#the second mind

Doubt has to be the greatest liability the ambitious among us incur. As you’re about to make a choice, the dreaded question creeps in to your head:

Am I sure?

If there’s anything that holds me back, it’s that voice at the back of my head which always seems to be louder than all the other voices combined. Maybe it’s because I focus on all the negative things. I’m constantly looking at the darkest corners of the room while I ignore the blindingly bright surroundings.

That voice is know as “The Second Mind”

The second mind only appears, ironically, when you've dedicated yourself towards a particular goal. It’s the psychological equivalent of that annoying friend, who always wants to change the group’s plans at the last minute. The second mind fulfills no specific purpose other than invoke doubt. 

Think of it as a large grey cloud that slowly creeps over head bringing along the sound of thunder and white streaks of lightning which encapsulate you and shake the ground beneath your feet. Your only choices are to stand in place and hope the floor doesn't cave, and earth swallow you whole... or choose to not stand under the cloud; move through the lightning and look for the sun that once bathed your body in the warmth you reveled in as a child.

That’s all it is. A figment of the adult imagination. Which is funny because being an adult is associated with the loss of the imagination that gives children their sunny disposition.

Metaphorically; the sun sets on our youth and the dangerous darkness slithers in to our adulthood.

Some have the power to fight this off, but a lot of the time walls are built and personas are developed. This is only normal.

It’s normal to feel doubt. It’s normal to not trust everyone’s evaluations (including our own). It’s normal to form persona’s because when we make mistakes, it’s not really us who messed up but the persona - we need only change to a different one hoping it is less flawed. It’s normal to be flawed, we’re only human.

The second mind is normal.

But...

I don’t want normal. I don’t want to second guess everything and everyone. I don’t want to be a host to multiple persona’s. I don’t want my second mind.

One of my goals were to be more confident, but in retrospect, that seems extremely vague now. Confidence is such a small part of it - alone it wouldn't get me to be the point I want to reach.

I want to look at the world through the same eyes I had as child, but with the wisdom of an adult. A impossible hybrid, but only the normal decide to not try for the impossible. That’s what separates the ordinary and extraordinary. The extraordinary still have that twinkle behind their eyes. The sunny disposition that reflects of their bright golden hearts and shines through their demeanor.