#tbf1

“Tris? Why’d ya close yerself in like this? I told ya what ya wanted! Sweet boy please don’t do this to yer mum. Ya said ya wouldn’ leave if I told ya, ya did say that! Don’t ya remember? ... please boy.” After her last admission Tristan wasn’t sure he wanted to know more, his suspicions had been far more tame than the truth turned out to be. He had always just assumed she had panicked as a young woman and didn’t bother to tell his father about him but this... this made it hard to even look at her. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do in the long term but he knew he couldn’t stay there and risk his rage creeping in. Just what she needed was for him to start yelling, then he could be the unreasonable one. He hadn’t realized until then how often she had done that to him until his Aunt had brought it up and he wasn’t going to let it happen again. Not over this. 

“Tristan Javor!! THIS IS MY HOUSE YA HEAR ME?!  I’LL TAKE THE DOOR OFF. YA KNOW I WILL!!” 

Of course right now he had to figure out how he was going to get out of his room without her noticing. 

“It only happened the once, when I went down to visit my old flatmates from school, ya remember that I’m sure. Hadn’t left ya for more than an afternoon before that.” She explained still showing some degree of hesitation in her nervous fingers. 

“I do, ya cried like a child on the platform when ya were supposed to be boardin.’ Pretty humiliatin’ for me, given I was sixteen summers and a good couple heads taller than ya were at the time. It was alright though, I tried not to show my mind given I know how hard it was for ya.” Tristan cracked a weak smile remembering how often he had ranted to his cousin Gibby about how obsessively protective his mother could be, “That was just before he found out though wasn’t it? Was only a couple a weeks before ma birthday and it wasn’t long after that I picked up the phone. I’m sure he wasn’t terribly happy to get that news. What happen’? Did he just stop callin’ ya mum?”

“Well no actually.. he called a lot at first, at weird times hopin’ to catch ya again himself I think.” 

“But ya had made ma feel bad enough about the last time I didn’t touch it.” The young man felt a snarl shoot up into his throat at he spoke. 

“Right... so I asked him to stop and he said maybe he’d just fuckin’ come up ‘ere himself and see ya. I never told em exactly where I was from but I’m sure it wouldn’t take much effort if he cared enough...” 

“Shoulda just told him to come on up, perhaps he woulda forgiven’ ya for all this.” 

“Ya say that but you don’t know how angry the man was. Also I’d have to explain to Thom where the fuck he came from and why he sounded suspiciously English for an Eastern European.” 

“And why the fuck would ya wanna do right?” 

She remained frozen as the room went silent, the only sign of movement came from the slight nervous fidget in her fingers. She was lying and doin’ a piss poor job at it to his mind. “Ya do believe me don’t ya?” 

“I wish I could mum, really I do, but it all just doesn’t add up. Especially given the photograph Divie found. Ya gonna try to explain that one away somehow? Say it’s just a fabrication of hers? My blessed Aunt who never cracks for shit but practically was in tears as she admitted to goin’ along with yer schemes simply cause she was afraid she’d lose us forever?” Tristan’s heart raced as he calmly unloaded all he had been told, “She said he looked just like me mum, without question. What did ya label it ‘me and Jack” by mistake?” 

“Tristan please, I’m yer mother. Why would ya think I’d do this to ya? I’ve given up everythin’ I wanted in my life for ya. Why are ya doing this to me?! I love ya more than anythin’ in this world.” He could tell by the tone in her voice she was choking down tears but his aunt’s word still rang sharply in his ears. “Sweet boy please, please don’t do this to us.” 

“If yer gonna try to make me feel guilty for only wanting to know the damn truth woman I can just fucking leave. I’ve only stayed in this house so long because of how bent out of shape ya got the first time I said I might move out but listen here and listen good: I won’t be lied to. Not anymore so fucking talk or I’ll just go until yer more willin to be honest.”  

