2018 was a very weird for me. I think a lot of people can say that with no hesitation. So many things were publicized in the lives of my friends and I. There are happenings that may be blurry, some things might make you cry. Welcome to my roller coaster.
We’ll start at my birthday, like any good story. March 13th is my favorite day, not even because it’s my birthday - I just have always liked the time where it’s turning to spring. Everything is new, everything is beautiful. I remember being in Rome for that day. Not for pleasure, though. Only a few short days after that I returned to London. The beginning of this year, I didn’t think I’d be here much longer. In London or even alive for that matter. There were two suicide attempts that I had to add to my growing list of the times I’ve tried to take my life.
I fell in love, twice - technically. First time was with a girl, I won’t go into detail but she was murdered. The hit was carried out by people I thought were my family. The cult always took care of me and when I found out they’re the reason my not official girlfriend died - I left. Leaving was not an easy task either. It ended with me facing sexual brutality to the extreme. I’ve got scars from that night that will never go away. I’m not only talking about the brand marks.
Then I met Maverick and things seemed to be looking up. For a long time we were just fuck buddies and with my track record I expected us to end as fuck buddies as well. Now we’re engaged - but I’ll get there.
Things got bad for awhile. Despite an external happiness, I was losing my mind slowly. My life is too fast paced and I hadn’t even coped with being raped until months later, when I was hospitalized for the third time. I was diagnosed with chronic depression, ptsd from the cult and I was having delusions with all of those diagnoses’ mixed together. I was fucking crazy.
After my hospital stay I came home and things seemed normal. I was taking my medication and I still am. Maverick built a house together where we now live and as I write this I’m staring down at my beautiful engagement ring.
2018 was the worst year of my life and it turned into the best year at the flip of a switch. Although surviving wasn’t easy, I made it through and I am so happy that I did.
