#theindecisiveinkdraft

“Welcome back to the Evening segment of Roosterteeth’s radio station, A.H.613. For those just dialing in, there is a 24-hour charity event down at the Virginia Theater to raise money for hospitalized children. It’s a dollar a difference and it’s located, again, in the Virginia Theater hosted by the Gamer’s Guild.”

  There was a pause; Ray could hear the slight intake of breath over the static, before the man’s cheery voice picked up again.

  “We’ve got some interesting news in store for you cockbites tuning in, but first let’s slow down with some good ‘ol country music.”

  Ray could already hear the first few plucks of a guitar drift on, and then another intake of breath.

  “I’m your host, Jack Pattillo, and this is the “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood. Enjoy.”

The soft words finished perfectly just as the country singer began her song. Ray turned down the volume and returned to the game at hand. His roommate Kerry squawked indignantly when his character was killed for the third time.

  -

  “Fucking – It’s like they purposefully wait till the last week before thrusting all their major essays together.” Michael snarled as he thrust his phone into Ray’s face. The other student took a step back, before taking the flip-phone and squinting at the opened email box.

He cringed.

  “You have to write an 8 page paper?” Ray raised his eyebrows in shock as Michael snorted beside him. Michael lifted up his hand and stuck out four fingers.

“8 pager for that class, 4 pager for the other, and then the 10 page reflection paper on top of preparing for Rage Quit for these morning segments.” He ticked off, before taking the phone back from Ray and stuffing it into his jean’s pocket. “I swear; they’re going to fucking give me a heart-attack.”

  “Tough shit, really.” Ray murmured. He felt marginally better that he didn’t have any essays to write that weekend. He avoided writing intensive courses for a reason.

  “And you?” Michael started, raising a brow.

  Ray shrugged. “I just have the easy online lab work and I’ve already finished what’s required this week. So…” He shrugged his shoulders again.

  “And the radio?”

  “The Radio…?” Ray tilted his head. “Like in the guides…?”

  “No, Ray.” They walked past the campus post office for the Herman building and both briefly pause to check if any letters came in for them. There was none.

“The switcheroo.” He twirled his finger. “The one with that one evening radio host?”

  Ray let out a small ‘oh’ sound and nodded. “Yeah,” He took out his ID card and scanned it so the door would unlock. Michael walked in ahead of him and held the door open. “Thanks,” Ray muttered before jumping back to the previous conversation.

  “I’m a little bit nervous, I’m supposed to start tomorrow.”

  “Do you know who you are switching shifts with yet?”

  Ray shook his head and Michael tsked. “You’ll find out before me.” Ray admitted.

The two hesitated in front of the double doors of the building staircase; to the left were the elevators. Ray stared longingly at them; Michael gave him a look.

  “No, come on. We have to stay fit somehow.” He grabbed Ray’s forearm and tugged his friend; Ray groaned pathetically in response but reluctantly followed.

  -

“You ever wonder why we’re here?”

Ray raised a brow when he heard a loud crash follow that statement. He was lingering in the RT Radio station’s halls, nervous to meet his temporary new co-hosts.

  There was another crash, followed by a high-pitched yell. “No Jack. I do not ever wonder!” He could hear someone else – Jack probably – laughing even as the other guy kept yelling. It reminded him of Michael and Gavin, which was somewhat comforting. He’s pretty sure the other guy’s name was Geoff, he’s not too sure since he’s usually in class during Geoff’s segment.

  He knocked on the office door as warning before stepping inside.

  One of the radio hosts with an abundance of colorful sleeved tattoos was giving the bird to the other smirking host. They both looked away from each other as Ray entered. The tattooed host, Geoff likely, turned to him and extended his hand out. “So you’re the temporary replacement nerd?”

Ray shook his hand and nodded. “Ray: 24/7 nerd at your service.”

  “Geoff.” He gestured to himself before his nose scrunched in disgust as he, not so much as gestured but made another rude hand-sign, to the man sitting behind him.

“That’s fatass.”

  The bearded man stood up, learned forward, and offered Ray a warm smile. “Jack.” Then, after a glance towards Geoff, he added. “Sir Fatass – if we’re going to get formal here.”

  Geoff rolled his eyes.

