not an original six team, because newer franchises seem to have less control on the dampening overlay. And a genuine connection to the team. Jumboâs practically got teal blood.â He loves them a lot, Logan knows; Eddie knows too, from the way he winces. And this is how theyâre showing him their love: losing so hard he canât leave them.
âHey,â the door bangs open behind them and Middsy sticks his head out. âWeâre moving, letâs go, Cap.â
Logan doesnât even think he notices Eddie on the ground before he disappears again. Logan gives Eddie a hand up and half-shoves him back through the door. They canât solve this problem, but they might as well go get drunk with the guys and forget this night entirely.
---
James finds Joe Thornton sitting in his stall. The game is over, long over, and the boys are all gone. Heâd been, well, not drowning himself in the shower, but maybe lingering to see if the water would wash his mistakes away. Now heâs standing here in just a towel and Jumbo Joe Thornton is looking entirely out of place in a suit.
James makes the joke when Joeâs eyes flick up at him. âAs I recall, in this locker room, Iâm dressed and youâre shirtless.â
âI could fix that,â Joe says, eyes bright, but his smile is half-hearted.
They didnât play together long, but James knows Joe isnât okay. He sits down on the bench, resigns himself to being a little late for his dinner tonight. âYou still canât go, huh?â
âDonât,â Joe says. âDonât be kind and patient and sit here. Go home to your wife, Reims. I donât need a babysitter.â
And maybe itâs because James is nearly the oldest guy in the room, almost 15 years older than the kids theyâre calling up, but he doesnât believe Joe. He crosses his ankles casually, stares at his own bare feet next to Joeâs shiny dress shoes. âThey thinking about building you a nice Jumbo-sized bed in here? Or about hiring someone to ward you regularly against the lure so you can at least go about your life?â
âIâve been reliably informed that sleeping here might make it worse. They want me to try to anchor more strongly with something external. They suggested I get back in touch with my high school classmates.â
James laughs at that. âAnd you probably told them that you donât know who the fuck went to your high school because you were very busy going first overall.â James remembers that draft, seeing Patty and Jumbo grinning on stage together.
Joe relaxes next to him a little. âYeah. I couldnât name a person to save my life. Hell, I donât really keep in touch with the guys from Boston either. My whole life is here.â
âYeah. None of them want to say it,â James snitches, âbut the guys like having you here. They know this is hard on you, not having a choice, but theyâll miss you when itâs fixed.â
He can see Joeâs emotions play across his face, love and joy and wistfulness. Heâs under no illusion that Joe stopped playing here because he wanted to. âYou know theyâd do anything for you, Joe. Even stop talking to you if thatâs what you need to make that break.â
âNo,â Joe says, shaking his head. âNo, letâs be honest. That wouldnât work at all. Iâve never needed another personâs participation to carry a conversation.â
James laughs and Joe grins at him. âWell, as long as you know they care. Iâm sure it will work out.â He has faith, both in fate and in simple human persistence.
âGod, do they care,â Joe groans, finally levering himself up. He pulls a little packet out of his pocket, wrapped in a nice handkerchief. It looks a bit like a tea bag, if James is honest. âMario has started making me charm bags to keep me safe after I told him I stubbed my toe hurrying out the door.â
âAwww,â James teases, pulling on his shirt. âOnce a rookie, always a rookie.â
âHeâs a good kid,â Joe agrees, tucking the charm bag back into his pocket. Itâs almost definitely an emptied tea bag, filled with dried rosemary and juniper and stapled back together.
âSo how long are you stuck here tonight?â
âTheyâll wrap it up in the next half hour. They donât play with the wards during the game, you know, so it takes a while for them to fix it if I get pulled in on game day.â Joe shrugs. âIâd probably have come to half the games anyway, so I canât complain too much.â
âWant to walk around?â James shoves his stuff in his bag. He goes to the minifridge to grab a bottle of water. âIâm still buzzing after the game and my wifeâll kill me if I go home and get the kids all antsy at bedtime. We can take a lap around and see if those magicians can manage to tell a charm from a conjuring by the time weâre done.â
âI think they pulled one of the refs from tonight,â Joe says with a grimace, but he follows James out the door well enough. âGary Bettmanâs best is on the case, so I assume theyâll do nothing worth the time.â
James refrains from commenting, but he can certainly sympathize. Heâs seen no evidence that the refs are competent or motivated to help the Sharks this year. Still, he can walk around with Joe for half an hour, distract him a little while he waits for the dampening overlay to be mended.
Itâs a quiet night and Joeâs always a laugh, even under trying circumstances. The guy just doesnât know how to be any other way.
---
Joe is a little tired. Itâs the middle of winter (a California winter, thankfully) and heâs still being dragged into SAP center at least once a week.
They have given him jobs to do, but he has no idea whether heâs succeeding or being placated like a toddler with a coloring book. Still, a purpose is better than just being a spectator.
