#tgeneration

November 1, 2015

When I wake up most mornings, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I could pretty much sing ‘Supercalifragalisticexpialidotious’ after opening my eyes.

The hubs, however, is a night owl and needs a cup or two of coffee in the AM before the grunts turn into actual words.

So because I’m the morning person in our family, I’ve been the primary parent to get up first with our son Moses, making sure he’s had breakfast in front of him.  And for the majority of those mornings (up until earlier this year)…..as I’ve pour him yet another bowl of cereal from a box….I’ve simultaneously poured a bucket of inadequacy over my head—burning a bigger hole in my heart called shame.

Christa, your mom would never have just fixed cereal!  She got up an hour early to make sure you had breakfast FROM SCRATCH.  You SHOULD be more like her, making your family coffeecake, homemade biscuits, eggs, fresh fruit, juicing, or making smoothies like you had as a child!

Christa, you SHOULD be more like a picture off of Pinterest!

Christa, you SHOULD be making sure your family is getting better nutrition!

Christa, you SHOULD be more like Danielle, the ‘Against All Grain’ mom on Instagram!

Christa, you SHOULD BE MORE THAN YOU ARE!  Because YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH!”

(Want to crawl into a hole, quit….OR….move into denial to cope….OR….try to make up for the inadequacy by overachieving in other areas). 

Now you have to understand, none of these thoughts have ever been conscious.  In fact, almost every one of them grew from my subconscious mind.  So how do I know that they’re there?

Because I’ve FELT them down in my bones.  I’ve FELT like I’m not enough as a mother.  As a friend.  As a speaker.  As a musician.  As a daughter.  As a wife.  As a Christian.

And when you feel like you’re not enough, you’re going to act like it……

Once again….that’s just not okay.

A while back as I poured Moses his usual bowl of cereal, trying to justify my inadequate feelings with, “Well, at least it’s organic cereal with organic almond milk,” I heard the Spirit speak to my heart.

“Christa,” He said kindly.  “You’re the best mom in the whole universe for Moses, which is why I picked you.  I love to watch you mother your son, and I’m so so proud of you. YOU.  ARE.  MORE.  THAN.  ENOUGH.”

Now you have to understand, He said this to me during a particularly hard week.  On paper, I’d been sick and in bed, lost my cool more than usual, and had been away from Moses enough to feel like a ‘bad mom.’ I’d resorted to feeding him a diet of cereal, frozen goods, breads and cheeses, and definitely felt like I hadn’t measured up.

And yet, God still thought I was more than enough.

The thing about my Father is….He calls thing that aren’t as if they are  (Romans 4:17).  He tells me what HIS TRUTH is over my life, instead of what might be TRUE about my current situation.

As the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart about how amazing I am, tears begin to brim as a lump rose up in my throat.

Could I really be more more than enough, even now, as I’m pouring Moses cereal in a robe….instead of pulling homemade, gluten free, hot muffins out of the oven with an apron on?  Could I really be more than enough, right now, even though I’ve been short with him this week?  Could I really be more than enough in my marriage when I’ve been nitpicking my husband Luke lately?  Could I really be more than enough as a woman in ministry when I feel like I do so little?

Could I really be more than enough when I know I’m capable of being so much more?

Years ago, my mom told me to stop SHOULDING on myself, which is a characteristic of the women in our family line.  I laughed at the play on words, immediately understanding the concept in my head to apply it in many areas of my life to see amazing results.  I stopped SHOULDING on myself with body image, and my body changed, I thinned down naturally, and my eating disorder went away.  I stopped SHOULDING on myself with all my achievements, wrote a book about how to get free, and speaking invites started coming in from all over the world.  But though I’ve stopped SHOULDING on myself in many areas, I still haven’t yet cleansed my entire inner world of the nasty word.

But this is most definitely the goal.

My heart decided to stage a coup years ago, overthrowing the cruel tyrant of shame.  And as I’m dethroning shame from my life, I’m also kicking out the destructive word ‘SHOULD’ from my vocabulary.  And here’s why:

SHOULD=I AM WRONG

SHOULD=I AM NOT ENOUGH

SHOULD=I AM LACKING

The word ‘should’ always starts with LACK—but I’m never in LACK with the God of ABUNDANCE living inside of me, filling me with all that I need. (2 Cor 9:8)

The word ‘should’ always begins with what’s WRONG—but everything I will ever do WRONG has been made RIGHT in Christ.  (2 Cor 5:21)

The word ‘should’ always begins with what I am NOT—but all I’m NOT has been supercharged with a supernatural God, making me MORE THAN ENOUGH.  (Phil 4:13)

What if we all decided to throw the damaging word ‘should’ out of our lives, and instead, replace it with the powerfully healing word, ‘COULD?‘

COULD=I HAVE A CHOICE

COULD=ENDLESS POSSIBILITY

COULD=I AM ABLE

The past few months, I’ve been really going after my ‘shoulds’ and changing them to ‘coulds.’  I’m determined to stop SHOULDING on myself.  And let me tell you, the word COULD has turned my shameful world upside down.  COULD takes off all the pressure.  COULD makes me feel hopeful. COULD gives me endless possibility.

I woke up several weeks ago feeling sick, exhausted from being up with a newborn all night, and reached for the usual cereal box.

“I COULD make Moses eggs and bacon this morning.  But do I really want to feeling this exhausted—and does he even care?”  After checking with Moses, he wants cereal.  GREAT.  No shame!

