#thepartner

Antonio Dawson And Sylvie Brett had began a romance a few weeks ago, but they decided to keep it a secret because they wanted to take their time with it. With everything that Antonio was going through with the custody battle he felt like it was necessary. After a few days of getting together, Sylvie was on a call when a guy stole her wallet and she didn't feel safe going home, so he offered for her to stay with him. Antonio definitely felt like he couldn't say anything since he was on the case to take down the guy, however the guy was caught a week later. But Sylvie and Antonio didn't feel like they could make it with only seeing each other a few times out of the week because of their work schedules so they both agreed that moving in together seemed like the best decision for them. He understood that people would think they were moving too fast, and honestly between his custody battle, it may have not been the smartest move, but it seem like something they both wanted and hell what he needed to become happy. It was literally killing Antonio that he couldn't see his kids, or even talk to them. He just couldn't understand it because he wasn't the one that left Laura, he was willing to do whatever to fix this between them, except quit his job. Which was the only thing she was asking him to do. He worked too hard for years to become where he was at, to only give it up because she was scared. His job wasn't for the weak woman, and he honestly thought when he married Laura she could have handled his life. Of course when he worked in vice, that almost ended them in a divorce too, but that was why he moved to intelligence. Getting shot was all apart of being a detective sadly, it wasn't his first time getting shot and it certainly wouldn't be his last. Antonio always felt like getting shot was a part of the job, and it proved that whatever he was doing was right. It may be a crazy way to think, but it had to be true since he was the most respected detective on the streets. When Voight paired up he and Erin as partners, he wasn't pleased to say the least. He knew Erin was a great detective, maybe as great as him. However, Antonio has just been floating around the unit since Jules died and he just gotten used to that. He wasn't sure if he was ready for a partner, let alone a female detective. To him, Jules was the best female detective that he could have ever had. But since being paired up with Erin, he realized she was just as good as Jules. He knew it wasn't just a big adjustment for himself, but for her too. He just didn't want them to start hating being partners that it could have cost them their lives, however, it was starting to work between them. Although with everything that Antonio was going through with Laura and his kids, whenever he walked through that gate, he pushed those things from his mind and just focused on making Chicago a better city. It was sort of a rule they all silently agreed on when they walked through that gate and focused on a case. It could cost someone's life, or yourself, if the person didn't do that. Life was always going to happen, horrible things were gonna happen, the best way to become a good detective was to worry about those things when the shift ends. Antonio stepped out of his truck as he looked up at the station and he took a deep breath. As much as he loved being a detective, sometimes the job can have a troll on someone's sanity. It probably didn't help matters that his mind was already going crazy without seeing his kids. He took out his phone and he looked down, seeing if he had any missed calls or texts before he headed inside. Not seeing any, he placed his phone away and he walked in the district. He nodded his head at Sergeant Platt and he walked up to the gate. A few seconds later, he walked through the gates and he nodded his head at the people that were there before him. Usually he would be the first person there and the last person to leave, but since starting up the romance with Sylvie, that sort of changed. He knew Jay thought something was off with Antonio, but that was the only good thing about his custody battle, he could always use that as an excuse on why he was acting weird. He just wasn't ready to tell everyone about their relationship when his sister didn't know. Antonio walked over to his desk and he removed his jacket and placed behind the chair. He sat down and he took a deep breath. The cases lately they were working on all had to deal with gang and drugs and he was really wearing him down. Because of all the court fees, he was working a lot of overtime so he was overly tired. But all of this was so he could get his kids home, or he could have at least see them when he wanted. He would just be happy if he could get through a shift without Laura calling him and trying to get him upset. His favorite ones would be using Eva against him. Of all his kids, he didn't know why she always used Eva but she did. He would have reacted the same way with his other kids, so he never understood that. But then again, he never understood half the things Laura did to him. He just figured it was because of their divorce, it effected Eva the most out of all the kids.  

Erin

“Mommm…”

A single word, a title, yet it was absolutely the strangest thing to Erin for some time.  When Bash and J.J. had initially asked her if they could call her by this name, she’d grasped the full effect of just what it was to /be/ their mom.  She’d been stable in their lives by this point for a year and a half, living with them for the six months before.  She and C.J. had taken things slowly from the time they started seeing one another in August of 2014.  It was a slow progress as they tested the waters, ever cautious on both ends for the fact that he had littles involved, not to mention Erin’s slight aversion to relationships in the beginning.  

It took months for Erin to confess her feelings for the man, then months beyond this before she’d agree to stay with him on a permanent basis.  Even meeting his children was something that didn’t occur until they’d been together for almost five months.  Each step was taken with extreme care, right up until their July 24, 2016 wedding.  By this point, the two were no longer partners, ending their professional relationship when the two moved in together and went public with their relationship.  It had to be done, though Erin would resist it for a long while, not feeling complete without her partner there by her side.

There was something about being partners.  It was almost like a marriage of its own.  It had to be built primarily on trust, followed directly by respect.  The two things worked hand in hand and there was simply no one she could imagine trusting to have her back the way she did C.J.  Perhaps that was why the two ended up falling for one another the way they did.  They were with one another almost constantly and though they had their fair share of partner issues, at the end of the day, she trusted him.  

“Mommmmm.  We’re going to be late!”

Bash’s little voice brought a smile to Erin’s face as she was pulling on her coat on her way to the front door.  “Alriiiiiight Baaaaaash,” she returned, drawing it out just as he had, while J.J. stood behind Bash with a smirk to his face.  Erin was forever the last one to the door.  Every morning it was the same drill for one reason or another, rendering her the last one to the door, the last one holding up morning progress.  Bash instantly laughed at Erin’s mocking of his whines to her while C.J. placed a to-go cup of coffee there in her hand.  “You are the reason I make it to the door at all,” she stated in his direction as the man stole a kiss of her lips before scurrying the two boys out the door to the SUV that was already running in the driveway.

An hour later, both boys had been dropped off at school and the detectives had arrived at the district.  Forever recalling a time when the two couldn’t ride in together, couldn’t hold hands in the parking lot, and had to sneak in those tiny brushes of their hands against one another.  It wasn’t lost on Erin where they had begun, yet she wouldn’t go back to those days for anything.  She had the entire world in the palm of her hand now in these three men that she loved more than she ever knew humanly possible, determined to be a better mother than that which she’d grown up with, though it wouldn’t take much in all honesty.

