#the janus program

"When I'm on missions, I'm no one. There's nothing in my head, just parameters and tactics and the metronome. And I was okay with that, but-" Alexandra swallowed. "But what am I outside of missions, either? I'm just empty, all the time. Just a doll that gets up and obeys orders and goes back to the shelf." 

A person would cry now, wouldn't she?

Mal shook her head. "That's not true and you know it."

"What am I, then?" Her gaze, which had become more and more unfocused, snapped to meet Mal's, challenging. 

Mal faltered, trying and failing to think of words that seemed like they would help. 

"You're family," she managed eventually, reaching over to pull Alexandra into a hug. "You're my sister, okay?"

"God, it's just- when you’re a kid you think that when you grow up you’ll be able to do anything, and then you actually do grow up it’s just putting yourself in debt for four years so that you can probably wind up with some crappy retail job anyways because your parents said college would be a good idea. I wanted to be able to do something with my life, not just be some cog in the capitalist machine, you know?"

Mal, who did not know, nodded sympathetically. 

"Shit, I'm sorry, Mal, you're like 15 and you're having to listen to us college kids bitch about adult problems."

"No, no," She shook her head, perhaps a little too quickly. "I may as well know all this stuff before I have to go through it myself, right?"

"Damn straight," cut in Sasha. "You gotta be prepared for this stuff so you don't make the same mistakes we did. You need to go out while you're still young, rebel, fight the system, do something. Something to get a sense of your own identity instead of letting society tell you what to be. Figure out who you really are." 

I know who I am, though, don't I. Mal thought. That's the problem.  Being an Asset didn’t leave a lot of room for teenage rebellion, after all. But if I could...

I chose Ivy, from the Janus Program

[59% Athlete: The Athlete’s focus and drive are unparalleled. Staying healthy and being fit are paramount to them (as for winning, that doesn’t hurt, either)

24% Explorer: The Explorer is drawn the the unknown, whether that’s a Himalayan peak or the road not taken, and have a thirst for adventure. They take journeys, not vacations

17% Intellectual: The Intellectual is the ultimate dinner-party guest. Engaging questions and thoughtful debate are their trademarks]