Through the Cracks (of Time and Space) 18
Chapter 18: The Void Stares Back at You
Co-written with, and illustration by @t3a-tan
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Word count: 4,664
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Zepheera had to step through a dark silk curtain when she ducked inside, tucking it behind a small hook to be out of Oliver and Sammy's way. From there, she fiddled with something bulky in the dark, and a small stone about the size of her torso began to glow a soft yellow light.
It was surprisingly warm inside, in spite of the metal surroundings. On top of any ambient grace the TARDIS might have granted her much smaller passenger, Zepheera had clearly worked hard to make a cozy space for herself. It looked more like a tent, with nearly all sides covered with panels of fabric scraps held in place with small magnets. Based on how the walls at two ends and the ‘ceiling’ panel hung a bit more freely, those were there to at least somewhat close off the rest of the space inside the walls, keeping it from feeling too open and dark. The multicolored braided rag rug across the floor certainly helped keep things insulated, too.
Zepheera had a small bed set up in the corner, which she quickly approached to straighten out the covers. Along the way she plucked up a few articles of clothing left on the floor and hastily tossed them into a copper-wire basket that sat between the bed and a chest-of-drawers made with stacked matchboxes.
It was clearly the only room she had set up for herself. One side was dedicated to sleep, while the other side had a small working area. An old tin seemed to double as a desk and extra storage, and a wine cork had been repurposed into a stool. Against the same wall as the opening was a shelf Zepheera had constructed by stacking flat scraps of metal on top of two random objects of similar size set at either end; she'd gotten the Doctor's help to solder the frame together, creating a fairly tall and wide storage space.
There she kept various borrowings for future use, with heavier objects stored on the bottom and lower shelves and things like fabric and stray bits of yarn toward the top. In the middle seemed to be for projects half done, as there sat a pile of thin fabric strips, more yarn in various stages of being spun to a usable size, and the beginnings of another rope ladder.
“I don't really get visitors,” said Zepheera sheepishly as her violet eyes darted across the floor for any other obstructions or messes she needed to scoop up. “Obviously…”
Sammy entered the opening and looked around with subdued awe. This was definitely much more similar to what she remembered as a child— more scraped together and not human like Oliver's burrow was. The burrow still looked nice but this felt much more familiar despite all the metal. A bonus was that it also felt far more protected in here than out in the open.
She looked around at the random trinkets with curiosity, having been too caught up in fear and exhaustion earlier to appreciate much of Oliver's burrow. It still felt foggy and dream-like even now. She didn't touch anything, recalling how much it bothered her when people touched her stuff when she was younger and not wanting to annoy Zepheera. She seemed nice after all— for a woman traveling with a giant scary alien.
Oliver also looked around the room, finding it to still be very interesting despite the more bare nature. It was telling; of the kind of lifestyle Zepheera had and what she prioritized. Her clothes being scattered on the floor reminded him of the many times he had scolded James for the same problem, eliciting a small chuckle at the memory.
“Getting this all together in months is still impressive. It's a nice space,” he commented genuinely, approaching to stand by Zepheera's side once he was done examining her room. “How long have you been traveling with the Doctor? The same amount of time, or did you go without your own space for a while?”
Sammy continued to look around, peeking at the projects on the makeshift shelf and the structure of it all with interest.
Zepheera scratched at the back of her neck. “It's…kind of hard to tell, if I'm honest. The time changes wherever we go, and I was never one to keep a journal or anything. Mostly it feels like it's been months, y'know? I'd guess around five or six.”
Thinking back on how putting together a place of her own all started, Zepheera smiled softly. She took a seat at the end of her bed, (one of the two spots to sit down) sinking gently into the foam mattress.
“Found this space pretty quickly, actually. The TARDIS has living spaces designed for bigger folk, so the original thought was that I could do up one of those however I like, borrowing to put it all together. Then I spotted the gap while he was giving me a tour, found I fit in perfectly, and…” Zepheera's gaze swept around the room fondly. “Here we are.”
Oliver moved over to settle down on the bed beside Zepheera, watching Sammy look around with a hum.
“Well, it certainly does seem like the TARDIS has your best interests in mind. Perhaps she can shape her interior to some extent and made this gap. Or perhaps it's simply a coincidence.” He smiled, feeling the bed before turning to meet Zepheera's gaze again.
