Presenting: The (Plot Relevant) members of the Lupus from The Completely Normal Adventures of a Crime Alley Kid. One of Gotham's henching families (like 'cop families' or 'army families' except instead of everyone being a cop, everyone's a hench), and a solid 85% of the reason why Conrad, the Crime Alley Kid himself, is Like That.
Mykola Lupu, the sperm donor. Smug greasy snake of a man, right-hand-man for Two-Face's current right-hand-man since the day Harvey bought his first two-tone suit. Thinks of himself as an excellent father and family man, despite the fact that four of his oldest five kids are dead or disowned. Asshole of the highest order. Conrad's still missing a tiny notch of his right ear from where one of Mykola's bullets nicked him on the night he came out to his family. 45% Ethiopian, 45% Romanian, and 10% Who The Heck Knows.
Maria "The Facilitator" Lupu, the egg donor. She doesn't have a specific Rogue she henches for. Instead, she acts as a freelance HR agent for Gotham's badguys, pulling together secret lairs, bank accounts, and a full compliment of henchfolk ready to serve for whatever Rogue has recently broken out of Arkham or is looking to set themselves up in Gotham for the first time. She has an endless supply of long fancy cigarette holders and an even more endless supply of Machinations. 80% Latina, 20% Not Entire Clear But Probably European Maybe.
Aiden Lupu, Conrad's beloved older brother. Ten years older than Conrad; Mykola had him way too early and somehow wound up with him instead of whoever the mother was for no doubt completely legitimate reasons. The Black Sheep/Scapegoat in the family dynamic. Chill, laid back, never taking any of this Henching shit too seriously, and a huge part of the reason why Conrad managed to get away from it all still somewhat resembling a normal human being. Got both his eyes shot out by Black Mask for being a smart-ass when Conrad was 12. Dearly missed (by Conrad). Mostly African.
Bianca Lupu, Conrad's (mostly) beloved older sister. Only three years older than Conrad; the first child born to Mykola and Maria. The Golden Child to Aiden's Scapegoat. Asshole. Queen Bitch. Raised performative rebellion to high art. Conrad adored her, right up until she set off a Joker Gas bomb in the middle of their childhood playground. The exact details of what went down that night are unclear, but despite having over half-an-hour on the timer, Bianca was still at ground zero when it went off, dozens died including a number of close relatives, and Conrad would sooner leap off a building than talk about any of it with anyone else despite being there for the whole thing. Dearly missed by the entire family (Except for Conrad, except when he does. He's got Complicated Emotions about it.)
Erica Row, Conrad's younger sister. Fellow runaway from Lupu clan crazy who Conrad took in. Helps him deal with taking care of all the other lost street kids Conrad's taken it upon himself to raise personally. Former member of the We Are Robin army. Unrequited crush on Duke, weekend ass-kicker, the only person in Conrad's life he can't lie to, and almost the only person who has no compunction on giving him shit or telling him what to do. Like Conrad, has cut herself free of the Lupu name. Unlike Conrad, she replaced it with something else.
Not featured, Uncle Otto (AKA Iago), because he's an Alvarez, not a Lupu. Also an asshole. Henches for the Riddler. Loves death traps, being an asshole, and hating kids.
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Based on The Three Adventurers crossover webcomic by @captmickeyâ: More specifically, based on this picture.
When Link and Guybrush come to Daventry to throw Graham a surprise birthday party, they themselves are surprised by events that occurred when they were separated. But they won't be kept apart no matter what. Fluffy, friendly, sickfic, comfort fic with mild hijinks ensue.Â
1/1, 6k
~*~*~
Something felt wrong.
The weather wasnât helping: Daventryâs castle town was saturated. Rain skimmed off rooftops and splashed in puddles beneath drains. Dark clouds weighed down the sky, making it gloomy even in the middle of the afternoon. It would make sense for everyone to be inside, staying dry and safe and happy. But something felt wrong. Tense.
Some deep knightâs instinct made Link reach for his sword hilt. This didnât feel like people were waiting out a monsoon. This felt lonely, completely still and silent but for the rain dashing against window panes. No candlelight in the windows, no murmured conversation behind doors. The bakerâs shop especially drew his attention. Some sort of accident had befallen it since Linkâs last visit several months ago: there was a big wooden board nailed across the front windows, like they had been broken. The glass must have already been swept up, and very well at that since he couldnât see any glittering fragments nestled in the cracks between the cobblestones.
