#teachersfic

Oh, he knew. Harry’s sure that he loves Zayn so much more than Zayn loves him, so sure that Zayn doesn’t remember any of that, because why would he--but Zayn remembers. He’s not great at dates, it’s true, and sometimes he’s absentminded, but he remembers that day. Remembers kissing Harry against the pillars, remembers the desperation and how lovely it had been before that. He remembers a lot more than Harry thinks he does. 

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

“God, Haz,” Zayn said. He spoke quietly, but the room was as silent as it could be in New York, only the faint sound of traffic outside, a bass pounding somewhere in the distance. “I think I could fall in love with you.”

Harry snorted, and turned his face into Zayn’s skin so Zayn couldn’t see him. “Don’t,” he warned. “That’s not what we’re doing.”

“You’ve said.” Zayn carded Harry’s hair back from his face, but Harry knew he still couldn’t see. He wouldn’t have said that if he’d known how far past ‘could’ Harry had gone, if he had ever stopped at all.

I know this is cheating because it’s actually mainly dialogue, but I love that last line. My poor heartbroken Harry.

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

“Are you mad at me?”

Harry stopped, yanking Zayn to a halt as well. “Am I mad?” he demanded. Pedestrians were dodging around them, making annoyed noises, they were getting close again and they were looking and watching—Breath in, breath out. Zayn focused on Harry’s eyes. “Am I mad?”

“Yes?” It sounded rhetorical, but Zayn wasn’t entirely sure.

“Fuck, Zayn!” Harry was almost yelling, his eyes watering with either the cold or tears. “You disappeared! I couldn’t find you inside and you weren’t outside and you weren’t answering your phone and I didn’t—” He gave a quick, ragged breath, then pulled Zayn closer, so he could wrap himself around him, his hands running all over Zayn like he was making sure he was there. “Something could have happened and it would have all been my fault for making you come and—”

I just love this moment of seeing how much Harry cares, and how much he does think about taking care of Zayn--not in an obligation way, but in a ‘he understands Zayn’s limitations and adapts to them’ way. Harry rarely gets angry, so I wanted him lashing out out of concern, a concern Zayn doesn’t quite understand anyone could feel.

5: What part was hardest to write?

Walking the line with Zayn’s anxiety, almost certainly. I wanted it to be present and noticeable but well-managed, but also have it be not well-managed in flashbacks. So getting to that point, while also treating it respectfully, was something I was very aware of. And then having to deal with Harry’s reaction to it as well--make it clear he was reacting to the revelation, but not condemning it, just himself. It’s not an easy issue in general, and it was one I really wanted to do well.

Hm. While those two definitely have kids--two, I think, maybe three; probably adopted rather than surrogates--I think they stay in the city. They’re New Yorkers in the heart of it. Probably, they move to Brooklyn, maybe Astoria, and raise their kids there. I do think they stay at that school, or at least Zayn does (he doesn’t like change, and he likes it there). Harry might hop around more, though. Trying to find a school where the arts are what matters, or there’s less pressure on the kids for extracurriculars for college apps. But he has to stay in the city--after all, that’s where his band is!

Sure, i can play a little more!

2. What’s my favorite part of the fic?

There’s one sex scene, right after Zayn makes dinner for Harry, that I love. it’s probably the angstiest sex scene I’ve ever written, and it’s great. On a more macro level, I think the kids turned out really well and sort of stole the show. Dorothy and Carlos’s relationship was adorable. Who knew I wanted to write magic school bus fic so badly? 

4. What part of the fic was the hardest for me to write?

Zayn’s anxiety, and more specifically, his panic attack. Just making sure I dealt with it right and represented it well and balanced Zayn’s having it under control on his own but also always managing it. And then Harry’s reaction to it, too. That whole subplot was definitely the most difficult. 

11. If I were to rewrite this fic, what would I change?

I think I’d put in more of their college experience. That was so formative for both of them, in how it influenced their lives now and how they approach their new relationship, and I don’t feel like we see enough of it--especially the good parts. They dwell so much on the parts that didn’t work that I think I didn’t entirely get across the fact that most of the time, it was good, until it wasn’t. And I think that’s important--that they did work, except for those few things that didn’t, and now those things are fixed, more or less. 

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Did that here. 

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

There was a comment on The Teacher Trap, I don’t remember from who, who said that because of how Zayn handled his social anxiety and such in that fic, it inspired them to go get help (or go back to get help? I can’t remember). The fact that my fic could help like that was really heartwarming, and I hope that person’s feeling better now!