I am at a place In my life where my peace and happiness are the top priority #thebigchange #lets_make_music best year #composer #halawanymusic #love https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp1pVqkBA6n/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14b1fag1ywy9z

#achilles8 #thebigchange #online #aparal The change of consciousness is always upon us. We are excited about our brand of consciousness driven design at www.achilles8.org (at Dundee)

The progress #hatanokokoro #thefirststep #thebigchange #theprogress #touhou #touhouproject #touhoufanart #touhougirl #zun #moe

It has been 166 days since I talked about my life... A lot have happened since then. Some were great. Some were like nightmares. Currently, I guess I am doing better. A little stressed. Still anxious as to what the future has in store for me. And I am facing it like a responsible adult... It has been almost 2 months and 3 weeks since I started my first job. I had so many ups and downs. The entire preceptorship period felt like it wasn't enough for me. Three night shifts on my own, and I am already causing ruckus. My head is about to explode from stress. My heart is thumping like crazy from nervousness. My whole body is in pain from being tired at work. Three nights on my own and it felt like forever already. I know I still have a lot to learn. And quite frankly, I'm learning every night. Nothing can compare to how much I learn from experience. The stress is crazy but I think it is also making me think twice to make sure I am doing the right thing. I am scared all the time. Shaking as if I have done something unacceptable. But once I'm there in their room, the person is smiling back at me and is a walkie-takie; I can finally breathe a sigh of relief (tho only for a sec). The 12-hr shift is too long to for me to be and feel comfortable. Not until I clock out and walk out of the facility will I feel I survived a ticking time bomb. As of this moment, I can feel my heart beating so fast. I have work tomorrow. On my own of course. And it is giving me the chills that it feels like I am not yet ready. I know I somehow know something. They kept saying I'm doing good on my own. They kept saying they'll give me a hand along the way and thankfully each of them have been so nice and patient to me. But it still bothers me. I feel so incompetent. Am I the only one who doesn't believe to myself? Are they making fun of me? Or maybe I really do have "it", I just can't seem to recognize it yet. When will it kick in? The change in my life is happening so fast. Sometimes i feel like i dont deserve it yet i am so thankful for all the blessings i am receiving. This is a big change not only in my life but in my family's lives as well. I just pray that the day I will feel confident will come soon so I can really make them proud. I want to make them happy and contented. I already started making myself happy and rewarding the challenges I have been through since I started working on this path in life. But most importantly, I want to share my blessings to my family so i can always see those smiles on their faces. I will work harder to make them happy and give them a comfortable life. The big change is already here... Little by little, with lots of efforts and baby steps I will make it happen. I promise.