#tamelle

Noelle was leaving school after staying behind, needing to speak with a teacher. She walked through the gate to exit the school when she heard yelling nearby. Being the nosy person she was, she followed the source, walking behind the school to see a huddle of four girls covering two other individuals.

Clearly a fight was going on. She shrugged it off and started her way home until she heard a familiar voice coming from the group.

Tamara.

She stopped her way home and immediately turned back around, pushing through the girls to get to her. “what the hell is going on?!” She yelled, everyone stopping to stare at her. “well?”

“El..” Tamara froze, her hand was grasping a girls arm. She looked down and dropped the girl from her grasp, spitting near her before Noelle grabbed Tamara by the wrist and started to storm off.

“Hey! you still haven’t finished what you started you brute!” The girl on the ground yelled, hobbling at she stood up.

“Shut up you know I’d whoop your ass anyways!” Tamara boasted, flipping off the girl before turning back to Noelle.

Soon they arrived at Noelle’s house, they dropped their stuff off in Noelle’s room before she dragged them into her bathroom.

Noelle sat Tamara on the edge of the bathtub as she started rummaging through cabinets, finding her first aid kit and wetting a rag. She sat on the lid of the toilet, balancing the kit on her legs.

She cupped Tamara’s face in her hand as she began wiping her bloodied face. “Tamara I told you to stop being so impulsive.” Noelle scolded, “you can’t just go around fighting people. Even for me.”

She twisted around and grabbed another rag, holding it to Tamara’s nose as it was still bleeding. “Hold this here,” her tone softening from what it was not even two seconds ago. But it didn’t last long. “you could really get yourself hurt one day, more than just a couple bruises and a bloody nose.”

Opening the first aid kit, Noelle grabbed the gauze and bandages from within in before putting it aside. she began cleaning Tamara’s knuckles, still scolding her. “You don’t need to fight my battles, I told you I didn’t care and it didn’t bother me so-“

“Noelle.” Tamara mumbled, cutting Noelle off on her tangent. Tamaras face was soft, her cheeks flush, probably from the fight. yeah. her deep brown eyes were slightly glassy, staring with something she’d never seen before. love? no. couldn’t be.

“I’m not going to just let them bully you with no consequences.” Tamara moved the rag from her nose, the bleeding had stopped. She wiped what was left off and threw the rag into a near hamper. “ok?” She stared at Noelle, her intentions were pure just not executed very well.

Noelle sighed and cracked a small smile, she couldn’t stay mad at her. “Ok ok fine. Thank you Tamara, just be safer next time,” She pressed a small kiss to Tamara’s now bandaged knuckles before freezing and immediately standing up. 

They both stared at each other, the air tense. Noelle was bright red, god why the hell would she do that. “So I- uhm.. I’ll go make us tea. Yep!” She stuttered, “you can uh, can go to my room.” 

Tamara watched as Noelle put in her contacts and put on her eyeliner. El couldn't see her staring, for she was focused on her makeup, but Tam literally had heart eyes.  El put her eyeshadow down, forcing Tam to look away, feeling a bit guilty. Instead of El’s beautiful face, her eyes fell on the facepaint palette she had on her dresser. Her eyes lit up.

“You have face paint?!”

El smiled without looking at her. “Oh, yeah, I got that for christmas… I haven't used it yet, I dont have a purpose for it…” “You don't need a purpose for it! You can paint face anyday, even if no one will see it.” She grabbed the palette and the brushes with it. “Can you paint mine?”

Noelle loved seeing Tamara excited. It was particularly refreshing compared to the melancholy mood she had at the beginning of their three-day sleepover.

She chuckled and nodded, and Tam squealed, grabbing her hand and leading her to the bed.

They struggled to find a good position that prevented El’s hand from slipping or that she could get close enough. Eventually, they ended up with Tam laying with her knees bent, while El straddled her hips and leaned forward.

 Tamara decided on a blue star that covered her entire face, as well as stars around it. Noelle took a deep breath when she saw the reference image. 

“Im no artist,” she started dipping the brush in the blue paint, her face red. Probably from being close to the heater, yeah, Tamara thought. Noelle continued, “I hope it's okay.” Noelle started tracing the star shape down Tamara’s forehead, and Tam got lost in thought watching her. 

Being so close gave Tam the opportunity to admire El from a whole different angle. She was so focused, intent on not messing up. She bit her lip as her hair fell down the sides of her face, causing her to have to push it back. Her cyclone scars were picked at, but there were parts that you could tell were healing. Noelle would clear her throat every so often and would fix her rings. And Tamara had never noticed Noelle’s dimples. There was one point El had to lift her face and move it to the side, with a soft, “hold still”. Tamara was already flustered from the position they were in, but Noelle’s voice and the way she lifted her head, she was bright red, flustered, and breathless.

