#the lighthouse ghost

Now that I’ve thoroughly discussed Piper’s identity being stripped from her by the capital, I wanted to talk about the interactions she has with others after waking up…. God, I really do treat these asks like essays, thesis statement and all. I appreciate you engaging and being so enthusiastic about it though. I know it isn’t the usual commenting on a chapter dynamic typical of fanfic writing, and my asks sometimes get so long I’m genuinely surprised when reading them myself. All this to say, I have really enjoyed getting to ramble and have a back and forth with you in this way, and am just really thankful you have been super kind and friendly— even when I get into way too much detail or point out things that obviously you know or I get a bit personal.

Onto the thoughts! I do want to trigger warn for discussion of finnick’s trafficking and SA though. I have “***” before and after it is discussed.

The first person Piper sees upon waking up is an avox. The interaction is, in the grand scheme of things, incredibly small and near inconsequential. Yet, I find myself not wanting to write it off. I think something about the fact Piper expels her fear and grief in an anguished scream, which is likely one of the few sounds an avox can make without a tongue, as well as the fact that in many ways avoxes most overtly represent how the capital steals autonomy, has made the interaction really stick with me. While an avox is a slave and has been physically altered and lost their tongue as the ultimate punishment, Piper is awakening in a world where she is now fully claimed by the capital, and has been physically altered in a way seen as the ultimate gift. Avoxes and victors are truly the different sides of the same coin, but also are unable to make connections with one another, as seen through the fact all the avox can do for Piper is offer a pitying look.

Though we aren’t at her story yet, reflecting on avoxes and victors has me thinking about Sonna. While having selective mutism is different from not having a tongue, both experience being non-speaking in a world that under values non-verbal forms of communication. I don’t know much about her obviously, so I’m really just theorizing on the basis of knowing her disability, but I doubt Sonna would have the same level of societal stigmatization about avoxes, as their lack of speech would not be seen as unnerving or tragic. Depending on what accommodations Sonna uses in her own life, she might even have the chance to talk to the avoxes she meets using sign or some other form of alternative communication.

I wouldn’t be entirely surprised though if there is a case of an avox possibly being laterally ableist towards Sonna though, particularly due to the misconceptions surrounding SM. For example, an avox possibly being cruel about Sonna not speaking despite still having a tongue, because they are still in grief about their own loss of speech and are ignorant to the fact SM is an involuntary inability to physically produce speech no matter how much someone wants to or tries. In a similar vein, I can’t imagine capital society is very kind about SM, and ableist people might tell Sonna not to act like an avox, or be extra uncomfortable about her not speaking due to associating lack of speech with one of the worst punishments around / those they heavily socially dehumanize.

Sonna and avox tangent over. Back to Piper and now people who are present for more than a paragraph or two.

Caspian! I got so emotional when he and Piper reunited, and I am talking tearing up. The fact they just run into one another’s arms and silently cry and hold each other. Like Piper is wearing her bloody tribute uniform because the capital is evil, she just woke up with a prosthetic with snow’s symbol on it, she was left with no one talking to her or giving her answers after the boy she vowed to protect died in her arms, but all that can fall away for a moment because she has her dad and feels safe for the first time in so long.

I feel like across my asks I really haven’t talked about how tragic and incredible Caspian is as a character. He is a man who loves and feels and cares so deeply, and who the capital has emotionally tortured at every turn, and yet he still chooses to love and care so damn much! I see him almost like the man Haymitch may have been in another world where Lenore Dove lived, or he had other victors to turn to for support.

I also just realized given Caspian was the victor a year after Haymitch, the twins were born only a year or so after Ampert died. The year before Caspian became a victor and a father, he watched this small little boy who had a victor for a father be brutally killed. Like the Latiers were probably his worst nightmare when he was a young father, and I imagine Snow tortured him with the knowledge of what already was, and what could be.

We’ve already seen some of Caspian’s guilt regarding Piper being reaped, but I can’t imagine the sucker punch it was for the first words he heard from her to be “I’m sorry.” He already had to reckon with Piper not trying to save herself, and wanting to respect her wish to save Galley when she is his daughter and priority, but then when she finally is safe and in his arms she is apologizing *to him* for a Promice that she tried but was impossible for her to keep. While Caspian gives her his word Cato will understand, Piper isn’t comforted. I predict her relationship with the concept of promising and swearing is going to be shaken for a while, as even if she fully trusts the other person, her time in the arena has destroyed her faith in herself, and made her intimately understand how many uncontrollable variables exist all the time.

The next thing she says to her father is “my arm,” and she can only really stammer out and repeat those words. It is reminiscent of a young kid pointing something obvious out to their parent, because they know the parent will pick up on what they mean and what isn’t said. in this moment, Caspian explains more about the prosthetic, how she got it and how it works. The fact Piper can’t take off her prosthetic in the capital shows how her comfort and functionality is second to the aesthetic, as she wasn’t assisted in taking it off the several days she slept there, which ends up making taking it off at home even more daunting. Piper’s hope to get it off is immediately dashed with the knowledge of the base as well, and it seems there is a bit of an all or nothing mentality, and because she can’t be completely rid of the prosthetic, she may as well keep the arm on and not have to see that important and functional part missing while still having to see the base.

After her initial reunion with her dad, we see him being anxious and wanting to keep her close on the train. Then the iconic opposite of a shovel talk, where Piper is flustered and Caspian relieved that Piper has him as a friend and support. It makes a lot of sense that Piper and Finnick are keeping their relationship close and private and just for them right now, but the moment of Piper’s chest churning after Caspian says “I believe you” seems like a case of those complex feelings around trust sitting heavier with her. It’s possible those words specifically are a bit of a trigger based on Galley’s death as well.

Next up, Orion and the prep team. The former serves the role of a guide and reassuring presence amongst the capital chaos, with his whispered apology and proclaimed “let’s make you a victor” illustrating his role well. He ends up having to explain what happened to the tokens, and his “we’re working on it” makes me think they were trying to win the others back by partaking in the bidding. There is this beautiful scene as Piper asks Orion why he does what he does, and he says it’s to make it less horrible and be someone with heart. I found his moment with Piper before she entered the arena so touching, and I really just like to see them interact, because he is someone looking out for her in hell.

The prep team…. They aren’t coming from the same place, that’s for sure (I wanted to slap Juna). Like Katniss’ team, they fulfill the same role of showing the shallowness of capital life, and allowing Piper to get an idea of what to expect from her game recap and interview. Piper has to deal with them treating her as a mastermind, and see how her forms of personal, private rebellion for herself and her father are totally unnoticed. The only tragedy and loss the prep team sees is her “no longer being funny anymore,” and not her lost allies or arm or innocence. Their loose lips are useful in one way though, as it allowed Piper to learn about the tokens sooner than otherwise.

The interaction with the prep team also gave us this narration: “All I want is a nap.” All I have to say in response is LUUUUUSTERRRRR!!!

Next up, Mags. I’ve noticed she hasn’t verbally spoke to Piper in these chapters, and I went back to before the games to check the last time we witnessed her have dialogue. Their last verbal conversation was the one regarding Finnick after the interviews, and since then when Mags has been seen— right before launching, when Piper reunites with her team, and in the room with Galley’s casket— she has been a comforting presence without needing any words. The reason for her not speaking is ambiguous but I’m inclined to believe it is probably her own emotional intelligence/exhaustion, and don’t think there’s been an issue with her health flaring up. We know she likely is speaking in other contexts, particularly because it’s remarked she was talking with Finnick in his room (though I am convinced she was mostly listening as Finnick practiced and mentally prepared himself to talk to Piper lol).

In her first team, Piper doesn’t need to say anything to Mags to feel understood. Mags just holds her face and nods, and that is enough to give Piper a degree of peace. We don’t know what Piper was going to say before cutting herself off. At first I theorized maybe she was going to talk about Galley since Mags mentored him, but I think it’s more likely Piper herself didn’t even know what she was going to say. She just felt like she had to say something, until giving a silent indication she didn’t need to. With so much expectation on her, not being expected to speak or explain herself if she can’t is a rare gift.

The other scene with Mags is in Galley’s carriage, and Mags’ wisdom of having been a victor for almost sixty years shines through. She knew Piper would be there and knew it was better to listen and not speak. From watching the games, she also knew about the star, and her and Piper didn’t need to talk to be on the same page about giving Galley his own. I am worried this might be Piper’s only chance to say goodbye to Galley, as his family might not want her involved in any funeral arrangements. Maybe though, one of Galley’s loved ones will discover the star despite it being hidden, and there can be a chance for understanding between them and Piper.

Okay time for the man of the hour. Finnick and Piper get to reunite in complete private— no other victors, no prep team, and I want to say no cameras but I am not sure about that one because the capital is in fact evil and owns the train. The first thing she hears from him is a joke, and it is awkward and well meaning and really sweet. They get the chance to just hug and cry for a moment. While being together romantically is new, Piper notices all the small changes to Finnick from his time in the capital: his scent, his calluses, makeup on his freckles. The two are so lovely and sweet and gentle it makes me sick I love them.

I have thought a lot about the Promice Piper made Finnick, especially as she was the one who brought it up first here. She never intended to break the Promice, but also never wanted to follow through in the way Finnick meant. In her heart, she was promising to live as long as possible and live on through her message to the capital, but she did not intend to survive. I wonder how much Finnick realizes that. I don’t think he is shallow enough to make it about himself or be offended, but it feels like they aren’t quite on the same page yet or that there is a bit of well meaning disingenuousness.

During this scene, Finnick is simultaneously flustered and scrambling, but also incredibly eloquent and verbose. As Piper pointed out, what he said was beautiful. For him however, he only really cared about it feeling meaningful to her, and reminding her who she is.

I am going to transition now to talking about topics related to the TW trafficking and SA.

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So one thing that stood out to me was that when Finnick kisses the rose, he says “you make the world worth surviving.” At this point, Finnick This made me think about what you said regarding what the rose means, and how it is used to mark the desirable, interesting, and actively trafficked victors. Finnick probably has a rose himself tattooed on his foot, or at least has spoken to Percy about them as a mark, and when he was saying that and kissing Piper’s rose, he was probably thinking about surviving his own time in the capital.

The disturbing implication for Finnick right now, which Piper isnot in the mental state to consider at the moment, is that he has spent the past three weeks being trafficked. I know the canon is that he uses the trafficking as a way to get secrets, but I’m not sure seventeen year old Finnick is there yet. I think he is still trying to figure out a way to mentally survive it, and maybe a chance to obtain favor with potential sponsors.

At this point, I’m not sure whether Piper has fully processed the extent of what Finnick is going through. Like, she might know it on a theoretical level, but hasn’t internalized it. I don’t think the fact that sponsorships could be influenced by the trafficking has occurred to her, and I worry learning that would create even more feelings of misguided guilt.

While Finnick being trafficked and Piper losing an arm/getting her prosthetic without consent are different, they both are forms of bodily violation and lost autonomy. When Piper was afraid of Finnick “not wanting” her when he saw her arm and it disturbing him, it seemed similar to how people feel about disclosing past traumas to their partners. I also felt like a lot of what he was saying to Piper was what he had wanted to hear, not only after his games, but after he started being trafficked and objectified.

Returning to Finnick seeing a difference between “meaningful” and “beautiful,” I think the way he is treated makes the distinction between the words more important. As he is likely praised with the word “beautiful” and other terms regarding his appearance, he puts more value in the emotion and context and power words hold, and sees beautiful and similar terms as maybe more shallow.

I think probably the rest of the lighthouse ghost will slowly have the gaps in understanding between Piper and Finnick filled in: what her Promice to live really meant, what his experiences with the capital has been, and what they need to do to support each other. I’m just hoping increased understanding doesn’t come at Piper’s expense, but instead that ableist capital society saves her from being trafficked maybe please? I don’t have faith based on Miller, but one can hope.

You know what would be nice. If maybe someone’, I dunno like maybe Annie, offered her insight and support as they figure things about their relationship out :)

***

This ask no longer will refers to the content of the TW.

Okay, I still have like the entire pod to talk about and district four and my many big feelings about all of them. I will save those for another ask though since this one is long enough!

Also yes I know I didn’t say Anthony about Andy because I hate her and I’m so happy she’ll retire and be gone and can’t be awful to Piper or weird about tributes again.

Oh god, unless her replacement is somehow worse…

Henlo!

AAAA I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS! It feels like the #PipersOutoftheArenaParty part 2! Super hyped to read your thoughts, given the thesis statement! Honestly--I love that you treat these as thesis, it makes me feel like I'm an actual writer and not some silly person writing fanfic in their room. They have a way of making me feel like what I write truly has reached someone who cares and understands this story. That's everything to me. Also, my brain usually needs some sort of order, so it's perfect to have a prelude explaining what this is going to be about! Also, of course I would happily engage with this. As you say, it is different from comments but-- in my humble opinion, it's better. I also enjoy our back an forth and us being excited with one another. Your emotion and love for this fic fuels my enthusiasm for it as well. I know I've said it before, but you honestly keep me very excited to work and post on this so regularly. I promise the way you send these is perfect and just the fact that you take time of your day to think of my silly series and come to me about it is invaluable. I'll never be able to thank you enough. Every single ramble is extremely appreciated.

Like, anytime I feel unmotivated, I turn to these rambles, because they remind me there is someone who gets this story in such a deep level. That is more than I would've ever dreamed of when I first thought of posting this.

Okay, okay, let's move onto... PiperisoutoftheArenaParty part 2! Electric boogaloo and interactions!

I love that you found the avox thing so interesting. To be fair, when I'm writing this series, I have the original saga always nearby to check, so, when I saw Katniss' first interaction after the arena was with an avox, I viewed it as extremely poetic. Avoxes are given this terrifying task of meeting Victors after they've endured hell, while knowing they're not capable of providing any answers. But, in a way, it felt like a mirror. Like you say, two sides of the same coin. Both now legally slaves to the Capitol, though one part is glamourised while the other is abused. The avox tries to comfort Piper in the very small way she can, which is only a glance. I especially find this interesting knowing people in the Capitol are oftentimes forbidden or discouraged from speaking to avoxes. Just in a similar way, Victors are segregated from the District and have their stories told for them by becoming extreme versions of their angles. Neither gets to tell their story and neither gets to be understood. The arm only makes it something impossible for the avox to overlook. Avoxes will actually appear quite a bit in further chapters. I find them fascinating and wish we got more of them.

Of course, one reason why we're getting a significant amount of avox content is, as you guessed, Sonna! Gosh, I can't wait for y'all to meet her. YES!! YES! So, their differences in their mutism, with Sonna's being selective and rooted in her brain and the avox's coming from a physical point, I thought there would be a lot of interesting points to touch. Both suffer from an invisible disability, but both exist in such different places in society. Still, they are very, very important to her story.