As she climbed the steps, resting her hand on the scanner, she drew her coffee to her lips, facing a day of cop coffee that didn’t hold a candle to their home machine.  “I mean it.  Six o’clock and we’re out of here today,” she assured, a nod there of her head as she was heavy in plans that evening; sleep.  In truth, Erin hadn’t been sleeping.  She was barely scraping by in that department and C.J. had taken firm notice of it.  Tonight, she’d break her own personal rules if only to get some deep sleep, something she desperately needed to remain alert and on the ready.

Just inside the gate, she found Antonio there at his desk, getting settled in.  Ruzek, Olinsky, Atwater.  She cut her eyes over her shoulder as she heard some snide remark about how she used to be the first one in every morning, only surpassed by Hank who forever held the position.  “Yeah, yeah,” she argued, letting it be known to her husband that she didn’t’ want to hear it.  The flashing of his dimples, though it truly required no effort from him in the least, brought a smirk to her lips.  “You’re so pretty,” she teased, her smirk broadening into a full-fledged smile.

“Morning, Antonio,” she offered, placing her coffee against her desk, lowering her bag from her shoulder before opening her laptop to check the influx of unit emails that surely awaited her on that screen.  

Antonio

Antonio looked up from his desk, nodding his head at his partner. "Morning, Erin." He said and then he looked back down at the paperwork in front of his desk. As much as he loved being a detective, he hated the paperwork. Truthfully, he was just skimming through the paperwork because his mind was lost for a few minutes. Usually he didn’t allow this to happen at work but lately his life was a mess—and that included being a detective. The custody battle wasn’t anywhere close to being over, even though Laura was dating some wealthy guy. He found that news out from Eva, and Antonio was fighting like hell to at least get the kids whenever she chose to go away. But his lawyer said because Eva is 15, it was okay. Since he was so stressed out, whenever his shift ended, he usually just went to the gym to box it out. Although that helped him, it was causing tension at home between him and Sylvie because she thought he would rather be at the gym than at home. He always insisted that wasn’t true, but he could see why she thought that.

He felt his phone vibrate and he tore his eyes away from his paperwork for a moment to see who it was. He hated the feeling he got in his stomach thinking it could be his ex-wife. It was one thing to upset him while he was home, but at work, it was ridiculous. But he relaxed when he saw that it was one of his CI’s for the case that he was working on. He loved how many CI’s he had, and he wouldn’t do anything to risk that because if it wasn’t for them, half of his cases would go unsolved. The case he was working on right now was rough but with the text he just received, he knew he should be able to solve it. Maybe not today, but in the next few days. He looked over at Erin. “Take a ride with me somewhere?”

At the beginning of their partnership, it was hard because sometimes he was usually going on these rides alone---and he didn’t think anything about it. It had been years since Jules died and that was the last partner he had. And usually if he rode with someone, it was Voight and Al, and they allowed him to do whatever he wanted. Erin did also at times, but with a partner, you kind of have to let them steer into cases too. And at times that meant letting them take control and stand behind on some calls. The only good thing about that was that whatever Erin did, Antonio agreed with. And she was also a great detective like him so she never put his life at risk. Although it was his CI, he wanted them to formalize with each other in case something was to happen---like if Antonio was elsewhere, he could trust Erin to get the information they needed. And most of his CI’s were okay with that, as long as they were promised they could trust Erin. And right now it would be best if Erin came if he got the information and needed to stop by to speak to someone.

Erin

The morning routine included getting her jacket off, slipping her wedding band off and locking it in her desk drawer, then making her way to the break room where she’d fill her cup with shitty coffee that would mix with the coffee she had remaining in her cup.  She wasn’t functional until she’d had at least two; one before work, one on the way to work.  This morning the one on the way to work hadn’t been finished and therefore she’d top it off and consider it still her second cup.  Back at her desk, she’d draw up the phone to her ear, listening to the voicemails that sat in waiting for the unit from the overnight, jotting down any vital information that she’d then pass along to the rest of the team.  It wasn’t her job necessarily, as any of them could do it, but it was one of those things she’d taken up on her first day there and never quite put it down.

Over the next few minutes, she was finally waking the rest of the way up, finding herself more alert with every sip she took from the cup until she heard Antonio’s voice from across the short space between their desks.  Nodding her head, she put down her pen and rose from her seat, reaching to the back of her chair for her jacket.  “Sure,” she stated in response, not hesitating to go with him even if the partnership was still growing on the both of them.  The two together worked.  They both had reasons to not want to be partners.  For him, it was Jules.  A woman that Erin held the utmost respect for.  The woman that she’d stayed with until the end.  The one that she’d had to make that first impossible phone call to Hank followed by the impossible feat of going to the home of her husband and children and telling them that she wouldn’t be coming home that night.  For Erin, she’d been against her own partnership with C.J., forever thinking she was better off with either Hank or Al, not wanting anyone to slow her down.  She fought against it, but there was nothing to be done in the matter.  Those early days had been rocky, but somewhere along the line, the entire unit had to recognize that the dimpled duo was quite skilled when working together.  Little did any of them know, including Erin, there was a stronger partnership there than purely professional.  When they went public with their relationship, it was C.J.’s choice to divide their professional partnership for the sake of his two boys.  Erin hated it.  Though she’d respect it, she hated it.  It didn’t feel right.  The only way it was alright with her was if she and Hank or she and Al would be as they once were before she had a partner, but instead, she was paired with Antonio.  Truth be told, it was taking some time to find that chemistry that Hank seemed so sure would be there.

Once her jacket was on, she was reaching for her set of keys and drawing her gun to the holster at her side, meeting his eyes by way of telling him she was ready.  As she passed C.J.’s desk, two soft taps of her hand there to the corner meant she was on her way out and she’d see him later, but there was something more to it as well.  A silent I love you that no one else would ever understand, even if they’d seen it a million times before.  At the door of the unit, she gripped the handle as her other hand pushed against the fencework, pushing it opened where she’d hold it there for him without ever bothering to ask him where they were going.  There was always trust between the two detectives, that went without saying, and in moments like these, the rest of the unit could catch a glimpse at what Hank seemed to see all along, that the two of them were going to make great partners once they got the kinks worked out.