“I remember when I moved out from my aunt and uncle's den I found it difficult to adjust. I knew I wanted to return to my old home, but it was a…difficult process.” He rested his chin on his palm as he leaned forward. “My first bits of furniture and such were very crude and I was rusty at scavenging. But… I made do with what I had.”
Sammy turned around, raising an eyebrow at Oliver.
“I don't get why you moved out anyway. Especially so far away… I know you weren't riding birds when you lived with us,” she pointed out. It made no sense to her, why someone would switch lifestyles so drastically like that when they had all been perfectly fine living together. She remembered being upset about it when she was younger and Oliver first moved out, but since he came to visit relatively regularly it wasn't so bad.
Focusing on the shelf in front of her again, Sammy's brows furrowed.
“I wish you'd stayed a little longer at least…I'm pretty sure Tanner doesn't know what you look like. And I didn't really get to finish learning how to read… mum didn't have time, and dad couldn't read either,” she added in a more mumbled tone, fidgeting. Oliver's expression softened, his mind immediately going to the writing and reading homework he used to give to both Sammy and Tanner that was hung up in his bedroom.
“Well… I can certainly still teach you. And Tanner, if he…” Oliver trailed off, the implication clear. Both he and Sammy went quiet, similarly troubled expressions plastered on their faces.
Zepheera bit her lip as she glanced between the cousins. Their worry was palpable, and she wanted to help them feel better. She just wasn't the most confident in her people skills, even after all the talks she'd had with Oliver. With him it was so easy, it almost didn't count.
Turning to him first to boost her resolve, she reached out to give his shoulder a squeeze. “We'll find him,” she vowed, turning a more confident look Sammy's way. “And if the Doctor can find a way to bring him back, then he will.” With one more gentle pat on Oliver's shoulder, Zepheera let him go and leaned forward to try and meet his gaze.
“You haven't seen him in action yet. The Doctor's insanely clever,” she asserted. “I've seen him undermine tyrants, dismantle armies, and save whole civilizations, whole planets. He never leaves anyone behind if there's something he can do to help.”
Oliver smiled lopsidedly at Zepheera's reassurance whilst Sammy frowned in thought. She couldn't imagine ever trusting the safety of her little brother into the hands of a…not-human, though she knew she didn't have too much of a choice. She just hoped when it came down to it the Doctor would stick to their deal, whatever that meant for her. She had been through hell plenty, and she would gladly do it again for Tanner's sake.
“It's…not him I doubt. It's the..unknowns about Tanner's condition,” Oliver explained with a small sigh, looking down at his clasped hands as they rested in his lap. “Whether he's alive or not. What mental state he's in. What physical state he's in. It's all new territory— even the Doctor doesn't particularly know the answers to those questions yet.”
Sammy bristled, not used to seeing her older cousin looking so forlorn. She hadn't really noticed earlier, too caught up in her own fears to pay attention to how everything was affecting him. She approached with hesitation, unsure what to do or say as reassurance. She always knew what to say to Tanner, but Oliver had always been more of a mentor figure to her so she hadn't expected this.
“He's— he's tough, he'll be okay… I mean. I'm perfectly fine, aren't I?” Sammy pointed out, trying to lighten the mood as she gestured exaggeratedly towards herself. Oliver's smile stayed although it saddened as he looked at her, causing her to stand up straight again with slight discomfort, averting her gaze.
“I mean…I guess you haven't seen me for a while, so to you I look a bit rough… but I-I'm not crazy or anything, and most of my scars are old now…” she defended, despite him not making any comment. Her nails dug into her arms slightly as she hugged herself, shoulders bunching up and brows furrowing. I’m fine.
Blinking at the sudden defensive nature, Oliver quickly shook his head, sitting up more rigidly.
“Oh. Oh, Sammy. No, not at all. I always understood you would look different, I'm sorry… I… I can't say you're perfectly fine but you're doing remarkably well for the situation. I…believe you would benefit from a proper physical examination when you're comfortable doing so, but I'm not saying you're broken or crazy, nor am I saying Tanner will be. It's just… I worry. That's my job as your family,” he explained gently.
It took Zepheera a moment to realize she hadn't breathed for a bit. She knew logically that reuniting the cousins after such hardship would include the growing pains of getting used to each other again, but she couldn't help feeling like she was not helping facilitate that whatsoever. Not that it was her job or anything. She just wished there was something she could say or do to make anything alright for them.