Unless it had been broken into and the glass was all inside.
Donât jump to conclusions, he scolded himself. Still. He warily stepped around the tree growing in the courtyard, searching the shadows, trying to pin down what was sparking the unease in his chest.
âAaaah,â Guybrush yelled. Link instantly sprang forward, sword half drawn, before realizing it was a cry of disappointment and not a warning of attack. âAaah, those alchemists arenât here!â Guybrush walked out of the empty shop, leaning his elbows on the railing in front of the door. âI wanted to talk to that old guy. Heâs got the only rubber chicken supply for miles.â
âNo oneâs here,â Link said, knocking gingerly on Amayaâs door, not expecting an answer: the forge was clearly cold. No smoke rose from the blacksmithâs chimney. âWhere do you suppose they are?â
âProbably the castle. I bet theyâre afraid of flooding. This rain is no joke; that river we passed was looking pretty sketchy. Summer in Daventry, eh?â
"Monsoon season is only in July, Graham said. And only for a week or two at that, normally.â
âJuly in Daventry, eh?â Guybrush swung himself down the shop stairs, boots sloshing up a wave. âShall we go on to the castle, give him the shock of his week?â He grinned.
No one in Daventry was expecting the pair of adventurers. Theyâd been coming to throw Graham a surprise birthday party. He was turning twenty-two, and that seemed like an important marker. Double identical digits and all. But theyâd missed his birthday by several days at this point. They had been inescapably delayed.
By a side quest involving a cat stuck up a tree.
Link had insisted they dig up bait, use it to catch fish, trade the fish to a traveler for an empty bottle, find a farmer with a cow to fill the bottle with milk (the farmer first requested they clear his field of wolves, a dangerous task that took some more scheming), and then use the milk to tempt the cat down. The cat hadnât been appreciative. It had nearly taken Linkâs finger off with a swipe of its claws. Once theyâd left, both with a healthy amount of scratches and bites and a half empty bottle of milk, Guybrush had asked why they hadnât just tempted the cat down with the fish in the first place.
Anyway, the delay had taken a few days. Travelers with empty bottles were scarce on the road, apparently. So, now they were late.
It would definitely be a surprise, then.
Link patted his pouch to make sure their chosen birthday present was safe. He hoped Graham would like it. It was possibly sentimental gooey nonsense, but it was their sentimental gooey nonsense. âYouâre right. Iâm sure theyâre at the castle. Letâs go.â He squeezed the end of his hat to clear some rainwater, but it didnât help.
~*~*~
The castle gates were shut tight, the drawbridge high. The rain fell endlessly, rivulets pouring down the battlements and rushing into the moat. The water was swollen, pressing against the banks. It looked like it was going to spill onto the road if this kept up for too much longer. The moat monster eyed them with curiosity, nosing just above the waterline. Link wondered if it would sweep out on the road with the overflow, too, and what merry hell it could raise if it got into the main river.
âDonât suppose thereâs a doorbell on this side of the moat,â Guybrush said, holding his hand over his eyes to shield them.
âGenerally, castles donât have those.â
âNeither do ships, to be fair. Weâve got a voice activated alert system on my ship, though.â
âDo you really?â Link was impressedâit sounded high tech.
âYeah. Bet Graham does, too. It works like this.â He cupped his hands around his mouth and roared so loudly that Link jumped half an inch off the ground, âOI, ANYONE HOME?â
âOh. Is that all?â
âAll you need.â He drew in a huge gulp of air and yelled again, âWEâRE HERE...â he paused and glanced at Link, whispering hastily, âwhatâs the polite lingo for a king, again?â
âSeeking an audience,â Link whispered back. That usually was what people said when they wanted to talk to Zelda.
âHERE TO SEEK AN AUDIENCE. WITH THE KING. WHO IS GRAHAM. CAN GRAHAM COME OUT TO PLAY?â
They waited. For a long time, there didnât seem to be any movement from across the moat, though the monster playfully flicked its tail beneath the water and sent a little wave skimming over the edge to douse their boots. Finally, a shaken sounding voice called back, âWho goes there?â
âI go where I like,â Guybrush yelled.
âNo, I mean. Uh. Who are you, exactly?â The voice was flustered.
âGuybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate.â˘â
âAnd Link of Hyrule.â
âNot a pirate,â Guybrush added helpfully.