“I COULD spend more time preparing food this morning, or I COULD curl up with Moses and cuddle before school?”  After checking with Moses, he wants a cuddle. GREAT.  No shame!

“I COULD spend time in the kitchen this morning, or I COULD just walk down to my favorite juice bar and take Moses on a breakfast date!”  After checking with Moses, he wants a date.  GREAT.  No shame!

The more I started listening to the ‘shoulds’ of my heart the more I realized….there were all sorts of things that I felt guilty about THAT DIDN’T EVEN MATTER.  I was living under a pile of comparison, measuring myself up to other people, to Instagram accounts, to societal standards, to strangers.

Here’s a few other SHOULDS that I’ve let go over the years:

“I SHOULD play the violin because I’m good at it.”  Do I want to play the violin?  Nope.  Why do I feel like I should? Because I’m ashamed that I’m wasting my gift and training.  Yeah, that’s not a good enough reason–that’s motivated by shame.  I COULD…but I still don’t want to.  And the world will still keep spinning without me playing a concerto every day.

“I SHOULD spend time with God.”  Do I want to spend time with God?  Of course!  So what if I changed the sentence to….”I COULD spend time with God.”  Immediately, it takes the shameful obligation out of it, empowering me with a choice, and because my heart has already chosen ‘yes,’ it’s EASY to run into intimacy!

“I SHOULDN’T eat that piece of cake.”  Do I want to eat that cake?  YES.  But what if I change the sentence to….”I COULD eat that piece of cake.”  Suddenly, I have a choice—instead of feeling powerless.  I COULD eat it, but that sugar is going to make me feel bad, and I love fitting into my jeans.  (BTW, many times I answer this question as a YES.  And because I CHOOSE it, there’s no shame!).

Ever since I started replacing my SHOULDS with COULDS a miracle has happened.

I’ve been more productive than I’ve ever been in my life.  

I’ve cooked more, laughed more, connected more, spent more time with Jesus, with my family, lost more weight, been healthier, been more successful, more fulfilled….

Because I can.

When you have a choice, it’s much easier to make the right one.

So let me ask you a question…..

Are you shoulding on yourself?  And if so, could you throw that word out forever?

This question was asked at a conference where I was a guest on a panel on worship music. Honestly, at the moment I had a bit of a loss for words. The flow of new worship songs is essentially endless. I chuckle when I hear people say, “There’s just not any great new worship songs!” Depending on your definition of great that may be true, but there certainly isn’t a shortage of contenders.

So when the guy asked, “Should I be writing songs for my church?”, my first impulse was to shout, “No! Please don’t! We have plenty already!” But after thinking about it for a few moments, I said, “Maybe.”

Non-committal, right? Well, the answer to this question does require some thought and a little self inspection. Here are some probing questions to consider that will help you answer this for yourself:

1. Is this about you or your church? I’m in music publishing so I work with a bunch of songwriters. There are two extreme types of creative people: those that can create if needed and those who are compelled to create. Most creative people have elements of both types, but lean toward one or the other. If you lean toward the second category, you probably have to be creating something to be happy – writing a song, writing a book, painting, woodworking, etc. Life isn’t right unless you have a creative outlet. The other extreme are those who have creative talent, but will only use it if necessary. I know some great songwriters who won’t write unless there’s a pressing need or a clear reward. So where are you? If you must create, is your church worship the best outlet for that? I’ve seen worship leaders who were aspiring artists use their churches as a testing ground for new music. The church is not a test audience. Our congregations deserve to sing the best-crafted and richest lyrical songs available to us, regardless of who wrote them.

2. Is there a lack of existing songs that work in your ministry? I remember David Crowder saying he began writing songs because he couldn’t find songs that would work in his predominately college aged church. This could especially be true in urban and multicultural churches. Much of our popular worship songs come from white suburban writers, so there’s room for a new sound in worship. This might also be true in modern liturgical churches where the verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus song structure doesn’t work.

3. Do you need a song that says something really specific? With the abundance of worship songs available to us, it’s still hard to find songs that deal with really specific issues. I was leading at a marriage retreat weekend once and I began looking for a song on marital unity. I couldn’t find anything! I ended up using Scripture and writing a chorus that worked for the event. It was really special for those attending because they felt that it was something God was specifically saying to them. So if your church is starting a new series, this would be a great reason to write a song to sing throughout the series. Then if the song doesn’t connect with your church, you can let the song die with the series :).

4. Is God doing something unique right now in your church? The best worship songs, I believe, come out of authentic church experiences with the Lord. I love to hear music that arises from a move of the Holy Spirit. It’s always inspired and fresh. And we should celebrate what God is doing through music. Having the resources and talent is never a good reason to write worship songs and record an album. Unfortunately, many churches are making this mistake. We should write worship songs as a response to God’s greatness, not as a sign of our giftedness.5. Are you a gifted songwriter? This seems obvious, but have you watched American Idol? I meet people every year at songwriting events who are convinced they are supposed to write songs, but have no real talent. I used the word “gifted” for a reason. I believe creative people must first have a gift and then they must work at developing that gift. If you have no songwriting gift, no amount of work will make you a great songwriter. Or, you may have a songwriting gift, but if you don’t work to develop it, you will never be better than average. Have an objective third party evaluate your songs and give you honest feedback. If songwriting isn’t your talent, don’t even think about making your church sing your songs.Hopefully this will help you determine whether you should be writing new songs for your church or not. Remember, as a leader, your job is to serve the body. So, whether you sing your songs or those written by others, make sure you are shepherding your church well.