#task. julian

vf: well, aren’t you the comedian. what is today’s date?

he glances at the digital casio strapped to his wrist. “may 15th.” 

vf: just one more: what is the name of the gossip column currently trending in manhattan?

“oh, that, uh…” sucks in his teeth, eyes drifting towards the ceiling as he racks his brain for the name. he’s sure it’s been mentioned a couple of times in the family group chat, but he never did pay much attention to those things. “gosh, what was it… peter pan or something?” 

vf: good enough. let’s jump right into it.

vf: okay, julian. a little birdie told us you’re quite the film buff. what’s your guilty pleasure movie? we all have one.

“oh, anything from disney channel in the 2000s. just, all of it. takes me back to a simpler time when people weren't afraid to be cringe. you know, johnny tsunami, zenon, eddie's million-dollar cook-off, pixel perfect, even stevens... yeah, those were the shit."

vf: can't see why you'd be lying about that. well, now that we know what you love, what is something  popular - a brand,  a show, or a movie - that you actually hate?

"fuckin' substack. it's all ‘the death of culture’ and 'on silence' and 'against optimization' essays written from a $4000 a month apartment in greenpoint. like, it's not that deep. "

vf: wow, you sound really passionate about that. but it seems you're telling the truth. speaking of the truth. what’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

julian glances towards the polygraph examiner. "won't the machine, like, short-circuit or something if i tell you the truth about a lie?"

vf: we'll take our chances.

it takes him a minute to land an answer he won't mind giving away. "well, i don't know about biggest, 'cause there's been a lot, and i'm not proud of most of 'em, to be honest... uh, probably the time i told my mom i had to miss her birthday 'cause i was in london for the weekend but i was really just in long island. doin'... uh, stuff."

vf: hm, we're picking up on some deception here.

"fine, i was in dumbo staying with a friend."

vf: right. speaking of your family, you guys are among the top real estate developers in america, certainly one of the most affluent families in new york. no doubt that's drawn some unwanted attention towards yourselves. do you care what the public thinks of you?

"oh, not at all, vanity. can i call you vanity?"

vf: whatever you want.

"look, i don't care about that stuff. the public doesn't put food on my table or clothes on my back."

pe: that is a lie.

"you face is a lie! i think your machine is broken." he toys with the cuffs on his fingers, accidentally pulling one of them off. they take a quick break to fix everything and make sure the machine is still responding.

vf: alright, julian. let's try to keep the cuffs on this time, okay? let's move on... do you sometimes scroll through  robinhood.com? 

"robin hood! right, that's the name, i remember now. but, uh, no... not really. i'm too busy for that."

pe: questionable. vf: mm-hm. but hopefully, you're not too busy to meet people. have you ever slid into someone’s dms?

"you know, miss fair—may i call you miss fair?"

vf: i prefer you wouldn't.

"well, vanity, i'm not too proud to admit that i have slid into someone's dms before. a few times, actually. but it's not always just to hook up or whatever. it's important to network, wouldn't you agree?"

vf: for sure. well, now that you've brought it up, what's the weirdest place you've kissed or hooked up with someone?

he blushes, mentally parsing through his catalog of spicy memories he'd filed away for a rainy day. "god... probably at a storage closet at that open house viewing in greenwich village with my ex."

vf: naughty! did you end up buying the house?

"no, no... we split two months later."

vf: sorry to hear that. while we're on the topic of exes, is there an ex you wish you could get back with?

julian laughs. "do people actually answer all the questions?"

pe: he's deflecting.

julian narrows his eyes at the polygraph examiner. "i don't make wishes on regrets."

pe: indeterminate. vf: okay, well, you seem to have had a colorful dating life. what about your career? are you happy with your career?

"if you could call it that, sure. i love what i do. and i'm gonna keep doin' it."

pe: he's telling the truth. vf: cool, cool. what's something you're currently working on?

"thinking about reframing roomform to be more consumer-friendly... mostly just looking for inspiration right now."

vf: new york city's as good a place as any to get inspired. could you see yourself in manhattan for the rest of your life?

"you know... i actually don't think so. like, i'm open for sure, but. i don't know. i don't wanna limit myself. i always thought alaska would be a cool place to live, but the 212 will always be home."

vf: what’s your favorite place in new york city?

"oh, i love the moma. i could go everyday. definitely a huge influence on me growing up. saw a lot of shit in there, done a lot of shit, too. but that's another story for another day, i think."

vf: well, this has certainly been interesting. thank you so much for indulging us, julian but before you go, how 'bout a quickfire round?