âOh, itâs you two. Right. You were here for the coronation. Back again already? Um. Now...now isnât a good time.â
ââCourse not. Itâs raining. But if you let us in, it would be a better time.â
âHow did you even find out?â the guard asked distractedly. âTheyâve only been back two days. We havenât even told anyone yet.â
Link glanced at Guybrush, that little nervous thrill at the back of his neck rousing, a twitch in his fingers begging him to go for his sword. Some sense that something was wrong. âTold anyone what?â he asked.
âAnd Brambleâs pregnant, and this has all been very hard on her, and she doesnât want to go back to the bakery right now, and who could possibly blame her after what happened to everyone?â
âLook, itâs raining very hardââ
âAnd the Hobblepots are absolutely destroying the kitchens. Number One is going to have a fit when he realizes, even if Muriel is helping King Graham.â
âCan we justââ
âAnd Muriel probably wouldnât even allow you to see him, you know. Heâs probably too drugged to even talk.â
âIâm sorry, repeat that?â
The guard hesitated. âUm.â They could see his helmet bobbing over the crenellations as he paced. âIâm not sure Iâm supposed to tell anyone.â
âWeâre not just anyone,â Link pointed out.
âUm. I mean.â
âLook, anyone could hear us from out here, right?â Guybrush said.
âSure.â
âAnd you donât want anyone to know whatever happened, right?â Guybrush continued, pacing a little to match the guardâs movements.
âThatâs what Number One says, at least for now.â
âBut if you let us in, then weâll be inside, right? And then when you tell us, anyone wonât also hear. Because weâll be inside, and anyone wonât be able to hear us in there.â
âI suppose?â
âAnd weâre not anyone. Weâre Grahamâs friends. Weâre supposed to know. Whatever it is.â
âUm. I think that makes sense.â The guard seemed all the more uncertain. Whatever had happened must have been very serious to make him this befuddled. Or maybe he was always like this and Graham should hire better security. âI think thatâs right.â
âYes, it is. Now, let us in.â
âOf course, Mr. Threepwood, right away.â
While they waited for the guard to scurry around to the drawbridge crank, Guybrush muttered, âAlso, Iâm really sick of being wet.â
âYouâre always on the ocean.â
âNot in it, though. Come on, heâs dropped the bridge. Hurry up.â
They scurried across, bubbles from the moat monster pursuing them. Unease nagged at Link, but he dared not speak until they had more of an idea about what was happening. The guard met them in the courtyard. He looked even more rattled up close. His armor wasnât just damp with rain, but properly disheveled. It even looked like pieces were on backward. He smelled like wet pancakes, syrupy and pathetic.
âI mean, youâre his friends,â the guard babbled, wringing his hands. âIt might help if he can see you.â
âMight help?â The apprehension was growing and growing. âInside, now. And tell us whatâs happening.â
âHang on, I need to close the gate. The goblins might come again. He says itâs safe, at least I think he did, itâs all so jumbled, butâŚno one wants to leave it to chance, you know?â
âI donât know.â Link was starting to get angry. âCan you just please tell us already?â
âGraham was kidnapped. With the villagers. A week and a half ago. By goblins. He just got back with everyone not two nights past. Heâs really sickâhe fainted almost as soon as he got to the castle, and he keeps screamingânightmares, I guessâso Muriel drugged him to make him sleep. I really need to close the gate. Wait here.â And he vanished into the rain, leaving the two adventurers standing stunned and still and silent.
~*~*~
People had been tracking water into the castle, probably from running around in a panic. The plush carpet just beyond the doors was soggy under their feet. They wandered forward in a daze, damp carpet squishing behind them for a few paces until it dried out. Â
âI canât believe it,â Link said, voice hoarse. âWeâve got to see him. Can you imagine? Goblins. I canât imagine getting taken by bokoblins.â
âThatâs because theyâre about as smart as rocks,â Guybrush said. âI donât know the goblins around here. They must be clever. Or Graham was daydreaming again. Easy to drop a sack over his head if heâs thinking about candy.â
Link elbowed him. âBe nice. This is serious.â
âI know,â he said. There was a glint in his eye, and his shoulders and jaw were tense. He had a sharpness to him, like a cutlass half drawn and ready to slice if someone looked at him wrong. âCome on.â
The hall was quiet. Candles flickered against the monsoon gray light, barely holding the darkness away despite it technically being the afternoon. A royal guard hurried past, clutching a tray. A teapot and cup were precariously balanced on top, and he was fiercely muttering under his breath about the state of the kitchen. He glanced at the visitors dripping rainwater on this once-dry section of carpet and frowned. âDare I ask what youâre doing here?â
âWe seek an audience with the king.â
He laughed bitterly and started reciting: âThe king has been a little tied up lately. Iâm afraid heâs indisposed to see anyoneâthe recent unexpected demands on his attention have been slightly overwhelming, so weâre feverishly requesting a safe delay in all visitations. Perhaps you can leave your contact information at the gate and we shall attend to you whenever weâre available again.â
âYeah? The audience with the goblins was a bit rough?â Guybrush said.
