#testing waters.

I Am Not A Goal-Oriented Person

I know, I’ve got that feeling too / What goals? [...] It’s a little-known fact that I made a pact to never, ever let anything last.

Just stating facts. 

Neither Jack nor Mary have ever had the “right” goals in mind. No desire to get a university degree, get a cushy job, get a nice car, get a house, get married, get kids. That’s just fine with them. While Jack is content to coast by day in and day out, Mary much prefers shaking things up and bolting before anything can become too set in stone.

Some Mutts (Can’t Be Muzzled)

You got a new dog, do you remember me? / Am I just a memory?

Past failed relationship woes. What kind of relationship? Romantic? Sexual? Platonic? And with whom? Don’t worry. 

The little “woof woof” that Amyl does also reminded me heavily of a scene I once wrote a long time ago in which Mary does something similar in response to someone being... rude. I think it’s charming. 

I See You Are Also Wearing A Black T-Shirt

No, you can't come inside. We built these walls so we could hide. [...] Empty houses, lonely streets. [...] Cul-de-sac is a fancy name for a dead-end street, it's insane. Can't pretend it's getting better.

Mary and DD meeting in school (likely detention) as teenagers and feeling a sort of kinship in backtalking teachers and ignoring deadlines. Mary befriending G at one of his many “functional human being” min. wage dayjobs in their late teens and feeling less out of place and less like screaming when they fuck off behind the store for a smoke break. The three of them meeting Forcas at some shitty house party and talking music and Mary bringing up this band he doesn’t do much of anything with anymore, even though he still fills up spiral notebooks with song lyrics and album art.

I like to think that the guys in the band’s current lineup were friends for a long time. Sure, Repugnant has been “a thing” for a while, but the lineup never stuck, really.  

Lover I Don’t Have To Love

I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full / I need some meaning I can memorize / The kind I have always seems to slip my mind. 

This one kind of explains itself, doesn’t it? Moving right along.

Prayer to God

Him, just fucking kill him, I don't care if it hurts / Yes I do, I want it to [...] Kill him, fucking kill him / Kill him, just fucking kill him / Kill him already, kill him already / Kill him / Amen

This is the song that Mary blasts too loudly too early in the morning on his first full day sharing the apartment with Jack, nodding lazily to the music with his back turned as Jack stumbles from his room and to the kitchen while Mary burns breakfast. The mixture of hesitance, leftover affection and deep anger, as well as the form it takes (an awkward, angry prayer made up on the spot), feels like as good an introduction to Mary as a person as Jack is going to get.   

Mary and the Storm

This one is a given, seeing as I make it a point to include it on every Mary playlist I have ever made since 2017. Backstory headcanon stuff. 

When I first threw this song onto a playlist, I had an incredibly clear image of my head of Mary, probably 16 and awkward as all hell, sneaking out through his bedroom window during a rainstorm with every intention of running away from home and crashing at DD’s grandma’s place. I don’t recall the exact reason he was running anymore, seeing as that whole fic got scrapped and repurposed into something entirely different. Don’t you ever wonder what the guy’s childhood was like?  I used to have this hc doc that was like 7 pages long just speculating about that kind of thing.