#the sidbot

Jonny doesn't know why his parents have such a huge giant boner for Crosby, he really doesn't. Maybe it's just because they know Kaner, and Kaner makes everyone else in the universe look good by comparison, who knows. But whenever he calls them it's all 'Have you spoken to Sidney lately? Have you seen Sidney's stats? Did you read this interview Sidney gave, it's very mature, he seems like such a put together kind of kid, you know?" Not like Patrick, is left unsaid. Sidney would be such a good influence. Sidney would make a great best friend.

Which is dumb, because his folks adore Kaner, they really do. And Kaner knows it, and milks it, and makes Jonny want to punch things sometimes. But Kaner's the devil on Jonny's shoulder, even if he's an adorable one. (He's so adorable, Jonny, you really have to drag him out of those bars and over for dinner one night). They think Jonny needs an angel to go with him. And for some stupid reason, they think that angel should be Sidney.

That's probably because they don't actually know Sidney.

Not like Jonny does, anyway. And Jonny knows Sidney better than most people would suspect, knows him intimately. Knows the way Sidney will pout and whine and bitch until he gets his way, knows the smug, innocent little smirk he gets on his fat mouth when he finally does. Jonny knows the way Sidney will stay sober all night and just watch Jonny drink more and more until Sid just has to say, "My room, now?" and Jonny will follow him wherever he goes. Jonny knows how strong Sidney can be, how he can be kind of rough and clumsy when he's impatient, when he's shoving Jonny up against a wall, a door, over a desk. Jonny can remember - vividly, Jesus - the look Sidney will get in his eye when Jonny is just about to come in Sidney's mouth, the evil, bratty look that says No, not yet, not until I'm finished playing with you.

And Jonny knows how it feels to have Sidney on top of him, covering him, fucking into him in hard, short strokes, talking shit in his dumb voice about hockey, about Jonny's team, about Patrick. Because Sidney's an expert at pulling Jonny apart, by now, because Jonny doesn't know how to say no. Because it's Sidney fucking Crosby, and he doesn't do anything unless he does it right.

Yeah. Jonny knows him better than his folks think. And he's definitely not best friend material. He's not even boyfriend material, fuck no.