  Jack let go of his hand and grabbed a small pile of papers sitting on the desk before handing it to Ray. “Ryan’s pretty much covered this week’s research on coverage here, like I’m sure you have for him.”

  Ray nodded again.

  “So if you have any questions…”

“Ask him and don’t bother me.” Geoff interrupted as he pointed to Jack before grabbing his own pile of papers. “Now, if you assholes excuse me, I’ve got an afternoon segment to open.”

  And with that, Geoff left.

Already, Ray felt like he was on a good start.

  -

  “Look as much as I’d love to stay and show how wrong you are, I’ve got a senior paper to work on.” Ryan grabbed his stuff, half-hazardly stuffing some of the papers into his worn-weary book bag. “Bye Michael.” Ryan said pleasantly while waving to the lad. Then, as if an afterthought, Ryan added. “Good luck with dealing with Mr.Big Nose.” With a sharp nod towards Gavin, Ryan left.

  Gavin huffed and flipped off Ryan’s back before pushing away from his microphone. He stretched his back till it snapped and then let out his most obnoxiously loud groan much to the annoyance of Michael.

  “Really?” The lad hadn’t looked up from his phone, disinterested.

  Gavin frowned and leaned towards Michael.

“Whatcha doing there?”

  “None of your business.” Was his quick reply, it was clear that Michael was not in the mood to play Gavin’s game.

  Gavin was not going to have that.

  There was a brief mischievous smile on Gavin’s face before the look of exaggerated exhaustion took over. Gavin stretched his back again, this time lifting his arms high above his head and forcing the loudest yawn. Then he practically threw his upper half of his body into Michael’s lap.

  That got a reaction: Michael let out a noise of surprise quickly followed by a measured exhale.

  “Gavin-“ He closed his eyes.

“Michael.”

“Get off my lap.” He opened his eyes and glared down at the Brit.

  Gavin just smiled back up.

  “But you’re so comfy boi, my comfy boi.” Gavin hummed, closing his eyes and making a point to burrow his head into Michael’s stomach.

  Michael shifted uncomfortably.

  After a while, Gavin felt Michael’s hands momentarily press against his shoulders and Gavin wondered if he was going to be pushed off, but then the palms relaxed. Suddenly, joke or not, Gavin was content to continue lying uncomfortably across two chairs to rest his head in Michael’s lap. He snuggled further against Michael’s stomach, practically purring, when he noticed something missing.

Gavin opened his eyes; he had stopped purring.

  “Michael, where’s your dick?”

  Gavin found himself on the floor faster than he could blink.

“What was that for?!” He squawked.

  Michael crossed his arms. “What kind of question was that?”

  “I asked my questions first!”

  Michael snorted and defensively crossed his arms. “What are we – in first grade again?”

  Gavin scoffed before he pointedly looked at Michael’s crotch. Michael squirmed uncomfortably and pushed back his chair. “Dude,” He grabbed his backpack from the floor and held it in front of him. “I could file for some serious sexual harassment here. Seriously, stop staring it’s weird.”

  Gavin shook his head, but looked up at Michael’s face. “I don’t understand.”

Michael scoffed. “That wouldn’t be the first time.” He muttered.

Gavin glared at him. “Oi, no need for that.”

  Michael made a face back. He wished Gavin would just drop the questions, instead the Brit continued on. “You don’t have a bulge.”

  “What? You’re offended that I don’t have a hard-on for you?”

  Gavin spluttered and flushed slightly. “God no, no!”

  “Then that’s why.”

  “But, usually there’s still something there.” Gavin hesitated and Michael’s shoulders tensed further. The two stared at each other for a few seconds. Michael really wanted Gavin to read the situation and drop the subject faster than Skrillex dropping the bass. Then Gavin opened his mouth and that tiny hope fell apart.

  “Michael, you do have a dick, right?”

  “What kind of question is that?” Michael snapped and Gavin flinched slightly. This was not like their usual banter. Gavin wasn’t about to relent.

  “A valid one.” He fumbled slightly with his words under Michael’s intense glare and pushed on. “You are a boy, right?”

  If Michael had been tense and somewhat mad previously, he was positively furious now. “What the fuck are you saying Gavin.” Michael looked murderous and, on second observation, akin to a cat backed into a corner.

Gavin opened his mouth to respond, hesitated, and then closed it after better consideration. When Michael didn’t elaborate further, Gavin opened it again.

  “Well, I mean, I’ve never seen your dic-“

  “So just because you haven’t seen it, it doesn’t exist!” Michael gave a harsh laugh, gesticulating wildly. “Stop the fucking presses, turns out oxygen doesn’t exist and we’re all slowly suffocating as we speak on stupidity.” He stepped in close to Gavin and jabbed his finger into Gavin’s chest to punctuate his point.

  “Michael that’s not what I meant.” Gavin slapped Michael’s finger away, taking a clear step back to put distance between them.

  “I know what you meant, okay!” Michael yelled, taking another step forward to match Gavin’s step back. “Why do you even want to know? Why is it so important to you?”

  “Because I’m your friend and I’m curious.” Gavin shouted back.

  “You know what? Fuck you.” Michael spat. “If it means so fucking much to you, then no, I don’t have a fucking penis –“ Gavin opened his mouth, eyes widening, but Michael held up a hand. “-And I didn’t lose it in some fucked up accident. I wasn’t born with one.” The anger left Michael the second the confession left his lips, a sense of dread started to buzz instead as he waited for Gavin’s reaction.

  Gavin looked shell shock to say the least and Michael felt uncomfortable again when Gavin raked his eyes up and down Michael’s body as if he was an illusion.  

  He closed his mouth again, opened it, and then closed it once more, before looking at Michael as if he was a stranger.

  “You’re a girl?” Gavin asked.

  Michael cringed lightly and shook his head. “I was born with female genitalia, but I’m not a girl.”

Gavin tilted his head in confusion. “So a hermaphrodite?”

“No! No, Gavin.” Michael pinched the bridge of his nose. “You fucking dumbass. I was born into the wrong gender. I may have been born a girl, but I identify as a guy. I am a guy.”

  “You’re a transsexual.” Gavin concluded.

  It was silent for a few second; Michael shuffled his feet awkwardly, before nodding.

  Gavin let out a small ‘oh’ and looked away.

  After a few more seconds, Michael opened his mouth to break the silence when Gavin spoke. “Well, I should get going.” He jutted a thumb behind him while avoiding eye contact with Michael. “I’ve got homework and s-stuff.”

  Michael nodded stiffly. “Yeah, sure.”

  Gavin mimicked Michael’s head nod, then hesitated as if he was going to speak, before clamping down and leaving.

  Michael stared at his feet, listening to Gavin’s fleeting footfalls until they disappeared completely, before silently picking up his own bag. He trudged out of the office and down the hall; shoulders slumped by a weight much heavier than the bag currently slung over his shoulder.

  -

  “So I said to Michael; ‘don’t worry about it! Gavin may be slow, but he’ll get there and everything will work out.’” Jack nodded along as Ray continued to talk during the marathon of songs he just started to end his part of the evening segment.

“Of course,” Ray added, frowning. “Michael didn’t look like he believed me. I guess it’s hard to when Gavin’s been awkward around Michael for the past week.”

  He looked towards Jack who was fiddling with his microphone with an anxious look, Ray pointed at the thing. “Giving you problems?”

Jack seemed to hesitate, then shook his head.

  “Right.” Ray responded and chalked it down to nerves. He looked away and checked the clock on the wall. Beside him, he could hear Jack shuffle again. This isn’t the first time Jack has gone quiet on him since he started covering Ryan’s segment a week ago. Really, Ray had shrugged it off as a quirk of personality but, he glanced at Jack again who caught his gaze and seemed to shrink slightly, he couldn’t help but feel a tug that something was off.

  The marathon of songs finished its transition as the evening radio shifted into its last segment: Jack. The red light blinked on and Ray leaned away from his own, now off, microphone to watch Jack. Ray raised an eyebrow when Jack said nothing. Ray gestured to the loose script in front of Jack, but the other didn’t even seem to register it.

  Instead, Jack opened and closed his mouth several times before giving a pained expression back at Ray. Ray hesitated, unsure what to do, before quickly leaning forward into Jack’s space to speak into the microphone.

  “Uh, welcome back to the Evening segment of Roosterteeth’s radio station, A.H.613. For those listening, I’m sure you’re surprised to still hearing me speaking. Consider it a Christmas bonus.” He cleared his throat and wheeled his chair closer to the mic as Jack moved away. He grabbed Jack’s notes and quickly read the underlined bullet.

  “Thanks to all those that have donated to the Fruitful Florist charity again. As a reminder, the GSA club is hosting a Secret Santa tomorrow afternoon at 4pm in the Pillard building, room 214. Sounds like lots of fun, count me in.” He forced a chuckle and hoped that the mic wasn’t picking up the crinkle of the paper notes.

  “More news to come, stay tuned. If you want to hear a special song, whether it reminds you of your first love or just the perfect groove for an all-night study session, tweet our station #RTS and then your song. For now, enjoy the always popular “Your Man” By Josh Turner.”

  The red light turned off as the song started before Ray turned to Jack.

“What the hell happened there?” He gestured to the microphone, slightly annoyed at what had transpired. “Did you swallow your tongue?”

  Jack stared apologetically back while shaking his head much like a reprimanded child. After a moment, he looked away, already wrapped arms squeezing tighter around his chest. Ray felt the annoyance disappear; something was wrong.

  He reached forward and Jack shrunk back, his eyes snapping towards Ray with a guilty expression that made Ray feel horrible.

  He softened his voice, leaning away from Jack. “Hey, it’s okay.” He tried smiling gently. “Shit happens. It’s not your fault, it happens. Don’t worry about it, okay?” Ray wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but he just continued to smile gently at Jack until he was sure the older man wasn’t about to disappear into himself.

  The song was nearing the end soon and, even though Ray had an early class tomorrow, he couldn’t leave Jack like this. “Don’t worry.” He repeated softly. “I’ll take care of it. I’ve got you.”

  Jack nodded, smiling weakly back, just as the song strummed out its final chords.

  With a slow exhale and a quick scan through Jack’s notes, the red light flickered on and Ray launched back into radio host mode.

  -

  “So you’re selectively mute?”

Jack nodded anxiously as Ray mulled over the written message. He hadn’t really heard about this before but, he glanced back up at Jack, it was clear it existed. He shrugged and gave an easy smile. “Okay then. Does this happen often?” He gestured to the empty space between them and Jack nodded.

  They hadn’t had much time to talk about what happened last night. With Jack unable to talk, Ray had taken over the entire segment and Jack had left early. When Ray had stumbled back to his co-ed building, he couldn’t help but think as to what would cause such an attack. He didn’t really have any classes with gent and he seemed cheerful prior to the recording, he even uttered a few words, despite being relatively quiet. But, really, Jack was usually pretty quiet outside of recordings or, at least, he has been since finals week was a few days away.

  Ray tapped the office desk in thought. “Do you think its finals anxiety?”

Jack shrugged.

  “Well, whatever it is, just tap me on the shoulder or – Oh, Dude!” Ray bounced up excitedly, gesturing to Jack. “We can make some hand signal for when you need me or Geoff to take over for you!” He hummed loudly then pointed at Jack’s beard. “You could, like, rub it or shit. Maybe twirl the ends as a signal.”

  Jack gave Ray small smile, shoulders shaking in silent chuckles. Jack shook his head.

  “Okay fine, then why don’t you just set the ends on fire and be like that one crazy pirate – blackbeard, right?” Ray grinned at Jack’s scandalous face, then cracked into a small fit of laughter when the gent pretended to cradle his beard.

  “It would look awesome as hell and you know it.”

  “What would?” Ray glanced back as Geoff entered into the waiting office.

Ray gestured to Jack with a wide grin. “Setting the ends of Jack’s beard on fire to signal when he’s gone mute.”

  “Oh!” Geoff grinned. “Yeah, that does sound pretty awesome to see.” As if to make a point, Geoff fished out a dingy lighter from the back of his jean pocket. “We should test it out.”

  There was a scrape of chair on carpet as Jack quickly stood up and fervently shook his head.

