#thecaschronicles

Actually for a little bit there he totally hated them. Like so fucking much you couldn't even begin to understand.  C'mon! His mom was dead, or worse, a demon, and he was getting his ass handed to him on a daily bases from what ever hell fried flavor of the month decided it was their turn at bat.  So yeah, hatred, Kevin had it.  But thanks to Sam and Dean Kevin also had a family again.  Okay, so it was kind of Sam and Dean's fault that Kevin had lost his original family, but hey, it was also God's fault too, so really what can ya do?  They didn't leave him behind, that was the important part. They could've dropped him the second Sam decided not to close the gates. They could have kicked him out of the bunker and said "figure it out kid", but they didn't.  Because they were a family now.  Kevin figured he was pretty much an honorary Winchester now, and he didn't even have to die or go to Hell to be one!  It was this sense of family, the sense of brothers in arms, that made Kevin stand tall next to Sam Winchester as he confronted his older brother.  Kevin and Sam had a plan. It was an awesome. A plan that involved graphs and pie charts and even, in one desperate idea, actual pie.  They were going to broach the subject in a timely and sensitive manner that would allow their emotionally stunted brother to open up in a speedy, but heathy way.  It was a simple and swift 35 day process that they had perfectly calculated in the secrecy of the night when both of them (and Crowley the bastard) had consumed a few too many cups of coffee. They would start with casual mentions and build up to talking about their own personal feelings. They'd leave hints and ideas around the bunker where they'd be sure Dean would find them.  It was the perfect plan.  Imagine the look on their faces when their ragged hero broke down into a worried mess at breakfast on only the 3rd day of Operation: Give Dean Feels.  "Sammy, Kev, I'm going outta my mind worrying about Cas," Dean croaked over his cup of coffee, his eyes obviously red from crying.  Okay Kevin so did not see that one coming.  "Dean-" Sam started, completely and utterly in shock. He looked over to Kevin, his eyes wide with panic. This was- this went against all of their calculations! Dean was supposed to be emotionally stunted for at least 32 more days before he broke down into a sobbing mess in his little brothers waiting arms. Sam was sure he was finally going to be the one with his head on straight, the emotionally and mentally stable one there to offer a shoulder to cry on, and Kevin was going to be there for moral and emotional support. 

He was once a righteous manifestation made of  love and grace, and now within a span of what seemed like moments he was a little more than human and a little less than dead.

Castiel was overwhelmed with the fact that he was now a human, a member of the race he fought so hard o protect.

For the first time in millennia, Castiel, former Angel of the Lord, felt.

No, Castiel had never been an unemotional robot, like one certain hunter had always made him out to be, but he had never felt the intensity of emotion without another human soul to cushion the blow. 

Before when he would feel, it would be muted, like someone shouting to him underwater. It was there, but it wasn’t clear.

Now the only soul that was within this vessel was his own.

Now there was nothing left to protect him from the raw power of humanity.

Castiel was tired, he was hungry, and he was human.

But above all else, Castiel was scared.

The very fact that he felt the emotion so intensely that he could actually give it a name rocked Castiel to his very core.

There was nothing there for him to lean on, to listen to. There were no angels filtering in and out of his mind, telling him what the host was doing, what was happening all over the world.

There were no prayers for Dean fluttering around in his head, reminding him that someone out there still believed in him.

So typically Dean.

Honestly, Sam really thought the whole “End of the World” thing would help his brother get his head on straight (er, correctly) but no dice. Dean remains an idiot, Cas remains oblivious – and missing- and Sam remains the only person in this entire scenario that has any idea what’s going on.

Sometimes being the smart Winchester is really difficult.

Forget the freaking apocalypse, or (almost) closing the gates of Hell, Sam Winchester deserves a metal of honor for putting up with his brother's pathetic pining for as long as he has.

Sam isn't a total dick. Only like a little bit of a dick. Right now Sam would probably say he's like 1/4 of a dick. But that's because his brother has the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. so really, can you blame him?

Sam gets that Dean is scared. Angry, even. Like, he was there; he saw the angels torpedoing towards earth. On fire. All at once.

Sam still wasn't completely over that.

Sam understands that Dean is worried about Cas (on top of being worried about Sam, because Sam knows he was one spell away from being a self sacrificed shish kabob, he was there). Sam is worried. Cas is Sam's friend, and they haven’t heard anything from him since the night he tried to close Heaven. Of course Sam is worried.

