I've tried to type this up a few times ever since we last spoke, but I could never bring myself to send anything. I thought I would be disturbing your peace or your process of me ghosting and I didn't want to send anything that was only for the sake of my peace of mind. So, again, I left it to you to reach out first. I told myself if you did, I would type this up again and apologize to you properly. "I'm sorry" just feels a little too hollow, but I am. I should have at least left with a proper goodbye; I was feeling/dealing with a lot and it ended up being easier for me to just disappear and that wasn't fair to you. By the time I realized that, I felt it had already been too long to reach out.
I thought this would be the part I would tell you what I felt, or am feeling, but I don't know if I wanna rehash all of it unless you want to. Like that thing that happened with a former mutual friend. It still hurts, but I don't wanna be angry about it and I don't know if it's even worth bringing up.
There's another thing I want to say, but I'm not sure if I should. It's nothing bad really, I'm just being a coward about it, so I'll be pressing skip.
Moving on to another thing; there was the issue of communication. I usually always left it to you to contact me first and I didn't realize how it might look from your end if your mind worries as much as mine. You always seemed to be dealing with so much and I thought by reaching out, I would be a bother to any peace you might be trying to find and I still think that way unfortunately. Another couple of things is I suppose our… conversational energies? weren't in sync. I held a lot of things in and that ends how it usually does. I think my feelings get pretty intense and I get so caught up in them, I end up not thinking about the other persons feelings. I'm sorry for not thinking about, or considering things from your perspective more. I wanted to get to know you more, and for you to know me, but I think we both might have made that hard. I really am sorry. There's no pressure to respond or resume communication; you just deserve an apology.
Briar I am grabbing you and I am shaking you violently until you realize that you aren't a bother. I adore you, I adore talking to you.