Discussion with Noel, super helpful, exactly what I needed, but I know that this is going to make everything a lot more difficult for me because I need to change my mindset about a few things. I am prepared to work hard (:

Celebration or critique? On consumer culture, commercialism and geek/ gaming cultures. Celebration: would entail following existing formats, following the conventions of these things (which is probably the territory I am in now), this paints you as a fan, which probably isn’t the position you want to have as a fine artist.

Need space in your process to create strange stuff. Give yourself time to explore and test out different forms of things (cards could exist in different forms- tokens etc). Find the form where it is the most alive.

You want to create an object that is charged and energetic, rather than something that has been methodically executed. This probably sounds simple, but this will be a big challenge for me, I think logically and I like having plans, structure and control over things- but I understand that I need to challenge myself and give control over to the process, this way it will ensure that my project doesn’t turn out dry. 

Need to give yourself license or permission to step out of control and trust the process. Find the enjoyment in material processes- my works aren’t materially driven but 

Look more into Typology: types. Specifically the Archetype and the Stereotype (perceptions of the other, especially through negative terms). 

Type can be a problem, a restriction, a contradiction or dead end. Problematize type and understand what it is that you are interested in.

Games are constructed and systematic presentations of character, which reflect types and categorize characters, understanding what context is used behind each archetype is important, what does this mean, how is this character portrayed?

Understand if you want to counter or embrace this idea of commodification, commercialism and existing gaming culture etc.. are you embracing a parody of these cultures?- by exaggerating archetypes and creating stereotypes, or do you want to critique these cultures, create characters and worlds that are honest, organic etc... Are you reinforcing something without intending to? Also check and make sure you are subscribing to certain conventions or ideals that you aren’t aware of. I’m currently leaning towards the idea of embracing these concepts, creating archetypes that are exaggerated. But I also contradict myself because I don’t like exaggeration, I hate some things about pop culture and pop artist that exist here in this idea. I like the idea of my characters having their own weight and symbolism, rather than prescribing them to existing exaggerated archetypes. Hard choice to make, I need to think about it more. 

Simon Denny- parody

This was in an art email newsletter that I subscribe to, usually there isn’t anything entirely relevant to me but this one came at the most perfect time and discusses a few things that I’ve been contemplating about this year! I feel so lucky to have discovered this, and this is confirmation that my thoughts and ideas make sense because there are established artists working with the same concepts that I am interested in.

Will add quotes of interest here: (and I write a lot about my thoughts on them)

In A Theory of Human Motivation, American psychologist Abraham Maslow examined how a hierarchy of psychological needs governs decision making. Safety is one core need that drives human behaviour and motivation. But how has this basic need been commodified, taken to extreme expressions, and projected into objects?

This is interesting because I’ve been working with ideas about aggression, projections of internal violence, inflictions of fear, death drives and drives to destruction. With this comes a desire for safety, an illusion of safety, an internal fear of violence being inflicted upon us, we fear gore because it demonstrates the extent to which the body can be mutilated before giving out.

Offering a cultural geography of time, place, and collective anxiety, Newall and Westphalen take a deep dive into billionaire bunkers and childhood toys alike. 

^ Genuinely in awe with this exhibition. At the beginning of year I decided that I wanted to look into room concepts that create both tension and excitement, uncanniness, or dystopian themes. I wanted to look into escape rooms, death game rooms, white rooms, and then this led me into the concept of the disaster bunker. All the objects in these rooms are carefully considered and intentionally placed, similar to the space of an art gallery. I have always felt that art galleries evoke a lot of tension, I don’t often feel comfortable within a gallery space because there is an exclusiveness to it and that sometimes feels unwelcome, I want to draw attention to this tension by comparing it with an one of the rooms stated above. 

I also think it’s interesting that the whole idea of an escape room is to get out of the room as quick as you can, this makes it a stressful but exciting environment. Whereas a bunker is the opposite, it is designed to hold you captive and keep you safe (illusion of safety), it shelters you from the outside, disasters and destruction. A shop is a space that seduces and tempts you to go inside, a gallery operates in the same way, both spaces can be visually inviting but also tense and condescending (and it’s not that the people in these spaces are condescending, it’s as if the space itself is screaming at you that you don’t belong in there- intimidating spaces). 

