#theodore rex

THE GOOD

If nothing else can be said about this movie, it must at least be given some credit for how utterly weird and ambitious it is. This is a family-friendly take on Blade Runner, but instead of replicants dinosaurs are brought back to life and anthropomorphized for… reasons. The guy who did it literally says he did it just because, and you know what? That’s kinda based. I love this goofy-ass Sauron worldbuilding.

Uh… Yeah, that’s really it.

THE BAD

Hey you know how I said that the film was very ambitious? Ambition only goes so far if you don’t have the talent to utilize said ambition. And let me tell you, they had zero talent utilizing all the wild ideas in this story. This movie is about psychic dinosaur cops in the future solving murder cases… and this is used to make a generic buddy cop movie! There are so many ways they could go with this and they go the safest, most boring route possible so they can cram in a bunch of goofy kiddie jokes.

That’s another thing: This movie has insane tonal whiplash. You have Theo engaging in cartoonish antics where he bonks people with his tail and gushes about his love of cookies, and then you’ll have intense sci-fi B-movie violence right after. This movie really tries so hard to have its cake and eat it too, but instead it kinda just shits all over the cake and tosses it around.

Our leads aren’t exactly great either. Whoopi Goldberg understandably does not ever feel like she wants to be here, and the result is her character feels underbaked and flat. I can’t exactly blame her for not giving a shit; she did want out after all. George Newbern as Theo is serviceable enough, but it is such an awkward waste of his talents. This is the guy who played the greatest hero in all of fiction and the most evil villain too, and here he’s relegated to corny baby antics and cookie obsessions. Granted, this was before he became a bigger name in voice acting, but in hindsight it seems like a critical waste of his talents.

Oh, and the animatronic effects are complete ass. The dinosaurs barely work half the time, with some of them straight up not moving. Theodore’s eyes stop working at several points, and you can tell his pet dog is actually genuinely fucking terrified of him whenever they’re in a scene together. ILM did the effects and they somehow look worse than what they did for Howard the Duck—which is insane since this film came out the year after they convinced the world dinosaurs were real with Jurassic Park! Several staff members apparently worked on Dinosaurs too, a beloved series with great stylized dinosaur animatronics! What the fuck happened here to give us these malfunctioning uncanny monsters?

And why the fuck is Shaft in this?

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Oh it absolutely is that bad.

Like let’s not beat around the bush here: This movie is a tonal mess with janky effects and a nonsense plot that squanders numerous fascinating concepts. There’s not really any sense being too charitable here. But this is absolutely what makes this movie so entertaining! It’s such a colossal, batshit misfire that it ends up being one of the most insanely fascinating films ever made. From the bizarre story of how it was made to the absolute clusterfuck of a plot that was put to screen, you can’t ever say this movie is boring.

Of course, one must lament that the original idea from the 80s was scrapped and forced into becoming a family-friendly action comedy at the behest of the studios. There are so many great ideas here, so many interesting concepts and worldbuilding, and none of it ever gets to soar like it should because the movie is the inept bastardization of interesting concepts by out-of-touch suits. It makes the film interesting as a freakish curiosity, but this genuinely could have been something on the “good” side of “so bad it’s good” (or maybe even straight up good!). As it is, this is one of the best of the worst, peak shitty movie to inflict on your friends on movie night.