Antonio

Antonio nodded his head when she agreed to take a ride with him. He was sure that she wouldn't have said no, unless Voight needed them at the building for something. But normally Antonio took rides around the city when he's been staring at the same files over and over again. It wasn't like he took rides for no reason, he usually caught up with a few of his CI's for them to keep an eye out on something. He stood up, placing on his jacket and then he grabbed his keys. Although their partnership still wasn't entirely that new, it still felt weird when someone followed him on his rides. But this wasn't what he had to get used to. What was extremely difficult to get used to was someone's feelings on a matter, but he was getting used to it. Erin being a great detective made all this easier. He walked through the gate as he walked down the stairs.

As they walked down the stairs in silent, his mind was on his children. Laura insisted that the kids still didn't see him until the trial was over and the judge made a ruling. It frustrated Antonio to no end and was the reason why after every shift he went to his gym instead of Molly's. Even after they solved a big case, Antonio chose the gym instead of drinking with his friends. It was either going to the gym or doing something reckless to get his kids back. Breaking out of those thoughts, he headed towards the exit doors and he walked out. "Sorry, I just had to get out of there. Sitting behind a desk, staring at the same files was driving me crazy." It was the reason why Laura divorced him in the first place. After he got shot for the second time in less than 6 months, she begged him to take a job behind the desk, but that wasn't what Antonio wanted. He didn't worked his ass off to get this far in the detective world, to let it all go for a job behind the desk. It may worked for other people, but not him. Of course that meant giving up on his family, but what could he do?

Antonio looked over at Erin. "For the case, I just want to check in on a few of my CI's. They should have some information." Although he usually liked doing this on his own since all of his CI's only trusted him, he knew once the custody battle got deeper, there were some days he would need to focus on that. Besides, with a partner, he kind of had to introduced them. Well he didn't have to, but he wanted to. He just wanted to stop complaining about a partner and actually just trust their partnership. He understood her reasons because of CJ, but Jules died years ago, he couldn't be afraid of growing close to someone else as an partner and losing them also. Because that was the bottom line of why he didn't want a partner. Another person dying because he couldn't save them. He still had immense guilt over Jules death, but who's to say Erin would die the same way? Hell, he wouldn't allowed it. If anything, now he would be the one to knock on the door while Erin stays back. That was the one rule he made from the beginning and one rule he wouldn't change. Antonio walked over to his truck and he unlocked the doors.

Erin

The eagerness of the detective for her job was just as strong as it always had been, though in recent days it was slightly complicated in her own mind.  Although she didn’t talk about it on any level, there were things pulling on her that were difficult for her to process.  She’d wanted this, and she still wanted this, but there was just something she wanted more now.  Something she never really seemed to see for herself, but the desire was there.  It was surely anticipated throughout the unit that it may go in this direction for the woman after they all returned from Las Vegas where the unit was in attendance for Erin and C.J.’s wedding.  She wanted to add to the family that had begun with Erin, C.J., and his two boys.  She wanted one of their own, a baby that would take after the both of them.  She wanted to round out that family with a contribution of her own, but it was proving difficult to say the least.  It wasn’t something anyone in the unit knew about and it wasn’t something she was ready to talk about even, but the couple had been trying for months now to no avail and it was starting to get to her.  The issue made even more complex by the idea that if she did get pregnant, what would she do about her job?  

As the two made their way through the gate of the unit, down the stairs, and past Platt’s desk to find themselves outside, she heard Antonio begin to explain what it was that had him running for the door.  Erin understood and truthfully, there was more than enough boot work they could be doing to gain some perspective on the cases that laid stacked against their desks that it wasn’t unheard of for the two to slip away and see what they could find with their ears to the ground.  Although it was still different for her to be doing this with someone other than C.J., she couldn’t deny the natural chemistry that had always existed between herself and Antonio within the unit.  He was good police and she knew he was to be trusted, never doubting the man or his instincts as he arrived to work ready for work and nothing seemed to stop him.  Erin looked up to him in her early days within the unit and always would.  There were times that other detective’s morals were brought into question, but never Antonio’s.  The man was a man on fire and forever on point and for that, she could trust him.

“Sounds like a plan,” she offered, giving up a nod of her head as she’d go along with his decision to touch base with some C.I.’s.  They were the most vital part of the unit at times and though they didn’t want the credit for anything, everything they did went a long way for the unit as some things just were too deep underground for the police to sniff out on their own.  As they arrived at the vehicle that was Antonio’s department vehicle, she still hadn’t quite gotten used to not being the driver as she’d always been with C.J., though she made her way to the passenger’s side with a bit more ease every time.  “You doing okay though?” she asked as she climbed within the vehicle, waiting for him to join her within where that answer could be posed.  Knowing he was under a lot of personal things at the moment as well, she wasn’t so forthcoming with her own, but it was through his that trust could be formed on a personal level to where maybe one day the ironclad woman’s thoughts could be unlocked and she might just be able to speak freely.  Maybe.

"I have a track record of not being too happy with who I'm partnered up with... or really just the concept of /having/ a partner, but I gotta say... this one is growing on me. Thanks for being so patient with me and the adjustment, Antonio. You're alright in my book."

D A W S O N

-shakes his head and smirked; Just alright? -laughs; But no problem, Erin. It's an adjustment to me too with having a partner.

ℒ𝑜𝑜𝒸𝒽

Nods knowingly as she offers him a smile. "Just alright," she confirmed, though she thought he must know he was a little better than alright in her book, one of the strongest in the unit by far, but she wouldn't be saying all of that.

on тнe тaĸe //That is GREAT news!!! Best I've heard all day! HAH!!!

aЬоvє тнє law Almost as good of news as $1 Taco Tuesday at American Graffiti. Congrats Johnboy.

on тнe тaĸe "You're an idiot, Ryan."

aЬоvє тнє law What? I like tacos.

on тнe тaĸe "Clearly." Laughs. "And does this mean you like the Mister here?" Looks kind of surprised...

aЬоvє тнє law I didn't say that, but I might come around a little if he bought me a taco.

on тнe тaĸe "He won't buy you a taco, but he might flirt his way to getting you a free one..."

aЬоvє тнє law Well that's even better.

on тнe тaĸe "You two should be best friends." Rolls eyes.

aЬоvє тнє law Yeah, I'm not seeing that happening any time soon.

on тнe тaĸe "You should try. Just don't drink with him. He drinks in a super intense intimate manner. Might not be your thing." Smirks.

