people are weird about detrans people and I think that's fine because some are shitty and we need to be cautious but when they say they were "bullied into being trans" i don't think people understand what they're saying. no one ever forced them to be trans, but they also often didn't have another choice.
i am cis, i am. you could argue that i'm nonbinary in many ways and many aspects but the fact of the matter is that I don't care enough to be NB and so i just say i'm cis (+ i'd rather call myself cis than deal with the dogshit ways i see nonbinary people be treated.... by other trans people).
that being said, i am not feminine. and its weird to not be feminine. i get yelled at by my mother a lot for not wanting to shave, for not wearing makeup or dresses. every single time she asks me if im trans. And it's not because I'm trans, but because most people don't see "masculine woman" or "feminine man" as options. With the rise in trans visibility, people who never understood gender expression don't change the way they see the world, they just change their language. Me being tomboyish isn't an option to my mother- I'm either a woman or a man. There is no room in-between. If I'm not feminine, I'm just a transgender man to her. Even... if i'm not a transman.
So I get in these arguments with her. And the only options I am presented with are Man or Woman. And if these options are arbitrarily based off of "do you shave or do you wear makeup", then I'm going to choose the closest one based off of that super simple binary (which would be man). But i'm not a man, I exist in an area a bit between. But they don't get that area. They don't know about that In Between. And if you don't have a strong community of people who Know about gender, who know what they're talking about, then you don't get to be a Masc Woman or Fem Man. You just get to be one of the two options presented by you. Very Binary Cis, or Transgender.
Had I not been exposed to butch/femme culture and began to understand my gender through the eyes of lesbianism, I would have been a trans man. Because that was literally the only option that I was, in my real life, ever given. I wasn't (and am still not) allowed to Just Be. I have to pick one.
People who do not live in these situations where your real life bubble is aware of transness but not accepting of GNC people don't usually get this. They don't get what it feels like to be told by everyone that You Must Want To Be The Other Gender (which is VERY derogatory and NOT said in a supportive "I'll still love you if you're trans" way), and if you aren't a man then why the fuck don't you shave. Why don't you wear makeup or dresses.
And like I don't talk about this a lot. A lot of people who deal with this shit don't talk about it. Most of us just shut up and present in a way that's really uncomfortable. Because it's weird to say that you're being "bullied into being trans" and it upsets people because a lot of times they don't actually understand that it's NOT being "forced to transition". It's never having the choice to be anything but violently binary. I get dysphoria. I'm cis. And I get dysphoria because I look too feminine. But being a GNC woman is so unaccepted within the bubble I live in (see: LIVE in. Have IRL interactions with daily and have to network within), that the best way to relieve the issues I have would be to transition fully. At least I'd fit into their binary that way.
But I don't want to transition, that wouldn't take away the issues I have with my own sense of identity and gender.
So I see a lot of detrans people who deal with this and who didn't realize that there were other options. I relate to them so much because I know how everything was presented to them by the people around them. Just because someone tells you that you might be trans does NOT mean they are actually supportive of different gender expressions. A lot of times they just want to put you in that box so they don't have to deconstruct what it means to be a woman or a man.
Some people never come into contact w this. great. Cool. Doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. This isn't a "if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?" thing. Just because people aren't there to see it for themselves doesn't mean we're making it up.
saw a video with someone who was trying to talk about this experience and got attacked. And it pissed me off and makes me sad. this is mostly a rant/vent. And I'm tired and I'm not going to reread this or spell check it. It just makes me feel like I'm not allowed to talk about my own gender identity and journey with it, because I'll just be another Detrans. Even though I identify so much more with the trans community because of what I've been through, even though I still call myself cis. it's not an attack on trans people. It's not saying the way that we (GNC cis or even nonbinary who are closer to cis expression) are treated is comparable or worse to trans people. It's just a Thing That Happens when nonbinary genders and GCN expression aren't allowed. You get GNC people who think that their only option is transition, do that, and then realize that they're still unhappy. And then everyone shits on them for it. It's weird. Why the fuck do so many of yall do that and then act like we're lying when we say we're only ever given the option to Conform or Transition. Like do we really look at detrans people and genuinely think that they're blaming the trans community and not the transphobes who told them that they had to Admit To Being A Man (or woman) or Shut The Fuck Up and Put On The Dress (or pants) (im a woman so im using the stuff that is said to me but it obvi happens to men as well) .
