#tenebrouspsycher

You relax, finally, and slump over to her side. You’re both flushed, panting, sweating, and naked. You’re the only one that’s purring, though, humans who aren’t you can’t purr. It’s hard to say if you pull her closer or if she pulls you closer, you both reach for each other in the same time. Cassie nuzzles into the curve of your neck as you bury your face in her hair and breathe her in. 

You cling to each other like one of you will disappear, because that’s what always happens. But you don’t. That simple fact, that you’re not in the bubbles and you don’t have to leave each other, doesn’t hit you until her breath is slow and easy and regular. She’s not dozing, the best you can do in the bubbles, she’s actually, truly, asleep. She’s real. She’s here. Not a doomed splinter, not a dream phantom, but her. 

You don’t want to get in the way, so once you and Cassie realize you’re in the same bubble, you two sit off to the side and cuddle and trade caresses and watch. 

You remember, when you were in high school, how you were like. You constantly picked fights with people and when you weren’t punching kids in the face, you were holed up in a corner of the library, reading and blocking out the world with your iPod. 

She logs on. You say hello, and give her a hug, like you always do. She asks you who you are.

There’s a lengthy conversation, in which you explain that you’re a close friend (you can’t tell her that you love her, more than anything or anyone else. she’s not ready). Afterwards, you log off, close your computer, and go and locate the whiskey.

You and Cassie have been keeping Hera close. You’re going to lose her, and soon, you want as many moments with her as you two can wring out. But Hera’s a free spirit, and slips out when you two aren’t watching. You have to say, you’re not surprised. 

Days pass. She doesn’t come back. You don’t hear from her at all. Maybe she’s just caught up somewhere? That’s always a possibility, right? You and Cassie both talk and yes, that could be it, but neither of you believe it, not for one second. 

And then there’s a knock on the door, and it’s Lilura, the barghest, looking contrite yet again. The first words out of her mouth are an apology.

A week passes. You don’t leave Cassie’s side, either as a human or a wolf. But you’re not content to stay in one place, either. You have to get out. You have to do something. 

It’s hard to tell when Cassie’s mom had disappeared. She’s barely home anyways, you never saw her when you were over at Cassie’s house. Cassie managed to make her own dinner just fine (and it was damn good food, too), do whatever needed to happen without anyone telling her to (and you can just hear your step dad making a sarcastic remark about you and your own chores).

Eleria… Man, that’s a thought.

It’s hard to pinpoint where exactly your feelings for her lie, or did lie. Did you love her? It seemed obvious that the answer was “yes” at the time, but then again, what you felt for her is nothing near what you feel for Cassie. You think. 

And then Hooks sold her up the river and she went through, all self-sacrificing and willing to do anything for someone else, and you thought you’d never be able to speak to her again, and you confessed to her. Which turned out to be a horrible idea. You didn’t want to hurt her, you didn’t expect her to just leap into your arms, you just wanted to know that she wouldn’t be going to her obliteration unloved.

And then she came out with relatively no change, and she came on the memo as you came down from Walk-Stab-Walk, and you fucked up again, and this time Hooks and Eleria made it clear just how much you did. And you were angry. At Hooks, for selling her to the Others, at yourself, for being a moron, at the Angels and Others, for shoving everyone into this mess.

The session went on and you, slowly but surely, got over her. You didn’t want her romantically, not anymore, Angels and Others don’t mix and you’d be a bad couple anyways, but you wanted to apologize and hopefully be friends, but every time she came on and saw you she immediately logged off. So there goes that idea.

And then, paradox space found it fitting to dump you two in a session together, because it hates you. It was a large session, too, so she could effectively hide from everyone and not hinder it in any way. But she was still there. You knew it, she knew it. The Host knew it. And the Host dug its claws into you and used you to wipe out the session and attempted to kill her though you. She managed - somehow - to kill you instead, and you plummeted to the ground and ascended to godtier.

But you didn’t escape unscathed. Back burned to hell, eyes silver and featureless, legs that don’t support you. And you hate her. You hate her far beyond what you can express, and you want her to suffer beyond your comprehension, and it’s not your hate, and that scares you. So you bind yourself in chains and avoid her, both to prove to yourself you’re not the monster she probably thinks you are and to save her from you.

You walked into your room in the inn looking at the wanted poster for the scion of House Tjarnet. You’ve been traveling with her for a few months, now, and while you always knew the bounty was something ridiculous, you never knew exactly how much until now. The bounty is huge. There’s more digits than you have fingers. You can cash her in and then take the money and retire in splendor for the rest of your life. It’ll be easy, she trusts you.

She looks up from what she’s doing when she hears you walk in, and her whole face lights up and she rushes over to give you a hug, and…

You can’t do it. She loves you, that much is obvious. And you can’t deny that you love her too. You’re supposed to be a bounty hunter, callous and cold in pursuit of profit, but you can’t turn her in, even if you’ll never get this amount of money again.