  Geoff burst out laughing. “Okay, okay. Calm down. I’m joking.” He wheezed out between his laughs. “God, you should see the look on your face…”

  Ray’s laughter trailed off. “Just checking, but you already knew about the selective muteness thing, didn’t you?” He pointed at Geoff and waited for his co-host’s chuckles to die down. Geoff nodded.

  “And you didn’t think to tell me?” Ray asked incredulously.

Geoff shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”

  “Bullshit.” Ray muttered.

  Jack gently patted the lad’s shoulder to which Ray smiled up, Geoff snorted. “Didn’t realize I walked into a love fest.” Before Ray could respond to that, Geoff continued on. “So, I think I might have solved the Gavin and Michael issue.”

  Jack raised an eyebrow while Ray scrunched his eyebrows together.

  “Dude, how?”

  Geoff casually leaned against the table, idly checking his nails. “Well, let’s just say that Gavin and I had ourselves a lovely chat today.” He shrugged and dropped his hand, looking up at Ray and Jack, grinning. “You saps can thank me later and call me god now.”

  Jack rolled his eyes while Ray shook his head fondly.

  “Stop being fucking vague and lay on the gossip, we know you’re dying to tell us.” Geoff pouted, before eagerly sitting down across from Ray and launching into his story.

  “So it started during band practice…”

  -

  “I swear to god Gavin if you do that one more time I’m going to stick this tuba so far up your ass they’ll have to surgically remove it!”

  As if to make good on his promise, Geoff took a sinister step closer to Gavin with his tuba poised for attack. Gavin let out a small squawk, practically falling backwards when Geoff took another step forward.

  Gavin raised his hands up in surrender. “Sheesh, you don’t have to be all miffed, I’m just trying to help. See if I help you when you’re girlfriend yells at you again.”

  When it was clear that Geoff was not going to stick a tuba up his ass, he walked beside the gent again. “But seriously Geoff, if you just let me put some bubble sauce into the tuba and let me film it in slow-motion, it’d be right cool.”

  Geoff raised an eyebrow. “Bubble sauce?”

Gavin made a face. “What?”

  “The fuck is a bubble sauce, am I mixing this with pasta. Make some Fettuccine alfreddo with a subtle hint of bubble sauce? Forget oregano, bubble sauce will literally blow you away.”

  Gavin squeaked loudly, every so often with giggles forming in between.

Geoff continued undeterred.

  “Fucking bubble sauce – is that what they call it in England?”

  Gavin shook his head. “I forgot. What’s it bloody called again? Bubble juice?”

  Geoff let out a sharp laugh. “God, that sounds even worse!”

  Gavin giggled madly. “Would you like some bubble juice for you bubble fettuccine alfreddo?”

  The two descended into further giggles.

  “But really, what’s that called again.”

  Geoff thought and then shook his head. “I actually don’t know. Never really thought about it.”

  Geoff blinked and checked his watch before looking over at Gavin. “Aren’t you supposed to be at the radio station, you know, hosting?”

  Gavin looked sheepish and snapped his gaze down to fiddle with his camera. “Well,” he turned the camera over. “I figure I’d take a day off and just work on some last touches for my final project in film.”

  “But you haven’t done jack shit other than distract me from practicing.”

  Gavin’s sheepish look didn’t disappear, but he did look back up at Geoff. “Well, you haven’t started practicing so I haven’t been able to film till you do.” He pointed out. Geoff gave him a long skeptical look.

  “This is about Michael, isn’t it?”

  Gavin gave him a guilty look and went back to fiddling with his camera. Geoff let out a drawn sigh and stopped walking. After a second hesitation, he set the tuba down. Gavin paused too and shuffled his feet.

  “It isn’t about Michael,” Gavin started to protest, but was interrupted when Geoff let out an undignified snort.

  “Bullshit.” He crossed his arms, and then repeated himself for good measure. “Bullshit.” He pointed at Gavin. “You’re lying to yourself.”

  Gavin let out a small whine. “I am not.” He said half-heartedly.

  Geoff didn’t deign himself to continue arguing the obvious. He continued on instead. “You guys need to talk.” Gavin started to open his mouth to argue, but immediately closed it at Geoff’s dark look. “It’s been a week and you’ve dicked around long enough. Avoiding the situation is only making things worse.”

