The guilt and dread in his gut were too overbearing, clogging his lungs, and making it impossible to breathe. Every inch of his body shakes from adrenaline and fear, the weight of his actions crushing his chest.
Teylan has had panic attacks before, but this was the worst one.
And he wasn't sure if hearing your voice over the radio made it better or worse.
"Teylan? It's me."
Of course, it's you. You, the one who was closest to his age among the Na'vi children at TAP.
You, who stuck by his side whenever Mercer had beaten him.
You, who he had to wrap his little body around at night after losing Aha'ri when you were kids, terrified that he'd wake up and lose you, too.
You, who always brought something back for him from your travels to multiple clans, trying to help him get accustomed to your new way of life.
You, whose voice was full of concern and desperation, as you continued to talk through the radio when you didn't get a verbal response.
"Teylan. Talk to me. Where are you? I can come and bring you back to the Resistance."
He gulped in a small bit of air, realizing he had only been shakily breathing into the radio instead of speaking all his thoughts out loud, "No... Not there."
"Okay," you, ever the calming negotiator, tried to ease him into a sense of security, even without being able to see him, "Where do you want to go?"
"It doesn't matter," Teylan forces out even with tears running down his cheeks, "Nothing matters now."
"Everyone's worried about you, Teylan. I'm worried about you."
He bites back a sob, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest, "They're gonna be angry. You'll hate me, too. I did this."
"You can't blame yourself," you whispered gently through the radio, only strengthening his guilt.
Another sob shatters through him, "But I am to blame. He said nobody would die. He said."
"Who said?"
He couldn't help it, he kept talking, unable to stop spilling out all his sins, "We talked on my radio. He told me we could be together again. Like a family. And so, I told him when the party was happening."
"Wait. Mercer?" You finally realize what Teylan was trying to say, and he winced when he heard the tone of quiet disbelief in your voice, "You told Mercer things about us?"
"He needed to know when to arrive, so he could keep the soldiers away."
It wasn't an excuse. He just needed to reason with himself into believing this was all just some misunderstanding, or better yet, just a bad dream. He wasn't trying to convince you, just himself. He needed to feel convinced that he wasn't about to lose you for his betrayal.
"Let me come get you." 'To take you back to the people you betrayed.'
He wasn't sure if you actually said that or he imagined it. Nevertheless, it burned through his chest like a bullet, eyes widening with the most terrifying realization. He lost you. He lost you... helostyouhelostyouhelostyou--
"No. I don't belong there anymore. I have nobody now."
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