The guard froze, teapot rattling on the tray. âWho told you.â
âWell. For starters, your speech wasnât that subtle. Also the guard on the gate told us.â
âIâm going to kick Number Two out of the castle.â
Link stepped forward. âSir, if I may. You might remember me. Iâm Link, of Hyrule. The royal family there has had all sorts of trouble in its history, so I have some experience in matters like this. Also, I know Grahamâuh, sorryâKing Graham well. We used to travel together. Heâll want to see us as soon as he knows weâre here.â
âDid Number Two tell you how sick he is?â the guard asked suspiciously. âHe might not even be awake to see you right now. You should probably just go away.â
Guybrush leaned forward, plucked the lid off the teapot, and inhaled deeply. âSteeping chamomile? And based on the temperature, itâll be just perfect to drink by the time you get upstairs with it. Heâs awake, or youâre hoping he will be. May as well let us come find out.â He glanced airily around the hall. âI seem to recall enough of the layout of this place from when we were here for the coronation. It wouldnât be hard to find the way on our own.â
âI could probably have you escorted to the dungeon,â No1 said uneasily, âforâŚuhâŚ.â
âFor obstructing tea, yes. But that would put a delay in your delivery. Itâs getting colder as we stand here, you know. Iâm sure if heâs sick heâll want it hot and good. And the sooner he gets it, the happier heâll be. If I know royalty, you want to keep them happy. It would be easier to go up together, wouldnât you say?â That sharpness in his grin was starting to look like a sharkâsâsomeone he loved was being threatened, and he wasn't going to stand back and let it happen, not if he had any say. He practically vibrated with urgency. âAlso, thereâs too much lavender in there.â
âNow, see here, youâŚâ the guard hesitated again, sensing that sharp desperation, looked at his tray, looked at them, thought a moment, then said, âIf you happen to follow me, Iâm not going to stop you.â He started walking, muttering, âAnd lavenderâs our main export anyway, I canât help the amount they put in.â
~*~*~
There was another guard standing watch over the bedroom door. It looked like no one was taking chances. Bit late for all the caution, Link thought, but theyâre doing their best.
As it turned out, though, the guard on the door wasnât even going to be their last opposition.
No1 pushed past, bumping the royal bedchamber door open. Through it, the adventurers could just make out a shape huddled in the bed, and then they heard the most horrible, aching, sharp cough from Grahamâit was the sort of ripping cough that made them flinch, that you could feel in your own throat. They started forward, anxious, but an arm shot across their path, blocking them. The door swung shut behind the guard, Grahamâs agonized cough muffled.
âOh! Lady Alchemist!â Guybrush swept an exaggerated bow. âBeen a while. Love to chat. Bit busy right now. Got things to do, people to see. Could you justââ
She glared. âYou canât go in there.â
âYou canât stop us.â The joking edge vanished from Guybrushâs voice again.
âDo you wanna get sick? This is inappropriate anyway, seeing a king like this.â
âWe demand to see him,â Link said.
âYeah? And why should I let you do that?â It was amazing how a little old woman could threaten when she wanted. She bustled her way forward, puffing herself up. She was almost of a height with Link when she stood up on her toes.
From behind her another voice said: âMuriel. Itâs okay. Theyâre his friends, remember?â
âChester, you have the worst memory of all time, but you remember these two?â
âI remember anyone who tries to buy my whole rubber chicken supply out in one go with a lousy brass coin that doesnât even have any value in Daventry.â Chester stuck out his hand for Guybrush to shake. âNice to see you again, even in these circumstances. No, I still donât have any inflatable cutlasses for sale.â
A friendly response at last. A memory stirred: kidnapped with the villagers. âWe heard a little bit of what happened. Are you okay? Were you part of it?â Link asked.
