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meet me in the blue bed / i'll be drawing out your flaws
and clawing at what's caused my knees to tremble
š£² ā§ā character : ajax
š£² ā§ā fandom : genshin impact
š£² ā§ā notes : quote and title from purity ring - stillness in woe
for @teataglia for the winter wonderland event !! hello i love you and all you do forevermore ok. may life slow down and greet you with kindness and patience, thank you for being here
when ajax returns to you, he does not always return whole. you find that you cannot describe it, the difference : subtle and silent, desperate in existence. because he is not whole, not entirely, no-- but he is never broken.
it is something else, you think. something more. something stronger, like they carved part of the self out and he knew it and he let them and decided to become something greater to combat the loss.
you cannot describe it, so you try not to.
tonight, your fingers ache as they trace over the scars of the person you love. how they tremble so, tender and grieving and blessing in their touch, and somewhere in the warmth of silence, you speak without thinking.
"you're more a person than a knife." solemn spoken, holy. your fingers trace jagged edges, feel the way he shudders at the familiarity. "...you know that, don't you?" careful. knowing. seeing.
he leans into you, face buried in the crook of your neck. no tension in those aching muscles, no trepidation in that weary mind. just safety.
he melts into you further at the words, letting out the softest sigh against your skin as your touch turns into something gentler, something that echoes an i love you, i'm glad you're home.
"you always say that." comes the answer, not dismissive, but not acknowledging, either. you feel his grin, and somehow, you know there is a trace of quiet mourning in it.
"i'm just reminding you, that's all."
his arms tighten around your waist, tender. he does not speak. he knows. somewhere in the depths of a violent soul, he knows. he knows he exists to live and not survive ; he knows his life does not have to be intertwined with the violence he longs for, but it is all he knows, this chaos in being.
he is not cruel by nature, but the abyss took him, seized a boy wonder and turned him into something starving for the cruelty of it all.
"more a person than a knife, huh?" there's amusement somewhere in his voice, and it is only you who can catch the underlying hesitance in belief.
"more a person than a knife." you hum softly.
you feel him pull back, just barely -- just enough so he can look at you. he grins that boyish grin : the one you grew up with, the one you know and don't know sometimes, the one that hurts and heals you all the same.
your gazes match, but neither of you speak. not until he dips down, lips pressing against yours in silent thanks, like a mantra unspoken, because the reminder of one's humanity is sometimes too much to understand, and so he finds he cannot thank you in any other way but this.
"i'm glad you're back." you whisper, and now you are the one who kisses him, soft and sweet and short -- almost not enough, given the way he almost chases as you as you pull away.
the softening of a guarded soul, mended in love and tenderness and the vicious, then a small chuckle.