Space operates in the same way as the object in my scenario, the toy is used as a vessel for the idea of contained danger (that this shell of plastic is barely containing this danger, a room is also a shell that can be used as a vessel for these themes, but it is a real space so would probably be more impactful).

Ideas of contained danger, impending disaster. The ‘red button’ and what it symbolizes: hazard, danger, destruction, but also temptation and desire. 

Gifts of soft toys become symbols of the love and care their givers wish for a child. But, although given with love and intended an object of comfort, what protection does a teddy bear actually offer? And how does super-sizing a teddy into a wearable costume of human scale change its intentions… when does cute become creepy, or overwhelming?

Objects promise the illusion of safety we crave throughout life. Whether psychological – a cuddly toy, new outfit, or car to fend off (or highlight) a mid life crisis – or physical, we invest emotionally in the power of objects to soothe and protect. If Newall’s questioning of the illusion of security offered by soft toys is an early example of the suspended anxiety that floats across our lives from child to adult, Olav Westphalen examines it on steroids. Across a series of drawings, video works, and related script Westphalen explores the extreme expression of our greatest fears: the billionaire bolthole.

As the mythology of New Zealand as an unaffected paradise teeters due to extreme weather events and terrorist activity, Westphalen’s project Bolthole Down considers the rumoured billionaire hideaways in the Queenstown-Lakes region and the growing phenomenon of survivalist prepping.

Hung salon-style on the gallery wall they take on the feeling of a crime scene investigation, an evidence board of place, motive, and logistics.  

The bunker has become the most extreme example of perceived danger: from pandemics to climate change and political unrest they are physical responses to threat, whether real or imagined. The bunker is a metaphor, a more obvious example of the gated communities, increasingly larger cars, hostile architecture, and security cameras that populate our lives. Both a source and symptom of our collective anxiety, it is a multi million dollar business and disaster capitalism writ large. Less concerned by whether the rumoured bunkers around the Queenstown-Lakes region actually exist, but the psychology behind them and our need to create perceived zones of safety, Westphalen’s project offers a thoughtful parody of the world we live in.

Are bunkers teddy bears for billionaires?

Continuing on from my previous post, because I only touched on one concept.

1) Illusion of safety 2) Instant gratification 3) Branding as identity

My previous post touched on these other concepts lightly, because I went in depth, but I’ll explain these concepts further here.

Instant gratification:

Touched on this when I talked about my explanation of the ‘video-game phenomenon’, and how I felt the aftereffects of gaming from watching a YouTube video of someone playing a game. Feeling instant gratification despite not actually doing anything, YouTube allows you to feel secondhand satisfaction from watching other people achieve things, this is detrimental, it promotes laziness and long-term dissatisfaction.

Pop culture entertainment = instant gratification.

Hungry? Uber Eats. Crave entertainment? Netflix binge. Need something? Amazon fast delivery. Need to get somewhere quick? Uber trip.

Consumerism gives instant gratification- merchandise, idol worship (merchandise to fulfill desires, get closer to idols), escapism through products, need for control, “shopping therapy.”

Branding as identity:

People who inherit, imitate, copy and promote brands through wearing them or adopting their values, image or personalities. Not just brands but ideas of brands, also people and their ideologies.

Sanrio, Hello Kitty- Kawaii culture aesthetics

Barbie- modifications, unrealistic body standards

Revolving brands, concepts around your identity, turning yourself into an archetype.

Brainstorming ideas and concepts, I came up with the three following concepts which are going to be the backbone of my research this year. 

1) Illusion of safety 2) Branding as identity 3) Where fiction meets reality 4) Instant gratification

I will explain these in further detail:

Where fiction meets reality:

I was thinking about this for a long time and struggling to explain it in words, originally I classified it as “The videogame phenomenon,” which was solely to give a title to a personal realization, and resulting experience, that I had.

I’m sure that there is a psychological explanation for what I have experienced but it also feels very abstract as an idea, and probably subjective to different people. It describes the out-of-body feeling you experience after engaging in video-game activity for long periods of time, it also applies to tv shows (after Netflix binges), and even after reading a book (but I would argue that it is intensified when consuming visual digital content.) It describes the slippage of videogame territory into the existing, real world, where your brain hasn’t fully comprehended where it is. Almost like you are waking from a dream, but you are not, because playing a videogame is far from dreaming. It is the shift (or regain of your senses) from where you’ve been mentally existing within your screen world, to the existing world, you need time to mentally tap back into your body to be able to properly exist and navigate the real world.

