사랑이 어떤 느낌인지 — ★

it was the day that he had been waiting for. for years now, this was it, the dream. or at least, that's what he used to call it because that's what people usually call what they've always aimed to do, right? but none of it felt real, even when they were being briefed about deadlines, expectations, and how run-throughs are supposed to go. it was a long shot but not impossible. regardless, everything else was tuned out, even when the staff meeting resumed with the usual topics up for discussions, hyunjae could only think about the project that was up for grabs. he only need to reach out and take it.

별 꽃 축제 열린 밤 — ★

he liked the idea that he did it right the first time. and while it was too early to assume that he knew exactly what to do, he still took second opportunity as a nod of approval from the higher-ups. he was testing the waters at his first project, trying to see if he really did know the sound of the group he had followed and supported for years. the reception was a heavy mix of criticisms and support, and fortunate for him, he didn't take anything to heart. nonetheless, his process would have been the same for any other song he was entrusted with. he always believed that he had to learn the rules like a pro, so he can break them like an artist.

it was very unlikely of han hyunjae to come home to their childhood home, especially on the promised sunday family days. to everyone's surprise, he shows up, flowers and cake at hand, and willingly went inside to join the family for dinner. he was not stupid -- or deaf, so he knew the shock his appearance brought. he could hear his step mom and sister-in-law's whispers in the kitchen and how it stopped abruptly as soon as he volunteered to help prepare the food. they were kind enough (and perhaps caught off guard that he showed up after countless times of having rejected their calls) to let him do as he pleased. he wouldn't have thrown a fit if they insisted on doing it themselves -- even if he practically lived in this kitchen when he was still living there.

"how is it working for summit media, it's summit media, right?" his brother's words pulls him back from his silence. he looks up from the small bubble he created around himself, letting only his twin nieces for short adorable conversations. hyunjae hums, nodding as he takes a sip of water, "yes, it is. it's been great... more hours logged in the studio." he replies with a small smile. his friendly response and equally harmless expression shocks his brother too. after all, for years, he had nothing but snarky remarks and sarcastic rebuttals.

"weren't you planning to become an idol?" his step mom adds, hesitant but clearly trying her best. hyunjae could tell everyone was holding their breath; his eyes looking from his dad and then his brother. if this was a dinner he attended a year ago, everyone on this table had every reason to be afraid of her speaking up and talking to him. but han hyunjae is in a much better place now. he had learned to forgive himself for all the things he did and didn't do, and in turn, he had learned to forgive others too. "i was.." he replies with an amused smile, "but i don't think i'd be a very good one. i'm not good with people. i mean, i could be... but i'm not fond of crowds. i like my circle... small." the charming han hyunjae that only ever made appearances outside the confides of their household was sitting there in that dinning room table, and he had just made the whole table smile. "small but meaningful," his brother adds, raising a glass.

at the end of it all, hyunjae had to admit that he was looking forward to next weekend. "the food was great..." she tells his stepmom as he helped clear the table. but perhaps he had reached the limit of interacting because he was not prepared to console the happy tears that were forming in her eyes so he makes an excuse of needing to pick up yejun. his dad, too, does something he has never done in their years of living together -- at least, not since his mom was still alive. he walks him out and gives him a manly hug, a lingering one. "thank you for believing in me, dad." it's been long since he had spoken any of those words that both of them stiffen and broke the hug awkwardly.