#thebachbook

HEALING THE UNLOVED CHILD WITHIN YOU

For some people with body image issues, it’s scary to imagine someone out there not just approving of our body, but also getting turned on by it. It’s scary to imagine that there’s somebody in this world who will value our personality, our presence, our sexiest thoughts, and our deepest dreams in such a way that, no matter the changes our body goes through, they will always find us attractive.

What scares us most isn’t being seen as ugly. What scares us most is the idea of being truly seen at all. At some moment in our lives as intensely self-aware people, we believed a negative thought about ourselves and, consciously or not, we began to shut down. We built a psychological context based entirely on masking who we really are, on hiding, on defending against other people learning what we had thought was the shameful truth about us.

Because we were clever, we succeeded at this. Because we were unwise, we found ourselves alone, having become a virtual fortress of defense mechanisms.

All things are lessons that the Universe would have you learn. This situation, like any other, is a divine assignment laid before you, part of your particular curriculum of Love.

Summon the courage to make yourself vulnerable, so that you can live through the wild, strange experience of openness and come out on the other side, having realized that your defenses did not keep you from danger, but from love.

There you will be, standing naked and defenseless across from him, and you will be thrillingly uncertain. For a moment, you’ll wonder, “Does he like my body?”

But it won’t matter: you are one of the few who have taken off your mask and you will feel free, and if he is also free he will say, “Come here.”

Love,

1. “It’s not going to happen to me” is bullshit.

Our generation sees HIV as a far away, irrelevant issue. I made the mistake of thinking it wasn’t a problem that would affect me. We should be thinking, “It could happen to anyone.”

2. When it comes to talking about being HIV+, the truth has almost always set me free. That applies to disclosing to my friends and family and getting overwhelming support, to being open about my status when dating. The quicker and more open you are, the more respect you receive.

3. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  There are some people who just won’t understand.

4. No one is to blame. Wasting time and energy blaming other people or yourself for getting positive brings you nowhere. Shit happens. Accept it and live above it. But allow yourself some moments of sadness.

5. Speaking of divas, Beyoncé was all like … when I went undetectable.

6. Wear condoms! Reduce the risk of transmission between partners. Take medication, and you can almost remove the risk completely. HIV isn’t a free ticket for risky and unhealthy behavior. There’s way more nasty stuff out there!

7. Stereotypes are wrong. And dangerous.

8. Positive can be positive. Becoming HIV+ gave me the opportunity to re-think and re-boot my entire life, making me a better and stronger person. I let my mistakes guide me forward, not define me or hold me back.

NEW VIDEO:

#StephenSoulTalks with thebachbook