So he looks at stats and listens to the GM and coaches talking. He watches the games and takes notes; when Mike asks him about his notes, he answers honestly. He never thought heâd leave hockey anyway, so maybe when they solve this, heâll have a way to stay with the game.
But the job is a distraction from everything else. His former teammates look at him and he can hardly stand it because they look at him like heâs their grandfather, ambling around in his own memories. They love him and he is humbled by the extent of their love, but he canât bear the way his fears are reflected in their eyes.
Heâd hoped (dreamed, wished, prayed) that he and Patty would come home together. Sure, he hasnât officially retired, but thatâs not far off. And Pattyâs supposed to come back for his retirement ceremony in a month or so. But Pattyâs been traveling and he hasnât been sucked in by the spell yet.
Nabby and Ricci are similar to Joe, though he thinks theyâve stayed for slightly different reasons. Ricci chose this, long before the Sharks were losing and the luring spell was reactivated. Nabby just canât stand the jet lag from getting pulled from overseas. Joe knew he was probably a little too fond of San Jose to ever really leave; hell, he has American citizenship now. But he didnât think it would be this bad. They canât even explain to him why the dampening overlay on the original spell is so ineffective for him compared to every other alumnus. Itâs not like Nols is being pulled in and he still even lives in the Bay Area.
He texts Scotty while heâs thinking about it, since he knows heâll be in town for Pattyâs retirement.
>>when are you getting in?
<<For Pat? Night before. Btw Iâm sleeping at ur place
>>Duh
>>Iâll send a rookie to pick you up from the airport
<<Damn youâre still stuck huh?
>> No luck yet. Just donât want to leave you stranded if I get lured in and canât leave right away
<<Iâll be fine. Did u know Uber exists?
Joe responds with a rude emoji because heâs still allowed to be Scottyâs bratty little cousin even now that theyâre both grown.
Theyâre in the planning stages for the ceremony and Joe is sure heâll have to give a speech. How heâll do that without just saying âI love you, Patty,â on repeat for ten minutes might be a struggle. He doodles it in the margins of his notebook anyway, way up in the rafters; what else is there to do during intermission?
He doesnât text Patty. Patty wanted space and Joe understands that. Every guy who retires has to find himself again, has to figure out what the hell you do with all the hours in the day when youâre not training your body to the limit. Joe hasnât formally retired but heâs started building a different life anyway. Heâll probably announce his retirement this summer and then work with the Sharks to figure out if he really has something to offer the team.
So Patty gets his space and whenever he decides to pick up his phone again, Joe will be waiting.
---
TomĂĄĹĄ can feel the frisson of excitement in the air as they build up to Pattyâs retirement. Sure, the team is shit and theyâre all keeping an eye on Joe, but theyâre happy for Patty. There are fewer of them now who played with Patty, but a lot of the old guys are coming into town. Itâll be a fun weekend.
Loganâs hosting a party at his place before the big alumni game, so everyone who can will be showing up. TomĂĄĹĄ shows up early to help out, which is good because Loganâs white-knuckling a bag of plastic forks and panicking about where to put everything.
By the time everyone gets there, the food and drinks are in disarray and the party has spilled through the first floor of the house and out into the backyard.
âHey,â Cranky hollers, very shortly before he yanks TomĂĄĹĄ into a rough hug. TomĂĄĹĄ hugs him back and then shoves him on his way. He and Boyler live close enough that TomĂĄĹĄ sees them at least once a year.
When Patty finally arrives a great big cheer goes up and heâs mobbed by anyone near the door. TomĂĄĹĄ waits, out on the patio, for Patty to make the rounds. Heâs got a beer and heâs comfy.
âYou going to the alumni game?â Erik asks, lightly kicking TomĂĄĹĄ's chair.
âYeah. Gonna watch the old guys play,â he says, just loud enough for Hanner to look up from where heâs talking to Eddie and flip him off.
Erik laughs and says, âShould be fun.â
âHey, guys,â Patty says from somewhere over TomĂĄĹĄâs head.
âThe man of the hour,â Erik says gracefully, lifting his glass in a toast.
âI appreciate everyone coming,â Patty says distractedly. TomĂĄĹĄ twists to look at him. âDo you know where Jumbo is?â
âUh, no?â Erik digs out his phone. âMaybe ask Logan if he heard from him.â
TomĂĄĹĄ fishes around in his pocket and holds up his phone to Patty. âI can call?â
âNo, no,â Patty declines, but his brow is still furrowed. He continues down the stairs to the yard, carefully greeting everyone. TomĂĄĹĄ likes to watch him work; San Jose does something to its captains, down deep in their bones.
âCall,â Erik advises and TomĂĄĹĄ makes a face because he was going to anyway. Joe wouldnât miss out on something like this.