She was spared from making another attempt when she picked up on something ringing out in the corridor. Zepheera hopped up and leaned toward the opening of her hideaway where she could more clearly make out the Doctor’s echoing voice calling their names and proclaiming, “I've finished!”
With a deep breath in and out to refocus on the task at hand, Zepheera got to her feet and beckoned the other two. “Right. Time to go.”
Back in the console room, the Doctor held the vial in a set of tongs and was lowering it through the top of the glass globe, which now held a subtle pinkish glow reminiscent of a plasma ball without any of the beams. The bottom of the globe had been securely affixed to the radio. He let go of the vial once it was in the very center, and it stayed floating where it was put. Then the Doctor quickly snapped the lid shut and pressed a button, and it gave a sharp whirr.
He looked up to see the borrowers approaching again. “Alright. I've got it sealed in here,” he explained. “Unbreakable glass, should keep it from going anywhere if it somehow manages to get out of the vial. All that's left to do is turn this bad boy on and we should be well on our way to having a proper chat.”
The Doctor positioned the device carefully on the floor, hovering his thumb over the on switch when a thought occurred to him. With a glance toward the smaller folk, he suggested, “Probably want to cover your ears again. Might be a bit grating until I can get a fix on the signal.”
The warning was indeed warranted, because once he saw the others were prepared and he turned the machine on, it gave a squeal of static. The Doctor frantically hurried to turn several knobs, and the noise quieted down into vague fuzzy noise. Every so often one could make out half of something that might be a voice.
“Come on, come on,” he muttered, sticking out his tongue in concentration as his manipulations became more and more delicate, fine-tuning the frequency. “Talk to me… Let's hear your voice…”
For a few moments it was quiet, all besides the gentle hum of static from the device. Sammy and Oliver both watched with bated breaths, hoping for a good sign. Finally, a soft voice echoed through the speaker, slightly broken and unstable at first.
“...Come on, come on…” It repeated the Doctor's words back almost like a curious child— which definitely matched the young voice being projected from the device. The goo squirmed in the vial but was unable to escape its containment no matter how hard it pushed and pulled at itself. “..Hello…? Is anyone there…?”
The voice distorted and wavered, but it quickly became clear that wasn't an issue with the device and was simply how the sentient liquid sounded. The last thing they had said seemed copied too oddly enough; considering the fact that no one had uttered those words inside the TARDIS with the substance in earshot.
As the black goo continued to convulse within its glass prison restlessly, Sammy and Oliver had both gone still. That…sounds like Tanner's voice. Sammy took a step forward towards the device as she watched the substance climb up the vial walls in her direction, growing more restless at her approach.
“Sammy..?” It spoke in the same warbled and echoey tone as before. The liquid squirmed and climbed at the walls again before beginning to gather itself into a much more recognisable shape. It wasn't detailed, but it was bipedal, barely held together due to its unstable nature. Although it had no definable features, there appeared a pair of tiny white eyes to distinguish where the face was as it sat in the vial.
Sammy's unease grew as the substance continued to take on a more and more detailed appearance; never shifting colours but it now looked just like Tanner too— if the boy had been dipped in tar or something. He had a sweet smile on his face, the very same smile Sammy had been desperately missing for weeks.
And yet…despite all that she couldn't help but clench her fists at the sight. She could tell with one look that whatever that thing was, it definitely wasn't her little brother. It felt too unnatural…uncanny. There was something off about the tone and the body language that Sammy easily picked up on after having spent nearly 24/7 with her brother in Ryker's lab.
Oliver on the other hand only had old memories to go off of when recalling his cousin, so hearing his voice and seeing something that looked so similar was pretty convincing.
“Tanner?” he questioned hoarsely, almost hesitant to ask because he didn't want to think about the implications of this transformation should it actually be the missing boy.
Instead of answering though, the liquid suddenly took on Sammy's shape, its body morphing into a dark duplicate of the girl— almost perfect aside from the long hair and slightly younger appearance. It tilted its head in Oliver’s direction to an unnerving degree, words echoing through the speaker.
“Tanner?” it repeated with the same sweet and innocent expression as before, seeming unnatural on Sammy's face. The voice didn't change, still echoing in the lost boy's intonation.
The Doctor's mind raced as he observed the substance’s behavior. It can definitely see and hear us, but it mostly seems to respond by imitating. Not reflecting, or else it would have copied Sammy and Oliver as they are. Can it…see into our memories? he wondered, unsure of how else it might have taken on the form of what looked like a younger Sammy in response to Oliver.
