#thelullabyeproject

A long overdue and brief update, here it is:

I have been on a roller coaster of an adventure since I started singing again one year ago after a LONG hiatus away from performing.  

Initially, my intention was simply to record an album of Lullabies.  The result of such a simple start was a journey I never expected.

Here are the 2 most important things I wanted to share in this moment:

I will be recording and performing my Lullabye Project in 2016.* 

My journey is bigger than recording this album.

I will be blogging about the many adventures and learnings I’ve had along the way.  There is much more to come and I am looking forward to sharing it with you.

There should be a book out there.  Actually, there are probably lots of books out there.  I did not read any.  It is probably recommended to do some preliminary research on the subject, but that isn't how I roll.  I started this process with the simple idea of recording one single song, and the album blossomed from there.

The first thing I did was to secure funding for the project.  I knew I would need a significant amount to allow for multiple salon performances leading up to the recording, new headshots, and many, many sessions with my coaches and accompanists - especially since I was coming back from a major hiatus of more than a year after having my second child.  I decided to work with a producer. The recording must be mixed and mastered - whatever that means.  I have to pay my accompanist for the days during recording.  I need to record somewhere that will most likely cost money.  And then once it is finally recorded, I need to launch/market it.  That will cost money.

I was overwhelmed.  I am overwhelmed.

So overwhelmed that I did not educate myself or do any comparative pricing before throwing myself into this.  I am learning as I go.  One step at a time is manageable.  

I spent the first six months doing what I needed to do in order to be physically and emotionally prepared to record each of these Lullabies in 1-3 takes over the course of 2 days.  

Now after deciding to part ways with my producer, I am spending more time assembling the right team of professionals needed to bring out the nuances of these pieces to create a beautiful, cohesive album that speaks for itself.

Step #1:  Take a hard look at what I am doing and how I am doing it.  Does the budget make sense for what I am trying to accomplish?  What are the industry standards for the cost of mixing and mastering?  What exactly is mixing and mastering?  Does it matter if the sound engineer has recorded classical music or not?  Should I record in a studio or a hall?

Step #2:  Gather information from my network.  Is there anyone who has done this before and would they be willing to guide me?  Do I have any contacts who can connect me with high quality, experienced professionals in the music industry?

Step #3:  Continue to deepen my connection with these lullabies in a way that will translate through a recording.  Practice every day.  Meet with my accompanist every week.

Step #4:  Uncover more steps.  Keep learning and enjoy the tremendous growth I have been experiencing throughout this process. 

I love this journey.

The act of giving birth to a living thing is difficult.  It requires labor.  Often, it is not pretty.

I have given birth to 2 children.  So I feel qualified to comment on this subject of ‘birth’.

There is nothing I have experienced so far in my life as intense as childbirth, and I have learned from it.  In many ways, it has given me insight into my work and life in a broader sense.  In other ways, the changes I have incurred from it both physically and emotionally have pushed me to grow in areas I would never have asked of myself otherwise.

It is an understatement to merely qualify the changes a female body goes through to bear a child with a flippant phrase like, ‘your body will be different’.  

Shifting organs and weight gain which accommodate new life make it difficult to rediscover breath support and retrain a newly flaccid post-natal diaphragm.  I realized how much I had taken for granted my ability to sing long musical phrases.

Hormones have an impact on what the voice sounds like.  If you are not a professional vocalist, you might not have the same awareness of the changes.  But after my second child I could not enjoy the new colors I heard, to me it felt and sounded completely different; I judged it harshly as I longed for the return of the voice I knew before pregnancy.

I am going through labor a third time to give birth to this “Lullabye Project”.  Pushing through my emotions, giving up any resistance to the changes in my body, my life, my voice, bracing myself for the various levels of intense discomfort and exhaustion experienced as this powerful process of creation wreaks havoc on my sense of ‘normal’.  I find I have the same feeling of resignation in knowing this labor is the work that needs to be done in order to create a new life.

I have always found the final product of birth to be rewarding in some beautiful way, no matter how unanticipated or unexpected it may appear.  Although I am eager to finally witness my creation, I am finding great satisfaction and joy in this process.  I would like it to continue.

I began The Lullabye Project last fall.  

I hadn’t been singing for well over a year.  After the birth of my second child, my body felt like a foreign entity.  I was exhausted, hormonal, and emotional.  Singing was a distant, fondly remembered dream.

So when I finally made the decision to move forward with this project, it took a herculean effort to get myself into performance shape again.  The thought of recording an album was ridiculous without first performing in front of people.  So I had to create my own performance opportunities.  The answer came to me: Salons.  I would sing Lullabies to people in their living rooms.  Who wouldn’t love that?  And there had to be lots of homes nearby with pianos just begging to be played.  Right?  

With the help of my coach, the first salon was booked.  And then after months of gentle inquiry and persistence, my neighbors agreed to host the second salon.  

During the search for venues, I met a woman who was interested in hosting.  After meeting with her several times and viewing the venue, it became evident that it would not be ideal for the time frame in which I was working.  

During one of the conversations I had with her, I remember talking at great length about the depth of what I was attempting to communicate to her audience.  I was elaborating on the different ways I could convey the wonders of my own journey and my desire to give that to everyone who listened.  At one point she stopped and said to me, ‘you are enough’.

In that moment, I became aware of myself and my desire to control everyone else’s experience while I was singing.  And that was not my intention.

My intention is to open a channel that allows my audience to have their own beautiful, robust journey.  To facilitate the delivery of each unique message that is being sent from the universe to every listener who is ready to receive it.

I realized that she facilitated that experience for me in that brief, but powerful statement.  

I have everything I need, right now.  I can move people, if only by having my own extraordinary journey.