#that winter

Winter made everything smaller

the world narrowed down to breath and bone to the space between your shoulder and my chest

outside, streets buried cars swallowed whole trees stripped to their skeletons like they'd given up explaining themselves

but inside we built something fragile and warm

your apartment always smelled like burnt coffee and blankets like something trying very hard to be comforting

we stayed in more than we should have

watched the same shows half asleep your head on my arm until it went numb and I didn't dare move because losing feeling felt better than losing you

your laugh was quieter in the winter

not gone just tucked away like you didn't trust it in the cold

we spoke softer too

like loud words might crack something we couldn't fix

snow kept falling relentless, patient covering everything we didn't want to see

we said things like "this is nice" and "I could get used to this"

dangerous sentences dressed up as comfort

some nights the heat barely worked

we layered ourselves in hoodies and each other your cold feet pressed against my legs and me pretending to complain just to hear you laugh again

we felt close in winter but it was the kind of closeness that comes from hiding

from the cold from the world from whatever waited once the thaw came

I think we both knew

spring would ask questions we weren't ready to answer

so we stayed in January as long as we could

Counting storms instead of days measuring time in how long your hand stayed in mine

And when the snow finally stopped when the light started lingering just a little longer each evening

something in you shifted

not suddenly just enough for me to feel it

like the heat turning off in the middle of the night

I held you closer like I could outlast the season

Like I didn't understand winter was never meant to keep anything

only to hold it just long enough

to make you forget

Once,

You soothe me with comforting words

Called me

Lended me a soft voice

“Are you outside?”

“Okay, just sleep.”

“I’ll text you later.”

Someone to know I’m safe

Someone to call in the late hours

Someone to be there

Now I can cry and let the tears ease me into sleep

The restlessness of a wasted night

You responded to the recklessness

Now I can numbly slip into a quiet place

Heart throbbing

But not shaking, sobbing, so unhinged that the night sky starts spinning,

So I’m starting to see stars, on the ceiling of my room

Every night is like this

So anxious I have to be under the speckled sky

Twice,

Somehow you knew

The hints trailing behind my footsteps

I was about to give up, by going in

But you gave me kind words again

You called again

I want to hear your voice so badly

But I stay strong by staying distant

No one’s ever said the words you gave me,

Somehow I feel transparent when you do

How’d you know exactly what I needed

“Are you studying right now?”

“No, not right now”

I won’t say where I am

I never thought you’d care enough to call me out

“You’re walking, right?”

Okay, I’ll admit it

“Yes”

“Can I join you?”

As if you’re not the one helping,

In this way I can let you help me

A kind gesture,

Keeping me company

Your voice more than a sound through the phone

You let me have you for five hours

And, somehow, impossibly, I gave you me

Before, only the stars I walked under saw these thoughts and fears and sorrows

But you walked the same path with me

And now I can sleep without seeing stars

Heart throbbing, but not shaking

"I don't want you sneaking in there," Dark said. "What if you get stuck? Or he hurts you too?"

So, um. The new story tied to That Winter is underway. And... guys, I'm already at 6,000 words and I'm just about to finish what would be chapter one (though this will be a oneshot of hopefully most of the story from Sonic's perspective, so there might not be actual chapters).