I shall try not to spoil too much when it comes to this! But as always, you're very spot on, especially on how selective mutism is very misunderstood and, because of that, she does go through a fair share of ableism. I will never be cruel about it and try to always write these topics in a tasteful manner, but, yes, the Capitol is far from nice when it comes to this. In general, a lot of people struggle with comprehending Sonna, including Johanna at first. Not to mention Miller. That is-- something. But yeah, she does make a lot of people uncomfortable in the Capitol, especially as Sonna makes it a point to not be overlooked or ignored. Her selective mutism reminding the Capitol of the horrors they do to avoxes and forcing them to look in the eyes of someone who also struggles with speech is certainly something that makes a lot of people short-circuit.

Honestly, all I can say is... I'm very excited for Sonna to come around.

NOW ONTO PAPA CAS! Gosh, I'm so touched that it made you tear up. Honestly, after writing all the horrors from Piper' arena, getting to this scene felt so nice and needed. In this moment Piper gets to simply be a child, which i something the Games have kind of ripped away from her. She's a young girl with her dad and she knows that she is safe because he is finally with her.

Oh, stop it, you're gonna make me blush. I'm so so glad you like him. Fun fact, the few friends who know about this fic-- all thirst after Caspian Ronan, hahaha. He truly is a favorite, which came as a shock to me! It's so special that you like him so much. He truly is a special man. As I write him, I try to think of how often black men are made tough in media, so I truly wanted him to be kind and gentle despite all his pain. This story in general, its main motif is fighting for joy, so, he is the way he is because of that. THE PARALLEL WITH HAYMITCH, I AM UNWELL, I actually thought about it for a bit. About how Haymitch watched from the sidelines as this man got married, had children and essentially got the family he never did, and it makes me so sad.

YUP! YEAH, the thing about Cas too is that he was eighteen, without his own parents to help him. He was this teenager trying to calm his anxieties only for them to be validated as he saw situations like the Latier family. Beetee appears a ton in Sonna's fic and-- gosh. The way his name was brought up everytime Caspian did as much as double-guess truly was a terrifying experience for him. He'd lost a family and was only given the chance to build a new one upon strict conditionsand so much fear. Though I don't know when I'll ever post it because it'd be kind of its own one-shot, Magnus Miller did have Beetee talking to Caspian once when the twins were born to send him a message of compliance.

Oh, it ruined Caspian to have his daughter apologising to him for Ajax. While for Piper everything is extremely recent, Caspian has spent days wondering how his first conversation with his daughter is going to be while taking into consideration there were going to be cameras. He even wondered about how to apologise to her for everything she went through, but he never once considered she would be the one doing it. It does hurt him so much to see his girl like this. Though, as expected, he kind of has an enormous mixture of emotions, mostly overwhelmed by the relief of holding her again and seeing her alive and safe. You-- do you---

Anon do you secretly read my drafts?!

Are you a secret spy?!?!

INSANELY ACCURATE. I'm not sure if you've read Chapter 31 yet but-- WOW.

But yes! Promises become very complicated as she couldn't keep what she considers to be the most important ones she's ever made. In general, Piper's self-trust is extremely damaged, which hurts a lot given how Galley's last words referenced still believing her. In a way, she has become an illusion or a magic trick of sorts. Despite the truth, she's viewing herself from an angle that only shows what she can afford to believe.

It's so lovely that you caught on how Piper is talking to her dad. Yes. As you correctly guessed, she's kind of-- well, she's always been a child, but, she is genuinely communicating like one because this is her dad she trusts more than anyone in the world an knows he'll know what she means. The prosthetic-- I could ramble on for hours about it. I wanted to denounce the use of prosthetics in media as a way to make the abled public more comfortable with amputee characters (and magically have those prosthetics fix all the characters' struggles and become almost like the old limb). Stefan and I have spoken a lot about how when he wears his prosthetics he is always treated differently. Able-bodied people prefer it because it helps them ignore the reality of the amputation. From the beginning, I knew the Capitol would force Piper to wear the prosthetic as a way to make her amputation glamorous and artistic. I've mentioned this before in the notes, but the prosthetic is not the issue. Piper will eventually grow to reclaim it. Her journey as an amputee also involves that. But I truly wanted to denounce the reality a lot of amputees go through and felt like the Capitol's shallowness was perfect for it. The way I work around this specific prosthetic is with a similar view to bionic prosthetics, specifically the kind that are integrate to the person via osseointegration. That has-- a few reasons as well as the most evident ones, but yeah, Piper never being able to fully take it off is a way to send a message and also something that, much like you say, makes it more daunting to take it off.

Hahahaha, the anti-shovel talk was one of my favorite things to write alongside the whole 'Finnick picking up flowers for Annie' thing. It kind of shows that as much as Piper thinks she knows her dad, he obviously has a different priority in mind, that being Piper's comfort. It's also another small, little moment of Piper feeling like a teenager once more. AND YES, it is... certainly tricky for her to be believed. The entire country has turned every single kind gesture of hers into part of an intricate strategy, so, even if she knows and adores her dad, she wonders if she is worthy of ever being believed again.

I'll mention something about Finnick and Piper keeping their relationship private later! Now, time for Orion and the prep team!

So happy you like the Orion's interactions. Honestly, I adore writing him. He knows exactly what is expected of them and is very good at playing the Capitol's game, while also being mindful of this girl he's known since she was a baby. Like, Orion designed color-coordinated clothes for the twins when they were tiny! Aaaaah, I shall not spoil anything about the token auction! Those answers will come kind of soon! He truly loves his girl. Orion is a very compassionate character in a very insensitive environment, with that environment only proving further why he needs to hold onto his humanity.

Oh, the prep team was awful to Piper. Like, the last thing she needed was to deal with them given her mental state, but, of course, it wasn't like it mattered. It is however very good that she got exposed to them because that made her know exactly what to expect when it came to the upcoming events. I also am so glad you focused on the line about her being funny, cause YES! THAT IS SUCH A CORE PART OF PIPER'S ARC! She was always funny but she was a girl. A girl who has just gone through something extremely traumatizing, with the Capitol only viewing that as their toy not being as entertaining anymore. Their lack of awareness that she is a real human who has gone through an enormous loss truly is baffling. Then again, I tried to kind of base their reactions off on real reactions people would have when they're way past seeing Piper as a person. And yess! Honestly, it was kind of good they let her know, or maybe bad, because Piper truly felt awful about that, still, it did give her the chance to come to terms with the fact that at least Orion has got them covered.

YESSSSSSSS!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

You know what's very painful? That when she does go to sleep, the first thing she does is apologise to her fellow tributes because she knows she'll meet them there.

OH, MAGS, literally my fave ever. Yes! You're honestly correct. I do believe that after Haymitch's Games Mags found speaking around the Capitol difficult and would at times stutter or go non-verbal due to the trauma from her torture. So, her not speaking is not necessarily new. It's also very much what you say later on. She doesn't want Piper to feel the need to explain anything or force herself to talk. Mags has always been very good at letting people exist without any expectations, so that is what she tries to do. It's also a reason why she is such a safe espece. Hahahaha, oh, to be a fly in the wall hearing Finnick try to recite that speech he apparently had prepared and Mags trying not to laugh about how adorable her boy is...

The way you sometimes read my mind is insane, Anon. Like, genuinely. Yes, honestly, a lot of what Mags is doing is showing Piper that she does not have to perform. She doesn't have to be happy, witty, strong or anything of the sort. She gets to be heartbroken, silent, and human. She gets to not be anything if she doesn't want to be. That is everything Piper could have ever asked for.

The train scene, MY HEART! I actually have the headcanon that every year she goes to the room where the coffins of the dead tributes are and opens the window for them, as it's a very ancient tradition (inspired by a celtic funerary rite). Mags and Piper sharing that moment truly felt very special to write and essential, as Mags' pain and experience of having seen so many losses to the Games makes her someone who kind of knows everything when it comes to goodbyes and injustice. It truly feels almost like their own little funeral for him. It is extremely sad to think that this would be their goodbye. Of course, I won't spoil anything, though!

FINNICK AND PIPER REUNION TIME!!

Honestly, I'm so glad you like their dynamic. They're so sweet and I just adore the whole friends-to-lovers thing they have going on and playing with their sense of humor and their personalities. Especially as it is stablished Finnick uses humor and jokes to deal with nerves and, in this moment, he is mortified before reuniting with her. I love them just getting to be awkward teenagers in love and acting as such. YES! Piper is also symbolically now seeing a whole side of Finnick she didn't before, with everything that comes with it.

Their promise is something that will be talked on a lot throughout the fic. It's kind of such a desperate thing, right? To ask for someone to haunt you in life, meaning staying alive but also staying in essence. Finnick is asking her to live and to hold onto who she is at her core, but, at this point she has forgotten what that is. As you say, they also have very different meanings to this and there is the fact that Piper didn't necessarily think of making it alive in the Games. It's truly a very complicated promise to keep and one with a lot of layers.

Hahaha, Finnick is truly slipping between "I've got this, I know how to talk" to "HOW DO I TALK TO THE GIRL I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH FOR YEARS AFTER ALL THIS?!". I love writing Finnick as someone who is kind of hopeless when it comes to people he is genuinely interested on. Especially now that he's a teenager. YES! YES! He didn't intend for it to be beautiful but for it to be useful.

TW FOR MENTIONS OF SA, LIKE IN THE ASK, IT WILL BE SEPARATED WITH ***

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YES! Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm so excited to talk about this. He is totally talking about that, but also, about how Piper has been his anchor ever since he got that rose on him. I can confirm that he is marked, as all other desirable Victors who are being actively trafficked. Seeing the rose was a shock to him but also a reminder of what Piper had represented always to him. Because Finnick, terrified, traumatised and lonely, by fate (and Ray) met Piper and found a girl who takes this very scary world and turns it around into something full of wonder and adventure. A girl who has been constantly stripped of her youth only for her to get it back in her own way. So, to him, Piper has always been a reason to see the world as something beautiful. Despite all the terrible things he was enfuring in the Capitol.

Piper doesn't know this, but Finnick has been thinking of her while in the Capitol for years. And recently, since he began being trafficked, it was the thought of getting back to this friend who never asked anything of him and who always treated him like a real person that kept him going. This year has been especially terrible for Finnick, as he has been dealing with the trafficking, public appearances and watching the Games publicly the way all Victors are forced to, while seeing the girl he is inlove with going through them. She has gotten a taste of this horrible world he's been in. But he knows she is the only one who can turn it upside down.

Oh, definitely. Piper has no idea about all the things Finnick has gone through and the implications they have had when it comes to sponsors and the Games. It will be something in the future and it's something Finnick is deliberately trying to keep from her.

As for the secrets, he is also not yet using them to cope and empower himself, though you'll also find there is kind of an origin to that in this series. But yeah, he has certainly been going through hell.

YES! Finnick was honestly speaking through his own experience. He knows what it's like to feel disconnected from your body and like it belongs to other people. When Piper found out about his trafficking, he also worried about her not wanting him. You'll also find in the future he worries a lot about 'ruining her' by being around her because he doesn't consider himself worthy of having genuine love and intimacy rooting from it. So, in this situation, he is very much thinking about all the things he relates to when it comes to her. Their struggles are very different but he does see the connections and knows what he wished he would have heard. That he is human beyond this and that this isn't what dictates who he is.

BINGO! Finnick actually dislikes using 'beautiful' unless it's out of pure awe, which he does later on at times. But for the most part, it's not that he dislikes the word but that he thinks it can easily be just another word when it's thrown around, like it happened with him. Finnick honestly has a very difficult relationship with being praised for looks, so, when it came to Piper, who has also always been told how beautiful she is, he knew he would get to her by speaking of who she was at her core.

Also, who she vowed to protect in her promise, even if he didn't know.

This also kind of feels to me like Finnick being a poet without meaning to, making the focus point be using words to convey emotions.

YES, YES, YES! You can expect a lot to do with this promise they made each other and also with them figuring each other out, given their trauma and history, and coming to understand one another and learn who they get to be and to become. I love hearing your theories, seriously. This is something you'll come to find out-- soon!

Oh! Annie unknowingly becoming a part of seafoam before seafoam is seafoam? hehehehe, is this another point in which you've read your mind? I think you're going to be very content from chapter-- 33 onwards. Annie certainly is and will be very very important to them.

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Ohhh, as always, I'm so excited to hear your thoughts about the District, the pod and everything you notice and feel like rambling about! These asks seriously make my week! Thank you so so much for sharing your insight with me, it's so deeply appreciated!

For chapter 28, I see it first as an exploration of how the Capital is taking and co-opting what makes Piper Piper, with herphysicality and persona both being made into a profitable brand. I’m so committed to this analysis I went back to reread secrets from the light house segments I’m on it I’m so ready!!!!

So, the first clear example of branding her physically is is of course the prosthetic. Beyond her being forced to go through the body horror of waking up with it there without any prior informed consent, it also holds a lot of visual imagery. The main design components are the seeming porcelain and gold materials, the teal accents, and the rose on the upper arm. I— honestly have no idea how the technology works, so will only comment on the aesthetics.

I’m assuming appearing porcelain means it’s mostly white. Maybe I’m “too woke,” but based on the fact the capital has continuously desired to lighten Piper’s skin, and her joke of it being the wrong color match, there is definitely a certain degree of distrusting the capital’s motivation. It could totally just be because white makes the designs more visible, the color match meant the shade of teal, and there isn’t any *conscious* mal-intent, but there could still be emotional and social impacts— particularly from interactions with ignorant capitalites or judgmental people from the district.

I am fairly safely assuming the gold is meant to be a reminder of her victory and wealth, and the rose is to make it clear she belongs to Snow like a branding. Less safely assumed however are the teal designs, which can’t effectively be discussed without touching on Piper’s hair as well.

Teal is a special color to Piper. Beyond just being bright and playful, like the role she always tries to play, the color has a connection with Finnick and Annie. The teal hair dye prank and the subsequent teal solidarity streaks marked a turning point in Finnick and Piper’s relationship, highlighting both the rock bottom of their tension but also the beginning of their friendship. Getting the teal dye initially was what introduced Piper to Annie, and redoing the streaks became a designated time for just the two of them.

It seemed that the capital first viewed Piper’s teal streaks as an issue. The capital in a way has restricted physical forms of self expression from the districts, with colorful hair, tattoos, dyes, and other forms of bodily modification being uniquely Capitalite. In dying her hair, Piper had taken back a form of self expression that the capital had attempted to restrict and make exclusive. Piper’s teal streaks were treated as a problem by most stylists and camera crews who came to work with her, them finding it unappealing, clashing, or sloppy.

Having won her games, Piper is now fully a possession of the capital. As such, her hair is no longer the sign of a district girlexpressing herself in a way that had been forbidden to her, but a way to further own and control her. The capital has done a complete 180, and is forcing teal onto her. Piper didn’t get to choose her prosthetic, but someone else commissioned it for her. They saw the teal in her hair without any semblance of what it meant to her, and decided teal should embody her further. The teal in her hair symbolized agency and human connection, Weill the teal on her prosthetic symbolizes lost autonomy and surface level understanding.

