#tfffft

Honestly, I'm not a good girlfriend. Well, idk about now. I think I suck now but looking back at my past relationships, I was the worst fucking girl to ever have around. I was so used to the attention I got from outsiders that I'd bathe myself in it and make my partner feel inferior. I liked making them feel like worthless pieces of shit for some reason. I'd make them guess their positions, their authority in my life. I'd never let them know my true emotions. I barely told them the truth. I'm not saying I lied. I'm saying I never told them anything. Don't get me wrong, I was the greatest girlfriend at times. I could make them feel like they were my world if I wanted. I was good. I was bad. It was a mixture of sweet and heartless. I'd say fucked up shit. I knew exactly what to say to them to make them feel hurt. I just knew the wrong words. I'd say all the wrong things. I had them crying at times. And I would be on the phone just chilling, all fine and dandy when they cried. I'd thrive on their pain. I was a monster. I still am a monster. It scares me because I'd kill myself if I did this to Jade.. Oh, and then I'd make the people who gave me attention feel like they were special. They weren't ever fucking special. None of those people overall were actually. No one's special. They're just fucking humans. But I'd gas their minds, make them catch feelings. Karma got me back super hard for that one though because everyone's gone. Everyone's gone. They all left. They all fucked me over and I'm standing all alone. This is what I get for being so fucking ruthless and heartless. I hope this doesn't happen again. I was always better off alone before they came into my life though. And I wasn't always like this. I was just.. trained to be this way over time. I trained myself without even knowing