What Sam can't stand is the fact that Dean is an idiot and can't understand why he's so worried about his angel.

Sam isn't an invalid, no matter how much Dean tries to baby him, and he certainly isn't deaf. He can hear the broken words and the desperate prayers coming from Dean's room almost every night. He knows his brother is hurting, and he knows his brother is in love.

His brother on the other hand? He has no fucking clue.

"He's our brothers-in-arm, man! Of course I'm worried about him," Dean had said (complete with eye roll) when Sam had tried to broach the topic one morning.

Exhibit A that Dean is - Sam needs another word for - an idiot.

"Instead of complaining about it, and I'm just spit balling here, why don't you, I don't know, do something about it?" Kevin (sassy pants of The Lord) had told Sam one night as the younger Winchester discussed his brother's short coming.

"He does have a point, Moose," Crowley piped in from his post, which was sprawled out on Sam's bed.

Crowley may have become 99.9% human, but he still had a demonic streak a mild wide that usually manifested by him putting hot sauce in the ketchup and siding with Kevin during arguments.

Not that Sam was bitter or anything.

"Oh yeah totally! Let me just lock them in a room together to battle it out, be it by muscle or mouth. Oh wait! I forgot. One half of the most oblivious couple in the history if the world, and I mean that literally, is more than likely, newly human, may not remember his love interest at all, and is missing! Bravo, good plan!" Sam groaned, flopping next to Crowley on his bed.

That was still mega weird, and Sam isn’t sure if he will ever really get used to it. But Crowley was mostly human now, thanks to Sam, and when he wasn't being a complete douche nozzle (Kevin's description), he was actually kind of helpful.

Not that Sam would ever tell him that.

"Now now, Moose. There's no need to get your panties in a twist. You've apparently already got the first step of your plan all figured out," Crowley explained, patting at Sam's hair in a semi-affectionate way.

"Oh, really?" Sam muttered into his pillow of solitude.

"Yes, my most sarcastic Simba. You just said it. Before either of those imbeciles can confess their undying love to one another, both halves of the epic ship Destiel have to under the same roof at least," Crowley sighed dramatically.

"Okay. Three things. Number one? You're not allowed on the Internet anymore. Number two? You're not allowed to talk to Becky anymore either," Sam whined, peeking an eye out of his pillow to glare at the former King of Hell.

"And the third, Moose?"

"You may actually be on to something," Sam sighed.

"I'd wager I am, darling."

"Don't call me that!"

"Alright! Enough!" Kevin hollered, effectively cutting off the battle of "yes huh" "nuh uh" that was about to begin, "Has the majority decided that it's time to take matter into out own hands? Those in favor say aye!"

"Aye."

"Aye, love."

"Then I hereby announce, in accordance with the Men of UST, that Operation: Trench Coat and Bow Legs is now in effect!" Kevin slammed his fist down on the wooden desk to finalize his ruling.

"What the actual fuck is UST?" Sam asked, lifting his eyebrows in what he hoped was an inquisitive yet accusing manner.

"Unresolved sexual tension," both Crowley and Kevin parroted back, smiling.

Okay, so maybe every once in a while some sort of … feelings… would sneak up on him and hit him square in the back of the head, and Dean, being Dean, wouldn’t actually know what to do with them, other than to ignore them.

That was the strange thing about emotions. Some times, they demanded to be felt.

Dean Winchester wasn’t one for emotional crises, and he certainly wasn’t one for falling in love.  That just didn’t sit well just didn’t sit well with him.

He’d tried the whole romance thing in the past. With Cassie and then with Lisa, and both of those situations went to Hell in a hand basket pretty damn quickly.

Love wasn’t something Dean Winchester did.

At least, that was what he had come to believe.

He’d done a real good job of believing it too. It wasn’t hard to ignore the gaping hole in his chest, and when it would not be ignored, he’d become a pro at filling it with booze and nameless women.

Dean had a knack for artificially filling the space in his heart. He always had been, since the moment the fire that took his mother, his childhood, burned it into him.

Dean was good at either ignoring or subduing the feelings that grew and festered within him, wailing and screaming to be let out.

Dean was good at hiding his true soul from the light, his true wants from the open. He always had been.

 He always had been.

He always had been, until he happened upon the one thing, the one being, so real and so powerful that they demanded, with all the power of the universe to see and be seen.

 Dean had always been good at repressing his soul, keeping his heart from what it wanted. What it needed.