#thepressuretoperform

We live in  a world where it is so easy to hide pain behind a camera. Just about everyone  online appears to be happy and on top of the world. If cameras could reveal  the inner state of an individuals mind (behind the smile) you would be  surprised at how similar we all look. Instead our newsfeeds are filled with  accomplishments and a display of constant joy. We create this false  advertisement not realizing there are people who are secretly envying a you  that doesn't even exist. Can it be that you are sincerely happy? Yes, of  course ! But what is the likely hood of someone being exposed to your down times and failures? I'm not saying post your business for the world to see. There is wisdom in EVERYTHING. However we should be more open and realistic about the struggles of life. 

We tend to poke fun at those who choose to express their troubles via social media. You know the ones who are depressed, suicidal, heartbroken, insecure and unhappy with life. Social media might not be the place to bring your emotional baggage but have you ever thought to yourself there might just be a people who are tired of living a lie? What good is to appear to be whole and well put together when in reality you are broken and falling apart? Over the years I have learned for many it’s a cry out for help! Those closest to them can't even see or discern what is happening internally to them. This is why family members or friends who speak out on behalf of a victim of suicide say things like "he/she seemed to be happy. They were always smiling I just don’t understand." When will we understand depression, anxiety, grief, lack of finances, failed relationships, broken hearts, trauma and the list goes on has no look!

Recently I came across a twitter thread where a woman by the name of Tracy Clayton asked her followers to post a post a picture of themselves that they shared on social media, where they were actually having a really tough time in life even though they look perfectly fine in the picture. To my surprise, thousands responded with several selfies of themselves displaying joy but the story behind their smiles told a different story. One woman in particular caught my attention. She posted a picture of her smiling holding her baby girl inside of a pool. The caption read "I was in the midst of horrible, untreated post-partum depression. My marriage was falling apart. I wanted to die every day, thought about driving my car off a cliff or into the back of a semi or something every time I was in the car". Tracy's thread is living proof that we all have been guilty of masking pain at one point or another. 

I can honestly and openly admit there have been several times where I posted a picture of myself while battling insecurity, marital issues, depression and suicidal thoughts. One of my most memorable post was a hospital selfie I took a couple of days after giving birth to my fourth child Cody. What my followers saw was filtered. Behind that picture lived pain, post-partum depression, uncertainty of my future, sleepless nights, and frustration. I remember several women commenting and in boxing me telling me they wish they could look that good after giving birth. All I could think was honey you don’t know the half of it. I've always aspired to be a model so getting glammed up and taking pictures has always been therapy for me. What they didn’t know is I had fell into depression very heavily. My birth plan didn’t go as planned, he was 4 weeks early, I didn’t have my hospital bag packed, we had to move out of our home 3 weeks prior to me giving birth, all of my baby shower gifts were buried in storage, he was in and out of the hospital for weeks and i was grieved that my mom could not be there for his birth.  On top of all that I did not feel that instant bond with him. Yet here I was posing like I had motherhood under control.