Eventually, Noelle pulled out some setting spray from her pocket and spritzed it on Tamara without warning, which sent both of them giggling. “Sorry,” El said through laughter. “Youre done.” Tam jumped off the bed and walked over to the mirror. She looked in the mirror and gasped. The blue from the inside got lighter in a gradient, and she had added white around her lips so they popped out amongst the blue.

“El, I look awesome!” She said, turning after admiring Noelle’s work in the mirror.

Watching her, Noelle smiled. She started to put the makeup away, but Tamara stopped her.

“Your turn?”

Noelle hesitated. She thought it'd be fun to get her face painted, but she'd probably pass out if they sat in the same position. She also didn't know if it'd fit her. She also had a scar going across her face, and she didn't want Tamara to have to look at it anymore than she already did. Noelle hated her scars from the cyclone, actually. She thought they were pretty when other people had scars, like some of the other choir members, but she didn't like the way they looked on herself. Out of place. Ugly.

“Um, that's okay, Tam. I don't want it to like, stain my skin or anything.” Tamara looked at her, confused. El muttered, “Or my scar. I don't know.”

Tamara’s confusion turned to concern. She sat down next to her on the bed and grabbed her hand.

“Your scars are красива, Noelle.” When Noelle looked at her in confusion, Tamara corrected herself. “Sorry. Beautiful.” then took a breath. “Your scars… are beautiful.”

Noelle blushed before looking away. “I mean, I guess I could give it a try.”

“YES!” Tamara fist pumped in excitement, and Noelle lay down in the same position as Tamara did before.

Tamara asked, “Roses?” and Noelle nodded, as Tamara started her design.

Noelle would let Tamara draw on her skin often, so, although she didn't have a reference image, she trusted her to do something she'd like.

She kept thinking about what Tam had called her. Beautiful. In Ukranian, too. She couldn't bear to look at Tam, she just might die. It was hard enough, the way she was looking at her when she did her makeup. 

She had a flash of hope before remembering Taras. Taras, who Tamara was getting married to. Taras, who Tamara was in love with.

As if in perfect timing, Noelle realized that Good Luck, Babe! was playing on Noelle’s cd mix. Oh God, she thought, as she looked up and saw Tam focused, more beautiful than ever. She made eye contact with her for a second before looking back down and having Tam continue.

The music played.

“Well, good luck, babe! ( Good luck, babe! )

Good luck, babe! ( Well, good luck. )

You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.

You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.

You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.

You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.”

Tamara stepped down. “Youre done,” she breathed.

Noelle could have sworn there were tears in her eyes, but it may have just been her imagination.

Walking over to her mirror, she felt as the paint seeped into her skin. She looked, and was in awe.

The design ended up being a red rose pattern with a few white stars here and there. “Tam…” She brushed her own hair away. “I love it. It's beautiful.” Tamara was packing away supplies, but she muttered something in Ukrainian before dashing over and insisting they take pictures together. They had a fun mini-photoshoot, with lots of laughs. Noelle’s cd played on repeat in the background.

“Its fine, its cool

The silence was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

They were sitting closer than friends should sit, on the edge of the bed, on the cherry-colored bedsheets made in haste over the unexpected invite. The walls were a deep wine color, but from the dim lighting, they didn't look far from black. The people in the pictures and the posters on the wall stayed frozen in time, not a shadow in the dresser mirror moved. Noelle was lost in thought, picking her night-black nail polish off and staring at the crevice in the wall. She didn't know what to say, or what to do. Her mind was racing with confusion, and, if she was being honest, hatred. She hated this town. She hated herself. She felt… dirty. You shouldn't be thinking those things about a girl, no matter how innocent. Her mothers words, her fathers slurs, the voices in the hallway for the last six years or more all started bleeding into her head, and she felt so crowded, like there was nothing to do but to lose herself in her own mind, swim deeper and deeper until–

There was a soft hiccup from the girl next to her.

Tamara Bachynska had softly tapped on her window about five minutes ago, red eyed and freezing cold. 

Noelle's entire winter break had been consumed by thoughts about Tamara. She knew Tamara was engaged and in love, and Noelle had no chance with her nonetheless, but she couldn't stop her feelings for her. She tried. She really did. Tamara made her feel… hopeful. Like a pink and orange sunrise that Uranium gets maybe only a few times a year. Tamara was the sunrise, and Noelle was the night sky. 

The hiccup had startled Noelle out of her thoughts, and she realized then that Tamara was crying. Noelle turned to look at her, concerned. Tam and her locked eyes. Tamara looked down. “fuck,” she whispered, and fell into Noelle. 