Joe picks up on the first ring, helpfully.
âJoe?â
âHey, buddy. Patty arrived?â
âYeah, where are you?â
âTwo guess and the first one doesnât count,â Joe suggests, which is a silly sentence.
âRink?â
âYep. Iâm about to steal Kaapoâs pads and take a nap because I gotta wait for the off-duty magicians to come on site and join Vinny here.â Thatâs probably at least partly a joke, but Joe sounds tense.
âOh. How long will you be there? Patty is missing you.â
âTommy, I donât have a fucking clue. Unless youâve suddenly become a much better wizard than I remember and you can solve the entire NHLâs lure spell?â
âJoe,â TomĂĄĹĄ chides gently. âIâll say to Patty that youâre stuckââ
âNo! I havenâtâŚI donât want to worry him. If he asks, Iâm on my way.â
âLyingâŚâ TomĂĄĹĄ frowns to illustrate how he feels to Erik whoâs half listening. âRight now Patty is saying hi to everybody. Heâll wait for you.â
âJust,â Joe sighs gustily over the line, âkeep him distracted.â
âOkay. Weâll save you cake too,â TomĂĄĹĄ offers. That might actually be harder than keeping Patty distracted.
âThanks,â Joe says. âJust, uh, keep it on the down low. Maybe tell Scotty if Iâm really late because heâs supposed to crash at my place.â
âOkay, yeah, we will.â
âHopefully, this will be done soon.â
âSoon,â TomĂĄĹĄ agrees. Joe hangs up and Tomas immediately stands.
âJoeâs stuck?â Erik looks discomfited and TomĂĄĹĄ wonders a little meanly if heâs worried about Joe or worried that heâll be trapped forever between Ottawa and Sam Jose.
âYeah. Iâm gonna give Cooch the heads-up. Joe said not to say anything to Patty though.â
âStupid,â Erik comments, so TomĂĄĹĄ messes up his hair as he walks back in.
Loganâs not hard to find, hovering in the kitchen. He fusses so much. A couple of the rookies are sitting at the bar stools at the counter, so TomĂĄĹĄ very discreetly grabs a fist of Loganâs shirt and hauls him out to the hallway.
âTommy?â Logan looks more worried, which is not very becoming on him.
âJoe. Heâs stuck again. And he said not to tell Patty anything.â
Logan frowns, which TomĂĄĹĄ agrees with in principle. Since this is not a Best Friend Gossip, however, TomĂĄĹĄ wants a little more.
Since Joe and Patty are former captains, this clearly falls on the head of the current captain.
âHe has to wait for Vinnyâs backup, he says. I donât want him stuck there until tomorrowâs game.â
âIâll make some calls,â Logan agrees. âCan you make sure Seto doesnât eat all of the puff pastry things? And for godâs sake donât let Greggy try to open another bottle of wine. He massacred the last cork.â
âSure,â TomĂĄĹĄ agrees with a shrug. Logan jogs upstairs, presumably for an ounce of quiet while he makes his calls.
TomĂĄĹĄ takes up his guard station near the snacks, which mostly means he gets to mindlessly graze on these little sausage things and some bacon-wrapped dates. Itâs actually kind of a nice area to linger since everyone passes by eventually.
TomĂĄĹĄ is interrupted in an interesting conversation with a slightly drunk Rob Blake by his phone buzzing incessantly. He apologizes and pulls it out to find five messages from Eddie, sent one after the other.
>>hey
>>watch out
>>Patty on the warpath
>>Tommy
>>seriously heâs pissed
That gives TomĂĄĹĄ about two seconds before Patty shows up, peering over Robâs shoulder with a tight smile.
âSorry, I just need to borrow him,â Patty says before his strong hand latches on to TomĂĄĹĄâs elbow and yanks him along.
âPatty?â
âWhere are your keys?â Patty asks, still smiling as they pass through the crowd at speed.
âMy pocket,â TomĂĄĹĄ says nervously, feeling his own accent thicken in his mouth. âWhy?â
They make it out the door, somehow, without anyone questioning them and TomĂĄĹĄ thinks thatâs maybe down to Pattyâs captainly aura. âLogan has disappeared, Eddieâs fucking toasted, and Iâm running low on rookies I can use to guilt Jumbo about being the stupidest motherfucker alive.â
TomĂĄĹĄ wisely does not respond to that accusation and simply leads Patty to his car. âSo Iâm driving?â
âYes.â Patty opens the door ferociously and flings himself into the passenger seat. âI could have brought Mario, I guess, but heâs never calmed a situation down in his life. Do you know what I would give to have Cobra, right now?â
âNo?â Tomas pushes the button to start the car and carefully pulls out of the culs-de-sac.
