fragility | a kaya event self para
Too warm. Why was she too warm? She never got too warm, hadn’t in nearly two centuries. That was one of the many perks of vampirism—her species’ blood ran cold and slow, still flowing but cool and dark in their veins, pushed along only by the occasional lethargic heartbeat. Feeding brought fresh, warm blood into the system for a while, and hunting could quicken a vampire’s pulse to human levels as adrenaline kicked in. But it was never enough to leave Kaya feeling like she’d been lying in the sun all afternoon without a glamour. She stumbled from her bed, throwing away the thick sheets and furs covering it as though they were made of lava, and shed the few thin garments she’d donned when she went to sleep. Everything was... dulled. She couldn’t hear the servants moving around downstairs, or the distant shuffling in Orpheus’s tower as they worked, or Ciro’s laughter bubbling up from wherever he would normally be ribbing Valeria. No smells hit her nose that weren’t emanating from immediately around her, she could barely see ahead of her in the darkened room, and when she threw open the curtains on her window, the late afternoon sunlight didn’t sting her eyes or her skin.
None of it came together to form a coherent thought until Kaya became suddenly aware that her heart was racing. Not beating steadily as it did when she stalked prey, but thundering in her chest. And it only grew worse as panic overtook her, making her pulse drum in her ears at a feverish pace.
This wasn’t right. Something was very, very wrong.
She threw the window open and stuck her arm out into the sun’s rays. Even at this time of day, it should be enough to prick her skin uncomfortably, to start covering it with little tiny patches of irritation. Please let it be painful; pain was a better alternative at this point, and it would prove she was hallucinating the heartbeats now driving her panic to levels she hadn’t felt in centuries. But her too-pale arm merely hung in the air, the sunlight warm and comforting on her fingers, coaxing a gentle pink flush from the skin as it heated. Comforting.
No words could adequately describe the feeling that spread through her like wildfire. Instead, a whine built in Kaya’s throat, punctuated by heavy, ragged breathing as she retracted her arm and stared at it, feeling over the warmed skin with her other hand, picking up her rapid pulse on the underside of her wrist. Fangs, she should have fangs. If she just summoned them up, she could end this nightmare. But as she instinctively focused on her gums, willing her fangs to emerge as they had for so long without problem... nothing happened. Not so much as a twitch. Fingers found their way to her mouth, the tips probing under her lips at her teeth, which should have still felt a little sharp even if lacking fangs. But they were dull, only fit for chewing through cooked meat, not severing flesh and bone.
The whine rose higher in her throat, pressing against the back of her gritted teeth as she tried to hold it in. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. She couldn’t be hu.... hum.... She couldn’t even bring herself to think the word. In all her darkest and most horrific nightmares, Kaya had never imagined herself reverting to a mortal state. It was impossible. It was supposed to be impossible. Once changed, that was that. She was a vampire forever, never again bound by the disgusting limitations of humankind, with their short lives and weak bodies. She was not one of them; they were her prey, her food, lesser than her and her people, barely fit for anything other than being drained and discarded.
She couldn’t be one of them again.
She couldn’t hold it back anymore. The whine rose and finally pushed through her teeth, evolving into a scream of utter agony than echoed around her room, merely making her eardrums ache rather than deafening her with the pitch and volume. She didn’t even realize she was on her knees until she felt them throb, pain—stupid, useless, inconvenient pain—shooting up into her legs from where her knees had hit the stone floor. She screwed her eyes shut and threw her hands over her ears, trying to block out everything, trying to center herself. She’d always been so good at staying focused when it mattered most, at pushing aside all emotion to get the job done. She needed to do that now, to shove it all down so she could reason her way out of this horrible scenario.
But clarity wouldn’t come. Her blood pounded in her ears fast as a war drummer’s tattoo, making coherent thought impossible, reminding her every second that she was no longer immortal. That her body was once again fragile and useless. That she was no longer the hunter, but the prey. Wetness streaked down her cheeks from her closed eyes as her scream morphed into pained wails which wracked her body and made her shake from head to toe.
A servant found her. Panicking already from their own changes, it was all they could do to flee from the room to find one of their other masters, someone who would be better equipped to handle a sight that was never meant to be seen by another living soul: Kaya Voss, the Fox, assassin and leader of the Children of the Night, crumpled on the floor sobbing for the first time in almost two hundred years.