El held her, but tried not to get too close. There was a voice in her head yelling, calling her disgusting. She didn't know what to do. Tamara was sobbing now, and all Noelle could do was hold her closer, stroke her hair, and support her weight as she let it all out. Noelle pulled them to the ground in front of her bed, fixing the embrace and whispering comforts into Tamara's hair. Tam was going off in Ukrainian, mumbling like crazy, her voice breaking ever so often to sob. She slowly started to calm down, swallowing a few times as her breathing started to slow. El let her free as Tam took a moment, wiping her tears. Tam shivered at the cold air, then took a deep breath. She could see El taking off her The Blue Angel hoodie in her peripheral vision. She turned, confused, as El folded the hoodie to normal and handed it to her. Tamara felt the soft, warm fabric, staring at the print for a moment before sliding it on her. Her body welcomed the warmth of the cotton, the smell of Noelle. 

Noelle.

She looked at her to see her, head on the side of the bed, staring at the ceiling. Under her hoodie, her shirt said The Blue Angel too. Tamara giggled a little. It was so endearing.

Noelle turned at the sound of Tam’s laughter. The sound was music to her ears. Next thing she knew, Tam had pulled her into a hug. A heartfelt one this time, not sad. El froze for a moment, before putting her arms around her back. It was a nice moment. When they broke apart, Noelle finally asked,

“Are you going to tell me what that was about? You don't need to, obviously, I just–”

Tam stopped her by putting her pointer finger to Noelle's mouth. She spoke, hoarsely, in Ukrainian:

“Гадаю, я кохаю тебе більше, ніж мою Тaras.”

She knew she wouldn't understand. She didn't want her to. Noelle nodded, realizing she wasn't supposed to know… she heard “taras” and her heart sunk. “Okay,” she said, biting her lip. “Let's get to bed. Would you like some water? Or tea, or anything?” 

“Water is fine, дякую.” 

With a gentle “okay” Noelle set off to her kitchen, filling two glasses of water.

She stopped in her tracks on the way back.

A girl was in her room. Correction, this girl she's liked since the start of the school year, this girl she hasn't been able to get out of her mind, is in her bedroom, wearing her hoodie.

Oh my God, Tamara Bachynska is in her bed, wearing her hoodie. Noelle is going to lose her mind. 

The voice in the back of her head, telling her that she’s nasty, was still there, but she decided to ignore it tonight for the sake of her survival. Maybe the panic was muting it for a little while. 

Okay, it can't be that bad, Noelle thought. She’ll go home, or you'll sleep on opposite sides of the bed, and no more conflicting feelings! Yay! Happiness and joy for everyone. God, what would Emille do in this situation…

Emille wouldn't be in this situation, because every woman he passed loved him, and, as a man, he'd be allowed to like a girl like this. Also, he did not reside in one place, he went from bed to bed or inn to inn… enough about Emille. 

She walked back into her bedroom to find Tamara… asleep.

So now it was sleep next to the girl of her dreams and wanting to die, or sleep on the floor.

…

Noelle found her head on her squishmallow she had fished out from under her bed, scrolling through her phone, unable to sleep because what the fuck. 

A splitting pain shot through her head as she saw the time, 1:34am. She put her phone down with a click from the off button and sighed. It was no longer quiet, the sound of Tamara's breathing combined with the hum of the radiator by her head led to a peaceful song, but every time she'd close her eyes she'd be cursed with an unwanted image of a bleeding gash in her arm, and fire raining down from the sky, a broken rollercoaster, and not being able to see because the left side of her face is red, redder than red.

 She sits up for a moment, gazing at her best friend, her beauty and serenity, circles around her eyes from the weight of the tears from earlier. Oh, how she wanted to kiss those tears away…

She shut her eyes aggressively and turned her back to the bed. What is wrong with me? Why am i like this–

“El?”

Tamara startled her out of self hatred again. Noelle’s heart skipped a beat. Her accent was thicker than usual, her voice deeper. Thank God it was dark, because she felt her face go hot.

Noelle coughed. “Yeah, Tam?” “Why are you down… там внизу?”

Noelle assumed she had used up all her energy crying, or she was just exhausted, and was too tired to speak English. But she had the breath from Noelle’s lungs. She was frozen, drowning in Tamara’s sleep–voice. It took her a second to realize it was a question.

“Oh, I had assumed you wanted the bed. I didn't want you to feel… awkward.”

“So you slept on floor?”

“Well, not really… sleeping… It's okay, I'm fine. Go back to sleep.”

“No. Come here…”

Noelle’s face flushed. “I promise I'm okay. Get some rest.”

“Любов…” Noelle knew that word. She didn't know the meaning of it, but she'd heard Tam use it. With Taras. 

She decided not to think twice of it, so she continued, “Tam, you're not thinking straight. Im fine, go back to sl–”

The next thing she knew, Tamara was making a pathetic effort to try and pull Noelle up onto the bed by her bicep, but was half asleep and drowsy, so it didn't do much. However, Noelle got the point. She gave in, climbing up and under the blankets. Tamara shuffled closer, nesting her arm around Noelle's waist and nuzzling her head in Noelle’s neck. El’s breath caught and heart stopped.

Actually, her heart didn't stop, it started pumping at a million beats per second. She hoped Tam couldn't hear it, but was relieved when she realized Tam was asleep.