aЬоvє тнє law Yeah, again, think I'm gonna have to pass on that one.

on тнe тaĸe "Thought you might want to. But seriously. Maybe John and I could have you over for dinner or something!"

aЬоvє тнє law -took a long pause and cocked his head to the side.- Yeah, maybe we could do that..

on тнe тaĸe "We'll see what John has to say. I think it'd be good for the two of you to sit down to a table together."

aЬоvє тнє law You really think so? It might not end up all too good for the table.

on тнe тaĸe "We'll do it at a restaurant then."

joнnвoy "What did a restaurant table ever do to you?"

on тнe тaĸe "Okay then, we'll do it at our place." Bites lip. "Everything's going to be fine." Nods.

aЬоvє тнє law Ok then, if that's what you two would want to do. -looks over at John.- Nothing...yet. Give it a minute though. Seems like everything or everyone has a way of pissing me off in some shape or form.

on тнe тaĸe "I want us to all do something, together. I think your last meeting was less than ideal, what with my ass hanging out and all." Smirks to John. "We should do this. You two are the two guys that I spend all of my time with, so... it makes sense."

joнnвoy "Nah." shakes his head, almost having to laugh at the suggestion. "I gotta' spend more time with a cop then I ever intended. Thanks but no thanks. I don't need the attention." he reminded Spenc as his eyes fell upon her, already having told her this many times over after the past debacle putting yet another roadbump on his way to earning back his Philly patch. "Hangin' out with bacon is a good way to end up hung up in the butcher's freezer..."

aЬоvє тнє law -he was about to agree to it for her sake, but before he could, John interjected and declined the invitation.- Well there you go then. I guess our little get together is off the table then.

on тнe тaĸe "Seriously?" She asked, shaking her head. "John? He's as filthy as I am!" She stated without bothering to keep her mouth shut as she probably should have. "One more cop in your pocket can't be a bad thing!"

joнnвoy "It ain't 'bout him, personally..." though he nearly had to grind his gears to say it, he shook his head. "Not right now. I'm too fresh. One day when I get my patch...we'll be good ol' friends." dabbling in a bit of sarcasm, he knew she'd get the point. "We'll go out and get our hair done and everythin'...but for now? I ain't riskin' it. You should be mindful of that. Only one thing worse than a biker's Old Lady and that's a dead biker's Old Lady."

on тнe тaĸe "So we'll do it outside of the city. Somewhere else. No one will be the wiser." Pleading with him, eyes promoting her cause. Already knowing she was fighting a losing battle. "I don't want to feel like I have to keep you two in different compartments of my life. There's got to be a way..."

aЬоvє тнє law -he stood there as if he was the third wheel in the lovers spat as to whether they could bring the stray puppy home or not. he stepped in and shook his head.- Like he said Spencer. Maybe another time...

joнnвoy "You really ever think me and another male are gonna' fit cozy inside one box for you, Spenc?" shakes his head, tempted to smile. "Not happening. That's that."

aЬоvє тнє law -he then shifted his body and headed for the car, leaving the two of them to work it out between themselves.- I'll see you at the station tomorrow.

on тнe тaĸe Gives Ryan a sigh as he departs. "Yeah, see ya." Turns back to John, taking his hand in her own. "I need one box, John. I need it. My parents are already in a different box. And then you. And then Ryan. And I just want to have one box that remotely feels like home."

aЬоvє тнє law -shakes his head as he walks out the door.- Yeah good luck with that one Spence. You've got yourself a real winner there, more worried about a patch than his wife's happiness.

joнnвoy "Yeah, run that hole in your face on your way out. Try to hold the door open this time so I can hear you and smash your fuckin' windpipe in."

aЬоvє тнє law -Ryan stopped just shy of the door and turned around, closing it and facing John.- I'm pretty sure I made myself clear there 'Patches'. If not, then let me repeat myself. -He stepped a bit closer to him. You're a worthless piece of shit that is more worried about some piece of cloth on your rag of a jacket than your wife's happiness. Clear enough?

joнnвoy "You're so right, man. I'm a worthless piece of shit...but what do you call the faggot helpin' the worthless pieces of shit for a paycheck? Yeah, I thought so. Must make you a special kind of worthless. The bigger piece of shit to the shit." looking the man over, a mouthful of spit collecting. Spitting the large wad onto his shoe or atleast in the general direction of it. "and what are you gonna' do about it, /Detective/?"

on тнe тaĸe "Okay, that's enough. Just stop." Stands between the two men, hands taking to Ryan's chest, pushing him towards the door. "No dinner. Everyone gets their own boxes. Okay?"

aЬоvє тнє law -standing there listening to the worthless banter coming from the man's mouth made Ryan almost amused. It wasn't until he spit towards him that Ryan looked down and stepped closer this time, meeting Spencer who stepped in the way.  He looked directly at John and pointed at him.- No Spence, I think he and I have a box all to ourselves. -He then looked at him staring him down.- You wanna try spitting my way again, or do you have another little kindergarten bitch move to make next?

joнnвoy "Nah, buddy boy. I got plenty. From one worthless piece of shit to another. Get your partner here to move and I can show you my entire bag of tricks..." eyes Spenc with her back towards him, taking exactly the stance he thought she would yet it was noted. Loyalty showed itself in funny ways, sometimes. "Try not to get too upset about them neither..." points towards his shoes. "I'm sure that Pagan paycheck you pick up will buy you a nice new pair of house moccasins so your bitch ass doesn't have to go without."

on тнe тaĸe Spencer's eyes were pleading now to Kenneth that he would just go and leave well enough alone, yet it was clear that neither of them were backing down. She closed her eyes for a split second, turning around to John before she did as he suggested, as she most always did, stepping to the side and shaking her head. "John, please." She begged, feeling her pleading had not worked with Kenneth in the slightest. "Just say goodnight and let him leave and everyone keeps their compartments the way they were." She felt terribly responsible for every bit of this, yet had no way to truly diffuse the situation.

