#thefirstencounter

Okay so I figured I would join in on the Destcember that’s sweeping the Destiny nation xD so here is my addition:

Wake up. The voice calls from off in the distance, drifting through the subconscious like smoke on the wind. The tone is worried, panicked even as it gets louder.

I need you to wake up now. It beckons again, but all that exists is blackness. Then the tremors begin, coming from non-existence into almost seizure like shaking. The blackness fades, allowing light to pierce through until the world shifts into focus. It’s blurry at first, colors running together and shadows dancing, before clarity emerges and her eyes settle on a single object.

“Ah you’re finally awake.” The small machine speaks matter of fact and though it has no face, she can picture it smirking.

“I was asleep?” Her voice cracks.

“Technically you were dead. I resurrected you.” He would definitely be smiling if he had a face, she decides.

“Why did you resurrect me?” She stands and winces at the stiffness of her body. Every bone cracked, every muscle ached and getting to her feet proved to be more difficult that she had first thought.

“Because I’m a ghost, it’s what I do. I’ve been searching for you for a long time now. I had almost given up hope.” His tone drops but it’s a machine so she is confused as to how it can feel emotion.

“What’s a ghost?” She raises a brow and works out the kinks of her body as it speaks.

“I’m a ghost.” It sounds almost insulted, “I exist for the sole purpose of bringing you back to life when you die.”

She stares blankly at it for a moment—not sure if what she is hearing is a dream or not— before she nods absently.

“So do you have a name?” The ‘ghost’ floats closer, getting a little too close for comfort and she leans back out of instinct. As if understanding her reactions the small machine backs up slight and she watches as the little—protrusions she will call them— swivel around.

“My name is Sarah.” Her tone is cautious; her form stiff as the ghost circles her before expanding and her body is washed in a warmth she has not felt before. Her once tattered clothes mend and her aches dissipate, leaving her feeling refreshed and awake if she had to put a word to it. Whatever this ghost did, made her feel whole again.

“Eyes up guardian, this is going to be a long journey but we’re in it together now.” She can picture a smile in her head and can’t help but smile herself.

It was a cold February night. While the winter had not dumped even a fraction of the snow we saw the year before, I found myself driving on roads quickly being covered in snow and ice for something I never thought I wanted. Time Rewind: My boyfriend and I had opened our relationship on the heels of me having cheated on him. Most in his situation would never think of staying let alone stay and allow outside sex to keep happening. This is something I will elaborate on later, but I knew after I had slept with this stranger that I wanted nobody but my boyfriend. I sobbed and expected the worst as I told him. I was headed back to a place where my life began. A place where I became who I was. I lost a sister. I gained a brother. I lived the constant cycle of friends who come in and out of your life during the college years. I made some of the better decisions in my life here. I parked my car and reluctantly stepped out. I trudged through the snow and ice in a parking lot that looked like it easily could be turned into a lake if this were all to melt quickly. It was already pooling at my feet, it had been a warmer week overall. I had looked at living in this exact complex previously, I remember I thought it was sterile and uninviting. I am not sure what I was expecting.

I turned the corner and there it was. My past looking me right in the eye. Had my legs not been as heavy as concrete-filled burlap sacks I would have run as fast as I could to get out of there. My feet were frozen and most likely it was because my heart had just dropped to them. I took of my fleece-lined hoodie and set it on top of the bag I had carefully packed as I ran out the door. I cracked my beer and sat on the couch. As I began to relax I started to feel an overwhelming wave of guilt. Why was I guilty? This was all ok. My boyfriend knew where I was, what my intentions were, and who I was with. We awkwardly moved to his room but I found myself focusing on anything but the moment. He also did not seem as comfortable as I had imagined he would be for someone who most likely did this much more often than I. Side note: I was searching for an individual older than I; bigger, beefier, with a great beard, a dominant attitude, and someone ready to do the deed and move on. If you haven’t figured it out - that is not what I found. With every touch we both continually consented to what was happening. I was nervous and figured it emanated off of me. I wanted this, why couldn’t I make this happen? I ran out of time. I could have stayed. I should have stayed. A month and a half later I know a few things. 1) I am completely unaware of myself and who I really am. 2) I relive this experience daily. This may be the one and only post about him, so what are my primary goals of this blog?