The dynamic between teal as a color of freedom and a color of control further is showcased through the branded hair dye, as Piper’s form of unique self expression is now being mass produced,bought, and sold. What made her stand out at home is becoming an aspirational trend in the capital, and a way for people to feel superficially closer to her.

Beyond her prosthetic and teal, Piper has also lost ownership of her persona of the lighthouse ghost, which similarly was a way to claim back agency from the capital. The lighthouse became a source of trauma for the Ronin family, and served as a ✨haunting✨ reminder of the power the capital has. It was a fourteen year old Piper empathizing with the tributes she’s seen taken away and how their impact is left on the district, as well as knowing her paternal family was killed and seeing the impact, that motivated Piper to try and forge connection and comfort for the district children. The reason she chose to do it with magic was because it once again was something the capital restricted, and something she chose to reclaim and share.

The progression of Piper losing the core of being the lighthouse ghost started with her discomfort in doing magic shows for money, such as birthday parties, because it made her method to bring people together more exclusive. Then, of course, there was the performance for the capital, which was obviously antithetical to her reclamation of magic because of their suppression. During the game, the lighthouse ghost was something that was reflected fondly upon, with “I already was someone in the district.” Now, we have reached the Lighthouse Ghost being her victor monicker, and what inspires her styling. Orion really was like okay bet, and went all out with the ghastly shimmery glow and flowy white ensemble to the point Piper says she looks like a spectral… There is definitely heavy irony that to hide the fact Piper was just days prior on the brink of death, she is made to look like a ghost as a way to distract.

Since the arena, Piper has turned to distancing language regarding herself and the lighthouse ghost: “He’s not giving them Piper Ronan. He’s giving them the Lighthouse Ghost…. Like I’m not even a real person, but some apparition. I am not the girl they sent into the arena, but the consequences of her surviving…. The ones the Lighthouse Ghost doesn’t know how to answer, because they cater to Piper’s heart…. The Lighthouse Ghost seems to possess me and has those answers covered, while I try to hold everything else inside.” Piper has had to essentially repurpose her persona of the lighthouse ghost as a way to dissociate and survive her trauma. The persona she created to offer healing from what haunted the district and her family has now been tainted because she is haunted by her time in the arena and the other tributes who died.

I wanted to highlight this quote from the chapter when she became the lighthouse ghost in secrets, as it exemplifies what emotionally Piper has lost: “if ghosts are full of love and luck, maybe if the kids who have left today don’t make their way back, we can stop being so scared of them.” On one hand, this was the optimistic perspective of a younger Piper who couldn’t remember experiencing loss personally, but intimately understood the ripple effects and how it’s shaped those around her. Now, Piper is at the center of a series of losses, and she is scared and heartbroken because the ghosts now have names and stories that involve her. Yet, it will more likely than not be love which is her hope and strength.The ghosts of those tributes are still love, even if it is hard to imagine for some of them.

The last thing I want to say about Piper losing the lighthouse ghost is her slogan. Caesar ends up the interview with “ghosts don’t get killed, and Piper remarks that he said it wrong. Yet, I doubt Snow will ever allow the phrase to be “ghosts don’t get caught” again, because as far as he is concerned Piper has been thoroughly caught and he wants her to remember the fact. The capital is also the primary reason Piper didn’t get killed, so it offers a cruel reminder, “you didn’t get killed because we didn’t allow it.”

Now I’m wording this in a way that is intentionally obtuse, but I see her arc as reclaiming what the capital reclaimed after she reclaimed what was restricted to the districts in the first place. While the color teal, the lighthouse ghost persona, and even magic might be initially tainted, Piper’s growth will be in deciding not to let the capital redefine what means love to her. Teal, the lighthouse ghost, and magic are all examples and displays of love the capital can’t take away, nor even gets to know. They can mean empowerment and strength instead of loss and misinterpretation. In the same way she reclaims those symbols of love and identity, she is also capable of redefining her relationship with her prosthetic. It becomes more of a means to access autonomy and a way to rediscover her identity and independence, rather than a symbol of violated autonomy and loss of identity. Maybe… she’ll even have Annie paint over the Rose! Please! Please can Annie paint over the rose! Pleeeeeeeaseeeeeeee /j

OK, I still have so much more to say, but that’ll be in other asks. Like, I’m not even done talking about chapter 28, and then there’s chapter 29 and 30 and now the side story and I just cannot be normal about this series. Like “maybe the blue curtains are just blue curtains” but hell if I don’t find an elaborate way to analyze everything.

Jane a great rest of your day and as always, thank you for sharing this world with us!

AAAAA HIII! Welcome to the party! Take a seat, we have cookies! Can't wait to read your thoughts! Also you're far from late, don't even worry! Always take your time!

Oh my god, you really did your homework Anon! Okay, this got me even more excited to reply to this, because I have actually been leaving little foreshadowing moments fo a while, but always thought they were too sneaky. Okay, okay, I'm so excited to speak about Piper's identity and how it is handled by the Capitol after her Games, let's do this!

The technology will be developed more as the chapters go on. Admittedly at first Piper has no idea, so I'm kind of having her discover it more as she grows more comfortable with it and also with not wearing it, finding out what works. But... this chapter was exactly made with the aesthetic of it being the focal point for that reason! So I'm genuinely SO EXCITED for this!

First of all, NEVER feel like you're being too woke in my fic. Like, if you think you are being too woke, you're probably the right amount of woke, because you're right. The white porcelain does have a lot of subtext to it. As we know, Piper is mixed, but somehow she is always presented to favor her more "white" traits when it comes to the Capitol. You caught on perfectly to all the subtext about her skin tone always being lightened. Piper's skin is brown, and that, to them, isn't part of the image she should give, mostly due to stereotypes black people are constantly battling when it comes to the media. I'm so sorry, please forgive me for rambling on, but when I wrote about Caspian, I wanted it to be a story about a black boy who was always too quiet, so he was immediately deemed as "dangerous", because of course black people can't be shy. Especially not a black, physically strong man. In a similar note, when it came to designing Piper's storyline I knew I wanted her to be mixed, as I am of mixed heritage and wanted to explore that in this and how it could affect her image in the Capitol. I feel like there is so much to say when it comes to race and racism in Panem. So, in the case for this arm, it is certainly a subliminal message from the Capitol. Porcelain is white and it sends just enough signs about a lot of things, including her race and stereotypes surrounding it as well as what the Capitol is expecting of her now.

YES TO THE ROSE PART! Okay, I'm not sure if this is considered a spoiler. Ugh, I really wanna yap about it though! Okay, I'm not going to say anything in here but I am gonna make a quick post later with the actual spoilery bit so you can choose whether to check it out now or after it is mentione in fic. It'll definitely go more in depth here, as in the fic it'll only be mentioned briefly. Alright, alright, now, time to move on to the teal!

Also, almost forgot! You got it with the gold! I honestly thought that given the patrons are putting their all in this, they want it to look luxurious as possible.

OKAY TEAL, SORRY!

God, I'm so glad you're focusing on all of this cause I did put in so much effort when it came to all these details. I'm so glad you point out how much it means to Piper's bond with Finnick and with Annie, because... this is so cheesy but... Teal fades into seafoam color. So when Piper's teal streaks have been left on for too long and she's in need of a retouch, it's seafoam color by then. This is such a stupid, cheesy detail, sorry! But yeah, these teal streaks represent her history with Finnick and also her time with Annie. They mean so much to her. They aren't meant to be pretty, they're meant to be fun and also a reminder of the two people she loves so dearly (even if she's oblivious about Annie still).

Oh, they certainly didn't like the streaks. There's many reasons but the main one is what you said. Bodies aren't meant to be decorated by District people. Just like District people don't deserve art or magic or anything beyond survival, so, Piper having her hair colored feel very strange to them, especially as it was done in such a special and natural way, with seaweed pigments. Piper, as you say, decides that she is entitled to self expression and that she is entitled to dyeing a few streaks on her hair. The Capitol does not like it. They find it a crude attempt at looking like them, without ever realising it was never the goal. There's also the argument that Piper's hair is copper, brightly so, and there's always been the whole "oh, it'd be a shame to ruin naturally red hair with dye!" thing, which is also, in her case, tinted with racism a little, as her red hair was so loved by them because it was reminiscent of her ginger mum.

YES YES YES!

In fact, as I was choosing the color, I decided I wanted it to crash with her hair color. I didn't want it to be a common combination. Because I feel like the Capitol thinking it clashed against Piper's red, so it was "ugly" was so important. Because Piper never did it with aesthetic in mind. She's always had a very complicated relationship with being considered beautiful in the first place.

Oh, definitely. The teal streaks have become a 'signature look' for her in the Capitol without them caring about what it meant in the first place. The fact that they had began selling Piper Ronan's hair dye line while she was asleep proved just how much they were like "okay, let's take this part of her that was fully hers and make it ours and profitable". I adore how you think, what you said about Piper' hair symbolizing agency and her arm symbolizing loss of autonomy is perfect. Literal poetry.

AAAA NO BECAUSE THE WAY YOU GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT ALL, YES, YES! The worst part of Piper's waking up is her losing the Lighthouse Ghost because from the very beginning it had been a small rebellion of hers built on joy that the District was supposedly not allowed to have. She did it with scraps and with fear and tried to create something beautiful out of it, but now, everyone knows the Lighthouse Ghost and it's related directly to her time in the Capitol and the arena. She is no longer feeling in control of the narrative so, as a way to cope, she dettaches herself from that title and that persona that had once been so dear to her.

NOT YOU REFERENCING THE BIRTHDAY PARTY SCENE CAUSE YES, YES! IT'S SO IMPORTANT! Piper always wanted her magic to not feel the way the Capitol's performance does. She wanted her magic to be inclusive for everyone and anyone, without an age limit and most definitely without money being involved. The Lighthouse Ghost, however, had been considered by Capitolites for ages. The Victor's daughter who did magic. In creating something for her District she'd almost forgotten she was always being studied by the Capitol. The Ghost accompanies her in that Capitol show and it also goes with her in the arena. Somehow, while she is there, she still holds onto it, but the moment she is faced with the Capitol trying to rip so many things off her, she shields herself in thinking she is no longer the Ghost, that it's been taken from her.

ORION MY MANS, oh god, I remember when getting that comment about him making deliberate choices through his designs got me, cause yes. He is very aware of the messages he is sending with Piper. He's making her unreachable in a way, because you can't touch a ghost, and in making it so evident he is also giving her some safety. But the most important part is what you said. He is basically saying "this could have been her" to all those Capitolites that had been sobbing in their houses while watching Piper starve in the arena. But it can also just be a distraction. He is very smart about his messages and makes sure that usually they can be read in two opposing ways.

Yes, totally. Your analysis, as always, is on point. She needs to survive this and the greatest way to do it is to use the Lighthouse Ghost as a foreign figure and a tool to dissociate. It has too many implications of heavy moments and people that had once loved the ghost. Ironically enough, Piper is, for the first time, afraid of ghosts, but because of the emotions they awaken in her. I adore that you went back to her beginning as the Lighthouse Ghost. Your study on it is beautiful. I agree and you'll find that Piper is,at her core (much like Peeta), a lover girl. She needs love, love is her motivator and her strength, so, it will certainly be love that gives this persona meaning once more and gives her the will to make it hers again. But you'll certainly see more of that in her upcoming chapters!

Oh, definitely. Snow enjoys having caught Piper and making it known that, in the end, she was wrong. Ghosts can be caught. At least, with their definition of what being caught entails. It's something that will also be developed as the fic goes on, but I love that you caught on that, cause I didn't know if anyone would! It's very much yet another "you're ours now" situation, a power play that she is always meant to lose from this perspective.

THE WAY I CANNOT SAY ANYTHING REGARDING THIS PARAGRAPH OTHER THAN... I love how you view this fic and I feellike you truly, really understand what it is and what it means at its core. Seriously. I can't say much other than this is certainly only the beginning and that Piper is not someone who gives herself up when it comes to what truly matters. But I can't say anything else cause I'm afraid of spoiling!

SPEAKING OF...

I won't speak further on the matter other than... I'll be posting a very short spoiler to answer your request/question. Partially cause I cannot wait to give you guys more Annie. Partially cause... sweet. It'll be in another post tho, so you can choose whether to check it out or not!

Honestly, I'll say I don't think you're over analyzing at all. If anything, you're catching up on all the things I doubted anyone would care about, so, thank you so so much for that. As always, thank you for your time and for sending me these. Having feedback means more than I can say and it keeps me so hyped to continue sharing my writing. Thank you so so much for loving this story so much and being so passionate about it. Can't wait to get those other asks! I'm so sorry for posting so many things so quickly!

Before my usual rambles though, I want to acknowledge and send my appreciation to Stefan for being a beta/sensitivity reader, offering his insight in this story that I love so much, and clearly being an awesome friend to you.

His framing of disabled people existing in a whole world abled people don’t experience, while we are also being forced into abled people’s world, is something which resonated so deeply with me. It linked together two concepts I am already well familiar with, that being the beauty of disabled community and the world fundamentally being createdwithout disabled people in mind, and wove those truths together in a way that I had never connected before. It was like a lightbulb went off, as a feeling I never knew I had suddenly was realized and given words. It’s a sentiment I am definitely going to hold on to, and wisdom I hope to share with those in my disabled communities as well.

It feels strange that a story I already had so much hype and care for has suddenly made me even more invested. I initially decided to start reading because I love and am rather protective over Annie, and I felt like I could trust a fic shipping both her and Finnick with an oc to treat her with the care she often doesn’t get from the fandom. Then, I quickly came to adore Piper, with her charisma and magic and intelligence and dimensionality, as well as the detailed world building and life given to the setting, with elements of race, culture, class, and gender never being ignored. Now the story is exploring themes of disabled grief, with promises of disabled joy as well, and doing so with incredible respect and consideration. Even though I wouldn’t be able to read it myself, the lighthouse ghost is a fic I wish I could have a physical printed bound copy of, just so I could keep it on my shelf and hold it and excitedly wave it around. I am content though with having it live on my phone, where I can pull it out at any time to reread and analyze and share with others.

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Okay, okay. Onto the chapters. I plan to talk about all of it along with the Kaitlyn excerpts but for now only want to focus on the game ending / game edit. So mostly 27 with a little bit of 28.

We start with such raw and guttural pain from Piper, and man it hit hard. Even though at this point Piper doesn’t expect herself to survive, she is still hit with the immediate grief and shattering of her identity. I like how she never felt like her loss didn’t matter because she’d die soon, nor that she was focused on how others would perceive her now. It was a moment of reckoning with her own identity that was centered on hercompletely, and her hiding under the sleeping bag really emphasized the fact that this moment is for Piper alone— not the capital, not the people watching in the district, but also not even for those she loves and who love her. While later she can think of what her loss means for others, she deserves the time to mourn entirely for herself.

I also really personally relate to Piper’s complex grief and subsequent guilt. Apologies for the heavy lore drop, but I went blind because of complications from a sickness which can be terminal, and I know people who have lost their lives because of it. Obviously it doesn’t have the background of violence, but going through a traumatic ordeal that damages your body, but knowing it could have been worse and feeling guilty for being upset when you’re lucky to still be alive is so real and painful. It’s again something handled incredibly well, and while it squeezes at my heart, it is also so comforting to see represented and compassionately explored.

