it was almost ironic , in a hurtful , vicious way that he was spending more time at home now. sebastian still pulled all nighters at the office &his presence at the apartment was scarce at best , but it was painfully more than it used to be. because he was grieving. he still let her plants die and slept on the guest bedroom.

the editor remembered clearly her determination, putting things away and walking out with the same fierceness she used to do everything. he also remembered only letting himself cry after it was too late . perhaps his tears were worthless and wouldn’t be able to save them , but still he let go as if it meant nothing , when in truth - it was everything. she was everything.

for someone who only feigned pride &hated the strong hand dealt all his life, he sure carried himself insolently out of the room when he realized she wouldn’t have him anymore. his hands froze in the air as he was reaching for her , voice trembling , saying : ’ we can make it work ’ . but the truth was undeniable, she deserved someone who could be good & in search of great - he’d failed to be just that.

now , all he does is mope when he’s not working himself into the ground - or more often than not , the hospital. he briefly walks into the messy bedroom where it all ended, the few pieces of jewelry and lipsticks she left behind mock him . he sits at the bed and smells her on the pillows, but he won’t and he can’t sleep there. not when he would reach to the empty space at all times, hoping she would hold him back & say ’ i love you ’ instead of good morning.

when the doorbell rings, he’d just finished showering & rummaging through his closet for a hoodie she didn’t steal. barely put together, he answers, expecting isaac at the other side of the door & then , his world comes to a stop. well, in fact, his whole world stands still on the other side of the door.“ jude? ” his voice was soft, though the surprise still slipped into his tone. “ what are you .. i mean, come in. ” huge fucking mistake, so she could see that it barely seemed a living person was still at that house? he hoped for a yes, even so.

jude was hoping that she wouldn't get an answer, that he wouldn't be in, oh well she'd just have to try again another day. she held the clothes tightly against her chest, if she was being honest, she didn't really want to let go of them, they were the last bit of seb she had left. but they were just clothes, they didn't even smell like him anymore, he needed them back and for all jude knew, he could have someone new in his life.

speaking of someone new, jude had tried to see other people, she'd dipped her toes back into the dating pool, but it hadn't ended well. it soon became quite apparent that none of the guys could compare to seb, whenever she was out on dates, she'd imagine him sitting opposite her instead, like he used to. eventually she ghosted those guys, stopped using the dating apps and told all of her friends that she'd decided to "work on herself", that was a lie.

it looked like the odds weren't in jude's favour, the front door opened and there stood seb. she's unsure of what to say, she just stares at him, taking him all in, he still looked the same, she liked that. jude had so many things that she wanted to say to him but at in the heat of the moment, she was at a loss.

jude awkwardly stood outside sebastian's apartment, wondering if she should even be here. in the rush to move out, she'd picked up some of his clothes and stuffed them away in a box. by the time she realized, it was too late.

the clothes smelled like him, it was comforting, they smelt like home, so she wore them. but soon they just started to smell like her, the smell of seb disappeared, she decided it was time to face the music and give them back.