âThat we were, that we were. Nasty little things, those goblins. If it hadnât been for him,â Chester thumbed at the closed door, and they could just make out another hacking cough, âwe would have been in a lot more trouble. Iâm not sure anyone would have come back.â He glanced down the hall, and whispered, âI think there was something intentional going on. Someone had it in for him.â
âDo you think theyâll try again?â Link wasnât a stranger to assassination attempts. Keeping Zelda safe was a full-time prospect sometimes. He wasnât sure he was ready for the stress of having another royal friend at risk.
âNot in the same way,â Chester said. âThese guards,â he gestured at the one standing nearby, âare all puffed up since they got caught flatfoot, but theyâll smooth out. It wonât happen twice like it did, I can promise that. If I know who did it, and I think I do, repetition isnât really his style, not if he can go bigger and better. Creativityâs the word. Besides, I think Grahamâs got some ideas about opening up diplomacy talks with the goblins to prevent anything like this happening again. But I think thereâs someone youâd rather hear all this from instead of me.â
âNo,â Muriel said sharply. âI donât care that theyâre friends. Thatâs not a good idea for him, or them, and you know it.â She looked to the guard, like she was going to ask for help with chasing these two off. âClear off. Maybe later you can see him. Right now is not appropriate, and I will have you chased out of this castle if I must.â
Guybrush opened his mouth to start arguing again, but Link gently touched his shoulder. She had precedence over them in this situation. That guard would listen to her, and chase them out, and then they would be much further from their goal.
âYouâre right,â Link told Muriel. âWe shouldnât go through that door.â
âJust so,â she said, eyeing him a bit suspiciously, more than surprised that he was giving in. âSo, shoo.â
âIt would hurt them after I was through with them,â she snapped. âGo on, shoo.â
Link dragged Guybrush down the hall by the hand, steering him into one of the bedrooms down the corridor once Muriel had turned her back.
âCome on, I could have turned on the charm and gotten us in there,â Guybrush complained. âNow we probably wonât get to see him for days and Iâm not willing to wait that long.â
âLook, I promised we wouldnât go through the door,â Link said. He reached into his bag and withdrew his grappling hook. âDidnât say anything about a window.â
âAaahhh.â
~*~*~
On reflection, Link realized, this wasnât a good idea. Maybe they should have tried to persuade Muriel after all. Or maybe if theyâd started screaming, Graham would have heard them and ordered them in (unless the tea had been drugged to make him sleep, or he didnât actually want them to see him like this after all). Now, Link and Guybrush were dangling off the side of the castle, clinging to the grappling hook rope, rain making everything slippery and hard to navigate.
âAre you sure this is the right window?â
âGot to be,â Link said. He used his elbow to swipe some of the rainwater out of his eyes. âI did the calculations. Itâs gotta be it. This time.â (Theyâd already tried two other windows, both of which had led to empty bedrooms. One of them might have been where the Hobblepots were staying, based on the array of random junk everywhere that seemed to belong to Chester, but luckily the two alchemists were out doing something else. Probably still standing guard in front of Grahamâs door. Presumably the Feys and Miss Blackstone were staying elsewhere in the castle, because no one screamed when the adventurers poked their noses over the windowsills and swatted them down.)
They could make out the warm flickering glow of a lit fireplace in the window above them, which at least matched what they had glimpsed through the door of Grahamâs room. They just had to get there without sliding down the rope and falling fifty feet to the treetops. Guybrush was dangling near the bottom of the rope, finding it difficult to get purchase on the slick castle walls with his boots. âTheyâre going to think weâre invaders and shoot us down,â he muttered. âTheyâre going to think weâre goblins back to finish the job we started.â
âBe quiet and climb,â Link said, glancing nervously side to side in case there were a few royal guards taking aim at them from the balconies or parapets. No one was.
ExceptâŚRoyal Guard Number One was looking down at them.
He had opened the window and was leaning against the sill, staring down. His chin was propped on his hands, but with his helmet on, there was no way to tell if he was enjoying this or furious.
Link slid down the rope a few feet in his frozen panic, knocking into Guybrush, who yelped and locked the rope tighter around his leg so they wouldnât fall, and the two of them grinned guiltily up at the royal guard.
He sighed heavily (they could hear it over the rain, he was so loud and flustered), gripped the rope, and started to heave them up.