Moving onto Galley and Ajax. When Piper wakes up, it’s to Galley drawing sums, not stars. I see this detail as him hoping so much for her to live, and not being willing to send her off and say goodbye the way he associates with his stars. Maybe it is also foreshadowing, as Piper doesn’t become a star, but lives on to get the perceived glory and influence of being a victor.

The position Galley is in with Piper and Ajax in this moment is also incredibly tragic for him. There is an inversion of care in a way, as the young and small thirteen year old is helpless as he watches the protective big sibling figures he has come to rely on deteriorate and slip away. Both are injured and suffering, while he is left to look over them, finding food and ensuring all three of them are safe. He was so worried he was going to be useless, and though he never was with his maps and strategizing, he is now fully depending on himself and being depended on. I feel he must be so profoundly lonely even though he is with both people he trusts most, because he can’t do anything and they can’t be fully present.

Imagining what he mentally went through these past days, his declaration he would name his boat Piper was just. Everything. He got to know his idol, and wants her to know he sees her humanity, despite them being in a setting that tries to strip them of it. Him squirming into her sleeping bag to give her a hug, he is just so young and wise.

Regarding Ajax and his thoughts on the game ending, him being brought to tears and doubting his right to be happy and married definitely brought his character development into painful clarity. He had probably the most romanticized view of the games, and frankly if he wasn’t such a friendly and well meaning guy, I think I would really have disliked him. He volunteered on his own volition even though his loved ones didn’t want him to. Maybe i’m missing something. Maybe some coercion or conspiracy will be revealed on why he went into the games. Maybe wanting to get his fiance a nice house and life was in part a narrative he chose to run with to cover some other uglier truth. As far as we know right now though, he was motivated by naivety and hubris. That isn’t a crime though, especially not for a teenage boy in a culture where violence is rewarded and imbedded into his daily life from D2. Moreover, his time in the arena has left him fully disillusioned, so much so he now doubts even himself, and his right to have that love that initially motivated him.

Based on the interview in the next chapter, I imagine this moment was edited to imply his doubts in his marriage weren’t because of himself, but that he had “fallen in love” with Piper instead. The implication of the two of them having a romance during the Caesar interview was one I was not prepared for and had me so angry on their behalves. It was also just another really simple, tiny detail that should how the tributes are just prop dolls, and not people.

But like come on guys! The found family story is so much better!

With Ajax mentioning how he would split off soon, he says he doesn’t want to be the one to kill them. That being the case though, I would have thought he’d split before Onyx is killed. If they were the final three, what would his plan have been? Just to outlast them and hope the elements or mutts kill them instead? I think this is the part that confuse me the most, what exactly he thought was going to happen. Especially being from two and having victor family friends, I would’ve thought that he would understand that the games typically want to have a dramatic finale. My best guess is that between the injury and stress and grief, he really isn’t thinking that much about what he wants to happen, but just knows what he doesn’t want.

Now moving into the plot for Onyx. Even with her sense of self shattered, it is still Piper who thinks of the trap, going to show how the underlying qualities that define her are still there. She is strategic and technical and knows how to trick.

As for the characters being able to breathe, I was right about it having to do with Galbin being covered in red, but like Piper I was wrong about what that red was lmao. It makes so much more sense that it wasn’t some crazy blood chemical reaction or thing to do with the rocks, but instead a self made coat from the mutts. I’m still curious why Galbin was ready to fight with Galley though.

Also! Silo my boy! The group being known as *his* alliance is so special to me! Also in the next chapter with the highlights on him during the game being confident and competent in the caves it’s all I wanteddddd!!!

I like how the career pack is seemingly the last to figure out the secret to the poisoned air, and that all the other tributes from Silo’s to Onyx’s pack was already using the chemical. It shows how the careers, while incredibly strong and strategic, still have a certain reliance on things being provided to them from the cornucopia and their sponsors. They didn’t have the same need to test things out in the arena, because they usually are in the safest place and their priority isn’t initially survival, but hunting. This wasn’t entirely the case for Piper, Galley, and Ajax, but they still had the main objective to get back to the cornucopia, not to better understand the arena.

Of them however, Galley spent the most time figuring out arena quirks, and while I think his cartographer background influenced that for sure, I also like to think it was because he was the least career. He was the only one who didn’t undergo special game training, and therefore doesn’t have the same tunnel vision and feeling he knows what to do the way his alliance did. When you aren’t trained, you end up being more scrappy.

I am really glad the three characters got a final hug and tender found family moment. With Ajax giving Galley Jade’s token, it feels like he had come to realize Galley had the better odds. In their brief back and forth, neither even mentioned the possibility for Piper to need to take the token. The boys are finally coming to terms with Piper actually dying, and this is further represented in Galley no longer drawing suns on her, but stars.

Obviously she doesn’t die. Ajax is lost first, and I can’t imagine the sick amusement the capital found in his last words to his allies being that a few fish can’t hurt him. At the same time however, the statement is representative of his entire time in the games, not fully realizing the danger he was getting himself into. The guilt Piper has over being unable to kill Ajax because of her disability is reflective of Ajax’s apology at the beginning of the chapter on how he tried to kill her but couldn’t. The difference obviously is why they failed, a physical inability versus a mental one. The same shame however is present, of these kids who were made to make a horrible and impossible, though well meaning, Promice.

The reveal of Ajax having only been killed because of Piper’s arm being used as bait was truly horrific. I had worried that the game makers would collect the arm and use it in some way at an auction or museum, but the fact that another tribute took and held onto it was sickening. It shows how Onyx has crossed a line mentally, and ironically is supporting the very narrative of district depravity that is used to oppress him. He has allowed himself to be the villain and monster the capital relies on to justify the districts going through the hunger games.

Onyx’s unjustifiable action with Piper’s arm and his taunting of their grief causes the important issues he brings up to be diminished. Piper did only save tokens from the rich districts, because those were the only district tributes she allowed herself to get to know. Piper was born lucky, not just because of being a victor’s daughter, but being in a wealthy district on a whole where even those who are lower income have means for people to earn money and obtain food. She has no idea that somewhere like D12 regularly has people starving to death in the streets, with there being few legal avenues to obtain any sort of food security— with even higher class people making trades with poachers. While she agrees that other tributes deserve a chance, she lives somewhere with a vibrant Victor’s Village, and has likely never internalized somewhere like D12 has brought almost no one home. When I think more about it, I’m not sure even how much Caspian and the other D4 victors have friendships with victors in non-wealthy districts.

All that to say, there is a lot Piper could have learned from Onyx, but his anger instead isolated her further and caused her to lose her compassion. While Piper’s disability forced her to have to be more violent and erratic, the kill left Galley incredibly shaken. The way Onyx was consumed by hate and anger, Piper was too, and Galley had to watch it happen.

Finally, Galley’s death. I hadn’t expected him to live up until the final two if I’m honest, but it definitely makes his death’s impact on Piper so much more visceral. I am locking in my prediction now that the 74th game’s doing the double victor twist is going to be particularly triggering, even if she can see past the manipulation from the game makers, just because she had to suffer such a tremendous loss from a same district finale.

Omg I’m now imagining her and Tide are mentoring together that year because both of them had same district finales and they just share a look of absolute rage and exasperation like BRUH THE FUCK.

Back to Galley back to Galley. Learning the meaning behind his stars was beautiful, especially as I remember him giving Jade her chalk star. I had a feeling he would be impacted by the poison, but the fact he had been safe and it was a complete accident that it was washed away came as such a surprise. Then the bats omfg the bats.

To give my thoughts on Piper’s question why would they send in the bats when he was choking already; I am guessing it is because they want to ensure she knows it wasn’t an accident. Him dying just from the poison wouldn’t send the message to Piper that they were going to ensure she was the victor no matter what. She couldn’t think it was a fluke, but had to know it was the plan and that they would not let Galley win. The secondary reason might be to end the games quick before Piper could find a way to ensure she died first as well

The next chapter reveals her prosthetic was already commissioned, and that her victory was planned for and incredibly well sponsored. Onyx knows that he wouldn’t have been allowed to win because of his anger, and that thought process along with Piper’s reflections on how Finnick and Galley would get on, made me think about how Galley was probably too much like Finnick to ever be allowed to win. Three years ago they had their charming, intelligent, “pretty,” and record breakingly young boy from D4. It would be redundant and anti-climatic for it to happen again so soon, especially when Finnick is still at the peak of his fame and influence. The capital doesn’t want an emotional girl, it doesn’t want an angry boy, and it doesn’t want a carbon copy kid.

Piper feeling emotionally that she is being torn apart while holding the little boy she tried so hard to save who is literally being torn apart tore me apart.! Her begging him to know she didn’t think this would happen and to please believe her was so heart breaking, especially because I went back to immediately after their reaping and was reminded how little he trusted her then. It was also a painful reminder that people in D4 like Rowan thought she was a manipulator and were convinced this would happen, and now it doesn’t even matter Galley didn’t believe it was purposeful and trusted her in the end, because the edit made sure to create the manipulator narrative. Frankly, this is Setting up for her perception to be worse than I initially feared..

Now I had to quote this whole section because it is so beautiful, both in tone and prose, and so very very painful: “As much as I've fought not to cry in front of the cameras, I break my rules for him. Lighthouse kid, cartographer, genius, future sailor… Forever a star. Nothing more.” From the build up over the past challenges of witnessing Piper refuse to cry on camera, it is a moment of such substantial narrative catharsis. Like Galley’s death, it was made to be an inevidability, with both being tied up in the same painful resolution thread.

While the capital sees this as a time of glory, and it is a moment for Piper of profound grief, the comment from Templesmith playfully chiding her shows how either way Piper is treated like a joke. She isn’t taken seriously, even as she is visibly desperately trying to hold onto the tokens and completely breaking down.

Now the last part of chapter 27, “only seeing darkness and a few glittering stars waiting for me…I can almost name every single one.”

Holy shit. Pure fucking poetry. I got chills!

There isn’t really a better way to have ended her time in the arena, and I shall fittingly end my ramble here for now— without reading it over bc I’m too tired at the moment lol. Apologies if any of this was incomprehensible!

Thoughts on how I felt about the #PipersOutOfTheArenaParty coming soooooooooon!

HENLO MY LOVELY ANON!! It's so lovely to see you again, I've been looking forward to your thoughts on how things have been developing!

Aww, you are genuinely the sweetest creature in the universe. I forwarded this to him and it genuinely touched him so much. He told me to thank you for appreciating what he does and for also understanding what he meant about the situation disabled people have to deal with. He's terribly humble, so he said it was an honor, but, if you'll allow me, I'd say the honor is mine for having him be a part of this and trusting me and this project. He truly is an awesome friend and person, Anon.

He's extremely glad his thoughts resonated with you and told me to also say that he is extremely honored and touched that it could help you put that feeling into words and that you'll carry it with you. As I said before, he doesn't really have a tumblr, but he was certainly thankful of this acknowledgement.

Now, onto your journey finding this fic, I am so thankful you are even more invested on this now. I honestly can't believe I'm lucky enough to have a reader who sends me these kinds of essays. Funnily enough, I started writing this fic... for a similar reason! Hahaha! So, I have always only ever done canonxcanon and ocxoc, so this was very much new territory. In fact, this, alongside Silver Fox, will probably be my only times writing ocxcanon. At first, Piper wasn't even going to have a romantic relationship, but I kept seeing Annie's treatment in the fandom and thought about how it might be interesting to have her and Annie get together, but then, of course, I found I simply could not take her away from Finnick. Not because she's not her own person, but because odesta is way too dear and meaningful to me. So--seafoam was born! I was like, okay, I'm going to kind of write a story I would enjoy reading, even if none else does. So, I obviously kept the themes that I found most interesting about the Hunger Games, dove in too deep in lore and-- created this, without thinking anyone would ever care too much, but knowing it'd be a good moment to explore some things in my writing. And then you come along with this passion and I just hope you know that it's genuinely so appreciated. I truly hope you come to adore Annie in here, I know she hasn't had too much screentime yet (or as much as I'd like), but I have very, very big plans for her! I'm also extremely honored you enjoy the way this story is touching on the themes you mentioned and hope you know it means the world to me you're content with it. Also that you love Piper so much. Piper is a bit of a wild card in the sense that I had been told by other people how she wasn't 'likeable' necessarily, so seeing someone fell so deeply inlove with her character is extremely beautiful. Thank you, seriously, for all of this.

Also thank you for saying you'd like a bound copy of this and that you love this so much. Like-- seriously, Anon, this is the greatest praise I could've ever gotten! Thank you, thank you, you are literally the best and I truly can't wait for you to follow me in this journey as Piper goes on! Because now that she's out of the arena... this is just the beginning!

Speaking of the arena... bring it on! Let's discuss this super heartbreaking final chapter that I totally didn't write while crying, hahaha!

Also, thank you for your essays, always. Just know they're very appreciated.

Now... onto the sad stuff!

Oh, Piper's pain! Yes! Okay, so, I've always been a little over people trying to make women's pain pretty and poc's pain quiet. I knew one thing, which was that Piper's pain was going to be raw and real and that it'd be for herself only. She's not wondering about her allies hearing her scream outside the sleeping sack, she's also not even thinking about what this entails. She's simply... devastated, which of course she is after going through something so violent and traumatic. I really wanted her to have a chance to just feel.

I am so grateful for you sharing your experience, please, please never apologise. Alternatively, I want to say I am deeply sorry for your loss of the people you mention and that I'm very glad you're here. I truly hope this story still helps represent something where you can feel heard and understood. I'm very honored this resonated with your own experience and emotions, seriously. It felt so necessary to keep this emotion layered and complex, because pain usually isn't only pain, and in this case it does come with a lot of survivors' guilt that is very difficult to handle, especially when it's just happened. Thank you so so much for saying it's handled well, it honestly means more than words can express.

THE SUNS DETAIL I HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN ABOUT MYSELF!! i believe they were very intentional even if Galley himself is not sure why. It's kind of almost like his own little way to hope and pray she'll get better, you know? Narratively-- hehehe, you caught me!

GALLEY WENT THROUGH SO MUCH THOSE THREE DAYS! of course, Ajax was mostly conscious in a way Piper wasn't, but it was still a horrifying position to be in for a thirteen year old. He also knows that Onyx is somewhere in the arena, which does cause a lot of fear to build up, because he could come at any given time to attack Ajax and Piper now that they're weak. One thing that serves as a double-edged sword in Galley's case is his intelligence. He is too aware of the dangers around them, though, as you said, he is certainly competent in a way he didn't think he'd be. It's also an extremely stressful position to be in for someone so young. It certainly was a lonely, terrifying moment for him and it honestly breaks my heart.