Patty has moved on apparently. âAnd I had to hear about this from Scotty? Fucking Scott Thornton? Of course Jumbo couldnât pick up a phone.â
TomĂĄĹĄ hazards a glance at Patty and sees the fire in his pale eyes, the way his brows are furrowed. He looks like heâs ready to take the most important faceoff of his life.
âMaybe Joe didnât want you to worry?â
Patty almost snarls. âThat asshole has been moping around the rafters of SAP center and ignoring the advice of every magical professional to get a fuckinâ hobby elsewhere so he doesnât have to actually live within the warding. The easiest way to make me not worry would have been to listen to them.â
TomĂĄĹĄ doesnât have anything tactful to say to that, so he keeps his mouth shut. Pattyâs legs are flexing like heâs pressing down an invisible gas pedal while TomĂĄĹĄ drives; TomĂĄĹĄ is mostly grateful that San Jose is neither big nor busy at this time of night. The dark streets are mostly empty and if TomĂĄĹĄ pushes the speed limit a little, no one will ever know.
The private parking lot on the side is still open, the gate propped to the side. Itâs not hard to get in, the building still half lit as they clear out the ice rink and fully clean the concourse. Under the streetlights, the spellthreads seem even brighter than in the sunlight. TomĂĄĹĄ studies it for a second, looking at Pattyâs connection to the lure spell and wondering whether bringing him here was a mistake. His threads are not as thick and shining as Joeâs but theyâre not small either.
âWell?â Patty asks impatiently, leaning on the hood of the car.
âAm I coming?â
âYes, yes, come on. Practice making a sad and disappointed face for him.â
TomĂĄĹĄ does not, in fact, practice that as he follows Patty through the halls. âWait,â he interrupts.
âYeah?â
Thereâs a glimmer to the left, not the right, so TomĂĄĹĄ thinks the spell locus is that direction. âI can see, you know, the magic. Itâs stronger here so that must be where Joe is.â
âLead the way,â Patty suggests, gesturing for TomĂĄĹĄ to go on.
TomĂĄĹĄ follows that little spark he can see, away from the corporate offices and down to the kitchen. The light is on, so he tilts his head at the frosted glass door. âIn there, I think.â
Patty opens the door and marches in, letting it swing mostly shut behind him.
TomĂĄĹĄ hears Joe say, âPatty?â in equal tones worry and delight. He lingers out of sight by the doorway, presuming some privacy might be nice if Pattyâs about to shout at Joe for not telling him.
âScotty told me everything, you dumb motherfucker,â Patty starts. âWhat the hell were you thinking? If the team magicians tell you to go get a hobby or get out of the rink, why canât you listen? The whole world is out there, you idiot.â
âYou werenât,â Joe says and TomĂĄĹĄ can feel his heart drop because even with Joeâs characteristic honesty that felt like an unplanned confession.
âJoe,â Patty says, exasperatedly fond and then thereâs a loud slamming noise and TomĂĄĹĄ hurriedly steps inside.
He doesnât know what he expected, but it wasnât Patty pressing Joe against the fridge and kissing him like he wants to devour him. The bowl of fruits that usually sits on the fridge has been knocked to the floor and TomĂĄĹĄ has the distant, stupid thought that someone will have to collect all the apples and oranges that are rolling to the farthest corners of the room.
He must make some noise because Joe opens his eyes and startles.
He shoves Patty behind him and says, âTommy. I donâtâI didnât know you were here. How long were you here?â
âI drove Patty,â TomĂĄĹĄ says, pointing at where Patty is not so much cowering behind Joe as draping himself over Joeâs back.
âDid youâŚsee anything?â His eyes are wild, slightly red, mouth a thin line.
And oh, now TomĂĄĹĄ understands what Joe is saying. âNo.â He doesnât know how to say to Joe Everyone knows, old man. he doesnât think Joe would like that. He certainly doesnât have the words in English to explain when I was 19 you threatened to whip your dick out because a reporter was making a happy night sad for me and I think maybe I would do anything to make you happy now. All he can say is, âNo, I am European. You know we greet our friends veryâŚstrongly.â He sounds like a fool, but Patty is smiling at him, those soft eyes over Joeâs shoulder. âIâm going to go wait outside if Patty needs a ride home, but I will be on the phone so youâll have to tap my shoulder to get my attention.â
Joe smiles at him faintly now, eyes still damp. âThank you.â
TomĂĄĹĄ makes it to the door and starts to close it behind himself. He canât resist though, turning to cheekily ask, âPlease donât fuck in the kitchen?â
Joe laughs at that, big belly laughs of relief that TomĂĄĹĄ can hear even after heâs pulled the door shut.
He doesnât tell Joe then, but things are changing. He can see the spellwork shifting, the threads rewoven. Even with the gaps in the overlay, TomĂĄĹĄ thinks Joe will do just fine living in San Jose and visiting the rink occasionally. SAP Center was just a stand in until Patty could be his heart and home again.