aЬоvє тнє law -with that, Ryan was all smiles as he let the man go on and on with his idle threats and pointless babble. He did look down at his shoes and saw the dab of spit on one of them.- Well, looks like you're right.  -Spencer moved just as he began to speak again.- You physically assaulted my person. Hmmm...and then I'm pretty sure you just threatened me, so assault and threatening an officer.  Maybe I'll pull one of my bitch ass moves and haul your ass to the slam. Maybe help you with that patch a little faster, huh? -he just stood there with a coy grin to his face.-

joнnвoy "You really that fuckin' stupid?" he barked as he watched that grin to his features. Not sure that he felt the desire to spell it out to the man. "Get savy with the term 'mutually assured destruction' 'cause if I go down, then you go down too. You can't play good cop when it fits you, pussy. I'll go to a nice comfortable cell and your choices will be prison wife or solitary. Not that the prison wife part should be much of a stretch for you but..." cocks up another particularly deep wad of spit from his throat, landing it on the other shoe of the man. Another step forward to render him nose to nose with the man. "What are you gonna' do about it, piggy? Gonna' go oink?"

aЬоvє тнє law -looks down at the wad of spit on his other shoe and then back at the man who was directly in his face with a laugh- You really think I'd go do for this. You forget who you're talking to boy.  I twist the system how I see fit. Hell, I could blow the whistle on this whole little farce you two have going on, and frame you for the whole bit of that little bitch's death.  Try me boy. Cross the line and see just who ends up being somebody's bitch tonight.

on тнe тaĸe Standing back, keeping her mouth shut, it wasn't until Kenneth's threat that Spence yelled out. "You wouldn't!" He knew she'd go down too if such a thing was to come to light. He had been the one to help her bury the bit of evidence that had surfaced, twisting the investigation away from her or John, yet now the reminder being thrown out did not sit well with her. "You just remember, I have shit on you too, Ryan." She reminded him, no longer standing idly by.

aЬоvє тнє law -before another word was spoken between the two, Spencer interjected. Ryan looked over at her and was about to speak until she threw out her own threat of her having info on him. Standing back, he looked at her with a dejected look.- So that's how it is huh? -feeling betrayed in that moment, his mouth opened but then closed, followed by him taking a step back. He straightened the lapels of his jacket and looked at the both one last time.- You two have a nice night. -He then turned to the door, opened it, and walked out, closing the door firmly behind him as he left the damned building with a new sense of belonging on his mind.-

joнnвoy His top teeth found his bottom lip, biting down until he could taste blood. Not one to hold back yet as he watched the man, his utter sense of rejection providing a sadistic sense of joy before he looked down towards her. Still somewhat surprised she had defended him in the first place. Not having expected it considering her first signs of allegiance minutes before.

on тнe тaĸe Potentially destroying her partnership, to protect both John and herself, she watched as Ryan left the building. Frozen for several moments before the weight of it all fell upon her. She took a deep breath, a step back against the wall, leaning her head back as she closed her eyes. Not fully believing all that had happened, taking full responsibility upon herself for sparking any of this. Opening her eyes, she looked over to John, her face saying it all as she showed a side of herself she didn't quite know was in there. Having no words for what should be said between herself and John now.

John James Now eclipsed in that privacy, part of him wanted to tell her 'I told you so.' He didn't get along well with other men, he didn't play well with others and he did not back down. Yet, he'd achieve no pleasure out of beating up the already broken. Meeting her eyes. "I know it might not feel like it but..." he began slowly, glancing towards the door. "You did the right thing. I'm not promisin' I wouldn't have fucked his whole life up if you hadn't said something to chase him off." he attempted, not sure if it would be received or not.

Spencer James “I know.”  She stated quietly, a hushed tone he would not be familiar with.  She was honestly surprised it hadn’t come to blows, then further shocked that her words would be the ones to send him out the door.  She knew how Kenneth was feeling right now.  Betrayed.  But he’d miss the fact that he betrayed her by threatening John’s freedom, already knowing he’d have pinned the murder completely on John to save her.  It wasn’t a question in her mind that Kenneth would keep her out of prison and take great pleasure putting John inside.  “First thing tomorrow, I’m making sure the evidence is not just buried, but gone and then he won’t have it to hold over us again.”

John James "It won't matter one way or another." another slow step forward. "He tries to bury me and it'll all come down on him like a house of cards...he wants blood, there will be blood but it won't be mine. Outlaws don't get into bed with cops unless they can trust 'em and the only way to trust 'em is to have somethin' on them. Remember that..." he reminded her, a bit of insider trade information. He had no doubt that there was plenty on the man laying away in the shadows though now he'd have to start his own little file collection.

Spencer James John’s words were directed towards that of Detective Ryan and she knew it, yet she couldn’t help but bite her lower lip at the intensity of the threat.  Silent thoughts littered her mind as she watched him taking another step towards her, yet neither of them making any sudden moves.  “Yeah.”  She nodded her head slightly, still leaning against the wall.  “He won’t touch you.”  She stated plainly.  Though she had yet to appear truly protective in front of him, she was proving it now in a statement that she would absolutely die backing up.  “I’d go down first.”  She added, her eyes dropping to the ground as the idea of it was a very real possibility at this point.  If Ryan started spinning evidence back to where it actually pointed, she’d have no choice but to offer up a confession of her own, to keep John on the outside.  A few weeks ago, she wouldn’t have thought of it.  But things had gotten so far, so fast, with she and John, she cared about the man enough now to put herself down before she’d let him go.

John James He shook his head, knowing no one would be going down over anyone. "If one of us goes down, we all are." he stated honestly, there was entirely too much between all three. Unfortunately, they would always be linked in that respect and blows were inevitable at this point. Surprised it had taken him this long not to completely rock the other man's jaw. "Let's just hope he ain't that stupid..." he confessed with a shrug of his shoulders. This was part of being a criminal. You had to have faith in whatever was going to happen, would simply happen and there was not much anyone could do about it. He wouldn't let her take the fall. It just didn't make any sense. She had a shining future in front of her while his own light was rapidly dimming each passing moment.

Spencer James Finally stepping off the wall, she closed the distance between them.  Standing before him, chin lifted, eyes set on his.  “Listen.  I’m gonna do what has to be done tomorrow.  If I get caught, I…” She bit her lower lip as she attempted to phrase the words within her mind, though there was just no making sense of them.  “I really appreciate how kind you’ve been to me.”  She stated, not exactly what she was going for, but it would do.  “But there is absolutely no sense in us both being behind bars if it’s not necessary.  So listen to me.  River needs you out here.  Okay?”  She paused a moment, giving up to him just where her thoughts were based in that moment.  “So, if I get caught, I sing for them.  It was my stash that killed the girl.  I threatened that I’d pin it all on you if you didn’t help me.  Then, I told you that the only way to protect yourself was to marry me, but really I was simply trying to ensure that you wouldn’t testify against me.  Okay?”  She asked, knowing he wouldn’t like it, but also knowing that if it went wrong the following day, she needed him to speak the same story she spoke of, for the sake of saving him.