YES! Honestly, I think if it weren't for Galley, Piper would be far from where she is mentally, where she can still reach for hope and a willness to fight. He is honestly such a smart guy and such a sweet boy and he truly becomes Piper's rock in the same way she has been his. The moment I wrote him telling Piper his plans for his boat was kind of the materialization of them becoming life-changing for one another. He has gone from meeting a legend and idolising her to seeing a girl, accepting her and adoring her beyond the title, the magic tricks and the smiles. Just like she has gone from seeing the passionate lighthouse kid to a capable, intelligent boy who could have been so much more and now will forever change the meaning of stars to her.

AJAX, HELL YEAH! Let's discuss him! You're so right, he definitely was very 'career' in the sense we have been taught while also being extremely naive and a little purposefully ignorant about many things. Of course, it does mean he grew up in an environment that facilitated this view of the Games for a kid. That's why his development had to kind of come from him being destroyed by the Games. He is the one who begins hallucinating things and the one who starts taking care of others and becoming dependent of them. He has realised he was lied to an that he made a horrible mistake and in that moment in that arena he wonders if he makes it out if it'll ever stop feeling like that. We'll see more of him in the future, or, well, of the circumstances and people around him, but in my head there were many kids like Ajax who were victims of propaganda and their own egos and I really hope I did his arc justice in some way. His love was what made him strong, but suddenly, the question is if he could ever hold onto it once more after what he's seen and done, or if he's even worthy of it.

YES! YES! You are right! It was very much a moment of disregarding any platonic bond between a male and a female just because of their closeness and it was extremely disrespectful, especially later on when Ajax is dead and his widowed girlfriend is stuck somewhere watching as their love is being doubted. There were many moments in which the Capitol was like 'ohh, so he likes her', but changed the narrative, mostly going for 'Piper is just trying to get him to trust her'. The Capitol has also been playing with the angle of Piper being 'so loveable' for a while. One fun fact that doesn't appear in the fic but I think would break you is that they do comment on it when Ajax pulls out his spear and is ready to kill Piper but can't, and a lot of the commentary is made up of cheeky insinuations. BUT YOU'RE RIGHT! They were found family and it is certainly 100% better than the odd, twisted idea the Capitol wanted to sell!

Honestly, I think Ajax was, as you guessed, not thinking straight at all. When he mentioned how few people they were, he was aware they would have to end up battling and he didn't know how to face that truth. Especially because he is big in honor and fighting with honor and he doesn't even seem convinced about what that means to him anymore. You're so right, he honestly just knows that he does not want to be left alone and that he doesn't want Onyx to make them suffer too much.

Yes! Piper is still, at her core, a trickter. I truly wanted to keep that because even though she doesn't see it, it's not necessarily her jokes that make her herself, she has just been told too many times that they were.

NO, BECAUSE ANON, WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SWEATING WHEN YOU MENTIONED THE BLOOD?! I was genuinely SHOOK LIKE OKAY, ANON IS TOO SMART! hahaha. Galvin attacking Galley will have answers! I promise! Just not immediately, as it's more someone telling Piper their vision, which turns out to be very likely.

SILO, MY BOY! He will be mentioned more in the future, but, yeah! He was very competent. He was the one who, in the beginning, decided all younger tributes should stick together and the one who adapted to that arena the quickest. I was truly hoping you'd like his treatment!

Gotta agree with you on the careers usually not having to work as hard to understand the arena. In general, I think careers are very used to rely on their sponsor gifts and their training to kill, without putting as much thought into the survival part of the arena. We kind of see that in the books, how within the career packs, usually D4 is the one that leans more towards using arenas to their advantage and only when water is involved. But they usually grow dependant on gifts and aren't necessarily studying every single thing in the arena, which other tributes would do out of need and also as a consequence of not always thinking about hunting other tributes down.

Yes! It's so ironic because Galley used to believe his lack of training was what made him less useful, without realising that it put him in the perfect mindset for survival. The idea to make a map given all the tunnels in the arena was something that not everyone would've thought of, especially not in the very beginning of the Games.

Writing the final moments of the career pack was so tricky, just so you know, I spent half the time writing this chapter trying not to cry. It truly felt like, for me, they had become each other's family, but of course, they are in the Hunger Games, so they know what they're in for. I'm so glad you caught onto Ajax giving the token, because when I was writing it I was like-- very aware that Ajax isn't dumb. He knows what he's doing and what that looks like, and it isn't him trying to cheer Galley up, but him making a statement. He knows he's injured, mentally unstable and, partially, he hopes Galley will make it, so, it only felt right. THE STARS. AAAAAAAAAAA. NO, BECAUSE GALLEY DRAWING STARS ON PIPER AND PIPER NOT REALISING WHAT HE WAS BEGINNING TO DO WILL FOREVER HAUNT ME.

When Ajax dies, the Capitol finds it hilarious. The tensions are very high due to them being the Final Four and they are in shock at Onyx's use of Piper's arm as bait, but they also just find it incredibly funny. He always was an overconfident boy to them and that is exactly how he dies. Ajax is not granted the option of being gotten to know of, because he chose an angle and the Capitol shaped it into the story they wanted. So he truly dies how they knew him. The fact that Piper and Galley knew him, loved him, and had to hear as he was eaten alive was something the TV would never capture, because they didn't want to. Just like nobody seemed to care about the fact that these two children had made a promise to get the other out of their suffering if the time for that came. Piper never was mad at Ajax for not killing her, but she would never forgive herself for not doing it to him. At its core, it is one of many instances of children in Panem being made to make promises that not always can be kept and that are far too big for them and their circumstances.

Onyx is actually one of the characters I found the most fascinating while writing, especially during his confrontations with Piper. There's still some stuff from him that will be revealed... eventually, but, I wanted his hatred for Piper to change shapes and for it to become consuming in a way that resonates with the original trilogy's theme of 'knowing who the real enemy is'. His first confrontation with her is fueled by many things, but it is clear he believes it's unfair how she's in a position where the Capitol alreadly loves her, how she is well-fed, she was raised training and how she was, admittedly, very lucky. However, as you say, she has no idea what Onyx has ever gone through. While Caspian is aware of the injustice in the Districts, he hasn't necessarily prepared Piper to be resented for it. She is put in the role the Capitol needs her to be. She is Onyx's enemy, but Onyx, in turn, justifies his anger at a larger system be directed at her only, because she seems representative of it. While also keeping in consideration that there are other ulterior motives. Then, he meets her and considers someone else has 'earned' to kill her, long as she is dead he is content. But she doesn't die. She manages to trick his ally and kill him and somehow survive. She is scurry and difficult and, again, the more time this boy spends in this arena, the more Piper is the escapegoat to all of his suffering. Not only in the Games, but as a boy from the poorest District who always knew he wouldn't necessarily get a chance, even if he did fight for it with all he had. By the end, the hatred has consumed him and he has fallen exactly into the propaganda the Capitol needed him to. He has forgotten who the enemy is. That, of course, makes Piper forget as well.

Piper isn't necessarily a rebel at this point quite yet. Her story with that will be a bit complex and developed in the future, but she is not happy about the Games. She is in a position where she knows how awful they are. She even has to avoid the subject when speaking to Kaitlyn or Annie, because she knows she will get triggered at their brainwashing and get very hurt. So, it could have been beautiful. Onyx could have seen someone who, despite being born in District Four and a Victor's daughter, would have also shared his views on the Games. They could have taught each other a lot. But, of course, the moments where a glimpse of his true humanity comes to exist all arrive far too late in the Games. You are so right, it is honestly the tragedy of the Games, in my opinion, how poverty is weaponized and handed to the Districts to point at one another. Him picking Piper's arm shows how he was ready to use it to hurt them in some way, how he couldn't let go of the reminder that she existed, because that could keep the fire and the rage alive inside him enough for him to keep going.

And now, we're down to Galley reminding Piper something very important. That he knows her and she is not violence. That hatred was never what fueled her and he can't let her keep that. Piper has a fair amount of female rage, though it's framed differently due to her upbringing, but she was never rage. So, this means a lot. Galley is, yet again, so much more than he thinks and so much more important than he'll believe.

Hehehehe, I'm so happy Galley being one of the final ones came as a surprise! I kind of wanted it from the beginning. As much as I believe a final battle makes sense for so many Games, in this case, Galley just kept surviving and the story kind of wrote itself this way. It only made sense for his death to be a genuine accident and a surprise to the exhausted Piper. There is also a secret about the bats that I cannot disclose but will be answered in the future, so-- yeah!

I SHALL NOT SPOIL ANYTHING ABOUT THE 74TH GAMES!! I will say, you'd be surprised at the amount of characters that have experiences that kind of parallel the finale of the 74th Games in different ways. Like, genuinely, I cannot WAIT for you to read Lighthouse Phantom and get to the-- 72nd Hunger Games! That's all I'll say!

But yeah, it is a very painful thing for many Victors. AS ALWAYS YOU ARE LOWKEY A WIZARD!

ALSO SHALL NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT GALLEY'S DEATH YET! I'll wait until you get the answers to get back to this, but I will say your reasoning feels so so right. You're also very correct in that Piper was overestimating Galley's odds. As you say, he is far too "similar" to Finnick in the angle played and what the Capitol views. Besides, the Capitol always did want their claws on Piper Ronan and Snow was always very aware of it. Piper is the funny girl. The funny, mischievous trickster. They don't have that in their collection of Victors yet and they've been taunted about it with years and years worth of seeing her in TV segments. Though, again, it's-- got a few secrets to it.

I'm so sorry! I promise the answers will come!

I also truly adore your theories and will tell you, you are so, so close!

God, writing Galley's death was the worst, Anon. Like, genuinely, it shattered me writing Piper going through it and immediately thinking of how Galley might feel. Her first thought is that Galley will think she was lying without realising he never would. He made the chose to trust her and he trusts her even in his final moments. However, the Capitol has made it look exactly the way they wanted and it will certainly have consequences for her public image in the District. The fact that you remember Rowan means so much cause she is a very good representation of the truth about how Piper could be seen and-- well. It does not look very good now. The worst part being, Piper isn't even thinking about that. She's simply, for once, crying.

I appreciate so much you noticing this. Because Piper never cries for the cameras. She doesn't cry anywhere that isn't safe. Partially out of spite, as she doesn't want the Capitol to think they won, but also as a result of growing up the child of a famous person that is aware vulnerability can easily be used against her, especially as a woman. But there is one thing that would break this rule, and that is love. Crying doesn't feel like weakness because it represents a moment of giving this boy one final offering and a way to honor him. It's not for the cameras, it's not for anyone but her little star. It means the world that you enjoyed the prose, seriously! Galley becoming a star is also kind of a parallel. Piper always says her dad sees ghosts in the lighthouse of his family members, and now, she will see her fellow tributes in the stars.

OH, WRITING CLAUDIUS PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH. Because he knows. Of course he does. The Capitol may not know, the Districts may not know, but he does, and he sees this tribute being desperate enough to put all these tokens in her mouth and decides to, once more, turn her pain into the punchline. To quickly make her one-dimensional, the way the Capitol wanted her. She is not allowed to be a girl anymore, especially now, as she is a Victor.

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!! It means the world! I actually DESPISE writing the ending to chapters, so this was one I was kind of proud of. Thank you, seriously for appreciating my writing.

I cannot imagine what you were thinking when I was like “haha Piper and Peeta are a little similar” knowing full well their most obvious similarity was yet to be revealed. Yes babies both went into their games not expecting to survive, but then somehow come out of it alive but with one less limb.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew there would be loss of limbs from the tags, but wasn’t certain if it’d be Piper or a side character. I now definitely have my answer. While Peeta had his procedure under anesthetics with an entire medical team around him in order to save him from death, Piper had a traumatic amputation occurring before the games have even ended bringing her incredibly close to death. Her limb loss is on camera, being shown across the country, getting commentary, and probably being in her highlights where she’ll have to rewatch it. I have so many thoughts on her disability, but i save them for the end to focus on the entire chapter more lol.

They’ve made it to the final six, and in a turn I doubt happens often, they have two alliances without any tributes currently working on their own. At this point, it would make sense for Ajax to break away from their alliance, the way it seems most career packs eventually dissolve far into the game, and yet he appears to have no interest in doing so. So, why!

I feel like there could be so many possible reasons. Maybe doing the mental math of who is left, he knows it would be three on three if they were to meet, and those odds are still better. Maybe he wants to stick with them because of the Promice between himself, Cato, Caspian, and Piper. I think it probably has to do with the fact he does feel like they’re friends though, and wants to wait until the last possible moment to split off. Moreover, being with them provides safety from the shadow hallucinations, and moments of joy in quite literally a very dark place.

The scene of Ajax asking Piper how she keeps up her joy and laughter in the arena is so important, and I predict will be an active mentality she’ll have to continue turning to after the games. Though she doesn’t mention it, I think growing up surrounded by every person in your neighborhood being deeply traumatized, and having parents who survived such deep familial loss, made her aware that she was one of the bright spots for a lot of the people around her. Then with the lighthouse, finding joy in somewhere that’s experienced so much loss, and being aware of her impact and ability to culturally build it back up and bring more of that light to the district despite capital suppression.

wait…

Wait a moment.

The light house ghost…. light houses beam light in the dark…. piper is in a place right now literally without any light…. Piper seeks to bring security and light to those around her….

Am I?

AM I STUPID?

…

Welp anyways!

The arena seems like it is trying to force the two alliances to meet up given how it is directing where they travel through the rock slides. I wonder how much of the setting was manipulated to split the three up down separate passages as well. I both like the idea, because it shows how masterminded the game makers are, but also don’t because I love the fact the tributes have agency and autonomy and make their own intelligent strategies.

The description of Piper traveling down the passageway admittedly made me feel claustrophobic on her behalf. I already hated that for her, and then, in an Orpheus coded move, she had a moment of anxiety by the shadows and turned around, only for her to get trapped and incredibly hurt. I think what is almost worse however is seeing her doubt in her Allies. That moment of her wondering if she cares about them to the point she didn’t see a ploy to abandon her really felt like her rock bottom (pun not intended), as her relationship and care for people has always been a source of strength.

Then the Onyx pack pulls up, and Piper really is taking the moment to reckon with her own impending death, as she is beaten and taunted and trapped in extreme pain. So then I of course went back to read what Piper wanted out of her time in the arena and her death (as one does).

She didn’t want her death to be ridiculous. She didn’t want to die the joke. And then you have her reflecting on how she is such a big joke, getting mocked by her “ghosts don’t get caught” while being very much caught, comparing herself to her capital idealized father, imagining snow laughing at her.

I am rolling on the floor screaming and thrashing. Ik ik she doesn’t die but the emotions of that whole scene was so painful! Then followed up by her interaction with Deckler? The hits keep coming.

Regarding the attack, I appreciate how Piper’s evasion was not some master strategy, and that the fact she lost her arm was a shock. I’ve seen people approach limb loss as a tactical master maneuver, but Piper was in so much pain that she knew she had to try to take less damage, without putting it together an axe would be swinging at her arm. She never thought for a second “yes if he cuts off my arm I will be free from the boulder,” like that did not compute whatsoever. She is a kid trying not to die, and she is horrified to see her arm detached, because holy shit yes that is horrifying!

