#thepalefire

"You wouldn’t understand. I am… responsible for….. for causing countless deaths. I’m a harbinger of disaster where ever I go," she breathed reluctantly. Her aquamarine eyes refused to train on anything but the cold floor beneath her feet.

"I got a note today saying that…. that because of my last run in with Jacen fifteen children and five adults were killed because of….. because of me," she added in a strained and shaky tone.

She handed him the crumpled list of names before beginning to pace maddeningly around the office. 

"Two close family friends are on there and my double- who I swapped places with once or twice…" she choked hallowly. 

"What am I to do uncle? I must do something before my name kills off all that I love," she growled, her fist slamming into the nearest wall before she collapsed to her knees. The burden of sorrow was heavy like a ton of boat anchors tied together and plopped on one’s shoulders.

the-pale-fire

the-pale-fire

Sent to his office once again

I feel like I've entered the lion's den

I anxiously try to hold my breath 

I wonder if he'll give me the glower of death

perhaps I ought to find protective Emeth

I stand to my feet 

thinking of making a hasty retreat

in walks the general his arms crossed

suddenly it feels like the room has taken on a winter frost

I smile and wave

hoping my skin to save

with heavy sigh and a huff

Peridan's hand closed rough 

around my shoulder 

I just stare

AJ did you have to soak the guy with your coffee

What in Aslan's name are you trying to do to me 

you are far to wise for that

you shouldn't have then tried to knock him flat

only because he insulted your hat

But Uncle Peridan you don't understand

he was questioning your command

he can insult my hat and my sister's fat cat,

but I won't stand for ignorance from a mere brat

Oh AJ what am I going to do with you

I feel like we go through this every other day or two

sweetheart when are you going to learn 

violence can be resolved with violence

((I don't know where this is or was going. W forgive my humorous, late night drunkeness rambling))

son-of-the-glorious-one

Suffocating hugger? *eyes gleam jovially* 

NOW WAIT A MINUTE UNCLE PERI…… I can handle my caffeine just as well as the next person. 

Slowly starts to bounce with the jitters…. I’ve got an idea…. I’ve got an idea…. can we go on an adventure?

*doesn’t wait for Peri to answer and begins talking quick enough to be spouting million words per minute*

AJ beckoned, “come on Uncle Peri… we need a good training session.”

Dear Diary,

It’s funny to think that I’ve wrestled with calling anyone “uncle” and to give people a place in my heart. In the past I’ve freely given titles to underserving men. I’ve given some people positions of importance and power in my life, only to realize that their loyalty is nothing but an act of lip service. But I have realized that I can not spare myself from pain by isolating myself and putting up shields. 

I have signed up to serve in the Narnian Army under a man named Peridan. As far as I can tell the man is wise, patient, trustworthy, and he gives orders with a tact I have only seen in a few great masters back home. He seems to be a deeply respected man. Other members of my unit see him as a beloved guardian, and father like figure.  Only time will reveal the true character of this man. 

I must give this Peridan credit, he is a suave dresser with an great eye for detail. As of this moment, his mannerisms, eloquent speech patterns, and his thoughtfulness would hardily indicate any kind of brash, cruel, or dark nature laying behind a mask. But I of all people should know, men can be deceiving. I long for nothing more than to believe that this Peridan is a guardian at heart, for he is trusted by King Peter. I do confidently trust King Peter’s ability to select leaders with the intention of keeping his people and country safe. But I can not quell my fears of betrayal for they lingure like the charred remains of stone walls in Pittsburgh.

 For now,  it is imperitive that I remain detatched from accepting anyone based on the well-intentioned words and observations of others. Trust will come when it is earned.

Forgive me for sounding so cynically hard hearted, but I can not allow myself to move forward without caution. My honorable masters have taught me to survive based on instinct and being able to read into other’s auras. 

AJ Liberty  ((first encounter with Peridan)) 

((sometime later))

Dear Diary,

I realized something today: that if I were to deny Peridan my trust after what happened, I would be doing him a major injustice and disservice. I’ll explain……

Jacen and his men intruded upon Peridan’s office demanding to know where I was.  He could have handed me over to the cruel intentioned Sith but for some reason he didn’t. Jacen ordered, demanded, and threatened Peridan’s security but the man stood his ground refusing to give in. 

The man wasn’t even going to tell me about his encounter with Jacen. The only way I knew that he had seen the Sith is the fact that I discovered a few of Jacen’s button’s lying on the ground. I’d know them anywhere; considering I’ve had been involved in more arm to arm combat with the so-called-prince than anyone else. 

I think I can proudly call this man “my uncle”.  I know now without a doubt that I can follow Uncle/ Master Peridan into battle. He has earned my undying respect and loyalty. To anyone who questions his authority, be advised you will not only deal with the forces of Narnia, but myself as well. 

For now, it is nice to have someone completely worthy of being called “uncle”. 

Yes, my diary entries are a tad on the rambling side. This can be attributed to my lack of adequate rest. I promise I will do my best to follow Master/ Uncle Peridan’s orders. What ever they may be; well….all his orders except for the prohibition of my coffee.