I experience this after watching Youtubers play videogames for a considerable amount of time. Once I sit up, I feel dazed. When I put my shoes on and tie my laces I don’t feel like I have agency over my actions. My body feels numb and it feels like my actions have already been predetermined. I’m not thinking or focusing on tying my shoelaces, but somehow I am doing so with my fingers, which feel detached from my body. I feel as if I have become an NPC and someone is above me, controlling my actions by clicking on their screen. In moments like this, you also feel vaguely invincible, if a videogame character can run through a wall, then I can too. If a videogame character has 5 lives, then don’t I too? Maybe this is a completely different phenomenon that I am experiencing, this is often how you feel after being lazy for a long time, but the connection between this feeling and the media you consumed prior (videogame, tv show etc) has a significant impact on your thoughts during these moments.

And perhaps I haven’t even felt the full extent of this, because I don’t play videogames, I am only watching someone else playing it. Maybe this is what parents are concerned about when they believe their children can’t decipher the difference between reality and shooting videogames.

Bear in mind that everything I just wrote is only my first moment of realization, that acts as the backbone for my concept and thoughts around where fiction meets reality.

It made me realize that both fiction and reality can coexist, that fictitious scenarios are entirely possible in reality. This was a weird realization for me, because I consider myself very logical, “the real world is predictable and will happen like this” (maybe this is a social construct, you study, you work, you spend money, that is it) and “fiction and escapism are only present in books, tv shows, in videogames, fantasy can only exist in a constructed world.” This made me increasingly aware that reality isn’t always predictable, that you can experience escapism in real life, and ‘unreal’ things exist and happen a lot, there are physical pleasures that act as doorways into alternate worlds (alcohol, drugs, consumerism, media).

Now this idea, fiction can exist in reality, can be both positive (elevated by the internet and social media), and negative (link to safety being an illusion, life being unpredictable and dangerous). I’ll explain each side.

Positive:

This makes you more aware that you have agency. If you imagine yourself as a ‘character’, then all these associations of choosing pathways, completing tasks, dressing yourself to create a specific image, prioritizing certain pathways.. etc. This can be beneficial, inspiring, motivating

Following the above point, you can view yourself as tangible, you can construct yourself to be who you want to be. Dress how you want, adopt new hobbies/ personalities, copy/ imitate (fake it till you make it). Although this can be a negative thing, it still promotes instant gratification, which might instantly gratify you throughout your full lifespan.

For the point above, social media also elevates this, constructed identities can be praised or worshipped on social media. Idol worship. Fan bases for your superego identity. 

Negative:

Understanding that fiction can exist in reality can be a frightening realization. Some of the most unimaginable, horrific, unreal situations occur everyday. Snuff films and gore videos are prime examples of this, it was an unwelcome and horrifying reminder that humans are capable of both committing, and enduring, acts of torture (not just physical) that you couldn’t even imagine happening, or would think are only shown in horror films.

22.02.23

Thanks Katie for taking all these notes (:

Human nature/ internet. Freud’s id, ego, superego and the internet tiers

Dark web as breeding ground

Watcher, Aggressor, Victim

Alternate worlds

White gallery room/ escape room- installation

Observer not attendee

Q: How interactive do you want the works to be? Gallery setting enforces no touching, and I prefer this, you feel like you shouldn’t touch it, you are afraid to touch it. Exploding/ breaking/ looks painful to touch

Q: What space do you see your work occupying?

Q: Who are the people who view your work? Are they consumerists?

“Hold power over people”

Enlargement, creating distance with the viewer

Desire, but not feel a connection to

No eyes = no connection

Collectible toys/ art

Grotesque cute- tensions between creepy and cute

Q: How do you relate cute toys to your work?

Q: Limited edition vs mass produced?

Outsourcing idea, made in a factory- budget. VS handmade/ customizable/ one-of-a-kind. Debate between the two. Would take up an outsourcing opportunity if $$ works out. 

Castings?

Term One at St. George’s University School of Medicine: My Experience

I am pretty sure that you may have heard that medical school is fast paced learning. You are held at a higher standard than most students. My first term of medical school began in August 21, 2017 and from day one, we are given four lectures and small group sessions. It is August 2020, so why did I wait so long to write this? Simple. I did not carve out a time during my first two years to write…