2014.04Apr.04, 22:52

it was a crazy day at the clinic. a few flashes run through my mind. feel like my little room is a special place, where the play of human suffering and redemption is played 7am until 7pm. i decided to narrate these encounters to help process these dense stories. an act on a play, everyday.

then this 55 yr old illiterate, obese woman arrived at the clinic with her 30yr old mentally impaired daughter. she comes to complain of left knee pain, hypertension, and for a check-up on her special daughter. bringing them to the appointment is a 38yr old psychologist from the shelter, friendly and competent.

„ as they enter the room, a fishy smell takes the air. i have to turn the fan on; noticed that the psychologist is repulsed. but come on Jack, straightface! soon after i begin the medical interview, interrupted frequently by her demands for an ultrasound and a few pills, she mentions that exactly one year AFTER her last menstrual period, about 12 years ago, the bleeding came back and remained since then.

i shiver and ask if there were any discharge as of late, to what she confirms. am forced to remind her that she sleeps in a closed room with 15-20 other women and children, which was not at all compassionate. she seems clueless. the psychologist intercedes, saying that there had been complaints about “it” by others. there was talk of lynching her. she takes the hint but seems surprised. it is incredible how our scent is not acumen in detecting itself, evolution’s only big mistake.

kept hearing. trying to keep my cool. lower back hurts, been sitting here for five straight hours. move on my chair and change the topic of the interview, asking about her daughter: she replies saying the girl is a thirty-year-old|eight-year-old child, that other doctors had mentioned she would never mentally advance beyond this point. she also tells me her dad died of a “bone eating disease”, leaving widow and daughter to live in the homeless shelter system.

then it hit me that she only had her mom to take care of her, and this woman had a 50.4 kg/m2 BMI. fucking insane. to get an idea, healthy means between 18-25 kg/m2, overweight until 30 kg/m2, obese over 30 kg/m2 and finally morbidly obese above 40 kg/m2. yeah she was fucking fifty. i try to measure her blood pressure on her left arm, but my cuff was not large enough to fit and broke open. she weighted over 275 pounds, had hypertension, bad circulation, osteoarthrosis and an awful cardiovascular risk. nuts to know she could die with a fulminant heart attack at any moment, leaving her special daughter to chance. had to have a serious conversation with her: about the need to take better care of herself so she can be there for her daughter. for as long as she can - it is a rough world. and you have a vaginal infection that needs to be resolved [apply metronidazol intravaginally and leave it during 7 nights]. here are some exams so we can get started taking better care of you. but i can’t do this alone, you will have to take care of your own body by yourself again! that post-menopausal bleeding is concerning and needs to be looked by a professional gynecologist; [don’t wanna go] then do it for your daughter, not for you. ok?

she needs you to make it €

from now on, let’s turn this around; ok? you are not alone, contact me if you need anything.

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drips, water.drips.drips. echoes rock;; damn, i am still on this fucking cave. don’t know if it is day or night, and the only light comes from this dim ass flashlight. i was diving, underwater cave exploration, when i lost my lifeline and floated through channels and chambers until my cilinder was barely out. found some dry land today, but definitely i’m deeper in the cave.