Alright so today as I was burning up my seventeen page paper that is my senior project I got a brisk spell of summer. A Bon fire smell enriched my nostrils as the breeze went threw my hair like ocean wind. I was so pleased I could have cried. I almost did because the smoke erose into my eyes. I mean I only burned up my paper because the format sucked and I wasn't satisfied with the grade I would have gotten.

My grampa died the other day... People think it's odd I don't cry as soon

as people die.. Ive been to more deaths then birthdays. I'm at myrtle

beach right now.. All I can think about is how I waste time on the internet

how I waste time mop-ing around. I wonder what to do with my time.

homework would be a good answer but it doesn't fulfill what I want I

guess... I mean I'm not a lazy student. I just don't understand a lot of this 

school work. 

I believe society has us all believing that college after high school is the

best rout.. well what if you don't wanna go? can't you be successful still? I

don't know what I wanna do. My senior years almost up. I want to be a

missionary, but I want to major in film and photography... I want to make

my parents happy but I wanna make my dreams real as well...  I wanna

obey God but I want success. but if I take God's plan wont I have

Success?  That is important but not the focus here... I wish I would have

courage to explain myself to everyone. 

How I even thought of this.

the other day at my grampas "funeral" I looked around there were people I have never known existed. When you have family you don't know and there not long distance thats sad. I have a cousin close to my age that I didn't even know was there. I didn't know he had a little brother. I never knew any of this. It made me think "what am I honestly doing with my life?" am I living the dream? or am I just living... I need to focus on God and my music... I plan on making more videos. I plan on writing more and creating more and more beats... But just I don't know if it will be in a dorm room or with little kids who call me family.