#therapizing

you ever play therapist w yourself ?? i don’t have a therapist (i need one) and supplement therapy w therapizing myself sometimes intentionally sometimes subconsciously.

sometimes i envy @battlestardidactica their weird weird brand of everything-matters people-can-be-closeread psych (by which i mean, uh, the entire field of psychoanalysis), basically entirely because i feel this pressure in therapy to bring things up that are productive, or problematic in productive ways, that can be read and advised on and solved. there is, probably, more space for me to be unproductive or self-indulgent than i’m allowing myself to believe, but imagine having it be explicit that it’s not actually the most unimaginable waste for me to try to closeread my intense resentment of my apartment shower for an hour or so

last week I was talking to my therapist and described something as “trigger[ing] my father’s fits of anger”. she said it was interesting that i’d used that word, because she’d noticed that her adolescent patients use “triggered” to sincerely describe the induction of any negative feelings and was very confused by their misuse of clinical terminology as teen slang. which meant i then had to explain the “MI internet community using trigger warnings—> anti-TW backlash and mockery by future alt-right communities—> semantic drift into sincere usage of the mockingly over-broad usage of the word” progression [note that the last step there is more surmise on my part than direct observation]. i didn’t ask the actual question i wanted to ask there, which was “does your bringing that up mean you think i’m misusing the word as well? does it mean you think i’m wrong to have been afraid of him? do you think i’m exaggerating? can i prove to you i know what i’m talking about?”

my brother: me and my therapist talk about how a lot of my problems come from dad & stepmom not parenting. like i don't know how to relate through emotions in relationships, only what i can do for people me: