Today’s collage is another one that’s been in my head for awhile; Baby Teeth, by Bug Hunter. It’s one of his older songs, but it speaks to me.

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Today’s collage is another one that’s been in my head for awhile; Baby Teeth, by Bug Hunter. It’s one of his older songs, but it speaks to me.

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hey but like “in the rough draft she loved you” is kinda raw
my brother (the youngest one, who lives in washington) is coming to visit in a couple weeks and i didn’t even care really until i heard his cat is coming too and will be around for a little more time than he is even bc of some reason idk i stopped listening to my mum after i heard that howard (howie) is coming and i get to take care of him i’m just !!!!!!!
Brain: Seems like a good place to end the fic now!
Me: It doesn't seem long enough...
Brain: It's...it's over 1200 words.
Me: Yeah...Still not long enough though.
thistle and winter got into a fight. it straight up would not have happened if my mom hadn't stopped me from interfering. thistle is new, sweet, but new and a former stray. winter has lived here/indoors for the majority of her life. every time thistle gets overwhelmed, i make sure to have them walk away from each other, but my mom assumed that since nothing had happened before, nothing would happen then. the reason nothing has happened before is because i've been there. even if i think nothing is going to happen, i still interfere because i don't want it to get to the point where something will happen.
sometimes... a lot of the time, i become frozen when someone tells me what to do. if you tell me no, i will freeze even if i don't want to. even if i shouldn't. if you tell me to do a task, i will feel overwhelmed from that point on. even after the task is done. i just get... weird on the inside. like a robot fighting its programming. all at once, it's task paralysis, pathological demand avoidance, fear of rejection, spite, confusion, people pleasing, obedience, obligation, reputation, sense of justice, self-preservation, pride, self-autonomy, etc. everything fighting within me, freezing me in place, unable to make the right design, any decision, and/or unable to bypass the others' decisions. a soldier given an order they know isn't right but can't disobey. a puppet with a consciousness. a person hit with the secret word installed by the hypnotist. i'm fighting with myself every day. trying to become someone who can make their own decisions but still cowering to the whims of others. head heavy like a thick cloud full of rain.

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Funny line by bug hunter
Never leaving someone isn’t the same as loving them.
The Roughest Draft
Emily Wibberley, Austin Siegemund-Broka
gah i just need to finish one scene and i can consider it “done”