#tetsuna

Y/N: Barbara. Tell me. Barbara.

Barbara: He passed away. Last night.

Silence. All I could hear was silence. My ‘baby brother’ was gone. Guilt was seeping in, so was disbelief. This cannot happen. Wasn't he online just a couple of hours ago?  I wasn’t in touch with him for so long. I wish I was.  No, this can’t be happening. Surely this is a joke.

Y/N: Wait. How?! What happened!!?

Barbara: Cardiac arrest.

My brain couldn’t process anything. Guilt was starting to dwell and sadness was trying to find its way in. I needed to know what had happened. Barbara later called to explain the situation and what had happened. She was told that his heart had given away at night. He’d had heart issues for quite some time when he was a kid. (And I barely knew about this, although I could see him struggling with physical exertion even at a young age.) He even underwent surgery and he was slowly recovering. What was more irksome is that he was finally happy in every aspect. He seemed to be settling down in every way. But, he wouldn’t get to experience his happy ending ever. Why is life sometimes so unfair? Barbara had found out through a friend who posted a story on social media and that's when I was slowly starting to come to terms with it. I wanted to be strong for Barbara, so I tried holding my tears. But later on, after hanging up, I immediately called Kuroo ‘cause I needed to hear his voice.

The Tetsurō Kuroo. Yeah, the Nekoma High Volleyball Team captain. Although we’d graduated from different schools and started working in different places, it was quite recently that we started dating. We were getting serious. I was able to share stories about my life and he, about his. We'd experienced a roller coaster of emotions together. And while as a friend and a boyfriend he could get really cheeky with his sense of humor, he always provided a space for me to be vulnerable with him, and he’d not hesitate to be vulnerable with me. Hence, for this moment, I needed to hear him.  I was trying to process it all, but I couldn’t do it alone. I needed him.

Kuroo: “Hey, kitten. What’s up, everything okay?”

Y/N: “Hey babe, remember I once told you of a close friend from school who was like a younger brother?”

Kuroo: “Oh, yeah. Victor was it?”

Y/N: “Yes, babe. Umm…he...he passed away.”

I could hear a gasp and some sniffles from the other side. Kuroo didn’t know Victor, but he knew my adoration for that boy, and I could tell he was crying. For me. Because I wasn’t able to. I could also hear some noises in the background. Traffic maybe?

“Kitten,” he sniffs, "are you at home?”

“Um, yes. Why?”

“Okay, I'm driving to your place now. Look out from your balcony, in about 10 seconds.”

“Huh-“ I could see in a couple of seconds, that he was there in his car waiting for me to sit next to him. I locked all my bedroom doors except the balcony one and found a way to sneak out and sit on the shotgun seat of his car. It's not that my parents were strict or anything. On the contrary, they were the best support system I could've asked for. However, it was weird that the environment I was in made me feel claustrophobic like I needed air to breathe. So, no sooner than I got to sit in his car than we drove around for some time, stopping at a beach nearby in the night because he knew how much I like the sound of waves.

The car ride was filled with silence mixed with some calming music in the background. Kuroo, initially being his introverted self, was aware of how everyone acted around him and as soon as he came out of his shell, he made it a point to stay attuned to people's emotions, so that he wouldn't lose touch with who he was. This was what made me fall in love with him.

We parked the car close to the beach. The sound of waves crashing onto the rocks seemed to have a calming effect on me. I looked into Tetsuro’s eyes and there didn’t seem to be any light in them like he always did. They seemed blank, staring into nothingness, but he had to steel himself up for me. His small, warm smile then sent me to tears, as if he was telling me it’s okay to cry. Dang you, Tetsurō Kuroo. He hugged my disheveled self and kept my face on his chest so that I could bury myself in it.

“Babe,” I start to vent out, “he was just a kid. He left this world too early. He didn’t have to die of an effing cardiac arrest. He was..*sniff* so *sniff* young…oh baby, this is so not fair. I wish I could tell him how much I loved him. But all I can say is that I miss him and I’m sorry that I wasn’t in touch with him...I..I..I didn't know he had a girlfriend until *sniff* the day he died. How am I supposed to *sniff* encourage her *sniff* when I am unable to *sniff* come to terms with it *sniff*...I...I.."