~*~*~
The room beyond was cozy, the large array of candles keeping the gloom (and perhaps those nightmares the guard had spoken of) at bay. Graham, eyes closed, was propped up against a pile of pillows in bed, slipping slowly at the delivered cup of tea and wincing at every swallow. No1 hoisted the two embarrassed adventurers over the windowsill and they fell to the ground, sloppy and squishy with rainwater. Graham looked up when he heard them, and his faceâdrawn, paleâlit up with a huge smile. He put the teacup down on the bedside table amongst a dizzying array of cups and pots and vials and bandages and tissues and ingredients brought by the Hobblepots.
âNumber One said you were here,â he said, nodding toward the royal guard. His voice was raspy. âI kind of expected you to come in the door instead of the window, though.â
No1 took off his helmet and shook the rainwater off it, fluffing the uniformâs feather back up and putting it in front of the fireplace to dry. He bristled his moustache, but it looked more like he was hiding a smile instead of annoyance. He helped the two adventurers to their feet, insisted they wait for a second so they wouldnât drip water everywhere, pulled some towels from a pile neatly folded by a large copper tub shoved in the corner, wrapped them up, and then let them go. Immediately, they rushed to their friendâs side. Link grabbed Grahamâs hand out of some desperate instinct, squeezing hard. Graham squeezed back as hard as he couldâwhich wasnât particularly hard.
âIâm so sorry we werenât here,â Link said. âIâm so sorry. Are you okay? What happened? We donât have the details. Oh, Graham....â
He looked absolutely awful. His bedhair, usually pretty hilarious anyway, was a tangled mess from tossing and turning in his sleep. His eyes were ringed with dark exhaustion, making it look like heâd been punched, but they were bright with a lingering fever, too. Link could feel the weakness in his friendâs trembling fingers. Graham was swimming in some ridiculously oversized nightshirt that more or less swallowed him up. It gaped here and there on his thin frame, and they could see the edges of bruises beneath it on his arms: bruises that, even partially glimpsed, looked uncomfortably like fingerprints.
âA kidnapping,â Guybrush said, shaking his head. He grinned mischievously, âOr was it a kingnapping?â
Linkâs ears flattened, and the sheer look he shot Guybrush could have knocked a moblin over. âYouâre going to end up right next to him nursing a black eye instead of nursing the flu,â he hissed. But Graham was laughing, and Link subsided, though he was still too annoyed to perk his ears up again. He was wary of pushing it if Graham wasnât ready to talk yet, but he was desperate to know, to help in any way he could. âAre you...is it...are you up to telling us what happened?â
âNo, I donât have the energy to get up. But I can be down for telling it.â
Link dropped his head into his hands and moaned, âI canât stand being around you two.â
âI canât stand either, so itâs okay,â Graham said, patting Link gently on the shoulder.
âAaaargh!â
âYou canât be mad at him,â Guybrush said. âHe outranks you nowâhis hatâs shinier than yours.â
âYes, my crowning achievement,â Graham agreed. âBut that doesnât make you beanie-th me.â
âAhh, youâre fedorable when youâre being humble,â Guybrush said, âbut you donât need to downplay your escapades.â
âIâm not that far ahead, really,â Graham said.
âYouâre going to make me sick,â Link sighed.
âIf you hang around me much longer, you will be,â Graham said, and the laughter faded from his scratchy voice. âI heard Muriel. Iâm glad youâre here, absolutely, but...sheâs right, you know. You shouldnât be in here. Iâm not safe to be around, I think. I might give you this.â He gestured vaguely at his throat. âYou donât want it, believe me.â
âDonât be ridiculous. Weâre not going anywhere.â Guybrush sat down so hard on the bed that Graham bounced. âNow. Itâs time for you to tell us one of those stories you like to tell. But only If youâre ready.â
And so, after a pause and a sip of lukewarm tea, Graham began. The day had begun in frustration in the throne room and had ended in fear in a goblin cell. He kept rubbing his wrists, remembering the bite of ropes, until Link held his hands again.
He told of huge caverns, of stalactites dripping water into secret pools, of glowing salamanders scampering through the shadows, of mushrooms in every color casting off glittering spores. He told of sharp spears and heavy padlocks, of giant rats and whispered escape plans. There were costumes and stories: Cinderella and Rumplestiltskin. Porridge, sweetycakes, and frogs. Friends and enemies, and some people that might have been both in equal measure. Shrouds of stone armor, unbending bars and sharp bolt cutters, stolen beds, stolen people. The goblin king, his courtiers, and the book written by a former friend that had incited the goblins and started it all.
