It’s not the kind of nightmare he wakes up from with a start, or a cold sweat, or tears, or a yell. Those, he’s used to, accepts them as a regular, if unsettling, side effect of his job and life.

This is different.

This is worse.

This is the kind that’s settled so deep in his bones and gut when he wakes up, that he’s sure, for a few seconds after, that it’s true. That when the sun comes up, he’ll have to go into work and grin and congratulate Steve and tease Cath and in a few months he’ll have to stand up there as best man and smile like he’s not cracking apart, piece by piece.

It’s the kind that feels so real, he’s off-kilter when he wakes up, wondering how that could all be true, but certain it is.

Making him turn to the warm weight next to him. Slide a hand, followed by the rest of his arm, across Steve’s stomach, and tug himself closer. Mouth and nose against the side of Steve’s neck, until he can breathe again.

Matt looks at the text on his phone and almost ignores it, figuring it’s none of his business after all. Then he remembers that Danny is out of town, and that he’d kill him if he heard he left Steve alone while he was hopefully drunk off his ass and not getting kidnapped by norwegian ninjas or something worse.

[text: Danny’s seal] kudos. that’s great! 

06: How do you want to die? Definitely not by starvation, Nahele knows that. He’s been familiar with the way the hunger gnaws at you until it’s all you can think about, until you would literally do anything to get food. Like say, steal a car and strip it for parts. And even then Nahele was acutely aware that, even though it felt like it, he wasn’t even close to actual starvation. So Nahele may not be sure how he wants to die, but he definitely knows how he DOESNT want to.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

No. It wouldn’t erase all the hurt, all the pain he’d had to deal with. Those were the cards that he had been dealt in life. Nothing could change that. But now, now Nahele has an ohana. Or he’s starting too at least. He’s got Steve and that means he’s got the whole 5-0 Ohana by proxy. Things are better now; brighter. The past hasn’t been erased, but the future is finally starting to look pretty damn good.

33: Do you have trust issues?

“No of course not.” That rolls off Nahele’s tongue too fast, too harsh and they both know it’s not true. Nahele sighs; looks away. “Yeah, I don’t know, maybe. I just….I didn’t have such a good childhood, you know. My dad….well he wasn’t who he was supposed to be.”

(Oh god does Nahele ever have trust issues. He has them a mile long and doesn’t let anyone in. Ever. Even Steve is still relatively on the outside.)

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

“I’m not sure what that means… Is he supposed to get boys to love him now?” She asks the man in front of her, with a quirk of her eyebrow.

Let me do you, then! @thebesteverseen

It’s hard to say if he wakes up just before his phone goes off, or just after – all he knows is, all of a sudden, he’s blinking awake with eyes that feel like sandpaper, eyelids trying to stick together with sleep.

But there’s no question about letting it ring through, or silencing it: too many years of too many late- and middle-of-the-night emergencies send his hand fumbling in the dark towards that lit rectangle.

Grinding the heel of his hand into one eye, and catching a bleary look at the caller ID, before thumbing ACCEPT. “Steve?”

Voice drowsy, feeling three registers lower than usual. “It’s four in the morning.”