“I know, babe. I know. Kitten, I have a feeling he knows even if he’s not here in the world right now. My love, I’m sorry for the pain you’re in. This, however, doesn’t change the fact that there have been instances where you’ve made an impact in his life and he’s made an impact in yours. Focus on that moments. Make him proud. Don’t just tell your baby brother you love and miss him, show him. He’ll receive the message. And as for his girlfriend, if you know her, which you probably do,” Kuroo smiled again as he patted my head with his hand, lifted it, and said, "I know that you'll find a way to comfort her even if she doesn't see it that way. You've experienced loss before, and you will again, but these experiences should make you stronger and help people in need." He brought my face close to him, kissed me on my forehead, and then kissed me on my lips. It was a kiss of sincerity, of protection, of pure love. Something which I was craving for right now. He then hugged me, letting me bury my face in his chest again, as Fix You by Coldplay was playing in the stereo of his car.

“I’ll try, love. I’ll try. Hope you’ll be proud of me, Victor. Someday.”

Victor was one of the boys who knew about my struggles with relationships and I was waiting to tell him about Kuroo, but he was gone. He’d have been proud to know that there was finally someone to be my equal. And the girl that Victor left behind? I can’t imagine what’s going through Hannah’s head and heart. I knew her in school as well, and if I’d get to meet her, I’d offer her a hug and assure her that he’s with her wherever he is. A friend of mine told me this, "There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there's no timeline for grief, and it looks different from day to day." So, I'd tell her to take time to grieve as much as she needs to and I'd offer to be there for her whenever she needed something. That’s the only way she can cope. That’s the only way we can cope. By being there for each other.

Tetsuro Kuroo

key lime: how would you describe your self-ship’s aesthetic?

Light academia. Expect moments of us having witty banters, running around the house, getting away on long drives, loud music, mad dancing, flicking food at each other while we’re cooking, game nights with friends, working on our presentations together even if we’re in different professions, traveling to coffee shops (a must for us), and excessive PDA from us XD But I can never imagine a better lover than him. The freedom I have in him to be who I and vice versa, it’s beautiful. We’re bold, passionate and full of joy.

raspberry swirl: how does your F/O cheer you up when you are feeling down?

Hmm, he’d cheer me up with corny jokes, sarcastic remarks, impromptu dancing, hugs me so as to help me cry, nose kisses, puts me in bed with some calming music to help me sleep. The next morning, when I wake up, he prepares breakfast in bed, calls our bosses to give me a day off work ‘cause I’m still not okay, and spends the whole day sitting by my side as we watch movies, and have the most random conversations. I’m upset with him for that, but I’ll not have it either way ♥️

Kento Nanami

key lime: how would you describe your self-ship’s aesthetic?

Absolutely dark academia with no question. Expect our nights or even weekends to be full of discussing of books, philosophical conversations and cooking together. He’s profoundly wise, so if I give him a topic that he knows and likes to talk about, (eg: bread or economy), he can talk on end for hours. Expect us gifting each other poems with roses, every poem invoking a deep conversation ‘cause it’s embedded with metaphors. And Kento Nanami as a poet faaaaaar greater than I can ever be. We’re intense, sapiosexual, and romantic.

raspberry swirl: how does your F/O cheer you up when you are feeling down?

He’d see me that I’m upset, not say anything, sit or stand or lie beside me, run his hand along my back and engulf me in a tight embrace. He doesn’t need to say anything, but a “this will not change the fact that I love you,” or “it will be okay, we’ll get through this,” and that’ll be enough for me to cry and vent it all out. Then he’d cook for me and play some soft music as we turn our conversation for some light hearted moments.

Jotaro Kujo

key lime: how would you describe your self-ship’s aesthetic?

Dark academia probably? Arguments galore. He’s a tsundere, doesn’t always express much, but shows it with actions. So, we used argue over little things and it’s probably at the risk of him picking me up like that in public settings 😂 But, when we slow dance, you can see it in our eye contact, our hand holding and our smiles that our love for each other is powerful enough to overshadow all the other couples in that room and overcome trials and tribulations. We’re rebellious, sacrificial and we get lost in each other.

raspberry swirl: how does your F/O cheer you up when you are feeling down?