He talked for a long time, his voice wavering in and out. Sometimes he had to stop and take a breath, drink tea, rub his aching throat. He sank lower into the pillows, looking more worn out, but he stubbornly refused to sleep no matter how often they suggested it. Whenever these breaks happened, Link and Guybrush sat a little closer together and waited with him in comforting silence. They offered to at least give him a proper long break and finish the rest later, but he wanted to tell the story. Wanted to explain it from start to finish. âIt helps,â he said. âEven if it hurts a bit.â He choked down another cough and sipped at a fresh cup of tea No1 had brought. No1 had also silently brought Guybrush and Link their own mugs, unasked and unexpected. They had crowns painted on them. The lavender tickled their noses, and the trio drank in quiet but good company.
At some point, Muriel and Chester came in to prep medicine doses. She saw the adventurers huddled together and took a step back, startled and angry, and she opened her mouth start yelling, but Graham cut her off, hastily saying, âAhh, Muriel, you remember my best friends, right? Iâm so glad theyâve come to visit. Link, Guybrush, meet Muriel and Chester Hobblepot, the greatest alchemists in the country.â He gave her a pleading, sopping kitten sort of look, breath held in nervous anticipation.
She deflated with a weary sighâthe look she gave them told Link and Guybrush they were destined for a sickbed next. âHe should be sleeping right now,â she warned them.
âThatâs what we told him,â Link replied, relief tinging his words now that he knew his position on this bed was secure. âHe says no.â
âWeâve been over this,â Muriel said. She reached for a cup that Graham had been especially careful to avoid and tried to offer it to him. âYou were supposed to drink this an hour ago. You canât avoid your dreams forever.â
âI can definitely put them off,â Graham said, crossing his arms so she couldnât force it on him. âMuriel, please. Just a little longer. I donât want to sleep. Itâs not...itâs not the nightmares this time, honestly. Iâm just trying to explain things. I think straightening everything out, talking through it...itâs going to help the nightmares stop. Please.â
She pursed her lips, then sighed and stepped back. âFine. This once, fine. But Iâm going to swap those bandages out now anyway.â
Guybrush half stood. âOh. Should we leave?â
Graham grabbed his sleeve. âN-no, please donât. Iâd like...please donât go. I didnât tell you this part, but...um. To make sure I wasnât smuggling anything, the goblins would...literally shake me down. Upside down. And theyâve got hard hands.â Graham slipped up his nightshirt sleeve, and showed off some of the half-glimpsed fingerprint-shaped bruises. âThese are mostly faded. Itâs my legs that are...badly bruised. My own weight against their hands. Thatâs all.â
âThis makes them heal faster,â Muriel said, plucking a jar from the tray. Link reached for it automatically, as curious about healing potions as ever. The jar felt icy cold in his hands, almost frosted over despite the warmth of the room. âGreen ice scale,â she told him. âGood for deep soothing.â
Guybrush let Graham lean against him while they reapplied the icy goop and rewrapped the bandages so the bedsheets wouldnât stain green. Graham shuddered, his shoulder pressed hard against Guybrushâs as he flinched away from Murielâs touch. âItâs so much colder than it was last time,â he muttered.
âI think you just werenât paying attention the first time,â Muriel replied.
Link stuck a finger in the jar and studied the gel. âGood for burns?â he asked.
âPlan on fighting a dragon soon?â Chester said.
âFire arrows can have interesting consequences.â
âIâll get some together for you. Itâs a good snack on a hot day, too.â
âIâll, ah, keep that in mind next time Iâm in in the Gerudo Desert, thanks.â
Guybrush was staring at Grahamâs bruises. It was almost possible to make out individual handprints in the colorful marks on his shins. âThose are nasty.â
âJust donât poke them,â Graham said. âThey were worse, if you can believe it. How much longer, Muriel?â
âOh, a week, maybe. This knocks the heal time down, but doesnât erase âem. I could go global if I had something that just erased âem.â She picked up yet another little pot from the hoard she had gathered, whisked off the lid, and offered the contents to Link and Guybrush. There were tiny little white leaves in it, crisscrossed with green veins. They smelled like extreme mint, like you could flavor an entire moatâs worth of lemonade with one leaf. It made Link feel a little nauseous. âYouâre going to want this. Put it under your tongue and itâll melt. One an hour. Iâll give you both your own bags of it, but start with this for now.â
After she left, the story picked up where it had left off, details untangling like knotted ropes, until Graham started to reach a rough conclusion.
