#therapy.

Gem actually got Grian to film this with her!! She posted this on Insta, Twitter and Tiktok!

Also made goals at my group and it’s: to combat my crazy shame monster, piss off my inner critic a couple times a week.

DNIs are not boundaries, they are requests.

Please understand that what i am referring to here are DNIs that are more PERSONAL to an individual. 

General DNIs that most people have the same or similar names for extremely valid and warranted reasons due to their obviously hostile, toxic, and harmful behaviors are NOT what i am talking about here.

While the reasons for personal DNIs are indeed VALID for individuals, what is discomforting for me about many that i have seen are the 'make or break' attitudes that often come with them.

i do truly believe that people should normalize making boundaries for themselves without forcing it upon others and creating ultimatums or asking for requests.

People are allowed to block folks who they do not vibe with. people are allowed to set up said boundaries. But, please DO NOT gatekeep people. i simply do not believe anybody is within their right to force people's hands without being toxic.

Remember, making a boundary is allowed but there is a difference between healthy boundaries and controlling behavior. By definition, a boundary is about YOUR own actions, not somebody else's. There is also a difference between setting a boundary, asking a request, and creating an ultimatum.

setting boundaries is fine. asking for a request is okay, sometimes. creating an ultimatum is not healthy.

A request is: i do not like this person, do not follow them. A boundary is: i do not like this person, if you follow them, then I will not follow you.

a DNI, which stands for 'Do Not Interact' is an explicit request for folks to NOT INTERACT with them if they write X or follow Y. DNIs are not always bad by themselves as they do often come with boundaries:

'dni if xyz because i will not engage in those subjects or want to be close to this person' (notice how the boundary given here is in bold.)

Please remember that DNIs alone are not boundaries though, they are requests. which, i cannot stress this enough, are not always bad. you are allowed to do whatever it is to create a safe place for yourself and curate your dashboard to your own liking.

you are allowed to have a personal DNI. it’s always okay to have them, and i am not saying that anybody shouldn't have them. ultimately, it is how you want to curate your space for yourself. folks are allowed to have their own social circles where they feel safe and comfortable and welcomed.

I also do believe that folks should be allowed to make decisions for themselves as well when it comes to personal relationships outside of social groups.

while you may not get along with a certain individual, that does not necessarily mean that it is the same for others.  forcing another to 'pick' between you or another person is a very harmful mentality to have.

yes, you are allowed and you are so valid in whatever feelings you may have towards/about somebody, but that is YOUR relationship/opinion about that person alone, not anybody else's.

Folks really need to normalize that it is okay if their friends talk to somebody that they don't like on a personal level. its okay if your friend wants to remain a neutral party because they would rather not get involved. its something that shouldn't be and isn't going to be a subject of discussion for the two of you, and it should be respected by both parties.

you can have healthy relationships with boundaries without making ultimatums or requests from others that may put them in an awkward position, especially since personal DNIs are often just personal for yourself. at the end of the day, it is still up to you on what YOU want to do to curate your internet safe space, but please don't do it in a matter where it forces folks into a 'its me or them' decision. that is not fair and it can be controlling and uncomfortable.

WHAT KIND OF WEENIE ASS????? I was unbabygirlifying this man in my head, I forgot just how poor his social skills are.