#tf2mercs

Safe House Rules

If you need to fly or stretch your legs, do it in the forest out back.

NO flying inside. (hovering is ok)

Eat AT LEAST two meals a day.

Drink AT LEAST seven cups of something a day. (preferably water)

Get AT LEAST seven hours of sleep or more.

Be inside by 9:30 pm.

ALWAYS turn in your weekly check-in sheet. (if you can't then get someone else to do it for you)

Everyone is responsible for their own laundry.

NO sharp objects in your room unless given permission. (I'm looking at you Tavish)

Take medication when necessary.

Don't fight.

Stay SAFE outside.

Go outside AT LEAST once a week.

Sniper: Scout told Pyro that fire trucks are actually water trucks.

Medic: Well, it -

Poor boy doesn’t know what he’s in for.

TF2 x fem!reader

I was inspired after events of this evening. 

warnings: none

*****************************

“Naw, you should totally go in there and tell her that.” Engie said with a shit-eating grin.

Scout looked toward the kitchen from across the hall in the rec room. “Yah? Ya think so?”

The mercs were enjoying a little post-dinner down time and had started a game of poker. You on the other hand had pulled clean up and dish duty and were currently elbow-deep in scalding water, sponges and suds. Needless to say, you were audibly chaffed at missing out on the chance to beat the pants off your teammates at a hand or two of poker.

“Sure thing, mate. Oi reckon’ she’d love to hear it.” Sniper said, clapping the young man on the back. He faked a cough to cover an irrepressible chuckle, looking back down at his hand. Scout looked to Spy who just rolled his eyes as he lit up his cigarette.

“Aw right, here I go.” the young merc straightened his back and sauntered across the hall, pausing outside the door to the kitchen area.

Just then Medic rushed in through the rec room’s other door, clearly out of breath-“Vas iz the matter?!? Who iz needing my help?!?” He had sprinted all the way from the Medlab when Engie called him. He cast a confused look over his shoulder at Scout who was sauntering across the hall.

“No one - yet.” said Demoman, decidedly amused.

Medic’s eyebrows shot up, looking at each of the mercs seated around the poker table,  incredulous. “Zen why did you call for me saying someone vas hurt badly?!?”

Heavy looked up from where he was dealing. “Sniper is playing bad joke on Scout.”

Sniper let out a disgruntled growl, “Serves ‘im right for hiding my new scope.” 

Medic leaned back on the wall, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Vat did you tell him to do?”

Without looking up, the kiwi smirked and said “Oi told the twitchy wanker that he should go in ta tha kitchen and tell that sheila in there that she shouldn’t be so upset at havin’ ta do the clean up. That she must be missing doin girly stuff like that since she joined the team - she doesn’t get the time ta enjoy traditional woman’s work.” Sniper almost couldn’t get the last part out as he broke down in a laughing fit. 

“Mein gott. You have sent zat poor boy to his doom.” Medic whispered with an expression somewhere between shock and admiration. 

Just then a not-so-manly scream (undeniably Scout) erupted from the kitchen, followed by the unmistakable sound of pots and pans being hurtled across the room.

The guys around the table burst into uncontrollable laughter as they saw Scout race down the hall, followed by you chucking a variety of cutlery at him.