âAs for me getting sick. Itâs probably not hard to guess. Muriel thinks...I mean, the stress alone was hard, but my cell was always wet. The rainwater kept finding channels down. It was one big puddle most of the time. And there wasnât a lot of food to go around after the porridge ran out, and I couldnât let Bramble go hungry, or the Hobblepots, or Amaya. ItâŚit wasnâtâŚ.â He coughed, a hacking wheeze that rattled his chest. âIâm lucky. It could have been worse. I could have gotten like this before escaping. But...but I couldnât let that happen. I think I didnât let myself get sick until we were free. Everyone was depending on me, you know.
âBut...but it was hard. To be alone for so long. In the end, Bramble and I found the goblin king together. I told him a story about what it means to be afraid. What it means to get too much responsibility too fast, to not know what youâre doing, and how friends are the only way to push forward and keep going. And that, a story about friends, was a story he liked, and in that place where stories hold more sway than kings, it was enough, and he let me, let all my friends, go.â
Link and Guybrush glanced at each other. Link breathed deeply: âGraham. The reason weâre here. Itâs not because of what happened...we didnât even know until today. We were here for a different reason at first. This...this isnât the way we would have wanted to do this, but...â He and Guybrush leaned cheek to cheek together and shrieked âHappy birthday!â so loudly that No1, who had actually not been listening at all, almost fell out of the rocking chair. Link shoved his hand into his bag and withdrew a small wrapped box with a crumpled bow pasted on top.
âIt isnât much,â Link said apologetically. âItâs late. You had your birthday...â his voice faded.
âIn that cell, yeah,â Graham agreed. His eyes were sparkling with excitement, though, and he spoke lightly. âIt wasnât that bad. I sang to the salamanders, and Wente made me a special sweetycake, somehow. But, guys, you didnât need to do this.â He took the proffered gift all the same and slipped off the rumbled ribbon.
âItâs an engraving we had done,â Guybrush leaned forward, watching as Graham extricated a charm and chain. âI think itâs kinda cheesy, but Elaine and Zelda thought it was clever. They helped with the design.â
The charm itself was styled like a piece of eight, with two crossed swords and a bow and arrow printed on topâclearly tiny little renditions of their weapons of choice. Graham ran his fingers along the edge, finding a little latch and flipping it open like a locket. It contained an image of the three of them, arms flung over shoulders, apparently mid-joke and laughing together.
Link said, âWe thought...well, itâs your first birthday as a king, and we were worried you might, yâknow, get too busy and distracted and...maybe forgetful. Zelda said thatâs normal, for a newly responsible royal. But we thought that together we did so much, and even if we canât be here in person all the time for you as a king, we...well, I guess itâs sort of silly after all that happened, when you really did need us and we werenât there for you then to help protect you and Daventry and all, butââ
âBut youâre here. Now. And thatâs all that matters to me. Itâs perfect. I love it.â He pulled the chain over his head, and the charm rested against his chest. Graham bit his lip. âItâs probably too late, but...I mean, Iâm definitely contagious, but...â
He didnât have to finish saying it. His friends launched themselves at him and grabbed him in a tight hug. They stayed together like that for a long time, regret and gratitude and everything held in silence. They could handle anything when they were apart, but they were stronger together, and they reveled in it.
(Later, Linkâs throat started to ache and Guybrush started coughing, but they both agreed it was worth it. Muriel just sighed and ordered more soup.)
Our newest short film was released yesterday! There Came a Knocking is now on our YouTube page! Check out this haunting little, horror short and share it around! "Answer, answer! Spread the cancer!"
While the haunting officially begins tomorrow, you might be able to trick an early little treat if you know where to look!! As usual, we are rolling out the new short in the same fashion we typically do (website, playlist, public, oh my!!)! In the meantime, you can always replay the trailer to get a sense of what's to come!!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Inching our way towards the finish line! That's a wrap on Cynthia! And at our second location I got to be cat wrangler/distractor for that part of the shoot. My fav job on any film set. Thanks as always for all the awesome and making it happen to my cast & crew! There Came a Knocking. #ComingSoon #ThatFilmLife #TCaK https://www.instagram.com/p/Cil3whzMyJR/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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