The fact that it even could take form and speak at any capacity was astounding. Zepheera, hovering near Oliver and Sammy, couldn't help but bristle to see the stuff change shape and hear it's borderline creepy childlike voice crackling through the speaker. After seeing what it did in response to the others, she dared not draw its attention.
The Doctor on the other hand had no such qualms. He leaned down to more closely watch the goo as he attempted contact.
“Hello,” he said softly, hoping to reach whoever else the substance might be echoing. “We can hear you now. If you can hear us, can you tell us your name, please?”
As the blackened face swiveled robotically to look up at the Doctor, its body changed back to a young boy's. His hair was wild and curly, unkempt like Sammy's. He was dressed in what looked like a gown similar to what she had been wearing too, although on its amorphous body it was hard to tell.
It seemed to think about the question for a long moment, almost stumped by it. Eventually it smiled again after having reached its answer.
“Don't..have a name…” it responded slowly, clearly not used to forming its own words. It focused on Sammy again, easily finding her the most recognisable figure in the room as it pressed its hands against the glass and leaned in her direction curiously. “Can you…sing to me..?”
Sammy was a little startled by the question, immediately reminded of how many times Tanner had requested lullabies to help fall asleep. Oddly enough, whatever this entity was it was behaving similarly to her brother, but with slight differences in tone and expression or phrasing. For that reason she hesitated.
“U-um… I don't…” She glanced towards the Doctor and Zepheera, then shook her head. Even if it were Tanner she wasn't sure she could force herself to do something like that in front of strangers, especially when one was so frighteningly large. Clearing her throat, she got serious again. “Do you know my brother?”
The substance paused for a moment, before perking up and nodding with a smile.
“Yes— lots to see. He's here,” it responded cryptically, pushing against the glass again. Looking around at everyone it tilted its head just a little too far to be normal, as if fighting against gravity to keep its shape. “Can I…come out..?”
The Doctor hesitated. While he'd expected a certain level of awareness from the substance, having it actually take a shape on top of it complicated things. Especially when it seemed to take on that of Tanner, if the recognition from Sammy and Oliver were any indication. Zepheera seemed uneasy as well, looking up to the Doctor with arms crossed tightly across her chest.
“I can let you out of the vial,” he conceded slowly. “ ‘Fraid I can't say the same for the rest, but it'll at least give you some more room. I'm gonna need your help if I do, though. We're trying to find Tanner, bring him home to his family. If you can help us, I can let you out. How's that sound?”
It stared silently up at the Doctor as it processed his words, eyes completely blank and unblinking. Eventually it nodded slowly, white eyes scrunching up in thought.
“Tanner is…inside. He's okay. Just cold…” it remarked, its words continuing to echo like they were inside of a large stone tunnel. Smiling, it continued. “Showed me lots… I showed him things too. To make the water stop coming.” It covered its eyes with fingers splayed out so its unsettling gaze wasn't completely obstructed. “Kept coming from his eyes…”
Oliver regained composure enough to focus, his brows pinching together with concern.
“So you have seen Tanner? How do we get him back? Is he alive?” he asked the questions one after another, barely giving any time to focus on one. The substance’s eyes quickly focused on the borrower and regarded him with a mix of curiosity and confusion.
“Alive..? I don't..know what alive is. He's in me,” it corrected as if that explained anything, a slight frown etching into its expression at the new word as it tried to pick apart what it could mean.
Something cold dropped into Zepheera's stomach as its words sank in, unnerved by the implications. Just as she turned to the Doctor, his eyes lit up with recognition and understanding.
“Ohhhh,” he breathed. “So that's it. That's why you have an awareness of both here and the void, because you didn't just come from it. You're not just a piece of its energy. You're part of the void.”
Blinking as the moment of realization passed, the Doctor frowned. “Oh. Sorry, I did say I'd let you out.” Then he reached into his inner jacket pocket for his sonic screwdriver, carefully setting its frequency. He held it just slightly away from the glass globe, and only held it active for a moment. Just long enough to rattle the stopper of the vial loose, and then he put the sonic away.
Once the stopper was loose it returned to a more liquidy form as it gathered at the top and pushed the cork from the vial, slinking out through the top of the glass before taking on the form of Tanner once again.