Now Piper’s blackout was focused on the lighthouse, magic and Ray, and the reminder that Piper’s story is ultimately not rooted in the ship, but her love for her brother, is so heartwarming. Maybe it helps it is a slow burn and her relationship with Finnick was new and with Annie is yet to occur, but her mind going back to a memory with Ray is such a good reminder of why she was there, amplified by the fact it is him she spoke the most about with Jade before. I think oc fics can easily lose the oc outside of their canon character ship, but Piper is so well centered and has a story and life that stands on its own.

I was in some ways surprised to see Ajax and Galley tending to Piper. I didn’t quite expect the game makers would be willing to send sponsor gifts at that point in the game— but maybe it’s from what they already received and saved. The thing is, to work with Galley and save Piper is not what one would usually assume a career from D2 would do at this point. He could win. Piper is horribly injured, galley is tiny and distressed, and if Onyx is still left it isn’t like Ajax isn’t still stronger and with greater combat training. Yet, Ajax doesn’t, the same way he didn’t split off from the alliance when D4 first out numbered him.

All I can say, is he is just a caring and good guy. There really isn’t much more to it that I can think of. He isn’t thinking of the game or the victory, but people who he has come to care about. He also is acting in a way I doubt the game makers are happywith though, and who knows how that might cause the arena to turn against him.

Theory time! how exactly will Piper win her hunger games, because right now it feels there shouldn’t be any coming back from this. I am thinking it has to do with the mysteries around Galvan, and how he could breathe in the poisoned air. You alluded to answers coming in due time, and that he knew what he was doing. I—- - still have no idea wtf he was doing. BUT, Piper being immune to the toxic air when Ajax and Galley are not seems the most plausible way she can win when so severely hurt.

My best guess sounds kinda insane, but I think it either has something to do with having an open wound or a specific kind of rock that negates the poison? The most notable detail about Galvan was that he was actively bleeding. Then, he tried to attack Galley with a sharp rock and slashed his face, when he had the upper hand and could have slit Galley’s throat if he wanted to kill him. As such, maybe he was trying to make it so Galley could tolerate the poison, either because of some wild chemical reaction with a wound, or some chemical in the rock he cut with.

Nooooow, back to feelings on Piper’s disability. She is a magician, and her tricks rely on a significant amount of coordination and dexterity between her hands. While a prosthetic arm is possible, and I assume the capital will give her when asleep, the hands usually can’t make as precise of movement or be as quick. It’s possible the capital technology is better than that of our reality, but based on Peeta, their prosthetics don’t seem any more enhanced given his trouble with balance, running, needing a cane at first, etc. that likely means for Piper, the magic tricks she did do seamlessly will have to be relearned and adapted.

The sense of loss when suddenly becoming disabled is so incredibly consuming, especially when it feels like it takes away something you love. At the same time, when the alternative to being disabled was to have died, it makes it so feeling grief is associated with a sense of survivors Guilt as well. For me, I very much cope/d with my disability through humor though, and actually what Piper said about needing to find joy was really resonant with my approach to being disabled. I can very much see her being the type to joke about it: referencing her pirate blood and how she should have gotten a hook, lying to people about her prosthetic being a multi tool, pulling the good old “I didn’t notice” when people point it out, lots of hand it to you puns, and so on— Her and Shaff would be an absolute riot together.

Luckily for Piper, she does have such a good support system, from the pod, to her parents, to the extended D4 victor family. I do wonder how many victors end up with physical/mobility disabilities now compared to early in the games though, and if there is more of an age gap between her and other victors with a similar disability. I predict though Piper will have a period of frustration, particularly when first trying to do magic again with her prosthetic, but will literally not be allowed to give up even if she wanted to by those around her challenging her and encouraging her.

By the time Peeta wins the 74th games, Piper will have had six years of adjustment. Based on how uncommon amputations are and how we already know most of the victors in the interim, it’s safe to assume Peeta is the first victor following her to lose a limb…. BIG SISTER UNDERSTANDING YOUR UNIQUE LOSS PIPER FTW!

Like I love Suzanne Collins, but so much was missing in her exploration of Peeta’s disability. Obviously we were limited to Katniss’ POV, and there was legitimate acknowledgement of his leg in CF, but also it seems his leg was forgotten about in MJ? Also the movies…can’t quite forgive the erasure from the movies.

Piper, being a pov character, is given the chance to explore physical disabilities in Panam’s setting which canon lacked, and hopefully someone who can offer Peeta more empathy and support. I am always so sad when I remember during the most difficult time of rehabilitation for an amputation— the first six months— Peeta really had no support system. I don’t know if Piper will somehow track down his phone number, or if they’ll first interact on everlark’s tour, but whenever it happens I trust she will be the best person for him and his processing of his disability.

Obviously a lot is between now and then, but I am incredibly excited for all the parts of your hg world, so I am more than happy to wait!

Hello there!

Oh, Anon, you've got no idea how much fun I was having waiting for the reveal. As you mentioned a possible Peeta and Piper friendship I kept thinking about a theme I really always wanted to incorporate on the fic, and when you mentioned you enjoyed the portrayal of Silo's disability, I could only think "wait until they find out that the MAIN CHARACTER is disabled"! It was so much fun but nerve-wracking. I am aware of the big responsibility that it is to write disabilities within this fandom, so I was a little nervous for this chapter to be out and not be good enough. There's going to be some more on Peeta and Piper's bond later in this answer, so bear with me, please!

The difference on how they became amputees is something so fascinating to me. To be fair, since I rescued Piper from a forum from 2015, I knew I wanted this to be a story that actually told something new or that wasn't talked about a lot. Especifically something I've always found underdeveloped in the main trilogy is just how overlooked disability is when it comes to Victors long as they're still functional in their books. Katniss' loss of hearing, yes, but also Peeta having lost a limb in a traumatic setting and immediately given a prosthetic (probably against his will) in order for him to become the lover, without giving him the agency to go through the complex emotions disabled people go through when going through these things. In general, disabilities are either erased for the comfort of the masses or made into a shape that feels easier for them to understand, not to mention turned into stories about inspiration and power usually shaped around abled people. The way Piper's loss of her limb is going to be handled has a lot to do with all of that. And in my opinion, is a common factor with Peeta's, even if the circumstances are drastically different. I can promise you, just as she was thinking of her dad not being relaxed, or wishing her brother wasn't watching, sadly, her most vulnerable moment is shared for everyone and, as you say, it does have commentary. It's turned into an spectacle for people who, in the most part, won't ever understand.

You've hit the nail in the coffin with Ajax! I'd say, one thing I always keep in mind when writing him is honor. The same honor Andrea preached and Jade tried to hold onto. Ajax is an honorable guy in a very District Two sense that could've involved him doing what it took to win, but, he can't do it when his allies are at his lowest. He also made that promise you mentioned. He knows he can't leave them to suffer slowly, so if he kills them, it has to be quick and, in his opinion, with them being able to fight. Besides, Ajax has certainly become close with these two, which does make it easier. To be fair, I would blame the arena a lot for the codependency these tributes show. It's been terrifying for them to not see the sun in so long and for them to feel so trapped.

OH YES! YES ABOUT THAT TALK! I honestly thought it'd be essential to add a beat like that because, admittedly, it takes a lot of strength and resilience to remain happy and to also actively look for other people's happiness in face of adversity. I wanted this to be a moment for Piper to kind of know but also not know. Her identity has been built so firmly over fun and happiness that to her it's second nature, when in reality there's a lot more to it. As always, your literary analysis is incredible! She grew up in a world where she was the lucky one to not have experienced major trauma. The Victors' Village is full of tragic stories and given how little control the Ronans felt like they had, joy felt like Piper's own little rebellion and a way to make everything feel like a home. The lighthouse being so fascinating has a lot to do with it, because it has potential after a horrible circumstances and it has an enormous symbolic meaning Piper has been holding onto since before she could remember. There's also the special mention of Piper being very aware of her privilege, because the District never let her forget, yes, but also because her best friend is from the Raft. Having so many tools for her to fight for joy, Piper gravitated toward it almost like her own little survival tactic.

YOU'RE NOT STUPID!! I promise! I never wanted to be too on the nose, so the fact that you got everything and keep analysing every detail and finding how it's a part of a bigger picture is amazing! BUT YEAH!! And there shall be many, many more moments in which this becomes a theme!

Sidenote none cares about, the 'echoes' part is coming very soon! It's pertaining to one and only, Sonna Maac, who is certainly coming! (in her own fanfic that focuses on her and her relationship with Johanna! it'll start being posted hopefully in September.)

Hehehe, I will say nothing about the Gamemakers. I do not know them. I have never spoken to them. I have never even MET one! LOL BUT I do love both versions so so much. I'm also glad the tunnel scene was as unsettling as it seems it was. Not going to lie, I'm hypercritical with my writing so it is wonderful when you do let me know the thoughts and emotions it caused you, cause it makes me feel like it's not as rough around the edges as I think. I believe this was genuinely hell for Piper before the Onyx pack arrived, because for the first time, she's been left alone with her thoughts and her fears. It broke my heart to have her doubt about them, but, honestly, she is mostly terrified.

AAAA FOREVER THANKFUL THAT YOU KEEP GOING BACK TO CHECK ON THINGS!! Like, seriously? I couldn't have asked for a better reader, and I truly mean it. I really wanted Piper to face her greatest arena fears and knew that Deckler's very complex grief was perfect to have her genuinely feel like a joke. She has killed and tried to convince herself it would be worth it. She has tried to turn the Games upside down, but, in the end, it's not enough, because she is one girl with a secret agenda. She is only human and there are things beyond her control and, in the end, she feels very stupid and ridiculous. She genuinely thought she was going to die, so thinking she was dying while being the funniest little thing to Panem was her worst nightmare. She is convinced her impending death comes as Snow's amusement and eventual indeference.

OHHH BOY, THE AMPUTATION SCENE! Okay, okay, gosh, I've been dying to talk about this since the beginning. I'm so glad you didn't dislike the choice of it being "collateral". To be fair, I am always blown away by a lot of survivors' stories who have had experiences in which losing a limb was the way out, but, as much as Piper is intelligent, she is also just a very frightened child who is in enormous amounts of pain. Piper knows how to confuse people and how to manipulate them, but she doesn't get a moment to consider if losing her arm is something she wants to come to terms with, or if she'll even survive all together. All she knows is that this is destroying her and she needs to at least not get killed immediately, especially knowing Ajax and Galley are on their way. So this is, like everything with her, a split-moment choice. One that keeps her alive but will change her life forever.

AAAAA I'm so glad you like the lighthouse sequence! Personally, I don't love when ocs (or any characters) have everything about them surround their romantic bonds from very early on. Piper's most important person in her life is Ray, it will always be him. Don't get me wrong, romance is and will be very important in the fic moving forward, especially with what awaits for Pip after the Games and with the Annie storyline we've got coming in a little bit, but I don't know. Piper started doing magic for Ray. It felt right to give this moment to her home, her lighthouse, her brother, and UNCLE BRINE! Uncle Brine who lost an eye in the Dark Days and who is so clearly happy in this sequence! It's a very small detail, but one I wanted to incorporate.

As Piper's relationship with Finnick progresses and as the two's bond with Annie comes to be a thing, their romance will be very much a safe space for her but... I don't know! It just felt right for the situation and position Piper is in. At this given moment, she thinks of the person she so desperately needed to keep safe and how safe she felt with them. Thank you so so much for considering her well-centered. It means the world. I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I worldbuild too close to the sun and I create too many ocs, but... I enjoy when characters feel real! Real people usually don't only revolve around romance! It is having these complementary bonds that makes romantic relationships feel more real when it's time to read and write them, in my humble silly opinion as someone who doesn't know what they're doing haha.

Hehehe, the predictions about them tending to her and what happened in the tunnel shall be answered... tomorrow! All I can say is... these boys really are trying with everything they've got. Same with the state of the alliance because... okay, I can't believe I'm saying this... tomorrow's chapter is officially the last arena chapter! So I promise you'll get your answers (some of them) BUT YOUR THEORIES ARE LOWKEY SO SCARY GOOD AND-- YEAH.

NO COMMENT. I CANNOT SAY ANY COMMENT. I WILL NOT SPEAK WITHOUT MY LAWYER PRESENT.

Okay, time to ramble about Piper's disability!

I will have to mention my friend Stefan now, he is one of my beta readers and a sensitivity reader for this fic, but also one of my closest friends since I was twelve. He is an arm amputee and, admittedly, there would be no Piper if there was no Stefan. He doesn't have a Tumblr but he does know I'm posting this. He is someone to thank for a lot of the choices made in this fic, especially regarding how Piper and the Capitol handle her amputation. So, yeah, if I mention him a few times, it's because he's extremely generous and kind and willing to help me try to make this feel real and respectful as possible.

I cannot speak too much about what the Capitol does to her without spoiling her post-arena chapter, which is making me want to do a double post tomorrow AGAIN AAAA, I might. Not sure. Might post it somewhere along next week. I'm lowkey unsure whether I can answer this without spoiling much... so, I might be doing the double-post for sure. I do think Suzanne was lacking a lot when it came to speaking on disabilities. I love her books but... yeah, I wanted to write Piper as disabled precisely because it is a part of the universe she neglects, which sucks given Katniss' hearing loss and Peeta's prosthetic. In specific, I kept thinking about how a magician would be affected by the loss of an arm, because like you say, everything they do (or most things) rely a lot on dexterity in two hands.

Thank you seriously for sharing your experience. It means so so much to me. Piper's approach to her disability will feel very very familiar to you in that case. I promise that this isn't some story about her being disabled ruining her life, even if she does have very complicated feeings about losing her limb, it nearly always comes with the guilt of having made it and all the trauma from the arena. AND HER AND CHAFF, GOD. I'm actually so so excited to have them interact (because of course they will).

This is the theme I wanted to mention before! I feel like in a lot of stories disabled people are made to simply exist without support from other disabled people, which feels very wrong to me. Like, Stefan once told me this thing that I have never stopped thinking about, being that being disabled means having a whole different world abled people don't experience while still being forced into abled people's world. I believe community to be essential for people and so I really, really want to lean into Chaff, Cleo (who will soon have a brief wiki page, she is a Victor from Four who is in a wheelchair after her Games and Tide's partner) and later Peeta as well as other characters that aren't Victors.

So, yeah, expect Chaff, expect community and also expect... A LOT of jokes to cope. It is who Piper is at her core, right?

I ALSO SHALL NOT SPOIL MUCH ABOUT PIPER'S JOURNEY! But I love what you're saying about amputations and disabilities in the Games and TRULY AGREE! I also think they changed their approach to amputee Victors, given how canonically we see Chaff without a prosthetic while Peeta was never given a choice. Also how they treated Annie and tried not to even consider her after her mental health deteriorated in the arena.

