#theitmanthings

So you'll have noticed a gap in time between posts here. I guess that's because I'm doing my best to do what's right for me. And I feel what's right for me is to look at how I can move on now, somehow. I'm so stuck, Rich, in loving you and in the past. It's been over 3 years. 10 years this year since we met.

And I can't do it anymore. I can't be here, patiently waiting for someone who may never return.

That's not to say I don't love you any more. Always have loved you, always will.

But I need to do something for me. Love someone who's not just a ghost.

is you!

I love you now and for always.

I'll always be your girl.

It's strange, you know.

I am wondering if I fell out of love with my ex because I didn't feel loved or wanted any more. Or if I didn't feel loved or wanted and then I fell out of love with him.

Either way, with divorce just about to be finalised, it's a bit of a moot point in some ways.

Except it isn't.

Because the love I feel for you continues unabated. Unaffected by not having had you around for the last 3 and a bit years. The in love-ness I feel for you is, if anything, all-enduring.

I wonder where you are right now. What you're doing. Who you're with. If you're happy - I hope you are.

I guess at some point I might want to consider a new relationship. But you'll forever be in my heart, even if the last time I heard from you was September 2021.

Be happy my darlin. If you're happy without me then that makes me happy too. If you have a new life and it's all going brilliantly then that's the second best outcome I could hope for.

I wish you could find it in your heart to let me know. To find me again.

Stars are gonna light up the midnight sky The sun's gonna burn on the fourth of July Tides are gonna turn with the pull of the moon And I'm gonna love you

Birds are flyin' south when the winter comes Snow's gonna fall, and rivers gonna run April's gonna rain, and flowers gonna bloom And I'm gonna love you

So good that it almost hurts Steady and true as a Bible verse My heart skips just thinkin' of you Go on and bet it all, baby, we can't lose

Earth's gonna shake every now and then Some runaway roads are gonna dead end And on those days when the world feels cruel I'm gonna love you, yeah

Missing you so much as always. That never changes.

On this grey November Monday, I hope you're happy somewhere - hope you have a great life and in a weird way, I hope you don't miss me at all!

I think if you loved me and missed me, you'd have been back by now so maybe your silence is really all I should be listening to.

Anyway, I'm here if you ever want me again.

I wonder if you'll ever see these posts.

I wonder if you'll ever look for me.

I wonder if we will ever get our chance.

I wonder and I wonder and I wonder.

I love you so much.

And I miss you, Rich. I miss you in my life.

I miss your messages. The way you make me laugh. The way you love me.

I miss everything.

I just keep hoping. If we are meant to be then you'll find your way back to me.

Literally just heard our song on the radio. Our song from 2015.

That never plays, never ever.

But there it was. Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on lol.

Made me smile and think of you my love.

I hope you are ok, somewhere, whereever.

My divorce is almost final. It's mad but there it is, almost finalised. Thankfully, he and I are parting as friends and although it's sad and painful, it's not angry.

I still love you Rich. I always will.