John James "River ain't even going to know me." he reminded her at her rational, selfless, maybe but illogical. "I'm just gonna' be that guy. I think I'd rather be that guy in prison then that guy livin' out here that never decided to want him..." he reminded her, though the truth was much the opposite, he knew how things would be painted. Shaking his head at her suggestion. "No, if we get caught. I tell the truth and you tell the truth. You got too much goin' for you. I've been in jail before, I'll be in jail again. Just the name of the game. It's not like it can't be expected." he stated, not taking what she was giving him nor accepting it as much as she might try. Not on his watch.

Spencer James “John…” she whispered, hands finding his sides as she brought herself that step closer.  Every part of her wanting to press her point, but instead she held her tongue, leaning her forehead against his chest as she brought her arms around his mid-section.  “River’s going to know you.”  She promised, as she had already arranged the meet before and would soon be working to get more than ten minutes for him.  “We won’t get caught.  Ryan won’t talk.”  She conceded.  She had enough shit on Ryan to bury him for a lot more than her charges would be.  Lifting her head, eyes meeting his as she rested her chin against his chest, she spoke in a still quiet tone.  “Won’t let anyone do something for you, will you?”

John James His brows drew as she insisted that he would knew them, shaking his head. He knew better. It was almost cruel for her to suggest anything differently when he had already reconciled himself to that truth. He appreciated what she had done for him. More than words. But he knew such things were only allowed because he was a baby and wouldn't remember. One day, he would be able to remember and he'd be the first thing voted out of that memory. Feeling her arms slip around his midsection as she pressed her head to his chest. Shaking his head upon her question as he glanced down towards her. Hand settling to the small of her back. "No. No one's ever done shit for me before. Why start now..." he pointed out rhetorically, a moment of thought. "You do realize that what I said has nothin' to do with my patch, right? I was putting your happiness below my patch...was sayin' that because I don't have that patch, I'm really disposable."

Spencer James Hearing him bring the conversation all the way back to Ryan’s initial statement that started the entire altercation, she was stunned.  Ryan’s words had been harsh, yet she had shrugged them off rather quickly.  She knew Ryan wasn’t a fan of John’s, nor was he too pleased at where Spence had found herself in all of it.  Yet his words held no weight with her.  “I know.”  She assured him.  “It was wrong of me to push.  I know you can’t be running with the district, having them over for dinner.  I was wrong to go there.  I’m just… tired.”  She stated, a complete truth from her lips.  “I have this box here, with you, and it looked like one thing and now it’s not that thing, but it’s something else, and I don’t want that box to be closed with us locked away inside of it.  And then there is the Ryan box.  We have work and our Sunday golf routines, and when my father was in the hospital, he was so good to me.  He was the first person in this city to befriend me.  The only at the district to give me a moment of time without pegging me as a priss cop.  Then there’s the box for my parents and that one…”  She trailed off, not even able to finish when it came to that.  “I just thought if Ryan’s box was a little closer to yours, with open lids, maybe it wouldn’t feel so… far apart?”  The rise of her voice there at the end, a question within her statement, wondering if he was following with the ramblings of an emotionally exhausted woman.

John James "You're better off leavin' me in my own closed box." he assured her, he knew he was difficult to handle. Even more so with other men. It was merely in his nature. What he had been raised to be. Anyone outside of his club was an enemy and a threat, despite his best efforts, he'd never get too far past that concept. Shaking his head. It wasn't that the words affected him. He couldn't care less what the man had to say, it was merely the suggestion that that was all he cared about. Once it had been and it was without a doubt, important to him but there were other factors now. "I'm always gonna' be in my own box. If someone wants to open it up then fine but...you can't force me on anyone. It ain't gonna' go well. I'm abrasive and I will rub everyone around you the wrong way without even doing anything. Just how it goes."

Spencer James Yet another reminder that the world she was in was nothing like that of the world she was accustomed to in Dallas.  There, all of the boxes were close together and open to one another, with the exception of her love for Judas’ music.  It was the only isolated box she ever had to juggle and it wasn’t that big of a juggling act, especially not in comparison to this.  Now, every box in her life was so far apart, causing her to shift hats throughout the course of a day to the point of exhaustion, where the only place that made sense was John’s box.  The box she found herself in most of the time.  The box she wanted to be in more than any of the other boxes, though she ultimately wished they could all somehow collide a bit.  “I won’t push it again, John.  And I’m sorry if I blew it all up.”  She whispered, lowering her head to rest against his chest.  “Everyone I love either hates each other or is furious with me.”  She spoke quietly into his chest, taking a deep breath before stepping back from him, releasing her hold on him, going for the shelf in the kitchen he had introduced her to that very first night of marital bliss.  Standing to her toes, she pressed her hands against the countertop, lifting herself atop the counter where she could now reach the bottles there, pulling them down one by one, intentions clear.

John James He could have took the time to apologize, for being so abrasive on the world. So rough to the point he made her life difficult. Yet, he couldn't draw up the words. He wasn't sure that he was really sorry. Was it his fault in truth? Was he so horrible to his core? He was still working out the details. He didn't force her to stay, she made that choice. These were the risks. Watching her slip into the kitchen, rounding the corner. Half tempted to tell her that he could help her should she so desire it but figuring she had it on her own with a bit of independence as he leaned against the far wall. Arms crossed as he idly rubbed his hand over the side of his face.

Spencer James Once the assortment of bottles were in place on the counter, she turned and lowered herself to a sitting position against the hardtop.  Turning her head to look at him just in time for him to run his hand over the side of his face.  It pained her to see him looking distraught or perplexed.  She knew this was all her fault and took it as such.  With a slight bite to her lower lip, she reached over for the bottle of Jameson, uncapping it and holding it just in front of her.  “I’ll share.”  She offered, which she should, considering she had yet to put a dime into the liquor collection.  She had thrown a lot of information his way about boxes and an almost admittance of her feelings for him, wrapped up with the others she mentioned in her statement.  It was the least she could do to try to help them both take the edge off since they had been moments from a war breaking out right there in his apartment.