YESSSSS OLDER SISTER PIP IS INCOMINGGG, I think you'll be surprised by their first interactions at first, but I do hope you'll love them. It will take a while to get there but I truly hope it'll feel rewarding and be what you hoped for. Peeta is definitely getting a lot of attention here, it'll just take a while... But we'll get there! Pinkie swear!

THESE CHAPTERS oh my lord these chapters

The game makers were like “it’s been a lil slow” and then accidentally speed ran from 13 tributes to the final four(maybe three depending on if Galley and Ajax killed Onyx?). I felt like I was on a roller coaster that just kept going, but then instead of slowing down the track broke in the worst/best way.

First, chapter 25 has so much important exploration about the perceptions of women and girls, both as individuals and in relations to one another. Again, what can I say, I really love feminist readings and see the harms of patriarchy everywhere.

I feel like the thesis for this chapter is very much Piper’s reflection “They wouldn’t miss an emotional girl… those are too unpredictable to them, too annoying,” with the consequences for this impacting Andrea, Piper, Jade, and later Annie.

Andrea and Piper have been at odds since the game began, with Andrea having a seemingly inexplicable destain towards Piper specifically. It can’t just be because she is more light hearted and humorous,because Ajax and Luster both also tended to tease and joke around, but were never treated with the same amount of hostility or disrespect. Jade received some of Andrea’s snide comments, but no where near the degree which Piper did either. Andrea seems more comfortable lashing out at other girls and seeing them as some sort of competition beyond the hunger games sense. Piper even clocked it early on that Andrea was insecure, and it seems that manifests through having a particular hate for Piper, who is loud, seemingly endlessly confident, and unapologetically herself. To Andrea, Piper either thinks she is superior to her, seeking attention, or both, with the attack on Piper’s “show girl smiles” and acting“blessed” being directly referenced by Andrea as making her untrustworthy.

What is interesting here, is it seems Andrea was initially trying to avoid full fledged confrontation. She wasn’t being direct or accusatory, but evasive, suggesting someone go with Piper until pushed to actually address wtf she meant. Who knows, maybe she planned to scheme behind D4’s back, but this seemed more reactionary than anything else.

Piper in this chapter was so well written. It felt like there was a tangible dark cloud over her, and a tension in her narration, actions, and dialogue, broken up by moments of attempted levity. Her exhaustion and resentment towards the games is potent, with her interaction with Galley when going fishing sticking out. I really like how Piper’s dialogue isn’t tagged or described, but it is reiterated Galley is horrified. It gives the sense Piper is much more emotionally detached. It doesn’t matter whether she is trying to keep her usual light tone or if she is flat and colde, because internally she is processing so much heavy shit and is so exhausted. The dawning understanding of Galley I read as him not being disillusioned by Piper per se, but seeing more into her humanity beyond her role as the Light House Ghost. This scene obviously comes right after Piper reminds herself not to be an emotional girl, and so her emotions fittingly are suppressed.

Andrea doesn’t suppress her emotions. She acts with needless violence, and is easily offended. Her patience with Piper first snaps without Piper even saying anything. Andrea’s frustration with Ajax’s criticism is directed towards Piper for daring to agree. She backs off because Ajax tells her too, but at that point she has worn Piper’s patience thin.

Andrea always hated Piper joking around, so it only makes sense that it is bei being made the punchline that sends her fully over the edge. She is the emotional unpredictable girl, and Piper is meant to be the predictable one in their conflict. She is meant to kill Andrea, and despite telling herself earlier not to be emotional and unpredictable because people don’t like those types of girls, she can’t bring herself to do what is expected of her. She tries to save Andrea, and in doing so goes against the intention of the hunger games. Andrea however rejects the help, and dies because of it.

I’m not entirely sure if she died from her injuries from the cave in, or if Ajax actually killed her without Piper realizing, but yk thats not my focus lol.

Jade stands in contrast to Andrea. She started off just as abrasive and threatening, but Piper becomes more of a curiosity after her approach to helping Jade with her prep team. She is shown Piper is unconventional but well intentioned early on, which Andrea never personally experienced. Other reasons Jade has to be curious about Piper comes from her different approach to the games, and the fact she has such a strong sense of self without them. She didn’t exist to simply volunteer, and she knows who she is. Her dream for her life would be to make people she already cares about happy and feel connected, not to prove herself or seek honor the way Jade has. Piper has the life Jade wishes for, friends and inside jokes and communal care.

The same way Jade is curious about Piper, Piper is curious about her as well. She cannot imagine growing up the way Jade has, and is deeply troubled by it. She asks for Jade’s birthdate despite both knowing nothing could mutually exist for them outside of the arena, but Piper still asks and Jade still answers. It is a moment of shared humanity. Growing up in training, it isn’t one she has even received outside of the games.

Jade is then forced to lose her existing ruthless career girl persona after the cave in. I am so happy you confirmed she and Luster developed a friendship in those days. I think Piper’s explanation of the sea glass was also so perfectly timed, as Piper explains how the sea shapes the sea glass like how pain shapes people, which mirrors how Jade’s sharp edges have been softened by her time in the arena.

Side thought, the sea glass tradition is not prepared for a poly relationship, but I believe in seafoam’s— particularly Piper’s— power to adapt lol.

Anyways Jade. She wasn’t an emotional girl, but then became one, showing vulnerability and need for connection. She is moved by a token which one would assume someone from the luxury district would likely scoff at, seeks physical closeness,finds comfort in small talk, and is calling people (gasp) friends. She even bursts into tears over warm bread.

Jade has failed to meet the archetype the game makers had expected her too. She shows weakness, as someone prepared for the games has been so thoroughly broken down by them. Her angle was honor and confidence, and based on her willingness to kill and hunt the first few days, her sponsors and betters likely were not pleased with what they saw of her that day. They can no longer know what to predict.

With there being only three ice cream spoons and the moles being satisfied by one kill, it seems the game makers wanted only one of them to die at that point. My big brain barely supported theory is that the moles were programmed potentially to kill Jade specifically. On one hand, this would slightly negate her sacrifice, but at the same time they may have decided she was no longer what they wanted in a victor.

Speaking of girls who the capital wouldn’t want to be a victor, we have Annie. Annie’s ultimate legacy in her games is to be THE emotional girl, one who is seen as a liability and known as “mad” across the country. While I hate when the fandom treats Annie as a fluke victor— as it undermines the fact she survived the arena despite her trauma and was capable of swimming through and treading in a literal fucking flash flood— I do think it was likely the game makers didn’t intend to kill off all the other tributes and have a game without a final confrontation/fight, and they view her victory as a mistake. Because of her mental health, she is very much seen as “unpredictable,” and a problem that must be dealt with.

There are also all the other gender related issues regarding how Piper internally sees herself as annoying and too much and doesn’t understand how or why people like her, but that is rambling for another time.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk, I love women and fems!

More thoughts coming (bc omfg chapter 26) at some point some time lol

Hello lovely anon!

AND YES, YES! I KNOW! hahaha, I really wanted to post the two of them together cause they also felt somehow connected, because they worked with each other's momentum, you know?

I'm so so glad you like the pacing! And... yeah, the gamemakers certainly had an agenda in mind. Whether they're successful or not in fulfilling it is another conversation. At least it's making for a very action-packed edition of the Hunger Games.

AAAAA YES! Let's talk about femininity and how I've tried to implement patriarchy's weight into these characters! I'm so thankful you want to study this, because it did take me a while to figure out how each one of the female careers was going to grapple with misogyny in the Capitol and in their own lives. I never wanted to avoid that conversation because I do think it's one of those things that are evidently important in the actual books as well as the kind of propaganda the Capitol would carefully craft for masses to control women, keep them oppressed and make the masses more docile and prone to live traditional lives with marriage and children. Obviously each District also handles it differently and it depends on the time, circumstances and many more factors, but it's genuinely such a fascinating topic for me.

YES, YES, YES! You are so correct. This chapter is a study on how vulnerability is treated like a weakness in women's case and specifically how the public will punish women for having emotions, whereas men will have a very different treatment. Like Piper said, they do not like emotional women. It is also a essential little brick placed carefully to later understand Annie's upcoming arc.

Let's discuss Andrea! You truly clocked it, Andrea is extremely insecure in her own person. While she is very confident in her training, she has a lot of internalized issues with other women's confidence and being unapologetic about it, in this case, Piper's, seeing her as a rival of sorts and resorting to pushing her down in attempts to view herself as more respectable. However, she is not stupid, she knows Piper is extremely popular with sponsors and is aware Piper is a threat, so she doesn't necessarily want to confront her at first, especially on her own. Since there is no more on her, I will say you're spot on on her trying to speak to the other careers before things escalated.

Thank you so much for saying Piper is well-written. It's honestly a great honor to know she seems realistic and complex, because my intention has always been to write about a girl who doesn't really know who she is when she's not performing joy or trying to capture it for herself. She doesn't know how to be when she's suffering. Galley notices this is not the Piper he knew. I'm so glad you enjoyed the choice of focusing more on Galley's emotions through the dialogue and keeping Piper as dettached as she could be. Piper is aware she's going to have to face Andrea and is trying to get into her "it's just another fish" mindset, but it proves to be more difficult when she's realised it's simply not. Galley, like you say, is not necessarily disappointed. He is very intelligent and knows what is really happening, which is heartbreaking and beautiful. For the first time, this kid is seeing her as a person. Before that, Piper was the Lighthouse Ghost, she was a legend, a symbol of happiness, youth and mischief, but now, she is becoming just a girl to him, and it's not out of her own choice, but because the arena keeps forcing her to face situations she's never imagined. It's an angle he never thought he'd see. It feels, a lot, like writing about a child finding out magic is not real. It's heartbreaking, but not because of reality not meeting expectations, but because he will just never be the same. Of course, it goes without saying, that is not necessarily their fault.

The situation with emotions is something that had me very scared when writing. I felt like I wouldn't be able to convey what was happening and I'm so thankful that it seems it ended up working out. It's interesting, because the Capitol punishes real emotions and raw feelings, and it's necessary to dettach from them in order to win their Games. So, Andrea believes it's the opposite and that she needs to hold onto her fire, whereas Piper tries to follow all her teachings and her gut. Still, in the end, the two are simply two girls. And in the end, both fail. Piper is emotional, Andrea is proud and scared and that leads to Andrea's doom.

What happened with Andrea in that tunnel shall remain a secret... For literally a couple chapters more, hahaha!

NOW ONTO JADE, gosh, I adore her. Writing Jade was very important to me because, in many ways, Jade is a parallel to Annie. Both have had expectations of giving up their hearts in exchange for glory, both have people counting on her and a feeling of being misunderstood, both change drastically after their District partner perishes, but there is a huge difference between the two: love. Annie has the pod, she has her parents and she has unconditional love that makes any brainwashing kind of ineffective at times. She's compassionate. That is who she is at her core, and that is what the Games later punish. I know I'm getting a bit ahead of myself but you know I adore gushing about my girl. I feel like it's interesting that, in the Games, people's true nature reveals themselves, and, in Annie's case, it's compassion, whereas in Jade's case, it's loneliness. It's the price of being a prodigy and everything everyone ever wanted for her without ever taking herself into consideration and trying to fit into every box made for her. Of course, it clashes with the image she had tried to sell of herself in the beginning and that makes her, as Piper mentioned, less likeable, simply for her emotions. I won't get too ahead of myself with Annie, but I agree that there is so much more to her Games than people give her credit for. Annie fought and survived, part of that time was also struggling with an extremely traumatic event having altered her mind stability, and I can promise she is very much a fighter and a survivor here. I adore Annie Cresta and feel like people often write her in very mysogynistic or twisted ways to avoid deepening on who she is despite her trauma and also with her trauma. The 'mad' girl is deeply rooted in mysogyny and specifically, in my opinion, on her unpredictability for holding onto her reality and finding strength in the emotions that came from the Games and, in a way, shaped the woman she later became. Ah, there's just SO MUCH to Annie's Games and I'm so, so excited to share them with you!

Sorry, Annie ramble is over! Hahahaha, but yes, yes! This chapter is so essential because while Annie is tremendously strong, the media was always going to twist her strength and her courage, to, as always, make her seem 'emotional' and disregard her.

Back to Jade! Jade and Piper being so different was so essential to me when creating Jade and writing about her backstory. The birthday moment was very special for me to write, because it truly felt like a moment in which Piper went 'we could have been friends. I would have been her friend', you know? Piper can't fathom a life like Jade's, whereas Jade has always longed for a life like Piper's.Jade breaks because she sees the system actually work and she also breaks because she sees a crack in it in the shape of love. Because something I adore about Suzanne's writing is how she made the only tool to break a heartless system be love. Of course, Jade knew she was "failing" the moment she began softening, but pain changes people's priorities awfully fast.

I will not speak about the three spoons nor the mole attack without my lawyer present! Hahahaha but, I promise, those also come with answers (the three spoons quicker than the moles, a lot of questions about Piper's Games won't be solved in... a while, but I hope you won't be bore of waiting by then and that it'll be rewarding!)

Also, sidenote about the seaglass, don't worry, she does think about it when the time comes hahahaha. As you can imagine, Piper always finds a way, especially when it comes to her loves! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that you found the moment appropiate. It truly felt like a symbolic way to put it. Both girls have truly been softened by the arena, albeit in different ways.

Thank you for your thoughts, they're always extremely interesting and truly keep me motivated to continue writing and posting! I really love your analysis and how thorough you are with it! I also hope you enjoy the chapters that are to come, cause I can promise, this isn't the only time we touch sexism in the fic as well as other social justice topics.

So, Willow. She was made to carry at least six weapons on her person, when those around her were described only with torches or a pickaxe. There was no need to make her their pack mule. When the one boy said to hurry up and kill piper, Willow was the one who stepped forward first, before she nervously offered the kill to Onyx. Idk what was up with that alliance and dynamic, but I didn’t like the way she was treated in that one brief scene we had her for. She also seemed the only one worried for Ellie, not just the night goggles. My feminist reading ass has lots of thoughts….

Moving on to Willow’s fate. the fight between Piper, Onyx, and Willow was really well written. It had me impressed at Piper’s maneuvering, it was awesome to see fight dance in action, and amused at her wit with the “abracadabra” and “but your so warm” quips. Then, I too was swiftly reminded that these are kids in a death arena. Willow falling on her axe made me physically reel back. It was a moment of just holy shit.

In that second, Piper seems to go from a playful performance into a state of shock, and I felt that as a reader. The narrative really takes the moment to pause and sit with the feeling, but still manages to keep pace with the circumstances. Piper isn’t given the liberty to process, and so neither can we as the reader. I had forgotten until my reskim of the post reaping but pre-games chapters, but Deckler wasn’t just mourning his district partner or an ally, but his family, making the fact Piper has to hear him find her body all the more gut wrenching.

Returning to my previous thoughts on Piper’s reputation after her games, I picture the capital splicing these scenes together to only show the playfulness and performance, and remove the humanity with her freezing up and crying and making sure to kill Willow directly so she doesn’t die slow and painfully. The edit could easily make her appear as someone who treats the games like, well, fun and games.

