#text t

these are the emotional and social differences between the six months i spent in washington and the life i now live here in north carolina

washington:

constant communication with someone i trust

public transport/access to outside world on my own terms

peers share my interests and make me feel secure

my autonomy exists and inspires me to try new things and achieve where i can

unafraid to be myself and be open about myself and what i enjoy with others, more free to be social in general in this environs

north carolina:

little to no communication at all unless agreed upon in explicit terms, usually following an argument

no access to transport without requisite scheduling arrangements with other people in my life; similarly, no access to transport in order to get my license without similar requisite arrangements, same goes for getting insurance to get the license

peers seem to openly dislike and be apprehensive toward me, this behavior leaves me constantly fearful of them and unable to predict their behavior, contributes to isolation

no personal autonomy, consent of others required for virtually anything i'd like to do

constant anxiety about gaining and maintaining the approval of others in my own family, constant fear of being unable to trust the people closest to me, these feelings give me due cause to hide all the time

so there it is in plain terms, in hard copy and now soft copy

this is where my life went and what it became

this is an extremely large part of my current state of mind

this is what nobody i live with can recognize or sympathize with