“Now. If I'm right, then you have essentially become an avatar of the void, which means it's somehow gained consciousness. Or maybe it had it all along but it was impossible to know,” the Doctor mused, fascinated by the possibilities. “Either way, you couldn't have any concept of life because, by your nature, nothing could survive within you. Life is what exists beyond your bounds. That's what we are: alive– physical and conscious and warm.”
Holding his chin in a hand, the Doctor all but folded himself in half to watch the sentient goo as he continued to speculate. “I think you were somehow split from the rest of the void, and that was never meant to happen. The essence of nothingness can't easily thrive someplace material any more than something organic can thrive in the void. So when you interacted with Tanner, something had to give. But you didn't want him to be harmed, so…you changed his physiology to be able to cope with the emptiness inside you.” He tilted his head slightly in an unintentional mimic of the substance. “Does that sound right? Can you remember what happened when you and Tanner made contact?”
It faced the Doctor, smile unfaltering despite all the questions, seeming especially curious about his explanation of life. The speaker crackled a little as it took a moment to think, tapping an approximation of a finger against its chin.
“I remember…everyone else who entered was empty.” It gestured with its hands as it spoke, struggling to find the exact words to describe what it meant. “Empty like… me. Not moving or…thinking,” it continued, pausing to think over its explanation. “Not life. They were cold and asleep.”
Just as the Doctor had previously stated to the borrowers, organic life couldn't exist in the void— everything that entered it would die inside of the empty space between. And the substance, or the void, had only experienced death as a result, until Tanner was able to live and adapt to its environment.
“Tanner was not empty though. And I could hear his thoughts. And… feel his memories. I don't think I really…thought before then. I didn't know what it was.” The sapience that the void had gained was relatively recent, a result of its exposure to living sapient life for the first time. It tried to recall what had happened at the exact moment it made contact with Tanner but couldn't, simply because it hadn't even been truly conscious yet.
“I don't remember… he was cold and empty after a bit…I went in his body to wake him up.” It clasped its blackened hands together, white eyes closing for a few moments before snapping open again to focus on Sammy with a smile. “I remember Sammy. She's our ‘sister’.” A pause as it tilted its head. “I don't..know what a sister is.”
Oliver could at least tell by this point that whatever this entity was— seemingly the same void the Doctor had mentioned before— it didn't seem malicious. He could tell that Sammy was conflicted and uncomfortable about its words so he stepped forward to hold her hand again, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“She is Tanner's sister. You…have no memories of your own so you're experiencing his instead…” he corrected gently, brows furrowing together as he met the liquid’s gaze with some hesitation. “Is he still…thinking? And alive..?”
It nodded slowly.
“Yes. He thinks a lot. He's scared of me… I don't know why,” it explained with a hint of hurt in its voice, not really understanding what was frightening about the emptiness it was. His memories gave no explanation, and despite having the same memories as Tanner it couldn't comprehend what about itself was so scary.
In spite of herself and her determination to keep back from this talk with the creature that could lead them to Tanner, Zepheera let out a sharp huff and stepped closer to the contained substance. She could think of plenty of reasons for the poor boy to be scared in his situation. He was a child, one who had already lost his parents and then was separated from his sister and sent to a previously unfeeling hellscape all on his own.
As much as she wanted to say all of that, she knew there was no point to it. That stuff– the void, whatever it was– clearly had no frame of reference for any of that. It had no concept of family, of interaction with anything outside of Tanner, and anything it gleaned from him was extremely limited. So Zepheera took a deep breath and fixed the child-shaped liquid in a sharp violet stare.
“He's afraid because he doesn't belong there,” she asserted, her tone firm but not confrontational. “What you did for him might have saved him, but he is still somewhere far away from everything he knows, everyone he loves. Living people don't know what nothing feels like, so it's scary. And he's lost with no means to find his way back home, as anyone in that position would want…!”
A gentle nudge at her arm drew Zepheera's focus, and she found a fingertip there. It occurred to her that she had grown a tad heated– not angry, but definitely passionate– the longer she went on. Glancing up to meet the Doctor's gaze, she leaned her weight into his finger briefly to let him know she was alright. It began to retreat, but her arm snapped out to wrap around the fingertip, keeping it in place.
The Doctor blinked but saw that Zepheera was taking all this more personally than even she seemed prepared for, so he kept his hand still and turned back to the liquid lifeform.
“I know you've bonded with him,” he acknowledged. “And I think we're all grateful that whatever you did kept him alive. But he can't stay inside you forever. He needs more than you can give him. He needs to come home. And I don't know if we can do that without your help.”