Ellie. I don’t recall which district she was from, but she was our fire archer. She took a hunting approach, and frankly seemed to get pretty into it. I wonder why she opted for the fire though, since it offered a visual warning to the other tributes of the attack when their lights went out. She could have really taken advantage of the dark and having her night vision, but for whatever reason didn’t. Maybe she knew she didn’t have the best aim, so was compensating because fire is painful and can spread, or else she just thought it would be flashy and cool, and was just a teenager who wasn’t thinking that deep about it (unlike me analyzing everything like I’m an English student).

Ellie also takes the role of being Galley’s first kill, a feat he achieved with his make shift bladed whip. He seems to be doing his best to distract and dissociate from it, which makes sense. I honestly appreciate it happened without Piper there, because the fact it was out of POV really shows how the characters cope and hold their kills with them silently, forcing themselves to keep moving even if they’re only 13.

Now, D5 boy. He was remarked to be particularly small and one of the youngest. The whole scene playing out, with the screams and cracks and then the heat rush and poisoned air and then lavacrans. The canon being shot during the action was great deception, as hindsight shows it was for Luster, but in the moment it’s assumed to be the person first screaming, making the attack more surprising. Given the struggle Piper and co had climbing up, and the fact he appears unharmed by the poisoned air, I am definitely left wondering how that is the case. This little guy though was just in total fight AND flight mode, and his death was so brutal and had to be witnessed first hand. If that doesn’t appear as nightmares for future Piper, I’ll be shocked. D5 boy is also Galley’s second kill, and this time it wasn’t at a mid range, but up close and personal, with a boy his age.

Now, Onyx. Frankly, he might be the biggest mystery of Piper’s games, because what exactly is his problem? why does he hate Piper so damn much?

I theorize it somehow in someway is personal, and some tie from Onyx’s family goes back to Caspian’s games. My reasoning is that we know D12, and you know we know you know we know D12. Onyx is most definitely seam based on him already being in the mines, and the seam rarely has functioning electricity. He likely doesn’t have much access to television, and I don’t presume is watching the Ronin family fluff pieces. Despite this, he knows of Piper, and from before ever meeting her personally has determined she is a liar, threat, and will do whatever it takes to win, specifically that those are qualities her dad taught her.

Even in a world where Onyx had access to television, Caspian would be in his capital issued Family Friendly™️ era. I doubt they’d focus on reruns of his games or brutality. Onyx could only have formed a negative opinion of the Ronin’s through word of mouth,most likely having a family member who died at Caspean’s hands during his games. Snow is also insane enough to ensure that a person related to one of Caspian Ronin’s victims is in the games with Caspian Ronin’s daughter. I’m guessing there is going to be a battle between the two, because there is no way the game makers won’t be trying to force them together for conflict. We know who’ll win of course, but who knows (other than you ofc) what psychological damage his words will be able to inflict.

My final remarks on the tributes iiiiiis… district 9 boy! Ik ik he hasn’t really been relevant or on screen, but it matters a lot to me he has survived thus far. I am actually blind/low vision, and was really afraid he would be immediately kill in the blood bath. In some ways though, a really dark cave is kind of ideal for a blind tribute, as half the time everyone else is worrying about the light and not being able to see. He would already know how to navigate a space, trailing the walls with his hands, and picking up on nonvisual cues like sound and scent. I am not trained in echolocation, but most of us use it to a certain extent intuitively, and an already Cavernous and echoey space would make it a lot easier. Maybe we’ll never see him on page and never know,but the fact he wasn’t immediately killed is a level of respect I sadly don’t expect from most hg authors, and one I appreciate a lot.

Sorry I feel almost like a weirdo over analyzing all this, please let me know if you ever want me to stop or slow down!

Excited to see what comes next

Hi anon!

First off, please, do NOT feel bad about analyzing all these. Honestly, it's lovely and it feels like the greatest honour I could get. Like, for context, I truly look forward to your thoughts and when I receive an ask it makes my day and it's one more thing motivating me to continue writing and posting consistently. So, don't feel like you need to slow down cause these yapping sessions mean the world! Especially given that I do put in a lot of extra thought on everything in this series and admittedly, it was simply because it was a story I enjoyed developing and working on, but I didn't for one second consider other people would actually enjoy it, let alone do it enough to reach out and tell me their thoughts. So yeah, asks are always welcome and super appreciated! I look forward to them, so don't even worry and don't slow down if you don't want to! There's no pressure for you to send them, of course, but when I receive them they do feel great! Someone is appreciating all the details I worked so hard on and also this story that means so much to me!

Now! Off to the tribute rundown! I'm actually so excited about this since I've put in so much thought on their interactions.

For Willow, I cannot believe how you caught onto that detail. I tried to be sneaky about it on purpose, especially given Piper has been raised in a very special situation where yes, they do project a conventional classic family to the rest of Panem, but inside their doors her parents don't follow many gender roles necessarily. Her dad is the stay at home husband who loves taking care of the kids and domesticity, her mum on the other side is adventurous and has never even considered giving up her love for the sea and her work despite being able to. Both her parents know how to fight, even if her dad trained her directly in dance fight, it was her mum that taught her a lot of what she knows about the saber. So when she sees Willow carrying all these things, she's a little like... "huh... well, she must've chosen it/must be strong enough for that". But yes. That entire allience has a few very specific beliefs engrained in their subconscious and it is clear that it shows in what roles they let each one take on.

Thank you for your kind words about that fight sequence! 🥺 I was kind of nervous, but I'm very happy with how it turned out, because Piper joking about until she sees the actual suffering and is forced to face it felt very Piper. As much as she holds onto her mantra her dad taught her, Piper is human, very much so, so that moment in which she does cry feels very special to her development. Also hearing Willow's cousin find her body and his reaction. It is certainly a very difficult moment for her and one that marks a change in her experience.

I shall not say anything about the highlights! 😉 But... The Capitol does hate their Victors having more than one side and being actual humans, don't it?

Now! Off to Ellie! Ellie is so interesting to me cause, as you said, she chose something that could've given her away. Her issue is, as you guessed, lack of education. She does not know how to shoot arrows and has taught herself to the best of her ability, so the fire feels like a good extra destructive factor. In the dark, it also ensures the rest of her group can find her and her victims if needed. She wasn't necessarily worried about giving up her position because she did believe she would be safe, because of the glasses and her allies. You're seriously so good at catching on stuff I'm leaving as breadcrumbs! hahaha

AAAA D5 BOY! 🥺 Galvan. You're going to kill me but... a lot of stuff about why he is the way he is in that scene shall be shown in the future! But I can promise, he was a very brave boy and one who knew the stakes of what he was doing. It is a very gruesome death that felt very difficult to write, and it did leave everyone around very emotionally scarred, even if they're trying to just keep moving on. But yeah! The reason why he was even there and why he could breath still is... a mystery... for now!

Now onto Onyx... GOD I WISH I COULD TELL YOU hahahaha! I promise answers are coming! I will say though, Onyx is, in my opinion, one of the most important tributes in that arena, but not necessarily because he antagonizes Piper. I think what makes him exceptional is the reason why he does and his determination to face her.

But the reason and the future fate of this character shall be a mystery too... for now! hahaha! I'm so glad he's causing this reaction to you, because it's honestly all I could've hoped for and more. I love your theories and I really hope the reveals and his storyline ends up being up to your expectations! For now, I will say, yes! He is (seemingly) from the Seam, and yes! Caspian's segments also are mostly aired in the Capitol. Though they do exist and are being actively broadcasted as propaganda to the Districs, someone from the Seam is not usually exposed to Caspian's family life all the time. So, why all this? Why is he so fixated on Piper being a liar and turning on Galley? And why is Piper, to him, his biggest opponent from the beginning?

These answers will come with time, I promise! I really hope his arc is one that causes the impact I've been planning/wishing it will.

Now! Off to Silo! (D9 boy!) First of all, it means the world that you're happy with the treatment he's been having for now and I really, truly hope that you like the remainder of his story. Honestly, it only made sense for someone who is blind to be able to use the cave to their advantage. Much like you said, everyone else was growing more and more frightened about the lack of vision, whereas to him, it's not really even that big of a factor. It wouldn't have felt right to create a blind character simply to kill them off for shock value. I also did try to do research on this specific case and ask a colleague of mine who is visually impaired, just incase, for some help. I'm very thankful and honoured you think it's been handled well. Fun fact, Silo was one of the first five tributes I created, because even though he's not on screen a lot, he is certainly essential for the future development of Piper and her worldview. He is also based off another oc I had back in the day. But yeah, Silo is actually very important. He's also not the only blind character we're having in the story! Not to spoil anything, but... yeah!

Please, don't ever hesitate or worry about sending your thoughts! I'm loving reading them and it does make me feel less like I just send my stories off and more like there's actually someone who enjoys them! 💛

I went back to read the previous chapters and what info it has given about the other tributes so I can analyze these chapters big brain style. There also is just so much to talk about! Because of that, I shall be scattering my silly anons to not give you a 5k word essay lmao.

First I may as well talk about the character who quite literally died behind the scenes. Despite only having a handful of lines in the grand scheme of things, Luster certainly grew on me fast. I forgot he wasn’t a volunteer until back reading, and that made me recontextualize some of his interactions and dialogue. I obviously don’t know how your D1 system works, so don’t know if Luster was in the same training as Jade, was in a program similar to the peace keeper special request one, or what. Maybe he would have volunteered the next year, or maybe he never intended to. Based on how Luster immediately parroted off how he would bring honor to the district though, it definitely was giving coping with his circumstances through reiterating the indoctrination he grew up with type beat. He is really well humanized with the joke about wanting to sleep for a month— which is frankly further telling about his real feelings given they’ve been in the arena for less than a day— and the reveal of having a sick brother. The brother thing, that got me straight in the feels. It really makes it so he isn’t just the sex appeal tribute, honor focused, or some himbo, and his death without ever getting to know him better really felt like a loss. I know she didn’t spend much time with him, but I am hoping Piper is able to send Luster’s family the medicine, because otherwise they will lose two sons and how awful is that. That said… it could offer more angst for Piper if she learned luster’s brother died when on her victory tour… hmm….

Regarding his interactions with the others, Luster was fun. Though he gave Piper a heart attack, the little joke with Galley was really cute. I mean, he made galley laugh after the blood bath and all that trauma, while also making it clear to him he was part of the group. What we saw between him and Jade was also of note, and I imagine what we didn’t see was as well. There was the initial“Let her speak” when Jade was thinking of what she’d do when she’d win, a small sign of respect. Then, there was the fact Jade was with him when he died, and it clearly impacted her. Piper notes the reorganizing, but me I note the emotional vulnerability. Of course part of that is the token and being called friends, but she really did a fairly significant softening up since we last saw her. I head canon her and luster bonded more that day or two without the rest of the pack, as he was slowly dying, and Andrea probably wasn’t the best company. I like to think Jade got to think of him as a friend in his last moments as well.

regarding how he acquired his injury, Luster just wanted to stick with the advice his mentor gave him. It wasn’t extreme hubris or anything, but fear of his situation and trust in Gloss. He also however pushed Piper and Galley forward with the latter’s pack, and may of not been hurt if not ensuring that was grabbed. I wouldn’t say he was hurt because of foolishness, nor because of selflessness, but he was in fact a scared teenage boy trusting advice he got, and making a snap decision to grab a bag.

People love to go on about humanizing the careers etc etc, but thus far, I don’t think I have seen any as successful as Piper and co. Luster definitely wasn’t here long, but he’s made his impact. Idk if you plan to give the 68th tributes their own wikis, but I for one would read them

OMG HELLO ANON!! I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying the wiki and the chapters! I hope you'll be thrilled to know I'll also do a double-post this Monday hahaha now that my exam is done, I cannot be stopped!

Also no pressure on how you send your anons! I'm more than happy to read your thoughts. Admittedly, I look forward to them a lot, so I'm always excited to hear what you have to say and what you think about my work! No matter the length! But yeah, I'll for sure be looking forward to your upcoming ones!

Now, onto Luster! I actually can't belive you got so attached to him and I'm so glad you did, because he's genuinely a character very dear to my heart. Though he doesn't get a lot of screentime, he's very important to the alliance and its mechanics. I don't want to spoil much, as it is discussed in chapters in the far-away future, but yes! Luster was prepared in some way as it's proven by his training score and abilities, but certainly not in the way Jade was. Jade was trained from birth for that specific moment, whereas Luster has been reaped and put in a situation that he clearly doesn't enjoy, however he is equiped to endure and even survive. The contrast between Luster and Jade was very important for me to write from the beginning, as the two are two different realities for one same District and a way to demonstrate that just because it's a career District or a more privileged one, it is a District nonetheless. You totally caught onto him just trying to hold onto the propaganda he's been fed in an attempt to be brave. As for his family... I won't spoil much! Just know that Luster's story isn't quite over yet.

I also love that you noticed the way he was already very exhausted of everything with it only being the first day. He's not necessarily hiding it, even if he's trying to keep his exhaustion easy to swallow for audiences.

His interactions with others were my favorite parts to write, not going to lie, it was awful killing him off-camera, but I knew I had to. I'd argue my favorite one was when he was joking around with Galley, because it shows to just how kind Luster is. There's this thirteen-year-old who is now part of his pack who has learnt to properly wield his weapon days ago. He's in a very difficult position. And Luster's first instinct is to accept him into the pack and to lean into that playful nature, which felt so right. As for Jade... GOD. There's so much about them. She certainly changes because of him and that is the turning point for her. Before Luster's loss, Jade was focused heavily on fulfilling what everyone seemed to think was her prophecy, but with him she found something much more valuable, it being a genuine friendship. Your headcanon is so true, Andrea wasn't necessarily good company in that time, so the person who stood by his side until his final breath was Jade, forcing her to take care of someone and also to openly care. It was certainly traumatising for her and one of the reasons why she's gone soft, alongside the horror of being stuck in a cave for this long. The reorganizing is more of a frantic impulse to have some control, given the way the arena is affecting them, though Piper doesn't necessarily catch on that.

As for his death, you're so correct. I think one of the saddest things is that he was just a scared boy who followed his mentor's advice to the best of his ability and only knew he wanted to make it out.

Thank you so so much for your words. It means a lot to me that the careers feel realistic and not antagonistic or evil, I feel like I really wanted them to feel like kids. Trained, resourceful, but also vulnerable. One time I attended a literature class where the professor said the thing that differenciates gods from humans in theatre, historically, was vulnerability, so I try to make characters that are powerful seem vulnerable in their own ways. In fact, in the original trilogy, Katniss begins seeing Cato as a person and a boy when he's overtaken by the arena and mentally wrecked by its horrors and when he's about to die. So, to me, careers are just kids that other kids can't afford to view as that if they want to survive, leading to them putting a mental division between them and other Districts' tributes.

It means the world that you were touched by Luster and think he impacted you, like, again, I'll never tire of thanking you for your words and for your interactions. They make my weeks and motivate me to write so much more.