#themockingjrel

Hindi ko lang kasi maintindihan kung bakit ang dali lang para sa ibang tao na gawin to sa iba.

Yung araw araw kayo mag-kausap tapos biglang isang araw wala na siya. Paano nya nagawang bitawan ka nalang ng ganon ganon lang? Na may mga bagay kayong napagusapan together, mga bagay na ibinahagi sa isa’t isa. Nagkakilala, nagsama. Naging magkaibigan tapos isang araw tapos na.

Tapos mararamdaman mo na yung taong binuild up mo sa isip mo hindi pala totoo. Na itong taong ‘to who used to be part of your daily routine eh suddenly disappeared. Nang walang pasabi. Walang notice. Walang warning. Mabuti pa sa job application saka sa college entrance exam may rejection notice.

Ganito nalang ba tayo ngayon? Na kapag ayaw mo na sa isang tao bigla mo nalang iiwan. Na parang wala lang?

Alam mo kung ano yung masakit? Kasi you were dismissed. Dropped. Ganon lang. Masakit lang kasi wala man lang binigay na reason. Na araw araw iisipin mo where did I go wrong? What happened? Bakit naman ganoon.

Sana ikaw na nagbabasa, kung ayaw mo na, magsabi ka. Yung totoo. Kasi deserve natin lahat bigyan ng rason kung bakit isang araw ayaw na nila satin.

Today is my first day at my new job. I work now as a PR Specialist in a digital  advertising company located in Makati. To be honest, I don’t think I feel excited at all. Well, maybe because it has not sunk in with me yet that finally after so many job interviews and rejections I have a job again. I was jobless for the past 3 months that maybe I feel like this isn’t happening yet.

I’m still here in the office. I will leave around 7pm. Also, we have a flexi time working schedule and that is a good thing but, I cannot use it yet since I’m a newbie. I have to make sure that I can already work alone before doing that.

I got nothing else to do now actually. I am done reading all the materials provided by my Team Leader and I’m just killing time til it’s 7. I just thought it’s a good idea to start writing again so here I am. 

We have a Halloween party on Friday and they’re asking me to dress up. I seriously not into those parties where you have to use costumes and stuff because I hate making efforts. Lol. 

Anyway, another 36 minutes left and I’m off to Bulacan. Yes, the plan is I’ll go home everyday. I can’t stand not going home that’s why I can’t wait to work independently so I can come in the office as early as 6 in the morning

I wish I could back to writing again. I’ll try to do this as often as I can.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this question.

Is it sadness what I’m feeling? Is it emptiness? Is it possible for my heart to ache of questions?

I wonder if time will come where I can feel myself smiling because I see you walking towards me. I wonder if time will come where I no longer have to watch my favorite flick alone because you’re already beside me holding my hand. I wonder if time will come where I no longer have to watch the sunset alone and I wonder if time will come where I see the dawn breaking while you’re sleeping soundly beside me. I wonder if you’d still come.

I wish you’d come sooner. I’ve been longing for you my love.

Paano na lamang kung wala talaga. Kung wala talagang dadating na para sa akin. Hindi ba’t may iilan sa mundo na pa hanggang sa ngayo’y nananatili paring isa?

Minsan naiisip ko, marahil ay inihahanda pa siya at ako ng Panginoon, upang sa oras na magtagpoo ang aming landas, parehas kaming sigurado. Siguradong gampanan ang responsibilidad na maging isa. Na baka hindi pa sa ngayon dahil sa may mga bagay pa akong kailangan matutunan bago ko siya makilala. Na baka parang ako siya ngayon na may kailangan ding malaman bago niya ako makita.

Pero paano na lamang kung wala talaga?

Para saan pa ang pagmamahal na naguumapaw sa puso ko? Lahat ng pangarap at panalangin na gabi gabi kong ibinubulong sa Maykapal. Mapupunta na nga lang ba sa wala?

Pero sa kabila ng takot at pangamba, nananatili sa puso ko ang pag-asa. Na isang araw ika’y aking masisilayan. Ikaw na laman ng aking panalangin sa gabi gabi. Ikaw na matagal ko nang gustong masilayan at mahagkan. Hindi ako mapapagod. Hindi ako mapapagod hintayin ka, mahal.