John James

Not so much distraught, merely knee deep in his own thoughts by the time she offered to share. Raising a brow at the suggestion of her sharing his own alcohol. Yet, he couldn't help but notice her way in that moment. Drinking whenever things got too deep. He shook his head. He wanted no parts of it. This was exactly how people developed issues. "No, I'm good." he decided as he shook off the suggestion.

Spencer James Hearing him decline her offer, she uncapped the bottle, taking a shot from within.  Eyes now lowered, not sure what exactly she should or could do to make matters any better.  He had gone fairly silent on her, after she went on and on about just why it had been important to her to somehow find a way to merge two parts of her life.  After another shot, she recapped the bottle, slipping down from the counter.  “Good?  Are you really?”  She asked, curious eyes drifting in his direction, not quite certain given all that had transpired there that he was actually good.  She wasn’t good.  She was so far from good she couldn’t see the first sound of the word.

John James

"I'm fine, Spenc." he stated, feeling her already beginning to attempt to load or place some kind of emotion on him as the reason for his silence. It wasn't there. He didn't feel bad. He could care less about what had just happened with her partner. The residual anger was still surging through him but he was still, merely thinking. On what had been said between her partner, what she had mentioned about having to compartmentalize it all. It was an art form he was familiar with. Having to keep about 20 things juggling at once yet, it had never occurred to him that those things could merge because they couldn't. Yet, there she was attempting to merge her own. He'd always be in his own box. Like it or not. "Imma' go...I don't know, find something to occupy myself with..."

Spencer James

Her gut instinct was to try to hold him there, to keep him from going anywhere, yet she had learned in a short time that she held no hold on the man and what he needed to do.  If he needed to go, she wouldn’t barricade the door and beg him not to walk out, even if she was feeling like shit at the moment.  “Alright.”  She whispered as she leaned against the kitchen counter.  Biting at her lower lip, feeling as if she was handling everything all wrong, not knowing what to do or say, she just simply nodded her head.  Standing off from the counter, she stepped through the entryway to the kitchen, approaching where he stood against the wall.  “I’m sorry.”  She stated again, just as she had a few minutes before.  It was all she had to offer him for her actions that brought forth the events of the evening.  Taking his hand in her own, giving an honest touch, she slipped out of his way, going and sitting down on the sofa as she diverted her eyes from watching him, staring at the coffee table, as if it somehow held the answers.

John James

"Don't be sorry." he stated as he felt her at his hand as she clearly thought he was leaving leaving. When in reality, he had said that only to slip into the other room. Watching her in the living room, Choosing to give her her space as he walked into the bedroom. Laying down where he found Scrappy already enjoying himself a little nap on the mattress like usual as he reached for the remote. Doing as promised to find himself something to occupy his time with.

Spencer James

When John slipped off into the bedroom, she was surprised, having fully expected him to leave the apartment.  Several minutes passed by as she debated what she should do.  She could go into the bedroom with him, yet got the distinct feeling that when he wanted to find something to occupy himself with, he meant alone.  She could leave, yet no good would come of that.  So instead, she sat on the sofa, replaying the scene in her mind over and over again of all that was said.  Mind seeming to repeat the place where she made no qualms about her intent to ruin Kenneth should he attempt to pin John to any legal wall.  She wouldn’t change it, not for a minute, though she much preferred being with John in this, and not feeling that now all three boxes in her life had shut themselves, be it permanently or temporarily.  She had no box in that moment and felt completely lost.

John James

Giving up a loud yawn from the bedroom as he pulled Scrappy onto his chest, watching the dog sprawl out. Kissing his snout, he pet the top of his head. Feeling him in complete and utter relaxation seeming to have missed the entire event and the feelings surrounding it. Yet, watching him was making him tired as his eyes flickered up towards the TV. Scrolling through the channels and looking for something, anything worth watching as his mind ventured to the woman sitting rather lost in his living room.

Spencer James

John’s yawn broke her train of thought, causing her eyes to lift only to check the time.  She had no idea when it had gotten so late, yet it had.  She had to work the following morning, yet the idea of it turned her stomach.  That meant seeing Kenneth.  That meant nine hours with Kenneth.  A quiet “ugh” left her lips as she turned on the sofa, burying her face in the fabric as if she could hide from it.  A strong bite to her lower lip, she lifted herself up from the sofa and stepped to the doorway of the bedroom, not sure what John’s reaction may be, or if she was infringing at this point.  “Hey.”  She whispered, pausing a moment before she would enter, not wanting him to feel that she was going to push him to talk anymore tonight.

John James

"Hey..." he returned at her whisper of a statement, patting the spot next to him with his hand before it returned to the grey dog on his chest as he watched her carefully. Not quite able to read the woman yet she was not yet stumbling through the door. Figuring she would have gotten the taste of her poison by now. Not really needing his time in the first place.

Spencer James His acknowledgment followed by the gesture at the mattress, she slipped within the room.  Pausing at the dresser she had now become quite fond of stealing from.  She slipped off her pants and shirt that she had worn to work that day, exchanging them for whatever one of John’s t-shirts were on the top of the pile.  Dragging it over her head, slipping her arms through, she walked over to the bed, tugging her hair out of the ponytail it had been in throughout the day.  A slight shake of her head to loosen the locks and she was climbing into bed beside him, assuming a position close to him, despite the distance she felt within her.  

“A father is a son’s first hero.”

Thirty three percent of American children are being raised without a father in the home.  Absent fathers, whether by their own choice or the restrictions placed on them by the courts, are being linked with higher rates of juvenile delinquency.  Families with a father present, regardless of income status, are showing fewer behavioral issues and higher intellectual abilities.  The product of these fatherless homes are much more likely to grow up in poverty, while married couples with children are showing income levels of nearly four times that of the single parent families.

I was raised in the seventy percent of Caucasian families with both parents present.  I’ve never known the pain of missing one parent, being split between two households, monitored visitation, or the bitterness that lives in the mess, on the shoulders of the child being fought over.  I’ve never felt unwanted, or had a parent fill my head with lies about the other to win my favor.  I’ve never had to choose.  But there are so many that do.  Played with as a game of tug of war with little to no regard to that tiny person that is stuck somewhere in the middle.

