#textpots

As I got older, I took AP English classes, I was always a grade ahead for my English class, and started taking college level English classes when I was still in high school. And I got burnt the fuck out.

I barely passed my AP English classes, not because I was getting poor grades/not understanding the material, but because I wasn't actually doing any of the assignments. Same with my other classes, both high school and college. I was just done.

I HATED writing essays. I still do, and even when I think of something that I would really like to read an essay about that I could feasibly research and write about (I've long been interested in the decline of wallpaper, use of waterbeds, and the history of the laugh track being used less in modern day sitcoms) and I get that old familiar feeling of dread and loathing ball up inside of me.

I used to love to write! I wouldn't have to be forced to do it, I would do it on my own free will, and I *liked* it! I genuinely enjoyed it! I loved to flesh out scenes in my head and put into words what I saw in my head.

And I don't feel that anymore.

I felt inspired to write a small scene just about a week ago (which does not happen often) and got out my laptop and started to type. And holy shit, it was difficult, and I did NOT enjoy the process. I doubt I even typed out half a page before I just stopped.

And that sucks. I just kept imagining the scene in my head, and pretty much gave up on writing it out. It was easier to just imagine it in my head, so I did.

Since roughly high school, maybe a little bit before, I don't think I've written any fiction that I wanted to write. It's all been essays on the driest of subjects. I mean, I guess I always took the subject and was able to twist it into something that I kind of wanted to write about.

Now, when I'm looking for something to show someone, or to reference something, I do t have to scroll through my main blog, in deep snow, uphill both ways. Now, I can categorize my posts into distinct blogs so that finding specific posts is sooooo much easier.

My specific blogs are:

Main blog (everything goes here, who gives a fuck, uhmuhyea™️ is a brand, a lifestyle, it's been my url so I first started here, you can try to pry it out of my cold dead hands, good luck

Words: I love quotes, and they can all go here.

Sexy Stuff: uhm, explains itself, right?

Useful references!!: excited about that one, always will be, now all those useful masterposts and how-to and DIY stuff can live rent free where I can find them.

Art stuff: just all the pretty things, when they really stir me, I can feel them inside, and one day want to hang them on the walls of my house

I'm trying to leave you alone today, I swear. Every time you don't answer a text from me is a knife in the heart, and every text I send that goes unanswered kills me a little more.

It's been a month or so since we broke up. It's easier in some ways, and harder in others. I hate that I can't call you and talk to you like we used to talk. Just about how our days went, and stupid shit.