“I guess I’ll just come out with it.” Tristan sighed as the lump in his stomach from earlier melted into puddle of nausea, “I know ya lied to me about ma dad. He wasn’t just some random prick ya met on yer school trip was he?” 

“Oh so ya think ya know everythin’ now? Who told ya all this? Divine?” She asked with a smart look on her face that made him want to succumb to his hidden rage, “Ma sister means well but she always did try to make me seem more foolish than I was. As if what actually happened wasn’t bad enough! I mean I was an unwed mother all on me own with no hope of findin--”

“Stop mum, I know yer friend Jack’s ma dad. Ya used to talk to him all the time, smilin’ and gigglin’ at all hours of the night. I’d come out of ma room to take a piss or to find out what the noise was and there ya were, ya didn’t always notice me ya were so wrapped up in yer chatter.” Recalling now it really had been all the time for as long as he could remember. He felt foolish for never pressing her further, especially after he had admitted to picking up the phone that night in her stead and she went off on him. “Then it all mysteriously stopped right after we spoke. He seemed like a nice fellow, polite and sweet spoken. I wonder what could have pushed that kinda man away from ya?” 

“Jack is English Tristan, I’m sure ya noticed that when ya talked to him. Yes he was disappointed I didn’t share that part of ma life with him, we were good friends but it wasn’t any of his concern if I had a kid or not.” She shrugged indifferently, “Besides do ya think I would lead ya on a wild chase cross Europe to find a man that just lives down South? That sounds pretty damn asinine doesn’t it? Ya really think that ill of me that I’d do that to ya? Please Tristan, sweetheart, I promise I don’t know where yer father is.” 

“Well there’s ma wee man! Did ya get enough sleep? I wasn’t sure if I’d even get to see ya today!” Tristan cringed, it annoyed him when she called him that, he hadn’t been her “wee man” since he overtook her height at the end of primary school.

“Why do ya do that? Ya know I hate it.” He protested as usual. She was always a bit oppressive when he’d get home from being out on one of his trips. No doubt she had also made him supper and done his laundry before he’d even had a chance to look into it. He wasn’t helpless, he knew how to mind himself pretty damn well but he figured it was her way of showing she missed him. Right now though, in his bitter state of mind, it just put him off. “Seriously mum, I’ll be 28 soon, you need to find a new nickname.” 

“Awww is my boy in a mood? I’m sorry dear but you’ll always be my babe. Ya know that! Yer ma only son, aren’t I permitted to dote on ya a tad?” She smiled gleefully, “Now tell me what’s the matter? Normally when ya come home yer in much better spirits. Did somethin’ happen while ya were away?” 

“Naw but there is somethin’ I need to speak with ya about. I’m just not really sure where to begin.”

Tristan was confused by his Aunt’s reaction, she was not the type to get too excitable about things but to be seemingly depressed over this news was not at all what he had anticipated. When he had suggested it to Gabriel he had thought for sure she would have been overjoyed at the gift. It was a large way of showing how much his mother meant to him and that through his baby girl her memory would live on. It wounded him to think he may have caused her any pain, “Ya know Aunt Divie, I didn’t mean any harm in what I did. I hope ya aren’t upset at me and Gibby for thinki-”

“Ya didn’t do anythin’ wrong boy. Ya’ve always treated me with the utmost respect and kindness. I’m just at a loss to why.” She signed heavily as she leaned forward and fell into a deep stare as if she was not with him, “I’ve always kept ya as far as I could. Sometimes I felt it was almost to a cruel degree. It was the only way I felt I could keep ma promise to her. Every time I saw ya I regretted it but I thought I’d never see the both of ya again if I didn’t. That she’d take ya away from yer cousins that ya loved so much. Besides it would destroy yer relationship with yer mum and I wasn’t sure if I could live with myself if I was responsible for that. Doin’ that to my own sister...seemed unthinkable but I know I was wrong, I always knew I was wrong for goin’ along with it.”