  “But Michael’s angry at me!” Gavin snapped. “I’m sorry, but it’s all strange to me and it’s like she expects me to accept it immediately and I-”

  “He.” Geoff interrupted.

  “Michael doesn’t have a dick, she’s-“

  “Fucking he, did I stutter?” Geoff reiterated. “For once, don’t be an asshole about this.”

  “I’m not!” Gavin whined, then let out a groan. “Fine, he. He expects me to be cool with all of this, and that’s fine that she-he” He quickly rephrased at Geoff’s pointed glare. “-he doesn’t have a penis, but it’s still a lot to take in.”

  Geoff let out an exasperated groan. “Michael isn’t angry at you, maybe frustrated, he’s probably fucking terrified.”

Gavin shook his head. “No, Michael yelled at me and sh-he’s been dismissive.”

  “Probably because you’ve been avoiding him.”

  Gavin couldn’t argue that.

  Geoff let out a sigh and rubbed a gloved hand through his hair. “Look, are you going to let a matter of dicks end your friendship?”

  Gavin quickly shook his head. “I wouldn’t, but he could have told me earlier.”

  “Dude, I doubt he was even comfortable to tell you in the first place.” He shook his head. “Actually pretty shitty of you to pressure him like that.”

  Gavin snorted. “What? Like he’d actually tell me. I doubt s-he went up to you and just admitted it.”

  “Actually,” Geoff drawled. “He had to because of the medical report. You guys forget I’m actually in charge of our achievement hunter division.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  Gavin shuffled his feet again. “Well, it’s not like I even get the time to talk with him. He doesn’t wait up for me anymore after his morning segment is over.”

  Geoff rolled his eyes. “Just get your ass up earlier and meet up with him before he leaves. Figure out a better time to talk.”

  Gavin didn’t look completely convinced.

Geoff’s expression softened somewhat. “Look, has Michael radically changed in personality?”

  Gavin shook his head.

  “Has his convictions and beliefs turned a 360?”

  Again, Gavin shook his head.

  “Is he suddenly wearing clothes he’d never wear?”

“No,” Gavin said. “He hasn’t really changed other than us not talking.”

  “There you go then.” Geoff surmised.

  Gavin tilted his head. “Wait, what are you on about.”

  “Really Gavin.” Geoff deadpanned. He let out another sigh and, really, sometimes he felt like he was handling a toddler. “Michael hasn’t changed, dick or not. He’s the same guy you knew before.” Geoff spelled out. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but in this context, dicks don’t really matter here.”

  Geoff grabbed his tuba and repositioned the instrument. “I think you’ll realize once you get over yourself that dicks don’t matter.” He paused. “Well, mine does. But that’s because it’s huge.” He added with a grin.

  “Oh no,” Gavin said. “Dicks don’t matter. Yours means jack now.”

Geoff scrounged up his face in disgust. “God, don’t put my dick and Jack’s name in the same sentence, that’s just wrong.”

  Gavin let out a laugh, which was quickly swallowed by a ‘umph’ when Geoff smacked his stomach. Geoff laughed heartedly.

  “Now,” He said loudly over his shoulder while continuing to walk ahead. “grow a pair and sort out your issues before I fire your ass.”

  -

  Michael had just finished packing and was just about to leave when Gavin showed up. He tensed up when Gavin walked towards him, a slight nervous expression despite the overall attempt of confidence.

Michael paused at the doorway and shifted uncomfortably when Gavin stopped in front of him.

“Hey,” Gavin said, automatically rubbing his arm.

  “What do you want?” Michael didn’t want to play around, it had been a long week and he was tired of all the shit dredged up.

  Gavin shifted. “Um, if you can, meet me later at my dorm.” He held out his dorm number hastily written on ripped strip of loose-leaf paper. “I want to talk and I’m sorry for being a right donut this week.” He gulped. “What do you say?”

  Michael stared at him, then took the paper and let a hopeful smile cross his face. “Yeah, I’d like to talk too.” He paused and then playfully tacked on. “You donut.”

  Gavin smiled. “Awesome. I’ll sneak in some bevs.” He went to go turn away, but stopped and shifted so he was facing Michael again. “Hey Michael?”

  “Yeah Gav?” Michael asked.