People always state facts about how children need mothers.  But what about the argument that children need their fathers too?  There is something to be said for a child having a mother, and a father.  Two people, working together, sharing different sides of the scope to build a well-balanced child who feels safe and secure, which children at young ages translate into love.  Routines, security, regular meals, expectations, limitations, and structure are what small children see as love.  In truth, if a parent is providing all of those things, they are doing so out of their love for that child.

But when a father, who wants to be involved, is being kept from their child, it’s a damn crying shame.  Same for a mother, who wants to be involved, being excluded by the father.  It is my opinion that for a parent not to allow involvement of the other parent, without whom the child would not be in existence, is typically a pathetic control attempt.  ‘I don’t have you anymore romantically and therefore I will punish you with the only thing I have left.’  Using children as pawns to get even with that spouse or partner that ‘did you wrong’.  Using them against the other parent, turning them against the other parent who is not even there to defend themselves.  It’s frankly fucked up and the parent playing power games should take a long, hard look in the mirror and realize that when that child is of age, they will ultimately make their own decisions about their relationship with both parents, and don’t be surprised if when they find the truth about that absentee father who wanted to be there, that they drop your ass on the curb without a second glance.

Maybe it’s not my place.  Maybe I can’t have an opinion on this since I was raised in the majority.  Perhaps I should mind my own business, but that just simply isn’t my style.  When I became privy to the information that my husband, John James, has a child out there that he is being refused visitation for, being held by a restraining order- which isn’t hard to get, and desperately wants to be a part of his child’s life, I had to do something.  I didn’t know what I could do, but with a few friends in higher places, I reached out.  Calling in a favor or two to get my hands on files and begin digging to see just what could be done.

---

“I need to ask you a favor,” Detective Spencer James began.  “It’s a restraining order, could have been filed at any point over the last… two years.”  The voice on the other end of the phone was eager to help Spencer after that which Spence had done for them a couple of weeks prior on a case.  “John William James.”  She stated, repeating once more to be sure the name was taken down properly.  Spencer went on to give John’s present address, hoping it could be of some help.  “Thank you, very much.”  Spencer hung up the phone and went on to the next person she would be tugging at for assistance.

“Hi, this is Detective Reese,” she stated, intentionally using her maiden name.  “I am looking for a custody file for a case.  Yes, I can hold.”  She paused, listening to the hold music on the other end of the line for far too long, tapping the end of her pen against her desk, waiting.  When the voice finally returned, with the file in hand, Spencer couldn’t be more pleased.  “No, I don’t need the original case file.  I just need copies of everything within to see if I can find a link for the case we’re working.”  She stated her needs as she began to arm herself with information.  “I really appreciate it.  Thank you.”  She stated upon hearing she would have the files in the hour.

By mid-afternoon, Spencer had both files before her, one being the restraining order, the other being the custody case.  Scouring over them both intently, committing the words to memory, looking for anything that could play in John’s favor.  Judge Mark Gold.  First key point, a male judge who was raised by an abusive father, consistently siding with mothers on custody cases, picturing every father to be just as his was.  Plus side, Judge Mark Gold retired a month prior and would not be the one to rehear the case.  A sly grin flooded Spencer’s features as she continued to dig, already feeling a win on that first fact.

Custody established, yet would have to be revisited every two years.  Wouldn’t help much, considering the child was under a year old.  Moving on, the address of the child stood out to Spencer.  She’d been at that address in the last six months since she came to Philadelphia.  She didn’t know much of this city yet, but that address she did know.  She scribbled it down on a post-it note, with the intent to cross-reference it later.  Moving forward, the rest of the custody file was rather ordinary with a judge like Gold.

Switching over to the restraining order, she stared at the form with a bite to her lower lip.  The claims that were made as to why the order was necessary were heinous, things that Spencer wasn’t sure if she could overcome, but yet the fact that John was now married to a Police Detective could assist with it some.  He had broken into the home to attempt to gain access to his child, which was documented as an attempted kidnapping.  “Shit,” Spencer sighed as she looked over the rest of the document, knowing that alone would be a hurdle to cross, so high that even she may not be able to do it.

An hour later, she was standing outside the door of the residence noted on the post-it note in her pocket.  “Just let me do what I need to do, and back me up on it.”  She asked of Detective Ryan at her side.  Lifting her hand to the door, she knocked and waited for the door to be answered.  “Hi, I’m Detective Reese and this is Detective Ryan.”  The woman at the door stared blankly towards them, clearly in another world.  “We answered a call here a couple of months ago and we noticed an error in our files.  We didn’t get the location of the child’s room, which is customary for us to make note of.”

”Isn’t that too bad?”  the woman responded, not much budging in the idea of letting police within those walls.  “Have to be more careful, won’t ya?”  She added, if only to make Spencer’s blood boil.

Spencer remembered being in the child’s room, comforting the crying baby after the baby had been pulled from the mother’s eyes to drug test her. Ripped from her thoughts as the crying of a child came from the room down the hall.  “Is he… okay?  Do you need to check on him?”  Spencer asked, now personally invested in the fact that the child was crying, as it was her husband’s son, knowing that John would not be pleased at the sound of that child’s cries.

The woman hesitated, but stepped back from the door, walking down the hall to the child’s room, where almost instantly the crying ceased.  Spencer turned to look at Kenneth, eyeing him suspiciously as the woman came around the corner, holding the baby in her arms, bouncing him up and down on her hip.  “And now you know the location of the room.”  She stated to Spencer and Kenneth, to which was answered with a nod to Spencer’s head.  “I really appreciate your help on that.  I hate when files are missing something, or the information within is… I don’t know… wrong.”

At that, Ryan took over, bidding the farewells to the woman, commanding Spencer to fall back by the touch of his hand to her shoulder.  Spencer eyed the child for as long as she could, finally doing just as Ryan had.  “Thank you for your time.”  She spoke as she turned her back and headed back to the waiting vehicle with Ryan.  She knew she couldn’t up and grab the child, nor could she enter the premises without a warrant or just cause.

It would be something Spencer would watch.  Looking for an opening, though she probably should not.  She promised John happiness and though she didn’t know how she would provide that to him when she made the promise, she now felt as though she knew what it would take to bring him that emotion.  A child he was refused access to.  As she got into the car, she looked over at Ryan, a determination flooding her eyes that should invoke fear in any that should stand in her way.  A look to which Ryan quickly asked her, “So you gonna tell me what that was all about?”

“He’s my step-son.”